Tied Down 1/2
Title: Tied Down 1/2
Author: tzila_meora
Fandom: Reboot
Pairing: Kirk/McCoy, as if any other pairing exists.
Rating: PG-13-some abuse, swearing, major angst, you know.
Words: 2,713
Disclaimer: Anyone who thinks I own Star Trek is sadly mistaken. There are decidedly more talented people actually in control of the franchise. I simply amuse myself with little things here and there, pretending for a short time that they're mine.
Summary: Jim sighed as the turbolift’s doors closed behind him. It had been a long day, a long two weeks in fact. He really did enjoy being a starship captain, the authority, the thrill of adrenaline on an Away Mission; he didn’t even mind the paperwork so much. But the bullshit he put of with recently was enough to drive him insane.
Notes: So, this started out as a mushy romantic fic to help settle the crackiness that is my brain sometimes. Then it took a turn for the worst when I started asking “what if?” questions in my head. Big mistake. At least I didn’t succumb to the other thoughts swirling around there. If I had, I would’ve written a fic about Jim and Bones as acrobats at the circus moonlighting as superheroes fighting crimes committed by the clowns. So, it could’ve been worse. Stupid brain. _\\//
Part I
Jim sighed as the turblift’s doors closed behind him. It had been a long day, a long two weeks in fact. He really did enjoy being a starship captain, the authority, the thrill of adrenaline on an Away Mission; he didn’t even mind the paperwork so much. But the bullshit he put up with recently was enough to drive him insane.
It had taken two days before the representatives of the warring factions of the planet they were currently orbiting finally agreed to be in the same room with each other. It took another three before they agreed that maybe they didn’t remember the exact reason they had been fighting the past ten years. And then there were another two to decide that it would be okay to stop fighting finally and four more days to finalize all the treaties and agreements about what they would do now that their time wouldn’t be occupied with thinking up plans for how to best bomb the shit out of each other. Now he just had to live through the damn peace celebration tomorrow and then they could say “So long” to this damn rock.
The only thing still keeping him going at this point was the promise of dinner with Bones. With all his time occupied with trying to be diplomatic, they hadn’t seen each other in almost two weeks. Jim laughed to himself at the thought that, if seven years ago someone had told him he’d be in a serious relationship with his best friend, he’d probably have punched them in the face at the insult.
But now, he couldn’t understand how he survived all those years without the man who’d become his constant companion. Even two weeks had been a long time to only exchange passing glances in the halls, without being able to be near enough to touch and cling and just be. And lying awake at night in a cold empty bed was pure torture when he otherwise could be wrapped around Bones’ warm sleeping figure. But the negotiations ended late every night and he only had a few hours of rest before he had to be up again for the next round. He didn’t want to wake up Bones, who had enough on his plate and needed rest too. Plus, the crew still didn’t know about them, and it wouldn’t do if he was seen entering the CMO’s quarters late at night.
Tonight however, it was just Jim and Bones. And all Jim wanted to do when he finally made it to Bones’ quarters was wrap his arms around the man, bury his face in the crook of his warm neck to breathe in that familiar scent, and never let go. It would make captaining a starship difficult, but it would solve every other problem he ever had in an instant.
Jim noticed that his feet had finally managed to carry him to Bones’ quarters, the place he most considered home. Now, of course, Jim would consider anyplace Bones was home. He entered using the code Bones gave him, just like he always did.
The lights were turned down low. Most of the light in the room came from the passing of the shimmering stars outside the windows. Bones stood there like he’d been waiting for Jim to walk through the door. A slight smile slid across his face, and Jim felt one pull across his own in response. He looked like he hadn’t slept too well the past two weeks either. However, even the shadows he noticed under Bones’ eyes despite the dark room couldn’t make him look any less handsome.
He had discarded his uniform for a pair of black slacks, just form-fitting enough to accentuate the toned muscle hidden under the fabric. His black button-up shirt lay open at his throat, exposing the pale expanse of skin to the glow of twinkling stars. Jim suddenly felt much underdressed in the same gold uniform he’d worn all day.
