Fic (2NE1) - 10 Fingers
Title: 10 Fingers
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: CL/Minji
Word count: 6563
Warnings: None? I think?
Summary: Chaerin comes out during a game of 10 Fingers, and Minji doesn't exactly take it well.
Notes: Well, two days before the end of February I finally make good on my promise to post femslash. This was supposed to be a roughly 2000 word fic with like, maybe a little making out in it, so naturally it ended up 6500 words and NC-17. I am a creep. Thank you soooo much to reallycorking for the speedy betaing and the cheerleading. This is a little rough because I banged it out fast and I am in grad school, so any remaining issues are totally my fault.
Chaerin has a habit of getting herself into trouble at clubs. She should have taken it as a warning sign when Teddy suggested, after buying everyone a round of drinks, that they all play Ten Fingers, a game he and Bom know from the U.S., but the rum and Coke buzzing through Chaerin’s head-it’s affecting her more than it should be, but she hasn’t eaten all day so she has an excuse-made saying yes easy.
Teddy, Seungho, and the rest of 2NE1 are all squeezed together in a big booth in one of their regular clubs with strong drinks and loud music. Minji only turned old enough to start coming out with them recently, and CL has been pushing regular outings ever since, because getting Minji tipsy is both easy and fun. Tonight, though, Chaerin is looking to get drunker faster.
"I still don’t get it," Dara says, even though they’re two rounds in. "Do I put a finger down or up if I’ve done it?"
"Down," Chaerin, Teddy and Bom say in unison.
"And then drink," Teddy adds.
Dara pulls a face. "I don’t like this game."
"You haven’t even had to do anything yet," Chaerin says, annoyed, maybe because she’s down two for two. It's time to play dirty. "I’ve never been in a talent competition in the Philippines."
The noise of outrage Dara makes is so high-pitched Chaerin almost regrets it. "No fair!"
"That's how you play the game," Chaerin says. "Now drink!"
Dara does, still scowling, while Teddy and Seungho laugh appreciatively.
"Don't laugh or I'll get my revenge on you," Dara warns, after knocking back a mouthful. She likes to pretend to be sensitive to alcohol, but Chaerin has noticed that drinks always seem to go down surprisingly easy for little Sandara.
"Scary," Seungho deadpans. Teddy keeps snickering.
"Fine," Dara says, sticking out her tongue. "I've never made out with a girl."
Bom and Minji burst into laughter while Seungho and Teddy make a few obligatory groans of complaint. It's as good a distraction as Chaerin's going to get, so she casually folds down a finger and takes a small sip from her Coke. For a few moments, it even seems like she's going to get away with it.
"Hey," Seungho says, wiping his mouth after a swallow of one of those sugary cocktails he loves. He points at Chaerin and she tries not to flinch. "I thought you only had two out?"
"Hmm?" Chaerin pretends to be suddenly invested in stirring her drink with its little straw.
"Didn't you just take a drink?" Bom asks. She's probably genuinely clueless and not actually trying to ruin everything, but Chaerin can't help glaring sideways at her.
"Holy shit. I fucking KNEW IT." Teddy is jostling Seungho's shoulder suddenly and grinning the most shit-eating grin Chaerin has ever seen. "Tell me I'm awake. Tell me I'm not dreaming. This is the best moment of my life."
Seungho can't tell Teddy anything; he's too busy staring, open-mouthed, at Chaerin, along with everyone else at the table. Chaerin has never felt more scrutinized in her life, and she's posed for photo shoots in some pretty fucking revealing outfits.
"Whose turn is it?" Chaerin asks, hoping-futilely, she knows, but she's got to try-to change the subject and just move on.
"Details," Teddy says, not diverted for a second. "Who was it? That chick from f(x)? She's kinda butch."
Chaerin shifts in her seat and stares anywhere but at her bandmates' faces, feeling an anger boil in her gut she's rarely felt for anyone before, and never for Teddy. "God, shut up," she growls, not playful in the least.
"Chaerin? You're joking, right?" Dara is half-smiling, half-gaping, and Chaerin should probably just be grateful Dara doesn't look disgusted, but she's not, somehow. Why the hell did she decide to be honest, anyway?
"It's not a big deal," Chaerin says, although she knows it's too late for that to be true now. At her left, Bom is blinking bewildered doe-eyes at her, and Minji, across the table, is frowning like she's trying to do complicated calculations in her head. "It was just messing around during training." The lie makes her feel a little sick.
Teddy cackles like an overjoyed kid, jostling Seungho even more violently. "Shit," he says. "Fucking training? Did you get this from a fan fiction or something? What was her name? What did she look like? Did she-you know-" He gestures enormous phantom tits in front of himself, and now Chaerin feels really sick.
"Fuck you," she says. She hates how hot her face feels, how inexplicably mortifying this night has become.
"Gross," Bom says, thankfully snapping out of it and leaning over to smack the brim of Teddy's baseball cap. "Who talks like that? There are girls here!"
"I dunno," Teddy says, settling back and readjusting his cap, still grinning like a total dick. "I feel like Chaerin's just one of the guys now."
"She couldn't be as disgusting as you if she tried," Dara pipes in.
Chaerin should appreciate the support, but she can't help but notice Minji's conspicuous silence. She feels shaky with anger and embarrassment all of a sudden, and this club is the last place in the world she wants to be.
"Whatever. I'm gonna go," she says, standing and finishing off her rum and Coke in one enormous swallow. Bom takes a moment to realize this means she has to get out of the booth, then almost knocks her glass over in her effort to scoot across the vinyl.
"Are you sure, Chaerin?" Bom says gently.
"Come on, don't be like that," Teddy says, trying to laugh everything off, like he doesn't even understand this is nothing like one of their stupid little studio jokes. "Look, I'll stop bugging you about your little bi-curious phase, okay? Don't be so sensitive."
"I'm tired," Chaerin says, honestly. "I'm just gonna call Manager for a ride. I'll see you all tomorrow."
She doesn't stay to hear any more protests. Chaerin strides across the bar and out the back door without a glance behind her, but all the same, she can't stop seeing Seungho and Minji's faces frozen just as they were when she left them-open-mouthed and stunned silent, like they'd never heard anything so ridiculous in their lives.
Her name was Hyejin, and she didn't make the cut. It didn't surprise anyone; Hyejin always said herself she wasn't meant for this idol stuff, didn't have the discipline to diet and study and train for days on end with no sleep, and she was only there because her parents wanted it for her. Chaerin was a hard worker from the start and knew what she wanted, but that didn't stop her from liking Hyejin. She was a year older than Chaerin and cool in a way Chaerin could only hope to emulate someday. She had chin-length hair with harsh bangs most girls in training would never risk and she was constantly breaking curfew and sneaking out of the dorms, buying illicit sweets and cigarettes at convenience stores that she'd only share if she liked you. The first time she invited Chaerin out to the nearby park for a smoke, Chaerin couldn't bring herself to admit she'd never touched a cigarette in her life.
"Do you like it here?" Hyejin asked, smacking the pack of cigarettes against the flat of her hand before pulling one out for Chaerin. It was dark, probably after midnight, and cold. Chaerin watched her breath puff out in front of her in the light of a streetlamp and tried to will the concrete wall they were leaning against to cut the wind more effectively.
Chaerin took it and held it unsurely between finger and thumb. "Yeah," she said after a little pause. "I mean, not everything. I don't like the dieting and all the curfews and crap. But I'm grateful to be here. I wanna do this."
Hyejin's smile was crooked, but not, Chaerin noted with relief, scornful. "You might make it, y'know," she said. "I could see you making it."
"Yeah right."
Taking a cue from Hyejin, Chaerin put the cigarette between her lips and leaned over so Hyejin could light it. By some profound miracle, she managed not to choke out anything worse than a weak little cough on the first exhale.
"I'm gonna make my parents send me to college after I drop out." Hyejin puffed at her cigarette expertly and Chaerin tried not to marvel too openly at the side of her face. "They could afford it if they'd stop pouring all their money into this place."
"What do you want to study?" Chaerin asked, swallowing.
"Hell if I know," Hyejin said. She smirked and Chaerin's mouth went dry; she started hacking, finally, just the kind of embarrassing thing she'd been hoping to avoid.
"Your own too much for you?"
