Fangirls' Guide to the World Cup: Introduction
The knockout rounds are about to begin, and, seeing as my team was too shite to make it through*, I need to pick another, y/y? Well, all right, I've already picked Uruguay for my bb!Nando, but it's a perfectly functional excuse for a Fangirls' Guide.
I'm sure you'll know how these work by now, if you saw my Guides to the CL/UEFA Cups, the Euros, and to Serie A the last few years - but, in case you don't, it goes like this:
Over the next few days, I will be posting a run-down of all sixteen squads. Four at a time, in alphabetical order because I'm anal like that. Each and every squad member will be listed, with a photograph and a rating on the following two categories:
Attractiveness
National Caps
[I couldn't think of a practical third category, so we're sticking with two this time.]
Here's how it works:
Attractiveness
This is the tricky one. As many will attest, my idea of teh pretty (flippy haired Princesses) does not match theirs. So I shall do my best to be unbiased, and reckon most of them will get a mid-range one point. But there are two other alternatives:
Really very pretty indeed - aka classically beautiful/50 people on my flist can't be wrong/have to have a sit down when you see him: 2 points
Pleasant, everyday eyecandy: 1 point
Oh-my-God-I-need-to-bleach-my-eyes: 0 points
As you will have realised by now, I am open to bribery bludgeoning suggestion for two-pointers. Especially if you can provide pictorial proof.
National Caps
Players will be given points according to the number of caps they have acquired for their national side according to this sliding scale. These caps are full, grown-up appearances only:
30+: 2 points
6-29: 1 point
5 or less: 0 points
There will also be a bonus point for any squad member who has 100 or more caps because, you know, that’s pretty damned impressive.
Coaches
Coaches will be scored on the same criteria, but instead of national caps, they will be ranked on cumulative years in charge of their team:
Five or more: 2 points
1-4: 1 point
Less than 1: 0 points
Team totals
Team totals will be presented as percentages - total score divided by maximum available score (i.e. twenty-four people in the squad times four). Because I am anal about that sort of thing, and like doing sums.
Additional
I have used the official images from the FIFA site. I am aware that these are not the most flattering of shots, but frankly, I couldn't be arsed to rummage around until I found good ones. If you truly think someone has been grossly misrepresented, you are welcome to give me a more representative image and I will tweak.
The caps are (as far as I'm aware) not including games played during the WC itself. If you notice any glaring errors - particularly those that would push a player into the next point banding, please sing up.
Finally, I am only human. I am bound to make errors. Working out all their bloody ages is a task in itself, I've numbers spinning round in front of my eyes now. If you spot a typo/miscalculation, please do tell me, and I will fix it.
So, there you have it. I am busy uploading stuff to Photobucket as we speak, and the first set will go up in time for tomorrow's games. There will be a running total at the end of each entry with the standings in, and in not too many days we should know which team is the best!
Fasten your seatbelts, it’s going to be a bumpy ride.
*For anyone else in the same boat, I will be doing an outtake version next week. If you would like me to do your team, please let me know - I am open to requests.
I'm sure you'll know how these work by now, if you saw my Guides to the CL/UEFA Cups, the Euros, and to Serie A the last few years - but, in case you don't, it goes like this:
Over the next few days, I will be posting a run-down of all sixteen squads. Four at a time, in alphabetical order because I'm anal like that. Each and every squad member will be listed, with a photograph and a rating on the following two categories:
Attractiveness
National Caps
[I couldn't think of a practical third category, so we're sticking with two this time.]
Here's how it works:
Attractiveness
This is the tricky one. As many will attest, my idea of teh pretty (flippy haired Princesses) does not match theirs. So I shall do my best to be unbiased, and reckon most of them will get a mid-range one point. But there are two other alternatives:
Really very pretty indeed - aka classically beautiful/50 people on my flist can't be wrong/have to have a sit down when you see him: 2 points
Pleasant, everyday eyecandy: 1 point
Oh-my-God-I-need-to-bleach-my-eyes: 0 points
As you will have realised by now, I am open to bribery bludgeoning suggestion for two-pointers. Especially if you can provide pictorial proof.
National Caps
Players will be given points according to the number of caps they have acquired for their national side according to this sliding scale. These caps are full, grown-up appearances only:
30+: 2 points
6-29: 1 point
5 or less: 0 points
There will also be a bonus point for any squad member who has 100 or more caps because, you know, that’s pretty damned impressive.
Coaches
Coaches will be scored on the same criteria, but instead of national caps, they will be ranked on cumulative years in charge of their team:
Five or more: 2 points
1-4: 1 point
Less than 1: 0 points
Team totals
Team totals will be presented as percentages - total score divided by maximum available score (i.e. twenty-four people in the squad times four). Because I am anal about that sort of thing, and like doing sums.
Additional
I have used the official images from the FIFA site. I am aware that these are not the most flattering of shots, but frankly, I couldn't be arsed to rummage around until I found good ones. If you truly think someone has been grossly misrepresented, you are welcome to give me a more representative image and I will tweak.
The caps are (as far as I'm aware) not including games played during the WC itself. If you notice any glaring errors - particularly those that would push a player into the next point banding, please sing up.
Finally, I am only human. I am bound to make errors. Working out all their bloody ages is a task in itself, I've numbers spinning round in front of my eyes now. If you spot a typo/miscalculation, please do tell me, and I will fix it.
So, there you have it. I am busy uploading stuff to Photobucket as we speak, and the first set will go up in time for tomorrow's games. There will be a running total at the end of each entry with the standings in, and in not too many days we should know which team is the best!
Fasten your seatbelts, it’s going to be a bumpy ride.
*For anyone else in the same boat, I will be doing an outtake version next week. If you would like me to do your team, please let me know - I am open to requests.