Tied Down 2/2
Title: Tied Down 2/2
Author: tzila_meora
Fandom: Reboot
Pairing: Kirk/McCoy
Rating: Pg-13, to be safe. Mentions of violence/abuse angst
Words: 3,117
Disclaimer: Anyone who thinks I own Star Trek is sadly mistaken. There are decidedly more talented people actually in control of the franchise. I simply amuse myself with little things here and there, pretending for a short time that they're mine.
Summary: Jim ran all the way to his quarters. He barely made it back to his own bathroom before the vomit rising in his throat overtook him. When the spasms rocking his body ceased, he stayed there, seated on the floor with his knees pressed against his chest until his back started to ache from the position.
Notes: So, this started out as a mushy romantic fic to help settle the crackiness that is my brain sometimes. Then it took a turn for the worst when I started asking “what if?” questions in my head. Big mistake. At least I didn’t succumb to the other thoughts swirling around there. If I had, I would’ve written a fic about Jim and Bones as acrobats at the circus moonlighting as superheroes fighting crimes committed by the clowns. So, it could’ve been worse. Stupid brain. _\\//
Part I
Part II
Jim ran all the way to his quarters. He barely made it back to his own bathroom before the vomit rising in his throat overtook him. When the spasms rocking his body ceased, he stayed there, seated on the floor with his knees pressed against his chest until his back started to ache from the position.
God, what had he just done? He finally did it. He ruined the two of the three things in his life that made him truly happy: his relationship with Bones and his friendship with Bones, leaving him only with the Enterprise and her crew. Stupid stupid fool. He wanted to smack himself upside the head and then turn around and go straight back to Bones’ quarters to apologize. But Jim knew he couldn’t.
Bones made it pretty clear that they were done, once and for all, that he didn’t want Jim anymore. Something in the back of his mind had always told him that eventually Bones would leave too, but the other part of him hated being right and despised the fact that he was the one who caused the abandonment, even if he wasn’t surprised at it.
Eventually Jim picked himself up off the floor and made dressed for bed. He did still have to attend that damn feast celebration thing in the morning. He shivered as he climbed into bed, realizing that that uncomfortable coldness coming from the other half was going to be a more permanent thing now that they were…over. He curled up directly in the centre of the much-too-large bed and to try to fill the emptiness and get some sleep.
Sleep, however, was apparently still not on the menu. The entire night, or what was left of it, was spent tossing and turning. Every time he closed his eyes, he was haunted by the hurt look on Bones’ face when he refused him. And when he finally managed to fall asleep, the nightmares of his childhood came back. Eventually he gave up and got out of bed again and sat at his desk. He would find a way to fix this if he could. It would just take a good strategy and careful planning.
So, he stayed up the rest of the night thinking harder than he had ever done in his entire life. Throw him a problem about quantum physics and he’d shoot it back at you in two minutes, tops. But ask him how to fix a relationship, and he was lost. In the end, he came up with absolutely nothing to solve the problem. He drew his first Jim Kirk blank and seriously started considering believing in no-win scenarios.
********************
Jim wasn’t surprised when he didn’t see or hear from Bones at all the next morning. The avoidance was expected, but it didn’t make it any easier. He made his way slowly to the transporter room, and also wasn’t surprised to find Spock already there waiting for him. They were the only two who would beam down to the planet. The natives were still a little wary of many things and they were the two most trusted among both factions.
Spock looked up at Jim’s entrance. He took in the bags under his captain’s eyes and asked in the most concerned voice a Vulcan possesses, “Captain, are you well?”
“Yeah. Just a little tired.” Jim stifled a yawn with his hand, missing the little quirk of Spock’s eyebrow that said he didn’t believe him.
“If you are having trouble sleeping, perhaps you should talk to Doctor McCoy. I’m sure that he would be interested in locating the cause of -”
“No, no, Spock. That won’t be necessary. Just tired from all the negotiations. I’ll be glad when this celebration is over and we can leave.”
Spock looked as though he wanted to say something more, but he either changed his mind, or knew that Jim wouldn’t listen to whatever he had to say. Jim and Spock stepped up to the transporter pad together, side by side.
Jim sighed. “All right. Let’s get this thing over with. Energize.”