Hyejin pushed off the wall and stepped in front of Chaerin, plucking the cigarette from her fingers and dropping it on the ground. She stepped on it in the same movement that she pressed Chaerin against the wall, kissing her with a mouthful of smoke. Chaerin put both hands on Hyejin's breastbone and kissed back. She'd been expecting this, as much as she'd tried not to admit it to herself; everyone in the dorms had heard the rumors by now about what it meant when Hyejin took a shining to you.
"How'd you know I'd like it?" Chaerin had asked Hyejin later, after their third or fourth make-out session, her face burning with the question even though Hyejin's hands were up her shirt. She was being vague but she knew Hyejin would understand.
Hyejin had just shrugged. "I didn't."
Everyone is terrified of her at the studio the next day. Chaerin is glad, in a way; Teddy is completely businesslike and doesn't test her once, and even YG seems to understand, when he pops in to check on their progress, not to make any comments about Chaerin's lack of make-up today. She's starting to enjoy the unprecedented space everyone gives her, in fact, until she accidentally snaps at Bom for singing while they wait for Teddy to sync a few cuts together on the computer-for singing, of all offenses-and feels immediately horrible.
"Sorry, Unni," Chaerin sighs, squeezing her temples. "I'm kind of-I'm gonna go get some coffee."
She slips out of the studio and takes her time walking to the elevator, not in any hurry to get back. When Bom appears just in time to stop the elevator doors from closing and slips in next to Chaerin, Chaerin can only stare, at a loss.
"I want coffee too," Bom says innocently, stabbing the button to the sixth floor, where the kitchens are.
"Unni-" Chaerin says.
"I don't care, you know," Bom says, blinking at the ceiling like there's something interesting up there.
Chaerin flushes.
"There were a lot of gay guys at Berklee," she says, looking at Chaerin now, and it's so earnest Chaerin's embarrassment immediately melts into amusement.
She lets out a surprised laugh and then covers her mouth. "Yeah, okay. Thanks, Unni."
Bom smiles with her eyes and gestures, once the elevator stops and the doors open with a ding, for Chaerin to exit before her. They get coffee out of the vending machine-Bom going for one of the sugary lattes Chaerin distinctly heard her swearing to Hwang-ssabu she wouldn't touch ever again-and wait for their drinks to cool in comfortable silence.
"Dara said she doesn't care either," Bom informs her, blowing on her latte.
When Bom doesn't go on, Chaerin has to ask, stirring her coffee and trying to look like she's not really that interested: "And Minji?"
Bom's eyes fall a little, and Chaerin feels her stomach fall with them. "I don't think she gets it," Bom says. "You might want to talk to her."
Talking to Minji about sexual preferences is the last thing Chaerin wants to do in this century, but she swallows around the lump in her throat and nods anyway.
"Thanks," she says. "We should probably get back."
It's hard not to notice, once they're back in the studio and Chaerin takes a seat on the couch, the way Minji shifts just slightly to the side.
Chaerin has a photo session that runs late the next night, and when she gets home, bone-tired and sore, her feet suffering from her heels more than usual, it's already after 2 a.m. An earlier text from Bom informed everyone she would be staying at her mother's tonight, and when Chaerin pokes her head in the bedroom to drop off her bag, she confirms that Dara is fast asleep. Minji, however, is conspicuously absent. Chaerin goes into the kitchen and pours herself a glass of barley tea, and when she hears the door to the bathroom open and shut she tries not to turn around too quickly.
Minji is in her pajamas and toweling off her hair, and she looks a little startled to see Chaerin.
"I thought maybe you weren't coming home tonight," she says, cinching the towel into place on top of her head.
Chaerin shrugs. "Just a late night."
Minji nods and they both stand there, the atmosphere so awkward and weighted that Chaerin can't take it for more than a few seconds. She turns around and grabs the pitcher of tea to pour herself another glass, even though she knows if she drinks much more she'll just have to pee in an hour.
"Um," Minji says, in the kitchen suddenly. Chaerin turns around again and raises her eyebrows.
"Can you pour some for me too?"
Chaerin pauses, but in the end takes another glass out of the cupboard and hands it to Minji, who holds while Chaerin pours.
"Thanks," Minji says. Then, in a rush, "Are you a lesbian, Unni?"
It takes every ounce of grace Chaerin possesses not to spit tea all over herself. She chokes on it instead, muffling her coughs into the sleeve of her shirt until the fit dies down and she can breathe again.
"Sorry," Minji says. Her towel is starting to droop, so she shrugs it off and drapes it over her shoulder, wet lavender hair falling in front of her face. "It's just-kind of weird."
Chaerin's eyebrows raise again. "Weird?" she repeats.
"I mean," Minji says quickly, "that we never knew. Or I never knew, I guess."
"Look," Chaerin interrupts, impatient even though she knows she should be trying harder; this is Minji and she's only just twenty and Chaerin is the leader, which means she has certain responsibilities. It's just- "I'm exhausted. If you're going to have some big freak-out right now, I'd rather save it for the morning."
"I'm not freaking out!" Minji says. Her voice has certainly taken on a much higher register than usual, however, and she's starting to look a little flushed.
"Okay," Chaerin says. "Can I go to bed, then?"
Minji steps out of the way, frowning, and Chaerin puts her glass in the sink and starts making her way toward the bathroom, her heartbeat suddenly wild.
"Have you-" Minji calls out from behind her, and Chaerin stops but doesn't turn around. "You know-like-with a girl?"
Chaerin is glad Minji can't see her face right now; she squeezes her eyes shut tight and counts to five under her breath, willing away a burst of sadness or panic or something in between.
"You don't have to worry, Mingkki," Chaerin says at length. "I'm not gonna molest you or watch you changing or anything, okay?"
She resumes her path to the bathroom then, and Minji calls after her again, but she doesn't stop. By the time she's finished showering and getting ready for bed, Minji is buried beneath her covers and the lights are off.
On Thursday, Chaerin has a recording session alone. Alone except for Teddy, that is, who hasn't made direct eye contact with her since the night they played Ten Fingers. It's awkward for both of them, but Teddy seems to be handling the tense silence between recordings worse than Chaerin. He keeps clearing his throat and bouncing his knee, and sometimes when Chaerin looks up from her magazine he's clicking back and forth between windows on the computer screen without actually working on anything.
"Okay," Chaerin says, unable to take it anymore, setting her magazine down on the couch next to her. "If you're gonna say something, just say it. You're fucking stressing me out."
Teddy spins around in his chair, looking startled and guilty all at once. "Huh? I'm not-"
Chaerin levels him with a stare and Teddy balks.
"Alright. Fine. It has-come to my attention-that maybe I was a little. Inappropriate. The other night."
Chaerin snorts but doesn't interrupt. Teddy seems to have been hoping for Chaerin to say something, but when she doesn't, he clears his throat again.
"Seungho said-" This is obviously the hardest thing Teddy has ever done in his life; his face is getting redder by the second and he keeps tugging on his hood as if it might hide his shame if he just tugged hard enough. "Fuck. Sorry, okay? I'm sorry."
It's hard to stay mad with Teddy when he's all mortified, but Chaerin makes sure to keep her face expressionless just so he doesn't think he's off the hook yet.
"Okay," she says.
Teddy shifts in his chair. "Okay?" he says. "That's it?"
"I'm not gonna say 'It's fine' or whatever. You were an asshole. But okay, I accept your apology." Teddy still looks guilty enough that she allows a slight smile then. "Seungho really told you to apologize?"
"Dude," Teddy says, his voice going suddenly very earnest as he leans forward in his chair. "Did you know Seungho's gay?"
Chaerin manages to keep a straight face for about a second and a half before she bursts out laughing.
"You're joking, right?" She covers her mouth and laughs again. "Have you met Seungho? How could you have ever thought for a second he was into girls?"
"Shut up," Teddy says, but he's grinning now, finally relaxed. "I'm bad at this kinda thing, alright?"
"Obviously." Chaerin wipes her eyes on her sleeve and stands up from the couch. "Are we gonna finish this song or what?"
A few minutes later, once Chaerin has warmed up in the sound booth and settled the headphones on her ears, Teddy's voice comes over the speaker.
"I made out with a dude in college once," he says, nonchalant.
Chaerin lowers the headphones and squints at Teddy through the glass. He's trying to look cool, but she can see his fingers drumming nervously on the desk.
"Yeah, okay," she says, rolling her eyes. "I'll try to remember it's your internalized self-loathing talking next time you say something stupid and homophobic." The second the words leave her mouth, she sucks in a sharp breath, having a sudden epiphany.
"Shut up," Teddy says. "See if I ever open up to you again. And we were really high, just so you know."
