Now and Forever...Itsumademo... - Chapter 18A
Title: Now and Forever…いつまでも…
Author: Mayonaka no Taiyou/Unare Haineko
Pairing: [Juntoshi] Matsumoto Jun x Ohno Satoshi
Rating: R-ish, but NC-17 for this chapter.
Summary: This story follows Ayumu, a more or less normal child born in 2012, three years after the ending of ‘Kodoku kara Umareta Ai’ (which you can read here). His parents, Jun and Ohno, are everything but ‘normal’ in their often unconventional attempts to deal with some of the challenges of parenthood as they try to ‘blend in’ with ‘normal people’.
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Now and Forever…Itsumademo - Chapter 18
Before Aiba could get another word in, Sho swooped in and placed his lips conveniently over Aiba’s. As his hands lingered on Aiba’s waistline, Aiba’s body responded to the sudden contact with shivers up his spine.
“I’m sorry, Masaki,” Sho said, running his fingers through Aiba’s hair.
“Sho-chan…”
“You forgive me, right?” Sho said, unzipping Aiba’s pants as he leaned forward thereby forcing Aiba to back up into the wall. “You know I didn’t mean all those things…”
“Forgive…yessss…sure….” Aiba groaned, his body betraying him as he melted into Sho.
Masaki! What do you think you’re doing? Why are you giving into your lust? -But it feels so good and it’s been so long- Don’t be stupid! Don’t you want to ask him why he’s apologizing? -I do, but I can do that later, can’t I? I don’t want to kill the mood- Weak, lustful worm! Don’t you wonder why he suddenly wants to have sex when the last time you were home, he barely acknowledged you?-It’s because he missed me. He’s sorry he made me feel like that- Is he? Or is he trying to silence you by fulfilling your desire for sex? Aren’t you the least bit curious as to what made him have a change of heart?-I am, but I don’t wanna look a gift horse in the mouth or anything-If he missed you so much, how come he didn’t ask you where you were all this time? Why didn’t he try to contact you? Wasn’t he worried about you?-He was looking for me outside when I jumped out the window-Why do we always have to defend him? You know it’s kinda funny that he was standing right beneath you looking at the ground while you clung to that tree branch right above him for several hours. How interesting that he assumed you fell to the ground like Icarus and his wings of wax and feathers rather than were saved by the tree-I had to wait until those drugs I had in my system wore off! I couldn’t very well go back to him half high on god knows what. Sho-chan will jump to the wrong conclusions!
“Sho~~~~~ahhh,” Aiba whimpered as Sho stroked his shaft.
Excuses! -I can’t tell him someone scratched me with a needle and the reason why I didn’t come home right after that was because I was being chased around that stupid Poppy Room by these weird people. I had to see if Yuu-chan was there and if he was alright. I was trying to run to the elevator, but I knew I wouldn’t make it, so I jumped out of a window while they tried to get me to agree to something that I can’t remember right now-What are you so afraid of? That he’ll leave you because you told the truth? Do you need someone who doesn’t trust the integrity of your words?
Aiba opened his eyes and slowly pushed Sho away.
“Sho…I need to tell you something…”
“Masaki, can’t it wait?” Sho said.
You see!
“See, this is it, Sho-chan,” Aiba said, pulling his pants up and pushing Sho away as he walked to the kitchen in a huff.
“Masaki?” Sho said, confused that he was now standing next to the front door with no Aiba.
“You never listen to me!” shouted Aiba in a flare of anger as he whirled through the kitchen looking for a pot.
“Wait, what’s this all about?” Sho asked, running into the kitchen.
“Sho-chan, you always just brush me off,” Aiba spat, filling the pot with hot water and tearing open a package of instant ramen that he found in the pantry behind the rice. “It’s like you don’t think I have anything important to say.”
“That’s not true-“
“It isn’t?” asked Aiba, crossing his arms as he waited for his ramen to cook. “Every time I wanna talk, you always try to shush me!”
“Shush you?”
“Yes! You try and silence me in some way! I don’t know how you do it, but you’ve been doing that to me for a long time now and I don’t like it!”
“Masaki…I’m sorry. I didn’t know you felt that way,” Sho said quietly, instantly making Aiba feel guilty for shouting out. “…Is there anything I can do to change that?”
Aiba remained tight lipped.
“What is it that you wanted to tell me, Masaki? I’m listening now,” Sho said, reaching out to touch Aiba on his upper arm gently.
Tell him!
Aiba flinched, but he didn’t move away.
“It’s not important,” Aiba said, turning to take his ramen off the stove to pour it into a large ceramic bowl.
Coward!
Sho leaned against the sink and scratched his arm awkwardly.
“I’m sorry…” Sho said, turning around and preparing to leave.