Then he felt the familiar warmth of the transporter’s energy surrounding him and closed his eyes, embracing the knowledge that his atoms were spiralling down toward the planet faster than anyone could see. In a few short seconds, he felt solid earth reappear beneath his feet and opened his eyes to the alien countryside surrounding him surrounded by hundreds of smiling beings (if that creepy look plastered on everyone’s faces could be considered a smile) greeting them.
In the end, the celebration was a disaster. Firstly, it wasn’t a celebration. It was a massacre, literally. It seemed that both parties had only agreed to the damn occasion to catch the other side with their guard down. It was all just a stupid military tactic to take out the opposing side. Just as both leaders stood to shake hands in a gesture of friendship, a particularly nasty looking creature shoved his way through the crowd aimed a rather large blaster directly at the leader on the left and fired one single shot directly through the alien’s skull.
Secondly, Spock and Jim were caught up in the fire fight that broke out on both sides a mere two seconds after the first shots were fired. And them without so much as a weapon to defend themselves. They both immediately ran to take shelter behind one of the various giant shrubs the planet seemed to be over abundant in.
And thirdly, before Jim and Spock made it to the nearest cover, Jim felt a painful stinging blast tear through his chest. His uniform was immediately soaked in an alarming amount of wetness and he brought a hand up to feel the hole there.
Oh damn, he thought as he collapsed to the ground. Spock turned and noticed his fallen comrade and rushed to his side, already reaching for his communicator. This meant that he was going to end up in sickbay. With Bones. Who hated him. Great.
“This week keeps getting better and better,” he mumbled up at Spock, grinning like a lunatic despite himself before his eyes slid shut and the noise around him faded to nothing.
When Jim awoke, the first thing he noticed was that his chest felt like it was on fire. The second was that the lights of sickbay (damn it) were down low, which meant that it must be gamma shift. The third was that he was most assuredly and irrevocably alone, which only made his chest ache more. Normally when he came back injured, he awoke to Bones at his side, holding his hand and waiting for him to wake up so he could scold him for being a reckless bastard. Not this time. It seemed that Jim really did screw up big time.
He sighed and decided that it was time to be an adult about this whole thing and just come out with the truth to Bones. Of course, this would be difficult with Bones still avoiding him, but where there was a will, there was a way. He was probably in his quarters right now. And all Jim had to do was go there and make him listen.
Jim forced himself into a sitting position, ignoring the protest of pain pulsing loudly through his body. As swiftly as he could manage still partially drugged, he detangled himself from the wires and tubes keeping him in one place. Jim felt grateful that he wasn’t wearing an open gown, but a simple pair of pants and shirt. It meant that he didn’t have to snoop around for clothing and could just leave.
He gingerly swung his legs around the side of the bed and touched his bare feet to the floor. It took all the strength he had to push himself completely erect and he regretted it the instant he did. His muscles felt like they hadn’t been used in days. They shook underneath him, and he wasn’t sure how long they would support his weight. He got his answer after two shaky steps towards the exit when his knees gave out and he crashed loudly into a scary looking tray of hyposprays.
Almost immediately he felt an a firm hand around his arm dragging him back upright and he turned his face to peer into the scowling look spread across the face of the man looking down on him.
“Damn it, Jim. What were you trying to do? You’re going to reinjure yourself.”
“Needed to see you,” were the words Jim managed to get past his lips in his shock at Bones leading him slowly back to bed.
“I was just in my office getting some coffee. You could have called me by pushing that little red button on the side of the bed.” His words had all the usual bit of exasperated scolding Bones, none of the scariness from the other night.
“You were? I thought you left.” Jim winced as Bones lowered him back down to the bed carefully, pulling his legs back under the sheets and pulling the blankets up.
“Of course I was. Where the hell else would I be with you lying here in a coma?”
“A coma?” Jim asked stupidly.
“Yes, you idiot. A coma. Only you would be shot at a peaceful celebration.”
“It’s not my fault. How was I supposed to know it was a trap?” He paused, grinning at the almost-normal playful banter they were exchanging. The smile faded at his next words. “I thought you wouldn’t be here, after, you know.”
Bones closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger. “Jim, no matter what else happens, I am still Chief Medical Officer on board this ship, which means the captain’s health is one of my main priorities. And, I’m still your friend.”
“You are?”
Bones sighed. “Yes Jim, we are still friends, which means when you scare the bejesus out of me like that, I’m not going anywhere until you pull through.”
“Bones, we need to talk.” He opened his eyes at Jim’s words and dropped his hand.