Why hadn’t he thought to change his clothes before coming? He cursed inwardly at his lack of foresight, but there was nothing he could really do. There were only a few of his possessions in Bones’ closet and nothing suitable to look as nice as Bones.
Jim became aware of the awkward silence surrounding them. Bones cleared his throat and finally broke it.
“Jim, you look terrible,” he said, but there was a strong undercurrent of warmth in the statement, laced with concern.
“Thanks,” he smiled. “Haven’t been sleeping well.”
“Stupid bastard. You could’ve gotten a sedative. Are you okay?”
“Yeah. I’ve just missed you. I sleep better with you around.” He slowly approached the man in front of him, barely controlling the urge he had just to pounce now that he was so close.
“I haven’t been sleeping too well without you either.”
Jim reached him at this point and curled his hands around Bones to pull him down for a kiss. Though his body still wanted to pounce, he closed his eyes against the urges and savoured the feeling of Bones’ tongue curling slowly, almost tentatively into his mouth. His stomach tightened as the kiss deepened, still slowly, but the fingers squeezing at his shoulder and hip told him that Bones was feeling just as touch starved as he was.
After a few minutes of refamiliarizing themselves with each other’s bodies they broke apart. Despite the slow exploration, they were both flushed pink and panting heavily.
“I made dinner,” Bones said, motioning to the table carefully set for two. While food sounded pretty good, Jim felt that there were more pressing needs he wished to fulfil first. Like stripping those much-too-tight pants and sexy shirt off of Bones and covering every last inch of his body in wet possessive kisses. He felt the need to say as much to Bones.
“Yeah? Well, I’m hungry for other things right now.” Jim raised his eyebrows suggestively and let his hands travel farther down Bones’ back to rest on his ass.
Bones rolled his eyes. “There’s plenty of time for that later. But you need to eat first.”
“But Bones, we haven’t seen each other in almost two weeks,” he whined in return. “Food can wait. I can’t.”
Bones snorted. “You can and you will until after we eat, or you won’t get any at all tonight.”
“Bones, that’s not fair!” Jim protested.
“We can act like civilized people for a little while at least. Besides, I made your favourite, pot roast.”
Jim groaned into Bones’ ear. It was a low blow and they both knew it. Bones knew Jim couldn’t resist pot roast, especially when he made it. Jim could captain a starship, kick the shit out of Klingons and Romulans and take a pretty heavy beating himself, but he couldn’t cook to save his life. He managed to burn a bowl of cold cereal once and nearly took out the entire kitchen in his dorm with it.
Bones, on the other hand, was a master chef. Jim learned pretty early on in their friendship that Bones’ talents extended far beyond medicine, although he was a genius there too. It just so happened, those skilful hands were good at a lot of things. And yes, Jim found out later that some of those things had to do with sex, but he was also just about the greatest cook Jim had ever seen. So it wasn’t any wonder that he could never say no to a home-cooked meal from Bones. Jim cursed as his stomach growled audibly.
“That’s what I thought. Come on.”
Jim let himself be led to the table and served a steaming warm plate of tender meat and potatoes and carrots. He closed his eyes and let the tantalizing smell fill his nostrils. Jim didn’t need to travel the galaxy to know that it was the best food out there. And it was even better when he was sitting here like this, sharing it with Bones. His stomach growled again, even louder this time and Bones laughed.
Twenty minutes later Jim felt satisfyingly full. Between the good food and the wine they shared, a comfortable warmth had spread across his body. Bones stood to clear the dishes away. Jim picked up his own plate and joined him at the recycler.
He frowned when he noticed the tense set of Bones’ shoulders. It worried him to see Bones like that, especially when he couldn’t think of a reason to explain it. If he could, he wanted to help Bones, so he wrapped his arms around Bones’ waist and nestled his face into the back of his neck.
“What’s the matter Bones?”