Chaerin laughs again, but she's distracted now. Teddy lets her out early in the end, and she's glad they're good again, but she's especially glad to be heading home. She needs to talk to Minji.
It's dark by the time Chaerin makes it back, nearly out of breath from her rush to get there, and she's relieved when she opens the front door to find Minji sitting on the couch alone, watching TV and eating dried seaweed.
"Hi," Chaerin says.
"Hi," Minji says, stiffly.
"Where's everyone at?"
"Bom's at her house again and Dara's still doing the spread for CLIO." Minji grabs a throw pillow and starts to pick at it.
Chaerin takes her time kicking off her shoes, lining them up against the wall before slowly making her way to the couch. She sits down heavily, a few inches to the right of Minji, who keeps her gaze fixed ahead at the TV.
"Yes," Chaerin says, keeping her gaze fixed ahead too.
Minji turns, head cocked. "Huh?"
"Yes, I've had sex with a girl. More than one girl, actually." It makes Chaerin's stomach jump to say it but her voice holds steady, and then she turns too, meeting Minji's gaze dead-on. "Does that bother you?"
Minji's face is transforming before Chaerin's eyes from faintly pink to lipstick-red. "No," she says, fingers tightening around the pillow clutched in her lap.
"Good," Chaerin says. "Because it's not something that's gonna go away now. We're gonna have to either be okay or not be okay."
"We're okay," Minji says, quiet, breaking their eye contact to look down at her pillow. Chaerin is about to say something else, but she promptly forgets what when Minji goes on, "I had sex with a boy."
Something strangely bitter, maybe protectiveness, flickers in Chaerin's chest, but she doesn't let it show. "Oh," she says, frowning. It's not like any of them actually believed Minji was some innocent little girl who would never grow up, but it does surprise her that she didn't know. "Uhh-"
"Back at home," Minji elaborates. "When I was 16."
Chaerin has to choke back a little shout of outrage at that, but she collects herself, if only by digging her fingernails into her palms.
"I didn't know that," Chaerin says, stupidly, but Minji's fallen silent now, and she looks dangerously ready to bolt, eyeing the bedroom sideways, like she doesn't know Chaerin would just follow her if she tried to escape at this point.
"That's-okay?" Chaerin adds, wondering suddenly if approval is what Minji is looking for. Minji's face scrunches up at that, though, like she's about to cry, and Chaerin scoots closer on the couch on instinct, putting a reassuring hand on Minji's shoulder, because if there's anything she can't stand, it's watching her girls cry.
"It wasn't okay," Minji says, her voice raspier than usual. "It was terrible. We were so awkward and it hurt and it was over really fast and once we were finished I didn't even want to look at him. I just wanted to disappear."
"Sweetie," Chaerin says, squeezing her shoulder, not sure what else to say.
"It wasn't even nice when we kissed." Minji finally ditches the pillow to pull her knees in to her chest and rest her chin on top. "I never liked it. But I thought I was supposed to, so I kept seeing him, until we had sex. And then he kept calling me but I wouldn't call him back and finally he just stopped."
Chaerin feels like her breath is caught in her throat. She swallows thickly and starts to rub small circles into Minji's shoulder, at a loss. "I'm sorry," she says. Minji sniffs and wipes her nose across the back of her hand.
"But hey," Chaerin says, "you didn't do anything wrong, okay? You don't ever have to like someone just because they like you."
Minji sniffs again, but she looks just the tiniest bit reassured when she tilts her chin to look at Chaerin. "Do you like me?" she asks, causing Chaerin's hand to freeze in place.
"What?" Chaerin says.
"Do you like me?" It sounds so casual, the way Minji says it, but the way she shifts so she's facing Chaerin more directly is somewhat less so.
"If I did," Chaerin says, choosing her words carefully, "you wouldn't have to worry about it. I wouldn't do anything to make you uncomfortable."
Minji scoots closer to Chaerin on the couch then, so their hips are touching, and that's definitely not casual. "You could if you wanted," she says, meeting Chaerin's eyes with surprising boldness. "I wouldn't mind."
Things are rapidly careening down a very dangerous path, so Chaerin takes both Minji's shoulders in hand, keeping her at a firm arm's length.
"Minji," she says, using her sternest leader-voice. "Stop."
"Why?" Minji takes hold of Chaerin's wrists.
"Because," Chaerin says, "this isn't a joke to me. I'm not just gonna kiss you because you didn't like kissing a boy." Better not to address what other things she could do better than a boy, she thinks.
"It's not just that," Minji says, starting to tug at Chaerin's wrists now, trying to get her to release her grip.
Chaerin's hold is fast but she doesn't know how much longer she can keep it up in the face of Minji's unwavering gaze, the slight downward curve of her lips. "Then what?" she asks.
"You're pretty," Minji says. "I can't stop looking at you all the time." Chaerin's hands do slip at that, but she finds a new grip quicker than Minji can pry them away.
"Shut up," Chaerin says, warmth creeping up her neck.
"You are," Minji says. She shifts her legs so she's kneeling now, leaning over Chaerin slightly, and Chaerin knows if she just let her arms go, Minji would be on top of her in a second. "And you're the coolest person I know. I want to be around you all the time."
"What the hell, Minji?" Chaerin snaps. "Two days ago you were calling me weird for kissing a girl and now you're trying to crawl into my lap?"
That gives Minji some pause, finally; she rocks back on her heels and frowns, releasing Chaerin's wrists. Chaerin keeps her hands in place on Minji's shoulders, just in case.
"I'm sorry," she says. "I didn't mean that."
Chaerin's head is starting to seriously throb. "It's fine," she says, not unaware she's letting Minji off a lot easier than Teddy. "I'm just having a hard time wrapping my head around the sudden change of heart."
Minji's frown tightens, wavering dangerously on the border of a pout. "I just thought it wasn't okay," she says. "Since we're idols and everything-"
For a second, Chaerin is ready to be offended again, but then Minji elaborates, "I thought we had to like boys."
"Fuck, Minji," Chaerin says, heart breaking a little. "They can tell you what to eat and what to wear, but don't ever, ever let them tell you who you love, okay?"
Minji levels her with a look, and before Chaerin has time to reflect on the fact that at some point she let her arms drop without realizing it, Minji is lunging forward, pushing Chaerin back against the armrest with a kiss.
The kiss itself isn't so mind-blowing-just a press of lips to lips, a little readjustment until they fit together better-but the feel of Minji pressing warm against Chaerin is. Minji places one hand on Chaerin's cheek and one on her neck, and Chaerin's skin feels like it's burning up under her touch. She hesitates for a few seconds before letting her hands fall on Minji's back, hyper-conscious of the way they're shaking.
"Minji," Chaerin says gently, pulling back just enough to break the kiss. "We-we need to think really hard about this, before-"
"I already have," Minji whines, darting in to try and kiss Chaerin again, letting out a small noise of exasperation when Chaerin evades her. "I've been thinking about it nonstop since Friday."
Chaerin would laugh at the way Minji can make a week sound like forever, but this is anything but funny. Still, it gives Chaerin a surprised sort of warmth to hear it, and she can't help the smile that tugs at the corner of her mouth.
"A whole five days, huh?"
Minji successfully swoops in for a second kiss this time, maybe out of punishment for Chaerin's joke, and this time it's longer, a little harder to break off.
"Longer than that," Minji amends while Chaerin is catching her breath, hovering just above her mouth. "I think about it sometimes when you're singing. Especially when you rap."
A stab of mingled surprise, embarrassment, and want hits Chaerin, causing her to breathe out a little more shakily than she intended. One of her hands finds its way into Minji's hair, fingers curling against the back of her head. "Really?" she manages.
She's had her share of guilty moments watching Minji during music video shoots-the ones where they dress her up men's clothes or leather and spikes especially-but she's always done her best to deny them, even if that meant not looking up from her phone for 40 minutes.
"Yeah," Minji answers, breathing out slowly against Chaerin's mouth. "What about me?"
The only answer Chaerin can produce is to pull Minji in for another kiss, this time on her terms. She sucks on Minji's bottom lip first-and to be perfectly honest, it's not the first time she's thought about it-before nudging her mouth open with a bite, digging her fingernails into Minji's scalp when Minji lets out a moan. Chaerin licks at Minji's tongue teasingly and Minji gasps, so Chaerin retreats, although not by much.
"You okay?" she asks, remembering too well Minji's story about her first kiss.