“There’s nothing to talk about. We can just put it all behind us and go back to being just friends.”
“Bones, you don’t understand. I don’t want to go back to being just friends. Not when I know there’s something more out there for us.”
“Like fuck buddies?” Bones replied crossly.
“No. Just listen, will you?” he snapped finally. Bones closed his mouth abruptly and stared back at his friend for a second. When he discerned that Jim meant business, he pulled up a chair to the bed and sat down, gesturing Jim to continued.
Jim took a deep breath. “I’m sorry Bones. I didn’t mean any of the things I said to you and I didn’t want to hurt you, but my brain is a little fucked up and was telling me to get the hell out of there. Truth is, I love you too.” Bones’ face remained expressionless so he continued.
“I know I’ve said it before but this time I really need you to understand that I mean it.” Bones’ face still betrayed no emotion. Really, that was just annoying.
So he blurted out, “And I never cheated on you. Never even wanted to since the first time we kissed.”
Bones eyebrow raised just a fraction as he finally interjected. “Then why’d you say it?”
“It just sort of came out of my mouth before I could stop myself. It was like it wasn’t even me talking.” Bones’ expression seemed to soften at his words, a sign that, for whatever reason, he believed Jim. Maybe these were the words he had been waiting and longing for Jim to say to him since that horrible night together.
“I was just-afraid, like you said.”
Bones uncrossed his arms and pressed his hands into his lap. “We don’t have to get married. If you’re not ready, we can slow things down a bit.”
“You believe me?”
“Of course. Part of a relationship is trust.”
“I’m glad,” Jim sighed softly. “But I don’t want to slow down. I know that I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I want to marry you. But I need you to understand why I said no.”
Bones merely nodded, indicating he was ready for whatever Jim was about to tell him. Jim’s heart was pounding now at the secrets he was about to spill for the first time in his life. But this was Bones. He could be vulnerable with Bones. He trusted Bones completely.
“After I was born, mom didn’t do too well.” After my dad died. They both heard the words left unspoken.
“She was always trying to fill the emptiness in her life. Before I finally left home, she was married four times. And she had this way of picking men who were…who had problems. Two of them were drunks, one was a drug addict, one a thief and all of them were abusive. I think maybe she thought she didn’t deserve anything better.”
Jim stopped for a second to take several calming breaths. His chest hurt, and this time it had nothing to do with the wound bandaged tightly under his shirt. We willed himself to continue. He needed Bones to hear this.
“They beat her. Sometimes so hard that she’d pass out from the pain and then they’d still beat her until they had enough. They beat us too, Sam and me. But she never stopped them. Never even admitted there was a problem. She’d just go off on her missions, sometimes for months, and leave us with those bastards.” A part of him wanted to stop talking now, but he couldn’t. It was like a dam had burst and he was trying to catch the floodwaters with his fingers. He also couldn’t bring himself to look at Bones’ face and gauge his reaction.
“We dealt with them the best we could. We got the drug addict arrested for possession and the thief took off on his own as soon as he got what he wanted. But the first and last were the worst. The first because I was too young to do anything except watch him hit her and take my own when it was my turn. The last, because I was on my own. Sam left home one day and never came back and mom’s missions were long by that point. Six months at a time.” Jim’s voice had grown softer. He was almost whispering.
“That was Frank.” Bones knew little of Frank, just that Jim hated the man more than anyone else in the entire galaxy, even more than Nero for leaving him fatherless.
“One day after mom arrived back planetside after a long mission, he really went at it. He smashed her face in, calling her things I’d never call another person, even at my worst. I tried to stop him, to pull him away from her, but then he beat me even harder than he beat her until he finally passed out on the floor.
I was sitting in my room later when my mom came in. She said that she couldn’t really blame him for doing that to her, that she really deserved it. That we both did. And then I was so sorry for all the years of taking beatings for her as she went on and on about love and how mysterious it was sometimes. And I just wanted to scream at her.
When she left, I told myself I’d never put myself in that position. I’d never make the same mistake she did and tie myself down like that. I left home a few days later and I haven’t talked to either of them since.” He finally turned his head and stared into Bones’ hazel eyes, noticing the pain behind them as well.
“Jim,” Bones began, raising a thumb to rub away the wetness on Jim’s cheek. Jim took the hand in his own and held it to his cheek possessively.