Sho was turning to the left when he slipped on a small puddle of water. Had he relied on his own reflexes, he would have fallen on his face. However, fortunately despite Aiba’s emotional state, he was able to catch Sho by the arm.
“Careful…” Aiba said, releasing him after helping him regain his balance.
“Thanks…” Sho said looking at Aiba shyly.
Aiba turned away, but Sho came from behind to embrace him.
“I know you don’t want to hear it and you may not believe me, but I am sorry…” he whispered.
“Sho-chan…”
“Let’s work through this,” Sho said gently coaxing Aiba to face him.
“You always keep hurting me,” Aiba protested.
“But I don’t do it on purpose…You know me better than that, Masaki…” Sho cooed, massaging Aiba’s shoulders gently. “Come on…”
“Say that you love me then…”
“I love you, Masaki…”
“And that you won’t hurt me anymore…”
“I won’t hurt you anymore....”
“You’ll love me forever then?”
“Forever.”
Aiba turned around and faced Sho.
“I love you, Masaki…And I promise I’ll listen to you…”
Now you say you’ll listen, but there are just things I can’t tell you right now…Sho-chan…I’m sorry. Let me be the hypocritical one this time. I’m going to keep this secret from you and I know it’s for the best…
Aiba leaned his head onto Sho’s sloping shoulders and allowed himself to be embraced.
Sorry, Sho-chan…
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Jun stared at Ohno who rubbed the back of his head nervously.
“Roses and a ring…” Jun commented, acknowledging their existence but not their receipt.
“Yeah, um, I’m sorry. I screwed up big time…” trailed off Ohno.
Jun waited for Ohno to continue, but when Ohno offered no further words, Jun took two steps towards the supposedly apologetic man. Ohno, not liking the way that Jun was approaching him, took two steps backward.
“Where are you going?” asked Jun evenly.
“Um, nowhere?” Ohno said helplessly.
“Then why are you backing away from me?”
“I don’t know…”
Jun moved in quickly and pulled Ohno close as he buried his nose into Ohno’s neck and inhaled.
“You smell different,” Jun said uncertainly as he took in the unfamiliar scent of oatmeal and aloe.
“We were out of soap, so I went out and bought some more,” Ohno cut in quickly.
“Oh…it’s different from the one that I always buy,” Jun replied uneasily as he played with the collar of Ohno’s shirt.
“Do…Do you like the flowers?” asked Ohno.
Jun took a step back. He turned his neck so that he could see the roses and expensive ring sitting on the table. Jun was honestly caught off guard. He had not expected flowers and a gift waiting for him. It was so…unlike Ohno. When Jun called Ohno, he had expected to see him still in the same clothes, having not shaved or bathed, or in his fishing attire. Ohno had bathed, was clean shaven, and had presented Jun with gifts-the gifts being the most disturbing as it felt the most unnatural. Jun was curious if Ohno’s recent negligent parenting was truly the cause of his sudden transformation into a romantic.
In the past, Jun had been satisfied with a simple apology and a remorseful expression on Ohno’s face. He never liked receiving things too often from Ohno or anyone for that matter. It always made him feel like people were trying to buy his favor, which was why Ohno’s style of giving only on Jun’s birthday, Christmas, Valentine’s Day, and their anniversary actually worked quite well for Jun. Occasionally Ohno would present Jun with something random and thoughtful such as umeboshi when he passed by a particular train station, but other than that, Jun never received anything, especially anything accompanied by an apology.
Despite his suspicions, Jun held his tongue. He knew that he would feel too guilty for lashing out at Ohno if Ohno was sincerely trying to change his ways. In the event that Ohno had been at home all night reflecting on his behavior and that flowers and an expensive gift were the manner in which he felt conveyed his remorse, Jun most certainly did not want to by any means discourage reflective behavior. But if he accepted it, it was like saying that his forgiveness could be bought. Jun had always prided himself at being the man whose love, care, and forgiveness could not be purchased for any price, not even an extremely pricey Harry Winston ring that he actually rather liked. Nor would he admit that he was actually slightly touched by the overture. But then again, it felt so out of character that Jun could not hold it in any longer.
“Why?” Jun uttered before he could stop himself.
“Huh?”
“Why the flowers and the ring?”
“Do you not like them?”
“I didn’t say that…Just tell me why…”
“Why?...Hmm, I guess I felt bad for what I’ve done and I just wanted to express my sincerest apologies to you…”
Ohno looked into Jun’s eyes and when he saw that Jun at least appeared to be receptive to his apology, he took a step forward. Jun did not move, but he watched as Ohno reached for Jun’s wrist. Jun flinched but he did not move away. He remained as stiff as a board as he tried to figure out whether or not he would accept Ohno’s overture or if he would reject it and risk losing Ohno all together. What Jun had determined was that since Ohno was at least acknowledging that he was responsible and he was trying to rectify the situation, that even though the choice to accept or reject Ohno’s apology was ultimately his own, that whatever he decided would once again most likely affect their relationship.