Minji lets out an impatient sound and presses even closer, if that's possible, her thigh dangerously present between Chaerin's legs. She bites Chaerin's lip right back and soon they're kissing in earnest, Minji giving no indication if she's inexperienced at this, sucking at Chaerin's tongue with at least as much enthusiasm as Chaerin herself. In her head, Chaerin was plotting a course of action-maybe a little making out but nothing beyond that, because they need to talk about things first, dammit-but Minji makes the sweetest, breathiest little gasps of pleasure when Chaerin angles her thigh just right, and it's too easy to dissolve into full-fledged grinding from there, their legs tangling together and hips arching off the couch.
"We should stop," Chaerin says, breathless, in between sucking on Minji's mouth and the side of her neck, where she can already see a purplish bruise forming.
"Don't," is all Minji responds, and Chaerin has to agree when Minji's eyes fall shut and she starts riding Chaerin's thigh in earnest, her gasps turning into quiet little Ahhs and moans. Chaerin slips her thumbs under the waistband of Minji's pants-not too low, but low enough to make Minji shudder, especially when Chaerin starts to rub small circles into the skin there, just to the side of Minji's hipbones.
The urgency with which Minji rubs against her is starting to become increasingly obvious, and Chaerin feels at once filthy and extremely possessive, drunk with the pride of being the one to make Minji act like this.
"Don't stop," Minji urges again, like that's even a consideration at this point, but just to make absolutely certain, she takes one of Chaerin's hands and drags it up to her chest, forcing Chaerin to grab her hard, letting go only when Chaerin has taken initiative to start rubbing in rough circles. It makes Chaerin feel dizzy for several reasons, primary among them that Minji has hands down the best tits Chaerin has ever seen and she's not wearing a bra, and Chaerin can feel the way her nipple gets rock hard through her t-shirt, can drag her thumb across it as slow as she wants.
"Chaerin," Minji says, urgently, sounding a little lost, her hips starting to tremble. Chaerin completely gives up on restraint then, because she is anything but a saint, and she lets the hand at Minji's hip slip all the way under her waistband, trailing slow through the coarse hair there, causing them both to gasp when she pushes inside Minji's underwear and finds her fingers immediately wet.
Minji starts to lose it, groaning loud and jolting her hips forward, when Chaerin just barely strokes two fingers across her cunt, just enough to get them nice and slick. She circles Minji's clit, first gently, then with increasing force as Minji rocks against her encouragingly. Chaerin wants to watch the expression on Minji's face but it's almost too much, so she goes back to sucking at Minji's neck instead, letting Minji set the pace as she rubs progressively faster and harder. Minji is cursing now, finding a firm hold in Chaerin's hair, tugging in a way that would hurt if it weren't so damn hot.
"Chaerin," Minji pants again. She readjusts, spreading her legs enough that Chaerin takes it as an invitation-she starts to finger her just a little, still keeping up the pressure and pace against her clit with the palm of her hand. Minji bucks against her twice, three times, hard and rough, and that's it-Chaerin can both hear and feel her come, the way she whines and shakes, then slowly wilts, collapsing forward and burying her face against Chaerin's neck.
Chaerin helps her ride it out, backing off slightly but still caressing with a light touch, until Minji's breathing is almost back to normal. That's when Minji lifts her head again and takes Chaerin's face in her hands. They kiss, hard and messy, Chaerin's heart beating faster than Minji's at this point, because she can't believe how perfectly destroyed Minji looks, how fucking turned on Chaerin is just from looking at her.
Minji pulls back shortly, her hands still on Chaerin's face, and says, "Will you teach me how to go down on you?"
It's naturally at exactly that moment, as Chaerin is trying wildly to figure out how to produce coherent language, that they hear the sound of the front door opening. Minji hesitates for a nanosecond before jerking off of Chaerin and over to the opposite side of the couch, pulling a pillow into her lap. Chaerin can only really force herself to sit up halfway straight.
"Aigoo, I'm so tired," Dara sighs, bursting into the entryway and bending down to untie her shoes. She doesn't look up at either of them once, instead launching into a monologue. "I didn't have any dinner and it went three hours longer than they said. Three hours! I wonder if Hwang-ssabu will kill me if I'm late tomorrow. . . ."
Chaerin glances to the side, notices the giant hickey on the side of Minji's neck, and raises her eyebrows, gesturing at the same place on her own neck quickly. Minji rips a blanket off the couch and around her shoulders, and that almost covers it.
"I'm going to take a shower," Dara says, walking past them both to the bedroom. She disappears inside briefly, then reappears with a towel and robe. "Will you make me something to eat, Mingkki? You're the best cook."
"Ah-okay," Minji says, looking at Chaerin desperately. Chaerin just shrugs her shoulders.
"Hey," Dara says, pausing to frown at Chaerin, who goes immediately rigid. "Don't you have a super early session tomorrow?"
Which is how Chaerin ends up in bed ten minutes later, wide awake and horny as hell, while Minji makes green tea and rice in the kitchen. She's starting to feel a little pissed about it, even, but when Minji comes in and climbs into bed a little later, she pauses to give Chaerin a bashful smile, and somehow, stupidly, that makes up for everything.
The next day is the longest work day of Chaerin's life, for a lot of reasons. Somehow she manages to pass everyone who has ever frequented YG Studios by the time evening rolls around except for Minji, but that doesn't stop Chaerin from obsessing over her; she hasn't been able to stop replaying the events of the night before in her head since she woke up, and it's wreaking havoc on her ability to get shit done, which everyone from Hwang-ssabu to Teddy has made note of.
"Jesus, what the hell is wrong with you today? You sick or something?" Teddy waves a hand in front of Chaerin's face and she stops chewing on her thumb and faces him guiltily.
"Yeah," Chaerin says, trying not to glance too obviously at the clock on the wall of the studio, taking this as a possible means of escape. "Yeah, I don't know, I'm feeling kind of off. Maybe I am getting sick." It's 7:45. Chaerin knows all the girls' schedules pretty much by heart, and unless her workout is going over, Minji should be home in another hour at the latest.
Teddy sighs. "Fine," he says, not sounding even remotely convinced but waving a dismissive hand at her anyway. "You're useless to me like this. Go home and watch TV or whatever, I have shit to do with Tablo anyway."
"You're the best!" Chaerin jumps up from the couch and grabs her bag, pausing by Teddy's chair to give him an overly enthusiastic hug. "If YG comes around tell him I look really bad, okay?"
"Yeah, yeah."
Chaerin releases him and waves before slipping out the door. She shrugs into her coat, scans the hall just to make sure YG isn't anywhere in sight, and then takes out her phone to text her manager for a ride. She starts walking while she types, and as she turns the corner toward the elevators, she runs into someone walking the opposite way.
Her phone drops to the floor with a clatter but Chaerin doesn't bend down to pick it up, because Minji is only centimeters away, grinning.
Chaerin feels a smile start to creep across her face. "Aren't you supposed to be working out?"
"I told him I was sick," Minji says. "Aren't you supposed to be recording?"
"Yeah, I think I might be coming down with something too," Chaerin says.
They both laugh. Chaerin wants to kiss her more than anything, but this is the last place in the world they should do it, so instead she reaches out and takes Minji's hand-they can at least get away with that-and squeezes her fingers lightly. "Wanna go grab dinner?" she asks.
Minji's eyes light up. "Are you asking me on a date?"
"Do you want me to be asking you on a date?" Chaerin's smile splits into a grin. She knows the answer by now, but she really just wants to hear Minji say it.
"Duh." Minji darts her face in close to Chaerin's, fast enough that Chaerin doesn't see it coming, and plants a kiss on her cheek. Chaerin can feel her cheeks get red, but she supposes, even if someone saw, it wouldn't have to be anything more than a friendly gesture. They do stuff like this all the time.
Then Minji puts her mouth closer to Chaerin's ear, whispering, "I looked up how to go down on girls on my phone during lunch today." She gives Chaerin's hand a little stroke with her thumb and then pulls away, smirking.
Without another word, she turns and starts to lead the way to the elevators. "I'll text Manager and tell her to pick us up."
It takes a minute for Chaerin's brain to start working again, but when it does her body stumbles to catch up, hurrying in Minji's wake.
"Sounds good," Chaerin says, trying and probably failing to keep her voice from sounding too much like a pubescent boy. She pulls out her own phone, even though it's hard to stop staring even for a second at Minji's back, and starts furiously composing a message. She needs to text Dara and offer her every incentive in the world to sleep over at Bom's house tonight.