“Jim, I’m sorry.” He managed this time, standing up. For one terrifying moment, Jim thought Bones was getting up to leave. He needn’t have worried. The next thing he knew, after taking a brief survey of sickbay, Bones nudged Jim over and climbed into bed with him, fully clothed, boots and all.
Jim immediately pressed himself as close to Bones as he could. It wasn’t a difficult feat. They actually fit better on the bed that way. His head immediately found itself resting on Bones’ chest, his legs twining themselves automatically in Bones’. Bones leaned down pressed a kiss to the top of Jim’s head, his hand rubbing his back just the way he knew made Jim feel safe.
“It’s okay Jim,” he whispered. “You can trust me. I’m not going to hurt you. I would never do that to you.”
“I know, I know. I trust you,” he replied and buried his face deeper into Bones’ shirt. They were silent for a few minutes.
“You really haven’t talked to your mom since then?” Bones asked quietly.
Jim was surprised that the question didn’t bother him, and he didn’t mind answering it. Probably the presence of Bones. “No. I’ve wanted to, sort of. But now, I just don’t know what to say to her. She probably thinks I’m a screw-up.”
“Jim, you know that’s not true. Everyone knows what you did for Earth. I’m sure she’s proud of you. And she probably misses you.” Jim realized Bones was talking from personal experience, that there probably wasn’t a day gone by when he didn’t think of his own little girl and wish they could be together.
“You don’t have to call her if you don’t want to. Just think about it, okay?”
Jim nodded into the Bones’ chest and felt those strong arms hug him tighter in response. He finally felt a good night’s sleep coming, now that everything seemed to be back on the right path. He was exactly where he should be, in Bones’ arms. He was home.
********************
Two days later Jim found himself sitting at his desk waiting for his video call to go through. He took a breath, bracing himself for what he was about to do. Finally, the connection flickered to life. A tired-looking, but nonetheless beautiful blonde woman appeared on the screen.
After a brief second of silence, a mixture of happiness and surprise spread across her face. “Jim?” she asked tentatively. “Oh Jim,” she said again, tears streaming down her cheeks in seconds.
“Mom!” Jim smiled at her, “I’m getting married.”
END
Note: Sorry I couldn’t fit any smut into this. It just felt wrong somehow, so I didn’t force the issue. Hope that’s okay. Sorry.
Author: tzila_meora
Fandom: Reboot
Pairing: Kirk/McCoy
Rating: Pg-13, to be safe. Mentions of violence/abuse angst
Words: 3,117
Disclaimer: Anyone who thinks I own Star Trek is sadly mistaken. There are decidedly more talented people actually in control of the franchise. I simply amuse myself with little things here and there, pretending for a short time that they're mine.
Summary: Jim ran all the way to his quarters. He barely made it back to his own bathroom before the vomit rising in his throat overtook him. When the spasms rocking his body ceased, he stayed there, seated on the floor with his knees pressed against his chest until his back started to ache from the position.
Notes: So, this started out as a mushy romantic fic to help settle the crackiness that is my brain sometimes. Then it took a turn for the worst when I started asking “what if?” questions in my head. Big mistake. At least I didn’t succumb to the other thoughts swirling around there. If I had, I would’ve written a fic about Jim and Bones as acrobats at the circus moonlighting as superheroes fighting crimes committed by the clowns. So, it could’ve been worse. Stupid brain. _\\//
Part I
Part II
Jim ran all the way to his quarters. He barely made it back to his own bathroom before the vomit rising in his throat overtook him. When the spasms rocking his body ceased, he stayed there, seated on the floor with his knees pressed against his chest until his back started to ache from the position.
God, what had he just done? He finally did it. He ruined the two of the three things in his life that made him truly happy: his relationship with Bones and his friendship with Bones, leaving him only with the Enterprise and her crew. Stupid stupid fool. He wanted to smack himself upside the head and then turn around and go straight back to Bones’ quarters to apologize. But Jim knew he couldn’t.
Bones made it pretty clear that they were done, once and for all, that he didn’t want Jim anymore. Something in the back of his mind had always told him that eventually Bones would leave too, but the other part of him hated being right and despised the fact that he was the one who caused the abandonment, even if he wasn’t surprised at it.
Eventually Jim picked himself up off the floor and made dressed for bed. He did still have to attend that damn feast celebration thing in the morning. He shivered as he climbed into bed, realizing that that uncomfortable coldness coming from the other half was going to be a more permanent thing now that they were…over. He curled up directly in the centre of the much-too-large bed and to try to fill the emptiness and get some sleep.