“Nothing. Nothing’s the matter.” But Jim could feel him freeze under his arms, could almost see the waves of tension radiating off of him.
“Then why are you so tense?”
“I’m not.” As if to prove it, he began to relax back into Jim.
“You forget that I know you pretty well by now.” He pressed a kiss at the base of Bones’ neck and smiled when he felt him shiver. Neither of them said anything for a few seconds, before Bones finally conceded.
“Yeah, you’re right,” Bones sighed. “Come and sit down.”
He pushed Jim onto the couch in the living area and took a step back, rubbing his hands together. The look in his eyes was one Jim had never seen before, and it fascinated him and frightened him at the same time. Bones’ voice shook just a little when he finally began to speak.
“Jim, I’m not too good at all this romantic stuff and talking about my feelings, but I’m gonna try.” He paused, looking as though he was searching for just the right words. Jim’s stomach churned nervously as he waited for Bones to continue.
“I love you, more than you’ll ever know. You’re stubborn and arrogant, but loyal as hell and I wouldn’t change you one bit. And I’m nowhere near perfect either, but you’ve always taken me as I am, even in the beginning when we were just friends and I was just so messed up. You made me feel whole again, when it felt like nothing could ever right my life.
And now, whenever you’re not near me, it’s like there’s a piece of me missing that I can never get back unless you’re around. All I want now is to spend the rest of my life with you. I want you, if you’ll have me.
So,” he exhaled to steady himself then dropped to his knee. “Jim, will you marry me?”
Jim had frozen in his seat as soon as he saw which direction this speech was heading. Nothing could have truly prepared him for this shock, even if they had been together for a long time.
And it certainly wasn’t a good shock. They had never talked about marriage and now that it came up, he wanted to flee. He thought that he and Bones would never get to this part in their relationship, that he’d never have to worry about that final commitment. It wasn’t that he didn’t love Bones or that he didn’t want to spend the rest of his life in a monogamous relationship with the man. There was just something frightening about the word “marriage”, and it was finally coming back to haunt him.
A sick feeling grew in his stomach and his heart felt as though it was trying to escape his chest as it thudded painfully and loudly. Suddenly he couldn’t hear anything over the ringing in his ears. His gaze turned downwards and connected with a small box containing a plain silver band. He curled his sweaty hands into tight fists on his lap, trying to stop the screaming male voice inside his head.
You worthless bitch! The man’s face was turning a dangerous shade of purple. A woman stood backed into a corner of the room, arms curled up to protect her face.
Get over here! And put your goddamn arms down! The woman slowly let her arms drop and walked towards the man. You’re mine, you hear me? You’re lucky I even married you. No one else would be goddamned stupid enough to take you in. His strong hand flew out and connected with the woman’s cheek and she fell painfully to the ground with a cry. He stepped forward towards her figure lying prone on the ground and reared back his foot for a kick.
“Jim. Jim, are you alright?” Bones concerned voice pulled him back to the present. Bones reassuring hands squeezed his wrists lightly.
Jim’s nails were digging into his palms so tightly he could feel blood between his fingers. He swallowed around his dry throat and found his voice.
“I-I can’t, Bones. I’m sorry.” He tugged his wrists from Bones’ grasp.
“You can’t?” he asked.
“I can’t marry you,” Jim spat a little too forcefully and jumped to his feet.
“Oh.” Pain flitted across Bones’ features, but Jim wasn’t too focused on that. He had to get out of here. “I’m sorry Jim. I thought you-well…” His voice faded out and Jim never heard the rest of the statement.
“Well, you thought wrong,” Jim squeaked out over the lump in his throat. He saw the anger growing on Bones’ face, but it didn’t matter. Anything to get out of there now.
“Then what was the past two and a half years to you Jim, huh? Just decided to have some fun fucking around with your friend? Or am I even your friend?” He stood and crossed his arms over his chest.
“Of course we’re friends.” Jim willed himself to just shut his mouth before he said too many hurtful things.
“Really? I have a hard time believing that. And everything else was just a load of shit, wasn’t it? Goddammit Jim!”
