my overly delayed meta fic
I really, really, really wanted to finish this on time since it’s my first Meta fic. I’ve had the bare bones of the plot in my head for weeks, but for some reason couldn’t seem to make the story work - and reach the required word count. So I’m a procrastinating drabbler. And lj punished me by making me wait a whole day before i can post this. Gaaaaaaahhhhhhhh.
Title: Messages From Further Away
Author: under_crisis
Rating & Warnings: PG-13 for excessive self-pity :D
Prompts: Photographs/magical camera, and:
I'm dreaming of a white Christmas
With every Christmas card I write
May your days be merry and bright
And may all your Christmases be white
--White Christmas, Bing Crosby
Word Count: 1,230
Summary: Remus is alone and brooding. So what else is new? Set HBP Christmas Eve.
Author’s Notes: All the usual disclaimers regarding ownership and non-profit taking apply. JK Rowling owns the characters, while the title is paraphrased from Chris Carrabba of Dashboard Confessional.
Thanks to alohachary1851 for keeping my hopes up while writing and basically discarding everything. This is my exchange gift for the Charlie/Tonks she gave me for Christmas.
I’m not sure whether the intro is reminiscent of someone else’s fic (though I’m pretty sure not in this challenge), so if it is, my heartfelt apologies for borrowing it.
Remus Lupin was never one to pass the blame to anyone else. In fact, those who knew him most likely expected he would assume responsibility for any blunder even vaguely attributable to him.
In this instance, however, he was sorely tempted to lay his current misfortune on the head of another person - namely one Sirius Black.
The day the photograph came about became clear in Remus’ mind. It was Christmas, and he and Sirius had been in the library at Grimmauld, sharing a bottle from the special stores in the cellar (Sirius was quite delighted with the idea that his ancestors were turning over in their graves at their impudence). They’d been reminiscing on past Christmases spent with James, Lily, Peter, and later on, baby Harry, and the mood had been slowly deteriorating to bitterness when a bright light flashed in the gloomy room. While Remus would have been glad any time Tonks entered a room (not that he’d ever say that out loud) he’d been particularly relieved that Tonks sneaked into the room with Bill’s camera at that precise moment, until Sirius refused to pose for another picture unless she was in it. Remus rather suspected Sirius had an ulterior motive when he insisted with ill-concealed amusement that Tonks sit between them.
Peering closely at the photograph he grasped in his cold hands, Remus saw all three of them grin at the camera, even as Sirius kept scooting closer to Tonks and pushing her against him. There was an instance where he and Tonks exchanged rueful glances; with hindsight he knew both of them realized what Sirius was trying to do, but he was surprised to find the identical embarrassed yet slightly hopeful looks on their faces afterwards. It was at this point that Tonks decided to take the camera elsewhere, and as Remus recalled, leaving Sirius with a barely restrained smirk, and himself feeling oddly bereft.
Yes, it was all Sirius Black’s fault. If he hadn’t insisted on that Christmas drink… if he hadn’t hauled Tonks to squeeze between them… if he hadn’t subsequently thrown them together at every other occasion… if he hadn’t died…
If Sirius Black hadn’t died, Remus wouldn’t be looking at this photograph feeling like his heart is being clenched in a fist. No matter that it had been a year since that day; it was too vivid a reminder of the two people he’d lost - one to an enemy, the other by his own conscience.
If Sirius hadn’t died, he wouldn’t have stood by and let Remus make a hash of everything. Well, there’s no guarantee that everything would have gone along swimmingly if Sirius was still around, but it was certain that Sirius will not be a silent spectator. Thus Remus figured he might have had something else for Christmas besides a grainy photograph and a card from the woman he loved.
Sighing, he placed the photograph down on the bench beside him and took out the envelope still burning a hole in his coat pocket. Pulling out the card, he mentally braced himself before reading the note next to the printed Christmas greeting.
Remus-
Despite appearances I’m not really used to awkward situations such as this, so I’m sure you’ll understand why I chose to stay away from the Burrow this Christmas. Nor am I turning this into a written record of what has been said the last time we met; I realise this is not the right moment and I’d rather not mar this happy time with arguments. Besides, I’m sure you’ll have enough glares from Molly to last you the whole year.
Remus chuckled wryly at this; it’s possible that he wasn’t the only recipient of Molly’s own brand of tea and sympathy, though it might be a bit different in his case.
I have to admit I wasn’t sure what to get you this year, and it took me going through some old things before I remembered this photograph (which I sincerely hope you received with this note, or else I’d be a rotten letter-sender). With everything that happened this last year it completely slipped my mind to have a copy made for you, and I’m rectifying that mistake now, with apologies for the delay.
He glanced back at the photograph; like Tonks he’d almost forgotten she had it, and that she promised both him and Sirius a copy. Though if he had received it any earlier it was more likely to be consigned to the depths of his trunk, or worse, the rubbish bin on a really bad day.
I’m sure your mission has been very difficult, so I hope you can take advantage of your visit to recover fully. And when you go back, remember that you don’t have to wonder if you can come to me for help (because I know you, you’ll never seek help if you can avoid it.) More than anything you are my friend, and friends can be handy especially if there is arse-kicking involved.
He shook his head at the veiled reference to their arguments. She did know him, and moreover, realized the extent of his reluctance to put her in any danger. It didn’t matter that she is an Auror, or that as a member of the Order she’d be in a position to fight alongside him; it didn’t even matter that friendship at least compels her to come to his aid if needed. Nonetheless he will never willingly lead her to danger, and he will more likely go to Mad-Eye or Kingsley or anyone else before he ever asked for her help.
Anyway, I’ll let you get back to filling your tummy with Molly’s cooking or brooding or whatever it is you’re doing there. I know I don’t have to remind you to take good care of yourself (though I actually did; sneaky, aren’t I?) and not to let happy memories fade into oblivion (the photo should take care of that).
And you should know that nothing’s changed for me.
Always,
Tonks
Trust Tonks not to leave him be even in her absence. When Molly handed him the envelope when he arrived earlier for dinner, he didn’t know whether he was relieved that Tonks did not take the opportunity to resume a pointless argument, or disappointed that he might not be as significant a person to her as she professed to be. The pointed glares he got from Molly and the sympathetic looks Arthur threw him did not help matters any; it was as if Tonks was an invisible presence at the dinner table. And he was sure both saw through his excuse of taking a short walk before bed, but wisely said nothing.
He tucked the card and the photograph back into the envelope and into his pocket. Taking a deep breath of the cold air, he stood up from the bench and set foot for the cleared path back to the Burrow’s kitchen door. Happy memories or not, the photograph had done enough damage for today, and it was time to go back to the warmth of a family’s home. Hopefully it would be enough to thaw the chill that settled in his heart even before the year’s first snowfall. As if mocking him, soft wisps of crystal drifted down and settled on his face.
He supposed Sirius Black could be blamed for that as well.