Sleep, however, was apparently still not on the menu. The entire night, or what was left of it, was spent tossing and turning. Every time he closed his eyes, he was haunted by the hurt look on Bones’ face when he refused him. And when he finally managed to fall asleep, the nightmares of his childhood came back. Eventually he gave up and got out of bed again and sat at his desk. He would find a way to fix this if he could. It would just take a good strategy and careful planning.
So, he stayed up the rest of the night thinking harder than he had ever done in his entire life. Throw him a problem about quantum physics and he’d shoot it back at you in two minutes, tops. But ask him how to fix a relationship, and he was lost. In the end, he came up with absolutely nothing to solve the problem. He drew his first Jim Kirk blank and seriously started considering believing in no-win scenarios.
********************
Jim wasn’t surprised when he didn’t see or hear from Bones at all the next morning. The avoidance was expected, but it didn’t make it any easier. He made his way slowly to the transporter room, and also wasn’t surprised to find Spock already there waiting for him. They were the only two who would beam down to the planet. The natives were still a little wary of many things and they were the two most trusted among both factions.
Spock looked up at Jim’s entrance. He took in the bags under his captain’s eyes and asked in the most concerned voice a Vulcan possesses, “Captain, are you well?”
“Yeah. Just a little tired.” Jim stifled a yawn with his hand, missing the little quirk of Spock’s eyebrow that said he didn’t believe him.
“If you are having trouble sleeping, perhaps you should talk to Doctor McCoy. I’m sure that he would be interested in locating the cause of -”
“No, no, Spock. That won’t be necessary. Just tired from all the negotiations. I’ll be glad when this celebration is over and we can leave.”
Spock looked as though he wanted to say something more, but he either changed his mind, or knew that Jim wouldn’t listen to whatever he had to say. Jim and Spock stepped up to the transporter pad together, side by side.
Jim sighed. “All right. Let’s get this thing over with. Energize.”
Then he felt the familiar warmth of the transporter’s energy surrounding him and closed his eyes, embracing the knowledge that his atoms were spiralling down toward the planet faster than anyone could see. In a few short seconds, he felt solid earth reappear beneath his feet and opened his eyes to the alien countryside surrounding him surrounded by hundreds of smiling beings (if that creepy look plastered on everyone’s faces could be considered a smile) greeting them.
In the end, the celebration was a disaster. Firstly, it wasn’t a celebration. It was a massacre, literally. It seemed that both parties had only agreed to the damn occasion to catch the other side with their guard down. It was all just a stupid military tactic to take out the opposing side. Just as both leaders stood to shake hands in a gesture of friendship, a particularly nasty looking creature shoved his way through the crowd aimed a rather large blaster directly at the leader on the left and fired one single shot directly through the alien’s skull.
Secondly, Spock and Jim were caught up in the fire fight that broke out on both sides a mere two seconds after the first shots were fired. And them without so much as a weapon to defend themselves. They both immediately ran to take shelter behind one of the various giant shrubs the planet seemed to be over abundant in.
And thirdly, before Jim and Spock made it to the nearest cover, Jim felt a painful stinging blast tear through his chest. His uniform was immediately soaked in an alarming amount of wetness and he brought a hand up to feel the hole there.
Oh damn, he thought as he collapsed to the ground. Spock turned and noticed his fallen comrade and rushed to his side, already reaching for his communicator. This meant that he was going to end up in sickbay. With Bones. Who hated him. Great.
“This week keeps getting better and better,” he mumbled up at Spock, grinning like a lunatic despite himself before his eyes slid shut and the noise around him faded to nothing.
When Jim awoke, the first thing he noticed was that his chest felt like it was on fire. The second was that the lights of sickbay (damn it) were down low, which meant that it must be gamma shift. The third was that he was most assuredly and irrevocably alone, which only made his chest ache more. Normally when he came back injured, he awoke to Bones at his side, holding his hand and waiting for him to wake up so he could scold him for being a reckless bastard. Not this time. It seemed that Jim really did screw up big time.
He sighed and decided that it was time to be an adult about this whole thing and just come out with the truth to Bones. Of course, this would be difficult with Bones still avoiding him, but where there was a will, there was a way. He was probably in his quarters right now. And all Jim had to do was go there and make him listen.