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: CL/Minji
Word count: 6563
Warnings: None? I think?
Summary: Chaerin comes out during a game of 10 Fingers, and Minji doesn't exactly take it well.
Notes: Well, two days before the end of February I finally make good on my promise to post femslash. This was supposed to be a roughly 2000 word fic with like, maybe a little making out in it, so naturally it ended up 6500 words and NC-17. I am a creep. Thank you soooo much to reallycorking for the speedy betaing and the cheerleading. This is a little rough because I banged it out fast and I am in grad school, so any remaining issues are totally my fault.
Chaerin has a habit of getting herself into trouble at clubs. She should have taken it as a warning sign when Teddy suggested, after buying everyone a round of drinks, that they all play Ten Fingers, a game he and Bom know from the U.S., but the rum and Coke buzzing through Chaerin’s head-it’s affecting her more than it should be, but she hasn’t eaten all day so she has an excuse-made saying yes easy.
Teddy, Seungho, and the rest of 2NE1 are all squeezed together in a big booth in one of their regular clubs with strong drinks and loud music. Minji only turned old enough to start coming out with them recently, and CL has been pushing regular outings ever since, because getting Minji tipsy is both easy and fun. Tonight, though, Chaerin is looking to get drunker faster.
"I still don’t get it," Dara says, even though they’re two rounds in. "Do I put a finger down or up if I’ve done it?"
"Down," Chaerin, Teddy and Bom say in unison.
"And then drink," Teddy adds.
Dara pulls a face. "I don’t like this game."
"You haven’t even had to do anything yet," Chaerin says, annoyed, maybe because she’s down two for two. It's time to play dirty. "I’ve never been in a talent competition in the Philippines."
The noise of outrage Dara makes is so high-pitched Chaerin almost regrets it. "No fair!"
"That's how you play the game," Chaerin says. "Now drink!"
Dara does, still scowling, while Teddy and Seungho laugh appreciatively.
"Don't laugh or I'll get my revenge on you," Dara warns, after knocking back a mouthful. She likes to pretend to be sensitive to alcohol, but Chaerin has noticed that drinks always seem to go down surprisingly easy for little Sandara.
"Scary," Seungho deadpans. Teddy keeps snickering.
"Fine," Dara says, sticking out her tongue. "I've never made out with a girl."
Bom and Minji burst into laughter while Seungho and Teddy make a few obligatory groans of complaint. It's as good a distraction as Chaerin's going to get, so she casually folds down a finger and takes a small sip from her Coke. For a few moments, it even seems like she's going to get away with it.
"Hey," Seungho says, wiping his mouth after a swallow of one of those sugary cocktails he loves. He points at Chaerin and she tries not to flinch. "I thought you only had two out?"
"Hmm?" Chaerin pretends to be suddenly invested in stirring her drink with its little straw.
"Didn't you just take a drink?" Bom asks. She's probably genuinely clueless and not actually trying to ruin everything, but Chaerin can't help glaring sideways at her.
"Holy shit. I fucking KNEW IT." Teddy is jostling Seungho's shoulder suddenly and grinning the most shit-eating grin Chaerin has ever seen. "Tell me I'm awake. Tell me I'm not dreaming. This is the best moment of my life."
Seungho can't tell Teddy anything; he's too busy staring, open-mouthed, at Chaerin, along with everyone else at the table. Chaerin has never felt more scrutinized in her life, and she's posed for photo shoots in some pretty fucking revealing outfits.
"Whose turn is it?" Chaerin asks, hoping-futilely, she knows, but she's got to try-to change the subject and just move on.
"Details," Teddy says, not diverted for a second. "Who was it? That chick from f(x)? She's kinda butch."
Chaerin shifts in her seat and stares anywhere but at her bandmates' faces, feeling an anger boil in her gut she's rarely felt for anyone before, and never for Teddy. "God, shut up," she growls, not playful in the least.
"Chaerin? You're joking, right?" Dara is half-smiling, half-gaping, and Chaerin should probably just be grateful Dara doesn't look disgusted, but she's not, somehow. Why the hell did she decide to be honest, anyway?
"It's not a big deal," Chaerin says, although she knows it's too late for that to be true now. At her left, Bom is blinking bewildered doe-eyes at her, and Minji, across the table, is frowning like she's trying to do complicated calculations in her head. "It was just messing around during training." The lie makes her feel a little sick.
Teddy cackles like an overjoyed kid, jostling Seungho even more violently. "Shit," he says. "Fucking training? Did you get this from a fan fiction or something? What was her name? What did she look like? Did she-you know-" He gestures enormous phantom tits in front of himself, and now Chaerin feels really sick.
"Fuck you," she says. She hates how hot her face feels, how inexplicably mortifying this night has become.
"Gross," Bom says, thankfully snapping out of it and leaning over to smack the brim of Teddy's baseball cap. "Who talks like that? There are girls here!"
"I dunno," Teddy says, settling back and readjusting his cap, still grinning like a total dick. "I feel like Chaerin's just one of the guys now."
"She couldn't be as disgusting as you if she tried," Dara pipes in.
Chaerin should appreciate the support, but she can't help but notice Minji's conspicuous silence. She feels shaky with anger and embarrassment all of a sudden, and this club is the last place in the world she wants to be.
"Whatever. I'm gonna go," she says, standing and finishing off her rum and Coke in one enormous swallow. Bom takes a moment to realize this means she has to get out of the booth, then almost knocks her glass over in her effort to scoot across the vinyl.
"Are you sure, Chaerin?" Bom says gently.
"Come on, don't be like that," Teddy says, trying to laugh everything off, like he doesn't even understand this is nothing like one of their stupid little studio jokes. "Look, I'll stop bugging you about your little bi-curious phase, okay? Don't be so sensitive."
"I'm tired," Chaerin says, honestly. "I'm just gonna call Manager for a ride. I'll see you all tomorrow."
She doesn't stay to hear any more protests. Chaerin strides across the bar and out the back door without a glance behind her, but all the same, she can't stop seeing Seungho and Minji's faces frozen just as they were when she left them-open-mouthed and stunned silent, like they'd never heard anything so ridiculous in their lives.
Her name was Hyejin, and she didn't make the cut. It didn't surprise anyone; Hyejin always said herself she wasn't meant for this idol stuff, didn't have the discipline to diet and study and train for days on end with no sleep, and she was only there because her parents wanted it for her. Chaerin was a hard worker from the start and knew what she wanted, but that didn't stop her from liking Hyejin. She was a year older than Chaerin and cool in a way Chaerin could only hope to emulate someday. She had chin-length hair with harsh bangs most girls in training would never risk and she was constantly breaking curfew and sneaking out of the dorms, buying illicit sweets and cigarettes at convenience stores that she'd only share if she liked you. The first time she invited Chaerin out to the nearby park for a smoke, Chaerin couldn't bring herself to admit she'd never touched a cigarette in her life.
"Do you like it here?" Hyejin asked, smacking the pack of cigarettes against the flat of her hand before pulling one out for Chaerin. It was dark, probably after midnight, and cold. Chaerin watched her breath puff out in front of her in the light of a streetlamp and tried to will the concrete wall they were leaning against to cut the wind more effectively.
Chaerin took it and held it unsurely between finger and thumb. "Yeah," she said after a little pause. "I mean, not everything. I don't like the dieting and all the curfews and crap. But I'm grateful to be here. I wanna do this."
Hyejin's smile was crooked, but not, Chaerin noted with relief, scornful. "You might make it, y'know," she said. "I could see you making it."
"Yeah right."
Taking a cue from Hyejin, Chaerin put the cigarette between her lips and leaned over so Hyejin could light it. By some profound miracle, she managed not to choke out anything worse than a weak little cough on the first exhale.
"I'm gonna make my parents send me to college after I drop out." Hyejin puffed at her cigarette expertly and Chaerin tried not to marvel too openly at the side of her face. "They could afford it if they'd stop pouring all their money into this place."
"What do you want to study?" Chaerin asked, swallowing.
"Hell if I know," Hyejin said. She smirked and Chaerin's mouth went dry; she started hacking, finally, just the kind of embarrassing thing she'd been hoping to avoid.
"Your own too much for you?"
Hyejin pushed off the wall and stepped in front of Chaerin, plucking the cigarette from her fingers and dropping it on the ground. She stepped on it in the same movement that she pressed Chaerin against the wall, kissing her with a mouthful of smoke. Chaerin put both hands on Hyejin's breastbone and kissed back. She'd been expecting this, as much as she'd tried not to admit it to herself; everyone in the dorms had heard the rumors by now about what it meant when Hyejin took a shining to you.