Ohno was Jun’s life. He made Jun happy even despite all the times he drove Jun up the walls. He made Jun feel complete and happy to be alive. Life without Ohno was unthinkable for Jun. Without Ohno, Jun feared he would surely wither away. Jun realized he was terrified of being alone in his Azabu-Juuban mansion. And if Ohno took Ayumu with him because he was the boy’s legal father (even though Jun was the biological father), Jun would kill himself. Thus, Jun concluded that there was simply too much at stake for Jun to reject Ohno’s apology at this time.
In his days as an idol, Ohno had been the only one who had been able to break through Jun’s deadly aura that screamed, ‘Come near me and I’ll bite your head off’. Jun knew that Ohno deserved to be blasted to hell, but somewhere in his carefully guarded heart, he still held on to his treasured memory of Ohno at the peak of his career with Arashi. His soft spot for Ohno made him weak. His brain told him that he was being bribed, but his heart so desperately wanted to believe and accept Ohno’s apology as an act of sincerity and remorse. Prior to 2008, his head would have won.
“Leader, do you love me?” Jun asked.
“Jun-“
“ANSWER the question!”
“…I do.”
“Do you really?”
“Of course.”
Jun seemed to pull away as he sensed something mechanical about Ohno’s response.
“What?” Ohno said.
Discomfort was etched into Jun’s dark features. Ohno looked to the side at the dust starting to collect on the table that had suddenly become of keen interest.
“Look into my eyes and tell me that you love me, Leader. Tell me that you only love me and that you’ll never hurt me!”
“Jun, I…”
“Just do it! If you’re really sorry, then you’ll have no problem saying it to me, right? So say it like you mean it.”
Jun’s piercing stare bored through Ohno, who shifted nervously.
“Alright. I love you, Jun,” Ohno said quietly.
“WHAT?!”
“I love you,” Ohno repeated with slightly more enthusiasm.
When Jun did not appear to be buying his declaration, Ohno became nervous.
“I only love you and I promise I’ll never hurt you,” Ohno promised.
I want to believe you…Why is it so hard for me to believe you…?
Jun suddenly reached for Ohno’s right hand and yanked it forward, placing it over his chest.
“H-H-Here is my heart,” Jun stammered. “Touch my chest here. Can you feel my heartbeat?”
“Yeah.”
“You hold my heart in your hands. I’m entrusting it to you, so don’t you dare betray me. Hold it tight and don’t drop it. As long as you protect my heart, no one can hurt me. The only one who can break my heart is you, Leader. If you don’t protect me, I’ll shatter like glass. Do you understand?”
Jun stared at Ohno awaiting his response.
“Jun…”
“Promise me.”
“I promise, Jun. I love you-“
Jun forced his lips onto Ohno’s, who responded by sucking the breath from Jun’s lungs.
“I just…want…you…” Ohno panted between kisses. “…to…ahhh…!”
When Jun’s fingers brushed against Ohno’s belt, Ohno felt the blood rush to the lower half of his body. Under any other circumstances, Ohno would have jumped onto Jun and been rubbing himself all over his better half like a cat, aching for any attention his master was willing to shower him with. But the fact of the matter was that he had been unfaithful the previous night. He was deathly afraid of what Jun might say or do if Jun tried to prep him. While he had been scrubbing off all the vestiges of his imitation Jun, the one thing he could not fix was how loose he was from all the sex. Since Jun had been gone for some time, he would expect that Ohno be tight and with the way that Reiya had sex, Ohno was far from Jun’s expectations.
“We have to get back to Ayumu!” Ohno said, sliding out from under Jun, praying that Jun wouldn’t question him. “The doctors! Hospital is waiting for us!”
Jun blinked.
“We can’t be having sex while we’re supposed to be with Ayumu,” Ohno said, walking away as if to get his coat.
Please don’t let him call me on this…
“Ayumu…?”
“We should go to the hospital already,” Ohno urged. “It’s late…”
“Okay,” Jun agreed, even more baffled than ever.
First flowers and an expensive gift, now Ohno had turned him down for sex. Something was amiss and Jun was not about to let it go.
“Are you okay?” Jun asked as they rode the elevator down.
“Yeah, why?”
“I dunno, you’re acting weird,” Jun said.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” shrugged Ohno as he walked ahead into the parking lot.
Jun came up from behind and ran his fingers along Ohno’s scalp.
“Hey-What are you doing?”