Jim had seen Bones angrier than this before, but this was scarier because this time the anger was directed at him. He wanted to shut his mouth or just take it all back. Unfortunately, he just couldn’t stop himself from saying things that he knew would piss Bones off. It was that damn fight or flight instinct.
“I thought you knew me well Bones. I don’t do commitment.” God, it was like he wasn’t even the one speaking anymore.
“Don’t give me that bullshit. This thing between us is a commitment.”
“Whatever,” Jim scoffed, forcing a bored look to appear on his face.
“Jim, why the hell won’t you take this seriously? We’ve been in a relationship. We are in a relationship. Are you scared Jim? Is that what it is?”
“Not scared of anything.”
“We both know that’s not true. But if that’s not the reason, what is? Why won’t you marry me? ”
“Because I don’t fucking love you!” he shouted before he could stop himself. “You’re right. I’m not taking this seriously. This whole relationship has been a load of bullshit. I’ve never been faithful to you ever. Probably fucked almost everyone on this ship and half the galaxy by now while you were here staying faithful like some sentimental sap. I told you, I don’t. Do. Commitments.”
Bones finally erupted, although Jim could tell he was holding back the majority of his rage with what few threads were left of his emotions by the tight curls of fists laying stiffly at his sides and the muscles straining in his jaw.
“Out!” he yelled, finger pointed unnecessarily at the door. “Get the fuck out of here.”
Jim felt sick at the thought that guilt wasn’t the first thing he felt pass through his body. Relief was, followed by the urge to run and escape and finally, a small twinge of guilt.
“With pleasure. I take it we’re done.”
“Yes Jim, we’re done. We’re through.” They both knew the double meaning referred to both the conversation and the shreds of their relationship. Bones rubbed a hand over his face. “Now, like I said, get the fuck out of my room. And don’t come back.”
“And like I said, with pleasure.” Jim stalked to the door as quickly as he could without running, leaving Bones with his hand still over his face, turned towards the stars flying by.
To be continued…
Part II
Author: tzila_meora
Fandom: Reboot
Pairing: Kirk/McCoy, as if any other pairing exists.
Rating: PG-13-some abuse, swearing, major angst, you know.
Words: 2,713
Disclaimer: Anyone who thinks I own Star Trek is sadly mistaken. There are decidedly more talented people actually in control of the franchise. I simply amuse myself with little things here and there, pretending for a short time that they're mine.
Summary: Jim sighed as the turbolift’s doors closed behind him. It had been a long day, a long two weeks in fact. He really did enjoy being a starship captain, the authority, the thrill of adrenaline on an Away Mission; he didn’t even mind the paperwork so much. But the bullshit he put of with recently was enough to drive him insane.
Notes: So, this started out as a mushy romantic fic to help settle the crackiness that is my brain sometimes. Then it took a turn for the worst when I started asking “what if?” questions in my head. Big mistake. At least I didn’t succumb to the other thoughts swirling around there. If I had, I would’ve written a fic about Jim and Bones as acrobats at the circus moonlighting as superheroes fighting crimes committed by the clowns. So, it could’ve been worse. Stupid brain. _\\//
Part I
Jim sighed as the turblift’s doors closed behind him. It had been a long day, a long two weeks in fact. He really did enjoy being a starship captain, the authority, the thrill of adrenaline on an Away Mission; he didn’t even mind the paperwork so much. But the bullshit he put up with recently was enough to drive him insane.
It had taken two days before the representatives of the warring factions of the planet they were currently orbiting finally agreed to be in the same room with each other. It took another three before they agreed that maybe they didn’t remember the exact reason they had been fighting the past ten years. And then there were another two to decide that it would be okay to stop fighting finally and four more days to finalize all the treaties and agreements about what they would do now that their time wouldn’t be occupied with thinking up plans for how to best bomb the shit out of each other. Now he just had to live through the damn peace celebration tomorrow and then they could say “So long” to this damn rock.