"How'd you know I'd like it?" Chaerin had asked Hyejin later, after their third or fourth make-out session, her face burning with the question even though Hyejin's hands were up her shirt. She was being vague but she knew Hyejin would understand.
Hyejin had just shrugged. "I didn't."
Everyone is terrified of her at the studio the next day. Chaerin is glad, in a way; Teddy is completely businesslike and doesn't test her once, and even YG seems to understand, when he pops in to check on their progress, not to make any comments about Chaerin's lack of make-up today. She's starting to enjoy the unprecedented space everyone gives her, in fact, until she accidentally snaps at Bom for singing while they wait for Teddy to sync a few cuts together on the computer-for singing, of all offenses-and feels immediately horrible.
"Sorry, Unni," Chaerin sighs, squeezing her temples. "I'm kind of-I'm gonna go get some coffee."
She slips out of the studio and takes her time walking to the elevator, not in any hurry to get back. When Bom appears just in time to stop the elevator doors from closing and slips in next to Chaerin, Chaerin can only stare, at a loss.
"I want coffee too," Bom says innocently, stabbing the button to the sixth floor, where the kitchens are.
"Unni-" Chaerin says.
"I don't care, you know," Bom says, blinking at the ceiling like there's something interesting up there.
Chaerin flushes.
"There were a lot of gay guys at Berklee," she says, looking at Chaerin now, and it's so earnest Chaerin's embarrassment immediately melts into amusement.
She lets out a surprised laugh and then covers her mouth. "Yeah, okay. Thanks, Unni."
Bom smiles with her eyes and gestures, once the elevator stops and the doors open with a ding, for Chaerin to exit before her. They get coffee out of the vending machine-Bom going for one of the sugary lattes Chaerin distinctly heard her swearing to Hwang-ssabu she wouldn't touch ever again-and wait for their drinks to cool in comfortable silence.
"Dara said she doesn't care either," Bom informs her, blowing on her latte.
When Bom doesn't go on, Chaerin has to ask, stirring her coffee and trying to look like she's not really that interested: "And Minji?"
Bom's eyes fall a little, and Chaerin feels her stomach fall with them. "I don't think she gets it," Bom says. "You might want to talk to her."
Talking to Minji about sexual preferences is the last thing Chaerin wants to do in this century, but she swallows around the lump in her throat and nods anyway.
"Thanks," she says. "We should probably get back."
It's hard not to notice, once they're back in the studio and Chaerin takes a seat on the couch, the way Minji shifts just slightly to the side.
Chaerin has a photo session that runs late the next night, and when she gets home, bone-tired and sore, her feet suffering from her heels more than usual, it's already after 2 a.m. An earlier text from Bom informed everyone she would be staying at her mother's tonight, and when Chaerin pokes her head in the bedroom to drop off her bag, she confirms that Dara is fast asleep. Minji, however, is conspicuously absent. Chaerin goes into the kitchen and pours herself a glass of barley tea, and when she hears the door to the bathroom open and shut she tries not to turn around too quickly.
Minji is in her pajamas and toweling off her hair, and she looks a little startled to see Chaerin.
"I thought maybe you weren't coming home tonight," she says, cinching the towel into place on top of her head.
Chaerin shrugs. "Just a late night."
Minji nods and they both stand there, the atmosphere so awkward and weighted that Chaerin can't take it for more than a few seconds. She turns around and grabs the pitcher of tea to pour herself another glass, even though she knows if she drinks much more she'll just have to pee in an hour.
"Um," Minji says, in the kitchen suddenly. Chaerin turns around again and raises her eyebrows.
"Can you pour some for me too?"
Chaerin pauses, but in the end takes another glass out of the cupboard and hands it to Minji, who holds while Chaerin pours.
"Thanks," Minji says. Then, in a rush, "Are you a lesbian, Unni?"
It takes every ounce of grace Chaerin possesses not to spit tea all over herself. She chokes on it instead, muffling her coughs into the sleeve of her shirt until the fit dies down and she can breathe again.
"Sorry," Minji says. Her towel is starting to droop, so she shrugs it off and drapes it over her shoulder, wet lavender hair falling in front of her face. "It's just-kind of weird."
Chaerin's eyebrows raise again. "Weird?" she repeats.
"I mean," Minji says quickly, "that we never knew. Or I never knew, I guess."
"Look," Chaerin interrupts, impatient even though she knows she should be trying harder; this is Minji and she's only just twenty and Chaerin is the leader, which means she has certain responsibilities. It's just- "I'm exhausted. If you're going to have some big freak-out right now, I'd rather save it for the morning."
"I'm not freaking out!" Minji says. Her voice has certainly taken on a much higher register than usual, however, and she's starting to look a little flushed.
"Okay," Chaerin says. "Can I go to bed, then?"
Minji steps out of the way, frowning, and Chaerin puts her glass in the sink and starts making her way toward the bathroom, her heartbeat suddenly wild.
"Have you-" Minji calls out from behind her, and Chaerin stops but doesn't turn around. "You know-like-with a girl?"
Chaerin is glad Minji can't see her face right now; she squeezes her eyes shut tight and counts to five under her breath, willing away a burst of sadness or panic or something in between.
"You don't have to worry, Mingkki," Chaerin says at length. "I'm not gonna molest you or watch you changing or anything, okay?"
She resumes her path to the bathroom then, and Minji calls after her again, but she doesn't stop. By the time she's finished showering and getting ready for bed, Minji is buried beneath her covers and the lights are off.
On Thursday, Chaerin has a recording session alone. Alone except for Teddy, that is, who hasn't made direct eye contact with her since the night they played Ten Fingers. It's awkward for both of them, but Teddy seems to be handling the tense silence between recordings worse than Chaerin. He keeps clearing his throat and bouncing his knee, and sometimes when Chaerin looks up from her magazine he's clicking back and forth between windows on the computer screen without actually working on anything.
"Okay," Chaerin says, unable to take it anymore, setting her magazine down on the couch next to her. "If you're gonna say something, just say it. You're fucking stressing me out."
Teddy spins around in his chair, looking startled and guilty all at once. "Huh? I'm not-"
Chaerin levels him with a stare and Teddy balks.
"Alright. Fine. It has-come to my attention-that maybe I was a little. Inappropriate. The other night."
Chaerin snorts but doesn't interrupt. Teddy seems to have been hoping for Chaerin to say something, but when she doesn't, he clears his throat again.
"Seungho said-" This is obviously the hardest thing Teddy has ever done in his life; his face is getting redder by the second and he keeps tugging on his hood as if it might hide his shame if he just tugged hard enough. "Fuck. Sorry, okay? I'm sorry."
It's hard to stay mad with Teddy when he's all mortified, but Chaerin makes sure to keep her face expressionless just so he doesn't think he's off the hook yet.
"Okay," she says.
Teddy shifts in his chair. "Okay?" he says. "That's it?"
"I'm not gonna say 'It's fine' or whatever. You were an asshole. But okay, I accept your apology." Teddy still looks guilty enough that she allows a slight smile then. "Seungho really told you to apologize?"
"Dude," Teddy says, his voice going suddenly very earnest as he leans forward in his chair. "Did you know Seungho's gay?"
Chaerin manages to keep a straight face for about a second and a half before she bursts out laughing.
"You're joking, right?" She covers her mouth and laughs again. "Have you met Seungho? How could you have ever thought for a second he was into girls?"
"Shut up," Teddy says, but he's grinning now, finally relaxed. "I'm bad at this kinda thing, alright?"
"Obviously." Chaerin wipes her eyes on her sleeve and stands up from the couch. "Are we gonna finish this song or what?"
A few minutes later, once Chaerin has warmed up in the sound booth and settled the headphones on her ears, Teddy's voice comes over the speaker.
"I made out with a dude in college once," he says, nonchalant.
Chaerin lowers the headphones and squints at Teddy through the glass. He's trying to look cool, but she can see his fingers drumming nervously on the desk.
"Yeah, okay," she says, rolling her eyes. "I'll try to remember it's your internalized self-loathing talking next time you say something stupid and homophobic." The second the words leave her mouth, she sucks in a sharp breath, having a sudden epiphany.
"Shut up," Teddy says. "See if I ever open up to you again. And we were really high, just so you know."
