i've neglected you dear lj. but here i am. much has changed. and as usual, i have grown more ( Read more... )

wow. havne't posted in here in awhile. i've been posting some of the more random tidbits of my life in xanga. a little more public outlook, just to see what they think. and then i remembered my lj ( Read more... )

i'm not going to play this childish game with you. i do what i want. i dictate my own life, and although at times it appears that others may control my actions, it is ultimately my choice. don't give me this bullshit.

my free time is limited. i don't pick and choose what i want to do. they pick me.

i'm not playing this game with you.

i feel like the biggest jerk ever.
i don't ever want my heart stomped on like how i just stomped on someone's.

i'm a spectator of my own life.

i'm growing up while you're moving on and with the missing coffee cups in between i'm not quite sure what caused the ache i feel in the first place. self-inflicted it may be, but sometimes a mirror causes more pain than the acts of another. what tricks the brain plays. what maddness the heart tangles. i just miss you.

today was the bro's birthday, and to be honest, i really don't know how old he is. i seem to forget and whenever people ask me the automatic answer is 12 or 13 that pops into my brain. as nonsentimental as it can sound, it seems that he shall always be the little one ( Read more... )

waking up is the hardest part ( Read more... )

i feel like suicide is the topic of the day. that's not to imply that i'm considering suicide, nor that i am depressed to the point of suicide. i say it's a topic because it seems to be a subject that has been brought about the last couple of the days. i guess it's a fact, people commit or attempt suicide. and i've always had this moral about me ( Read more... )

sometimes i just want to scream "YOU DON'T KNOW OR EVEN UNDERSTAND WHAT IS GOING ON IN MY FUCKING BRAIN". maybe not so much for you to hear them but for me to reassure myself that what you keep telling me is not true, because what is true is what i know. i know my own truth. how can you say that you know me when you have barely scratched the ( Read more... )