The only thing still keeping him going at this point was the promise of dinner with Bones. With all his time occupied with trying to be diplomatic, they hadn’t seen each other in almost two weeks. Jim laughed to himself at the thought that, if seven years ago someone had told him he’d be in a serious relationship with his best friend, he’d probably have punched them in the face at the insult.
But now, he couldn’t understand how he survived all those years without the man who’d become his constant companion. Even two weeks had been a long time to only exchange passing glances in the halls, without being able to be near enough to touch and cling and just be. And lying awake at night in a cold empty bed was pure torture when he otherwise could be wrapped around Bones’ warm sleeping figure. But the negotiations ended late every night and he only had a few hours of rest before he had to be up again for the next round. He didn’t want to wake up Bones, who had enough on his plate and needed rest too. Plus, the crew still didn’t know about them, and it wouldn’t do if he was seen entering the CMO’s quarters late at night.
Tonight however, it was just Jim and Bones. And all Jim wanted to do when he finally made it to Bones’ quarters was wrap his arms around the man, bury his face in the crook of his warm neck to breathe in that familiar scent, and never let go. It would make captaining a starship difficult, but it would solve every other problem he ever had in an instant.
Jim noticed that his feet had finally managed to carry him to Bones’ quarters, the place he most considered home. Now, of course, Jim would consider anyplace Bones was home. He entered using the code Bones gave him, just like he always did.
The lights were turned down low. Most of the light in the room came from the passing of the shimmering stars outside the windows. Bones stood there like he’d been waiting for Jim to walk through the door. A slight smile slid across his face, and Jim felt one pull across his own in response. He looked like he hadn’t slept too well the past two weeks either. However, even the shadows he noticed under Bones’ eyes despite the dark room couldn’t make him look any less handsome.
He had discarded his uniform for a pair of black slacks, just form-fitting enough to accentuate the toned muscle hidden under the fabric. His black button-up shirt lay open at his throat, exposing the pale expanse of skin to the glow of twinkling stars. Jim suddenly felt much underdressed in the same gold uniform he’d worn all day.
Why hadn’t he thought to change his clothes before coming? He cursed inwardly at his lack of foresight, but there was nothing he could really do. There were only a few of his possessions in Bones’ closet and nothing suitable to look as nice as Bones.
Jim became aware of the awkward silence surrounding them. Bones cleared his throat and finally broke it.
“Jim, you look terrible,” he said, but there was a strong undercurrent of warmth in the statement, laced with concern.
“Thanks,” he smiled. “Haven’t been sleeping well.”
“Stupid bastard. You could’ve gotten a sedative. Are you okay?”
“Yeah. I’ve just missed you. I sleep better with you around.” He slowly approached the man in front of him, barely controlling the urge he had just to pounce now that he was so close.
“I haven’t been sleeping too well without you either.”
Jim reached him at this point and curled his hands around Bones to pull him down for a kiss. Though his body still wanted to pounce, he closed his eyes against the urges and savoured the feeling of Bones’ tongue curling slowly, almost tentatively into his mouth. His stomach tightened as the kiss deepened, still slowly, but the fingers squeezing at his shoulder and hip told him that Bones was feeling just as touch starved as he was.
After a few minutes of refamiliarizing themselves with each other’s bodies they broke apart. Despite the slow exploration, they were both flushed pink and panting heavily.
“I made dinner,” Bones said, motioning to the table carefully set for two. While food sounded pretty good, Jim felt that there were more pressing needs he wished to fulfil first. Like stripping those much-too-tight pants and sexy shirt off of Bones and covering every last inch of his body in wet possessive kisses. He felt the need to say as much to Bones.
“Yeah? Well, I’m hungry for other things right now.” Jim raised his eyebrows suggestively and let his hands travel farther down Bones’ back to rest on his ass.
Bones rolled his eyes. “There’s plenty of time for that later. But you need to eat first.”
“But Bones, we haven’t seen each other in almost two weeks,” he whined in return. “Food can wait. I can’t.”