Chaerin laughs again, but she's distracted now. Teddy lets her out early in the end, and she's glad they're good again, but she's especially glad to be heading home. She needs to talk to Minji.
It's dark by the time Chaerin makes it back, nearly out of breath from her rush to get there, and she's relieved when she opens the front door to find Minji sitting on the couch alone, watching TV and eating dried seaweed.
"Hi," Chaerin says.
"Hi," Minji says, stiffly.
"Where's everyone at?"
"Bom's at her house again and Dara's still doing the spread for CLIO." Minji grabs a throw pillow and starts to pick at it.
Chaerin takes her time kicking off her shoes, lining them up against the wall before slowly making her way to the couch. She sits down heavily, a few inches to the right of Minji, who keeps her gaze fixed ahead at the TV.
"Yes," Chaerin says, keeping her gaze fixed ahead too.
Minji turns, head cocked. "Huh?"
"Yes, I've had sex with a girl. More than one girl, actually." It makes Chaerin's stomach jump to say it but her voice holds steady, and then she turns too, meeting Minji's gaze dead-on. "Does that bother you?"
Minji's face is transforming before Chaerin's eyes from faintly pink to lipstick-red. "No," she says, fingers tightening around the pillow clutched in her lap.
"Good," Chaerin says. "Because it's not something that's gonna go away now. We're gonna have to either be okay or not be okay."
"We're okay," Minji says, quiet, breaking their eye contact to look down at her pillow. Chaerin is about to say something else, but she promptly forgets what when Minji goes on, "I had sex with a boy."
Something strangely bitter, maybe protectiveness, flickers in Chaerin's chest, but she doesn't let it show. "Oh," she says, frowning. It's not like any of them actually believed Minji was some innocent little girl who would never grow up, but it does surprise her that she didn't know. "Uhh-"
"Back at home," Minji elaborates. "When I was 16."
Chaerin has to choke back a little shout of outrage at that, but she collects herself, if only by digging her fingernails into her palms.
"I didn't know that," Chaerin says, stupidly, but Minji's fallen silent now, and she looks dangerously ready to bolt, eyeing the bedroom sideways, like she doesn't know Chaerin would just follow her if she tried to escape at this point.
"That's-okay?" Chaerin adds, wondering suddenly if approval is what Minji is looking for. Minji's face scrunches up at that, though, like she's about to cry, and Chaerin scoots closer on the couch on instinct, putting a reassuring hand on Minji's shoulder, because if there's anything she can't stand, it's watching her girls cry.
"It wasn't okay," Minji says, her voice raspier than usual. "It was terrible. We were so awkward and it hurt and it was over really fast and once we were finished I didn't even want to look at him. I just wanted to disappear."
"Sweetie," Chaerin says, squeezing her shoulder, not sure what else to say.
"It wasn't even nice when we kissed." Minji finally ditches the pillow to pull her knees in to her chest and rest her chin on top. "I never liked it. But I thought I was supposed to, so I kept seeing him, until we had sex. And then he kept calling me but I wouldn't call him back and finally he just stopped."
Chaerin feels like her breath is caught in her throat. She swallows thickly and starts to rub small circles into Minji's shoulder, at a loss. "I'm sorry," she says. Minji sniffs and wipes her nose across the back of her hand.
"But hey," Chaerin says, "you didn't do anything wrong, okay? You don't ever have to like someone just because they like you."
Minji sniffs again, but she looks just the tiniest bit reassured when she tilts her chin to look at Chaerin. "Do you like me?" she asks, causing Chaerin's hand to freeze in place.
"What?" Chaerin says.
"Do you like me?" It sounds so casual, the way Minji says it, but the way she shifts so she's facing Chaerin more directly is somewhat less so.
"If I did," Chaerin says, choosing her words carefully, "you wouldn't have to worry about it. I wouldn't do anything to make you uncomfortable."
Minji scoots closer to Chaerin on the couch then, so their hips are touching, and that's definitely not casual. "You could if you wanted," she says, meeting Chaerin's eyes with surprising boldness. "I wouldn't mind."
Things are rapidly careening down a very dangerous path, so Chaerin takes both Minji's shoulders in hand, keeping her at a firm arm's length.
"Minji," she says, using her sternest leader-voice. "Stop."
"Why?" Minji takes hold of Chaerin's wrists.
"Because," Chaerin says, "this isn't a joke to me. I'm not just gonna kiss you because you didn't like kissing a boy." Better not to address what other things she could do better than a boy, she thinks.
"It's not just that," Minji says, starting to tug at Chaerin's wrists now, trying to get her to release her grip.
Chaerin's hold is fast but she doesn't know how much longer she can keep it up in the face of Minji's unwavering gaze, the slight downward curve of her lips. "Then what?" she asks.
"You're pretty," Minji says. "I can't stop looking at you all the time." Chaerin's hands do slip at that, but she finds a new grip quicker than Minji can pry them away.
"Shut up," Chaerin says, warmth creeping up her neck.
"You are," Minji says. She shifts her legs so she's kneeling now, leaning over Chaerin slightly, and Chaerin knows if she just let her arms go, Minji would be on top of her in a second. "And you're the coolest person I know. I want to be around you all the time."
"What the hell, Minji?" Chaerin snaps. "Two days ago you were calling me weird for kissing a girl and now you're trying to crawl into my lap?"
That gives Minji some pause, finally; she rocks back on her heels and frowns, releasing Chaerin's wrists. Chaerin keeps her hands in place on Minji's shoulders, just in case.
"I'm sorry," she says. "I didn't mean that."
Chaerin's head is starting to seriously throb. "It's fine," she says, not unaware she's letting Minji off a lot easier than Teddy. "I'm just having a hard time wrapping my head around the sudden change of heart."
Minji's frown tightens, wavering dangerously on the border of a pout. "I just thought it wasn't okay," she says. "Since we're idols and everything-"
For a second, Chaerin is ready to be offended again, but then Minji elaborates, "I thought we had to like boys."
"Fuck, Minji," Chaerin says, heart breaking a little. "They can tell you what to eat and what to wear, but don't ever, ever let them tell you who you love, okay?"
Minji levels her with a look, and before Chaerin has time to reflect on the fact that at some point she let her arms drop without realizing it, Minji is lunging forward, pushing Chaerin back against the armrest with a kiss.
The kiss itself isn't so mind-blowing-just a press of lips to lips, a little readjustment until they fit together better-but the feel of Minji pressing warm against Chaerin is. Minji places one hand on Chaerin's cheek and one on her neck, and Chaerin's skin feels like it's burning up under her touch. She hesitates for a few seconds before letting her hands fall on Minji's back, hyper-conscious of the way they're shaking.
"Minji," Chaerin says gently, pulling back just enough to break the kiss. "We-we need to think really hard about this, before-"
"I already have," Minji whines, darting in to try and kiss Chaerin again, letting out a small noise of exasperation when Chaerin evades her. "I've been thinking about it nonstop since Friday."
Chaerin would laugh at the way Minji can make a week sound like forever, but this is anything but funny. Still, it gives Chaerin a surprised sort of warmth to hear it, and she can't help the smile that tugs at the corner of her mouth.
"A whole five days, huh?"
Minji successfully swoops in for a second kiss this time, maybe out of punishment for Chaerin's joke, and this time it's longer, a little harder to break off.
"Longer than that," Minji amends while Chaerin is catching her breath, hovering just above her mouth. "I think about it sometimes when you're singing. Especially when you rap."
A stab of mingled surprise, embarrassment, and want hits Chaerin, causing her to breathe out a little more shakily than she intended. One of her hands finds its way into Minji's hair, fingers curling against the back of her head. "Really?" she manages.
She's had her share of guilty moments watching Minji during music video shoots-the ones where they dress her up men's clothes or leather and spikes especially-but she's always done her best to deny them, even if that meant not looking up from her phone for 40 minutes.
"Yeah," Minji answers, breathing out slowly against Chaerin's mouth. "What about me?"
The only answer Chaerin can produce is to pull Minji in for another kiss, this time on her terms. She sucks on Minji's bottom lip first-and to be perfectly honest, it's not the first time she's thought about it-before nudging her mouth open with a bite, digging her fingernails into Minji's scalp when Minji lets out a moan. Chaerin licks at Minji's tongue teasingly and Minji gasps, so Chaerin retreats, although not by much.
"You okay?" she asks, remembering too well Minji's story about her first kiss.