Jim forced himself into a sitting position, ignoring the protest of pain pulsing loudly through his body. As swiftly as he could manage still partially drugged, he detangled himself from the wires and tubes keeping him in one place. Jim felt grateful that he wasn’t wearing an open gown, but a simple pair of pants and shirt. It meant that he didn’t have to snoop around for clothing and could just leave.
He gingerly swung his legs around the side of the bed and touched his bare feet to the floor. It took all the strength he had to push himself completely erect and he regretted it the instant he did. His muscles felt like they hadn’t been used in days. They shook underneath him, and he wasn’t sure how long they would support his weight. He got his answer after two shaky steps towards the exit when his knees gave out and he crashed loudly into a scary looking tray of hyposprays.
Almost immediately he felt an a firm hand around his arm dragging him back upright and he turned his face to peer into the scowling look spread across the face of the man looking down on him.
“Damn it, Jim. What were you trying to do? You’re going to reinjure yourself.”
“Needed to see you,” were the words Jim managed to get past his lips in his shock at Bones leading him slowly back to bed.
“I was just in my office getting some coffee. You could have called me by pushing that little red button on the side of the bed.” His words had all the usual bit of exasperated scolding Bones, none of the scariness from the other night.
“You were? I thought you left.” Jim winced as Bones lowered him back down to the bed carefully, pulling his legs back under the sheets and pulling the blankets up.
“Of course I was. Where the hell else would I be with you lying here in a coma?”
“A coma?” Jim asked stupidly.
“Yes, you idiot. A coma. Only you would be shot at a peaceful celebration.”
“It’s not my fault. How was I supposed to know it was a trap?” He paused, grinning at the almost-normal playful banter they were exchanging. The smile faded at his next words. “I thought you wouldn’t be here, after, you know.”
Bones closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger. “Jim, no matter what else happens, I am still Chief Medical Officer on board this ship, which means the captain’s health is one of my main priorities. And, I’m still your friend.”
“You are?”
Bones sighed. “Yes Jim, we are still friends, which means when you scare the bejesus out of me like that, I’m not going anywhere until you pull through.”
“Bones, we need to talk.” He opened his eyes at Jim’s words and dropped his hand.
“There’s nothing to talk about. We can just put it all behind us and go back to being just friends.”
“Bones, you don’t understand. I don’t want to go back to being just friends. Not when I know there’s something more out there for us.”
“Like fuck buddies?” Bones replied crossly.
“No. Just listen, will you?” he snapped finally. Bones closed his mouth abruptly and stared back at his friend for a second. When he discerned that Jim meant business, he pulled up a chair to the bed and sat down, gesturing Jim to continued.
Jim took a deep breath. “I’m sorry Bones. I didn’t mean any of the things I said to you and I didn’t want to hurt you, but my brain is a little fucked up and was telling me to get the hell out of there. Truth is, I love you too.” Bones’ face remained expressionless so he continued.
“I know I’ve said it before but this time I really need you to understand that I mean it.” Bones’ face still betrayed no emotion. Really, that was just annoying.
So he blurted out, “And I never cheated on you. Never even wanted to since the first time we kissed.”
Bones eyebrow raised just a fraction as he finally interjected. “Then why’d you say it?”
“It just sort of came out of my mouth before I could stop myself. It was like it wasn’t even me talking.” Bones’ expression seemed to soften at his words, a sign that, for whatever reason, he believed Jim. Maybe these were the words he had been waiting and longing for Jim to say to him since that horrible night together.
“I was just-afraid, like you said.”
Bones uncrossed his arms and pressed his hands into his lap. “We don’t have to get married. If you’re not ready, we can slow things down a bit.”
“You believe me?”
“Of course. Part of a relationship is trust.”
“I’m glad,” Jim sighed softly. “But I don’t want to slow down. I know that I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I want to marry you. But I need you to understand why I said no.”
Bones merely nodded, indicating he was ready for whatever Jim was about to tell him. Jim’s heart was pounding now at the secrets he was about to spill for the first time in his life. But this was Bones. He could be vulnerable with Bones. He trusted Bones completely.
“After I was born, mom didn’t do too well.” After my dad died. They both heard the words left unspoken.
“She was always trying to fill the emptiness in her life. Before I finally left home, she was married four times. And she had this way of picking men who were…who had problems. Two of them were drunks, one was a drug addict, one a thief and all of them were abusive. I think maybe she thought she didn’t deserve anything better.”