Bones snorted. “You can and you will until after we eat, or you won’t get any at all tonight.”
“Bones, that’s not fair!” Jim protested.
“We can act like civilized people for a little while at least. Besides, I made your favourite, pot roast.”
Jim groaned into Bones’ ear. It was a low blow and they both knew it. Bones knew Jim couldn’t resist pot roast, especially when he made it. Jim could captain a starship, kick the shit out of Klingons and Romulans and take a pretty heavy beating himself, but he couldn’t cook to save his life. He managed to burn a bowl of cold cereal once and nearly took out the entire kitchen in his dorm with it.
Bones, on the other hand, was a master chef. Jim learned pretty early on in their friendship that Bones’ talents extended far beyond medicine, although he was a genius there too. It just so happened, those skilful hands were good at a lot of things. And yes, Jim found out later that some of those things had to do with sex, but he was also just about the greatest cook Jim had ever seen. So it wasn’t any wonder that he could never say no to a home-cooked meal from Bones. Jim cursed as his stomach growled audibly.
“That’s what I thought. Come on.”
Jim let himself be led to the table and served a steaming warm plate of tender meat and potatoes and carrots. He closed his eyes and let the tantalizing smell fill his nostrils. Jim didn’t need to travel the galaxy to know that it was the best food out there. And it was even better when he was sitting here like this, sharing it with Bones. His stomach growled again, even louder this time and Bones laughed.
Twenty minutes later Jim felt satisfyingly full. Between the good food and the wine they shared, a comfortable warmth had spread across his body. Bones stood to clear the dishes away. Jim picked up his own plate and joined him at the recycler.
He frowned when he noticed the tense set of Bones’ shoulders. It worried him to see Bones like that, especially when he couldn’t think of a reason to explain it. If he could, he wanted to help Bones, so he wrapped his arms around Bones’ waist and nestled his face into the back of his neck.
“What’s the matter Bones?”
“Nothing. Nothing’s the matter.” But Jim could feel him freeze under his arms, could almost see the waves of tension radiating off of him.
“Then why are you so tense?”
“I’m not.” As if to prove it, he began to relax back into Jim.
“You forget that I know you pretty well by now.” He pressed a kiss at the base of Bones’ neck and smiled when he felt him shiver. Neither of them said anything for a few seconds, before Bones finally conceded.
“Yeah, you’re right,” Bones sighed. “Come and sit down.”
He pushed Jim onto the couch in the living area and took a step back, rubbing his hands together. The look in his eyes was one Jim had never seen before, and it fascinated him and frightened him at the same time. Bones’ voice shook just a little when he finally began to speak.
“Jim, I’m not too good at all this romantic stuff and talking about my feelings, but I’m gonna try.” He paused, looking as though he was searching for just the right words. Jim’s stomach churned nervously as he waited for Bones to continue.
“I love you, more than you’ll ever know. You’re stubborn and arrogant, but loyal as hell and I wouldn’t change you one bit. And I’m nowhere near perfect either, but you’ve always taken me as I am, even in the beginning when we were just friends and I was just so messed up. You made me feel whole again, when it felt like nothing could ever right my life.
And now, whenever you’re not near me, it’s like there’s a piece of me missing that I can never get back unless you’re around. All I want now is to spend the rest of my life with you. I want you, if you’ll have me.
So,” he exhaled to steady himself then dropped to his knee. “Jim, will you marry me?”
Jim had frozen in his seat as soon as he saw which direction this speech was heading. Nothing could have truly prepared him for this shock, even if they had been together for a long time.
And it certainly wasn’t a good shock. They had never talked about marriage and now that it came up, he wanted to flee. He thought that he and Bones would never get to this part in their relationship, that he’d never have to worry about that final commitment. It wasn’t that he didn’t love Bones or that he didn’t want to spend the rest of his life in a monogamous relationship with the man. There was just something frightening about the word “marriage”, and it was finally coming back to haunt him.