“Did you hit your head or something?” Jun said, trying to feel for any lumps or abnormalities.
“No, why?”
“No reason….” Jun said, releasing Ohno and unlocking the car doors. “Wait-“
Ohno stopped in front of the passenger door.
“Yes?”
“Lift up your shirt.”
“Why?”
“Just do it.”
Ohno gave Jun a dirty look, but he did as Jun asked. Jun lifted the back of Ohno’s shirt up higher so that he could see Ohno’s spine. When Jun saw a thin, dark slightly curved scar on the upper left side of Ohno’s spine, he let out a sigh of relief. Jun had put that scar there himself one rough night while he was clawing at Ohno’s back and Ohno was riding him. Ohno had just seemed so out of character that Jun thought he was starting to lose it. His mind had postulated that if Ohno seemed so out of character that perhaps he had been switched by some other Ohno look alike, not that he would ever admit to believing in doppelgangers.
Jun slowly lowered Ohno’s shirt as he struggled to make sense of Ohno’s behavior. Physically, it was his Ohno, but it seemed as though his mind had been switched out for another’s. For Jun, he would most definitely rather have the same loveable Ohno inside than the physical person. Looks could always be replicated, he reasoned, even down to little scars and moles. He had not fallen in love with Ohno for his looks. Had their relationship been based on purely physical attributes, Ohno definitely would not have made it. There were other people who were far prettier, far more handsome, and far more people who did not have faces that looked ten years younger than Jun’s. The question remained was if the person in front of him was still Ohno, where did his mind go?
Jun shook his head and walked back to the driver’s seat.
I’ll just have to test him then…
As they drove back to the hospital, Jun tried to calm himself down so that he could remain cool while he tested Ohno.
“I was thinking,” Jun said aloud as if he had forgotten that he was angry at Ohno just moments earlier. “We need to start thinking about the future. Wouldn’t you agree?”
“Thinking about the future?”
“Yeah, about Ayumu’s schooling and everything…” Jun trailed off intentionally.
“I guess so.”
“And we want to give Ayumu the best opportunities possible, right?”
“Of course. He deserves the best.”
“I’m glad you agree because I’m thinking of getting Ayumu a tutor.”
“He’s only three.”
“Yes, but you can never start too early.”
“I guess…What kind of tutor?”
“English. We’re enrolling him in that international school nearby next year.”
“What? We are?”
“I want Ayumu to have the best education and English is the way of the future. Globally, the only other language people speak more of is Chinese and it’s only because there are so many of them. But English is spoken in far more countries and by far more non-native speakers. I want Ayumu to be bilingual. He will have so many more opportunities and he will not be idols that barely graduated high school like his parents. Unless you disagree?”
“It’s not that I don’t want him to have opportunities, but don’t you want him to have a normal education-“
“No. I want him to be different in his own right. Look at us. Our names have no equity on them today. He can’t use the fact that his parents are formal idols for anything. I doubt there are fans out there willing to buy our possessions on eBay. We’ve most likely been forgotten. But if he’s educated…that’s different! He can use that. People pay for knowledge all the time. When we die, we can leave him money, but if he lacks prudence, he will squander it away. With an education, even if he loses all his possessions and no one is there to provide for him, he can always pick himself back up.”
“I guess so…but that international school…isn’t it really expensive?”
“It is; which is why I’m going to start working.”
Actually, we can probably afford it without either of us working, but let’s see how he reacts…
“Working? Doing what? We can’t do anything if we don’t want to violate the terms of the contract-“
“I’m going to renovate all my properties and turn some of them into revenue generating businesses.”
I could have hired someone, but maybe getting out and doing stuff might be good for me as well…
“With the change in real estate law that’s going into effect next year, I should be able to flip the others to generate some capital to finance my projects. As long as I don’t do any of the actual publicity myself, I’m not violating anything. But then again, I don’t think my name is worth very much today…”
“Wait, but if you start working, then you won’t be home …”
The right answer would have been to reassure me that my name isn’t completely worthless, even if it is…Wait, why am I expecting him to flatter me?
“Ayumu will be fine. Actually what I’m planning to do is take English lessons as well. I’ll wake up early, start breakfast, make lunch for Ayumu and you if you want and while you two are eating, I’ll have my lessons, then I’ll go at around ten. I’ll leave Ayumu with the tutor, so you don’t have to worry about staying with him. That tutor will stay with Ayumu until around two or three and just walk him to day care after. You can do whatever you want. I’ll be back around four or five in the afternoon to cook dinner. You don’t have to worry about meals or anything. It’ll be great…”
Jun drove into the parking lot of the hospital and reversed into the first stall on the second level of the parking lot.
“Yeah…” Ohno replied weakly. “Just…great…”
>>> Chapter 18B
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