Jim stopped for a second to take several calming breaths. His chest hurt, and this time it had nothing to do with the wound bandaged tightly under his shirt. We willed himself to continue. He needed Bones to hear this.
“They beat her. Sometimes so hard that she’d pass out from the pain and then they’d still beat her until they had enough. They beat us too, Sam and me. But she never stopped them. Never even admitted there was a problem. She’d just go off on her missions, sometimes for months, and leave us with those bastards.” A part of him wanted to stop talking now, but he couldn’t. It was like a dam had burst and he was trying to catch the floodwaters with his fingers. He also couldn’t bring himself to look at Bones’ face and gauge his reaction.
“We dealt with them the best we could. We got the drug addict arrested for possession and the thief took off on his own as soon as he got what he wanted. But the first and last were the worst. The first because I was too young to do anything except watch him hit her and take my own when it was my turn. The last, because I was on my own. Sam left home one day and never came back and mom’s missions were long by that point. Six months at a time.” Jim’s voice had grown softer. He was almost whispering.
“That was Frank.” Bones knew little of Frank, just that Jim hated the man more than anyone else in the entire galaxy, even more than Nero for leaving him fatherless.
“One day after mom arrived back planetside after a long mission, he really went at it. He smashed her face in, calling her things I’d never call another person, even at my worst. I tried to stop him, to pull him away from her, but then he beat me even harder than he beat her until he finally passed out on the floor.
I was sitting in my room later when my mom came in. She said that she couldn’t really blame him for doing that to her, that she really deserved it. That we both did. And then I was so sorry for all the years of taking beatings for her as she went on and on about love and how mysterious it was sometimes. And I just wanted to scream at her.
When she left, I told myself I’d never put myself in that position. I’d never make the same mistake she did and tie myself down like that. I left home a few days later and I haven’t talked to either of them since.” He finally turned his head and stared into Bones’ hazel eyes, noticing the pain behind them as well.
“Jim,” Bones began, raising a thumb to rub away the wetness on Jim’s cheek. Jim took the hand in his own and held it to his cheek possessively.
“Jim, I’m sorry.” He managed this time, standing up. For one terrifying moment, Jim thought Bones was getting up to leave. He needn’t have worried. The next thing he knew, after taking a brief survey of sickbay, Bones nudged Jim over and climbed into bed with him, fully clothed, boots and all.
Jim immediately pressed himself as close to Bones as he could. It wasn’t a difficult feat. They actually fit better on the bed that way. His head immediately found itself resting on Bones’ chest, his legs twining themselves automatically in Bones’. Bones leaned down pressed a kiss to the top of Jim’s head, his hand rubbing his back just the way he knew made Jim feel safe.
“It’s okay Jim,” he whispered. “You can trust me. I’m not going to hurt you. I would never do that to you.”
“I know, I know. I trust you,” he replied and buried his face deeper into Bones’ shirt. They were silent for a few minutes.
“You really haven’t talked to your mom since then?” Bones asked quietly.
Jim was surprised that the question didn’t bother him, and he didn’t mind answering it. Probably the presence of Bones. “No. I’ve wanted to, sort of. But now, I just don’t know what to say to her. She probably thinks I’m a screw-up.”
“Jim, you know that’s not true. Everyone knows what you did for Earth. I’m sure she’s proud of you. And she probably misses you.” Jim realized Bones was talking from personal experience, that there probably wasn’t a day gone by when he didn’t think of his own little girl and wish they could be together.
“You don’t have to call her if you don’t want to. Just think about it, okay?”
Jim nodded into the Bones’ chest and felt those strong arms hug him tighter in response. He finally felt a good night’s sleep coming, now that everything seemed to be back on the right path. He was exactly where he should be, in Bones’ arms. He was home.
********************
Two days later Jim found himself sitting at his desk waiting for his video call to go through. He took a breath, bracing himself for what he was about to do. Finally, the connection flickered to life. A tired-looking, but nonetheless beautiful blonde woman appeared on the screen.
After a brief second of silence, a mixture of happiness and surprise spread across her face. “Jim?” she asked tentatively. “Oh Jim,” she said again, tears streaming down her cheeks in seconds.
“Mom!” Jim smiled at her, “I’m getting married.”
END
Note: Sorry I couldn’t fit any smut into this. It just felt wrong somehow, so I didn’t force the issue. Hope that’s okay. Sorry.