A sick feeling grew in his stomach and his heart felt as though it was trying to escape his chest as it thudded painfully and loudly. Suddenly he couldn’t hear anything over the ringing in his ears. His gaze turned downwards and connected with a small box containing a plain silver band. He curled his sweaty hands into tight fists on his lap, trying to stop the screaming male voice inside his head.
You worthless bitch! The man’s face was turning a dangerous shade of purple. A woman stood backed into a corner of the room, arms curled up to protect her face.
Get over here! And put your goddamn arms down! The woman slowly let her arms drop and walked towards the man. You’re mine, you hear me? You’re lucky I even married you. No one else would be goddamned stupid enough to take you in. His strong hand flew out and connected with the woman’s cheek and she fell painfully to the ground with a cry. He stepped forward towards her figure lying prone on the ground and reared back his foot for a kick.
“Jim. Jim, are you alright?” Bones concerned voice pulled him back to the present. Bones reassuring hands squeezed his wrists lightly.
Jim’s nails were digging into his palms so tightly he could feel blood between his fingers. He swallowed around his dry throat and found his voice.
“I-I can’t, Bones. I’m sorry.” He tugged his wrists from Bones’ grasp.
“You can’t?” he asked.
“I can’t marry you,” Jim spat a little too forcefully and jumped to his feet.
“Oh.” Pain flitted across Bones’ features, but Jim wasn’t too focused on that. He had to get out of here. “I’m sorry Jim. I thought you-well…” His voice faded out and Jim never heard the rest of the statement.
“Well, you thought wrong,” Jim squeaked out over the lump in his throat. He saw the anger growing on Bones’ face, but it didn’t matter. Anything to get out of there now.
“Then what was the past two and a half years to you Jim, huh? Just decided to have some fun fucking around with your friend? Or am I even your friend?” He stood and crossed his arms over his chest.
“Of course we’re friends.” Jim willed himself to just shut his mouth before he said too many hurtful things.
“Really? I have a hard time believing that. And everything else was just a load of shit, wasn’t it? Goddammit Jim!”
Jim had seen Bones angrier than this before, but this was scarier because this time the anger was directed at him. He wanted to shut his mouth or just take it all back. Unfortunately, he just couldn’t stop himself from saying things that he knew would piss Bones off. It was that damn fight or flight instinct.
“I thought you knew me well Bones. I don’t do commitment.” God, it was like he wasn’t even the one speaking anymore.
“Don’t give me that bullshit. This thing between us is a commitment.”
“Whatever,” Jim scoffed, forcing a bored look to appear on his face.
“Jim, why the hell won’t you take this seriously? We’ve been in a relationship. We are in a relationship. Are you scared Jim? Is that what it is?”
“Not scared of anything.”
“We both know that’s not true. But if that’s not the reason, what is? Why won’t you marry me? ”
“Because I don’t fucking love you!” he shouted before he could stop himself. “You’re right. I’m not taking this seriously. This whole relationship has been a load of bullshit. I’ve never been faithful to you ever. Probably fucked almost everyone on this ship and half the galaxy by now while you were here staying faithful like some sentimental sap. I told you, I don’t. Do. Commitments.”
Bones finally erupted, although Jim could tell he was holding back the majority of his rage with what few threads were left of his emotions by the tight curls of fists laying stiffly at his sides and the muscles straining in his jaw.
“Out!” he yelled, finger pointed unnecessarily at the door. “Get the fuck out of here.”
Jim felt sick at the thought that guilt wasn’t the first thing he felt pass through his body. Relief was, followed by the urge to run and escape and finally, a small twinge of guilt.
“With pleasure. I take it we’re done.”
“Yes Jim, we’re done. We’re through.” They both knew the double meaning referred to both the conversation and the shreds of their relationship. Bones rubbed a hand over his face. “Now, like I said, get the fuck out of my room. And don’t come back.”
“And like I said, with pleasure.” Jim stalked to the door as quickly as he could without running, leaving Bones with his hand still over his face, turned towards the stars flying by.
To be continued…
Part II