Minji lets out an impatient sound and presses even closer, if that's possible, her thigh dangerously present between Chaerin's legs. She bites Chaerin's lip right back and soon they're kissing in earnest, Minji giving no indication if she's inexperienced at this, sucking at Chaerin's tongue with at least as much enthusiasm as Chaerin herself. In her head, Chaerin was plotting a course of action-maybe a little making out but nothing beyond that, because they need to talk about things first, dammit-but Minji makes the sweetest, breathiest little gasps of pleasure when Chaerin angles her thigh just right, and it's too easy to dissolve into full-fledged grinding from there, their legs tangling together and hips arching off the couch.
"We should stop," Chaerin says, breathless, in between sucking on Minji's mouth and the side of her neck, where she can already see a purplish bruise forming.
"Don't," is all Minji responds, and Chaerin has to agree when Minji's eyes fall shut and she starts riding Chaerin's thigh in earnest, her gasps turning into quiet little Ahhs and moans. Chaerin slips her thumbs under the waistband of Minji's pants-not too low, but low enough to make Minji shudder, especially when Chaerin starts to rub small circles into the skin there, just to the side of Minji's hipbones.
The urgency with which Minji rubs against her is starting to become increasingly obvious, and Chaerin feels at once filthy and extremely possessive, drunk with the pride of being the one to make Minji act like this.
"Don't stop," Minji urges again, like that's even a consideration at this point, but just to make absolutely certain, she takes one of Chaerin's hands and drags it up to her chest, forcing Chaerin to grab her hard, letting go only when Chaerin has taken initiative to start rubbing in rough circles. It makes Chaerin feel dizzy for several reasons, primary among them that Minji has hands down the best tits Chaerin has ever seen and she's not wearing a bra, and Chaerin can feel the way her nipple gets rock hard through her t-shirt, can drag her thumb across it as slow as she wants.
"Chaerin," Minji says, urgently, sounding a little lost, her hips starting to tremble. Chaerin completely gives up on restraint then, because she is anything but a saint, and she lets the hand at Minji's hip slip all the way under her waistband, trailing slow through the coarse hair there, causing them both to gasp when she pushes inside Minji's underwear and finds her fingers immediately wet.
Minji starts to lose it, groaning loud and jolting her hips forward, when Chaerin just barely strokes two fingers across her cunt, just enough to get them nice and slick. She circles Minji's clit, first gently, then with increasing force as Minji rocks against her encouragingly. Chaerin wants to watch the expression on Minji's face but it's almost too much, so she goes back to sucking at Minji's neck instead, letting Minji set the pace as she rubs progressively faster and harder. Minji is cursing now, finding a firm hold in Chaerin's hair, tugging in a way that would hurt if it weren't so damn hot.
"Chaerin," Minji pants again. She readjusts, spreading her legs enough that Chaerin takes it as an invitation-she starts to finger her just a little, still keeping up the pressure and pace against her clit with the palm of her hand. Minji bucks against her twice, three times, hard and rough, and that's it-Chaerin can both hear and feel her come, the way she whines and shakes, then slowly wilts, collapsing forward and burying her face against Chaerin's neck.
Chaerin helps her ride it out, backing off slightly but still caressing with a light touch, until Minji's breathing is almost back to normal. That's when Minji lifts her head again and takes Chaerin's face in her hands. They kiss, hard and messy, Chaerin's heart beating faster than Minji's at this point, because she can't believe how perfectly destroyed Minji looks, how fucking turned on Chaerin is just from looking at her.
Minji pulls back shortly, her hands still on Chaerin's face, and says, "Will you teach me how to go down on you?"
It's naturally at exactly that moment, as Chaerin is trying wildly to figure out how to produce coherent language, that they hear the sound of the front door opening. Minji hesitates for a nanosecond before jerking off of Chaerin and over to the opposite side of the couch, pulling a pillow into her lap. Chaerin can only really force herself to sit up halfway straight.
"Aigoo, I'm so tired," Dara sighs, bursting into the entryway and bending down to untie her shoes. She doesn't look up at either of them once, instead launching into a monologue. "I didn't have any dinner and it went three hours longer than they said. Three hours! I wonder if Hwang-ssabu will kill me if I'm late tomorrow. . . ."
Chaerin glances to the side, notices the giant hickey on the side of Minji's neck, and raises her eyebrows, gesturing at the same place on her own neck quickly. Minji rips a blanket off the couch and around her shoulders, and that almost covers it.
"I'm going to take a shower," Dara says, walking past them both to the bedroom. She disappears inside briefly, then reappears with a towel and robe. "Will you make me something to eat, Mingkki? You're the best cook."
"Ah-okay," Minji says, looking at Chaerin desperately. Chaerin just shrugs her shoulders.
"Hey," Dara says, pausing to frown at Chaerin, who goes immediately rigid. "Don't you have a super early session tomorrow?"
Which is how Chaerin ends up in bed ten minutes later, wide awake and horny as hell, while Minji makes green tea and rice in the kitchen. She's starting to feel a little pissed about it, even, but when Minji comes in and climbs into bed a little later, she pauses to give Chaerin a bashful smile, and somehow, stupidly, that makes up for everything.
The next day is the longest work day of Chaerin's life, for a lot of reasons. Somehow she manages to pass everyone who has ever frequented YG Studios by the time evening rolls around except for Minji, but that doesn't stop Chaerin from obsessing over her; she hasn't been able to stop replaying the events of the night before in her head since she woke up, and it's wreaking havoc on her ability to get shit done, which everyone from Hwang-ssabu to Teddy has made note of.
"Jesus, what the hell is wrong with you today? You sick or something?" Teddy waves a hand in front of Chaerin's face and she stops chewing on her thumb and faces him guiltily.
"Yeah," Chaerin says, trying not to glance too obviously at the clock on the wall of the studio, taking this as a possible means of escape. "Yeah, I don't know, I'm feeling kind of off. Maybe I am getting sick." It's 7:45. Chaerin knows all the girls' schedules pretty much by heart, and unless her workout is going over, Minji should be home in another hour at the latest.
Teddy sighs. "Fine," he says, not sounding even remotely convinced but waving a dismissive hand at her anyway. "You're useless to me like this. Go home and watch TV or whatever, I have shit to do with Tablo anyway."
"You're the best!" Chaerin jumps up from the couch and grabs her bag, pausing by Teddy's chair to give him an overly enthusiastic hug. "If YG comes around tell him I look really bad, okay?"
"Yeah, yeah."
Chaerin releases him and waves before slipping out the door. She shrugs into her coat, scans the hall just to make sure YG isn't anywhere in sight, and then takes out her phone to text her manager for a ride. She starts walking while she types, and as she turns the corner toward the elevators, she runs into someone walking the opposite way.
Her phone drops to the floor with a clatter but Chaerin doesn't bend down to pick it up, because Minji is only centimeters away, grinning.
Chaerin feels a smile start to creep across her face. "Aren't you supposed to be working out?"
"I told him I was sick," Minji says. "Aren't you supposed to be recording?"
"Yeah, I think I might be coming down with something too," Chaerin says.
They both laugh. Chaerin wants to kiss her more than anything, but this is the last place in the world they should do it, so instead she reaches out and takes Minji's hand-they can at least get away with that-and squeezes her fingers lightly. "Wanna go grab dinner?" she asks.
Minji's eyes light up. "Are you asking me on a date?"
"Do you want me to be asking you on a date?" Chaerin's smile splits into a grin. She knows the answer by now, but she really just wants to hear Minji say it.
"Duh." Minji darts her face in close to Chaerin's, fast enough that Chaerin doesn't see it coming, and plants a kiss on her cheek. Chaerin can feel her cheeks get red, but she supposes, even if someone saw, it wouldn't have to be anything more than a friendly gesture. They do stuff like this all the time.
Then Minji puts her mouth closer to Chaerin's ear, whispering, "I looked up how to go down on girls on my phone during lunch today." She gives Chaerin's hand a little stroke with her thumb and then pulls away, smirking.
Without another word, she turns and starts to lead the way to the elevators. "I'll text Manager and tell her to pick us up."
It takes a minute for Chaerin's brain to start working again, but when it does her body stumbles to catch up, hurrying in Minji's wake.
"Sounds good," Chaerin says, trying and probably failing to keep her voice from sounding too much like a pubescent boy. She pulls out her own phone, even though it's hard to stop staring even for a second at Minji's back, and starts furiously composing a message. She needs to text Dara and offer her every incentive in the world to sleep over at Bom's house tonight.