Fic: Second To Last Human
Ficathon entry
eclecticmuse's prompt "Oh noes we're the last humans left and we have to repopulate teh species! (Jamie/Zoe)". PG rating.
“Doctor.”
There was no response from the pair of legs under the console.
“Doctor!”
“Yes, Zoe?”
“When did you last see Jamie?”
The Doctor sat up. “Oh, well, it was, let me see-”
“A week ago. When he said he was going to have a look round the rest of the tardis because we were 'playing with wires'.”
“Oh. Oh dear. We'd best go find him.”
Zoe started to walk purposefully deeper into the Tardis, but the Doctor stopped her. “Wait, I've a better idea than just walking”
So it was that Zoe found herself being driven round the inner recesses of the Tardis perched on the back of a Vespa. Wardrobes full of clothes, a large lobster vivarium, dusty rooms filled with weird furniture, stone cloisters, a well-tended bowling green - there really was everything back here. Except for Jamie. “Do you think that he's safe?”
“Oh yes, there's nothing dangerous in here. Well, nothing dangerous that isn't locked away. And you usually stumble across something to eat and drink before it gets too much. We'll find him Zoe, just a matter of time.”
Zoe had quite lost track of time when they eventually did find Jamie, who was contentedly rifling through some deeply rusted armaments.
“I wasnae lost, just because you haven't seen me doesn't mean I was lost. I knew exactly where I was.”
“Yes, I'm sure Jamie, but we do need to get back to the control room to finish rewiring the circuits I was working on.”
Jamie was more than a little ill at ease on the Vespa, but sandwiched between Zoe and the Doctor there wasn't much he could do about it.
“Doctor...” said Zoe after a few hours, “We're lost, aren't we.”
“I wouldn't get lost in my own Tardis!”
“It's taking us much longer to get back to the control room than it did to get out here.”
“Yes,” chipped in Jamie, “and I'm sure we've been in here before.”
“The Tardis has more than one Zeppelin hangar Jamie, we're just going through a different one.”
“No we're not, it has all those umbrellas in the corner, it's the same one.”
The Doctor stopped the scooter and sighed. “It is possible that I may have slightly lost my way. But don't worry, we'll soon get back.”
---------
Jamie kicked disconsolately at distressed watering can. “That's the worst of being in here, not knowing day or night. It's not natural.”
“Well, I don't know how long we've really been here,” said Zoe, “But it must be longer than a week.”
The Doctor was ignoring them, pacing up and down in front of a wall and peering at it.
“What if we never get out? We might have to live the rest of our lives in here!”
“It's not that bad Jamie. We're just lost.”
“Just lost! I've seen how many rooms there are in here. You saw for yourself.”
“I must admit that it has been a rather long time.”
There was a long pause.
“We're going to have to think about babies Zoe.”
“I can think of a lot of better things to think about to make the time pass Jamie.”
“I mean having babies.”
Zoe looked at Jamie and then burst out laughing. “I suppose if we found ourselves back in one of the labs we could work it out, but why you'd want to have a baby...”
“Me?”
“Isn't that what you meant? I hardly thought that being lost for a few days would fill you with a desire to get pregnant-”
“Now wait just a minute, men don't get pregnant.”
“Men don't get pregnant without assistance, but a lot of women don't either.”
“That's not how it works, you need a man and a woman and-”
“Yes?” Zoe smiled sweetly.
“Um, and, they get married, and um...” Jamie was turning beetroot.
“I don't think they need to be married.”
“Well, not but, um-”
“At intercourse there is ejaculation and if it's in the correct period of ovulation a spermatozoon fertilises an ova which then implants itself in the uterus. Was that what you were getting at Jamie?” Zoe continued to smile sweetly. Jamie-torture was a pleasant way to assuage the boredom. She was fairly sure she'd seen the Doctor stifle a couple of smiles out of the corner of her eye.
“Um, yes. Not men getting pregnant! That's not natural.”
“I don't think the inside of the Tardis is a good place to start getting worried about what's natural. Why are you thinking about this anyway?”
“We're parked out in some empty planet in a broken time machine, which means you and me are the last humans, so we should have babies.”
“Why?”
“That's what you're supposed to do. Survival of humanity”
“I'm not sure that filling the Tardis with children is a good idea. And then when they grew up they'd have to have babies with each other,” Zoe decided not to mention any of the other options, since it would confuse Jamie too much, “and that wouldn't be natural either.”
“It worked for Adam and Eve!”
Zoe bit her tongue. Where on earth to start with that? “It was different for them.”
“Och, now I see, you don't think I'm good enough to be the father of your children.”
It took all Zoe's efforts not to burst out laughing again, as it was obvious that Jamie was deadly serious. “I don't want children with anyone right now Jamie, it's nothing to do with you.”
“Aha! Knew it was round here!”
Thankfully for Zoe, the Doctor had found something. He pressed on an innocuous-looking bit of wall, which slid away, revealing the control room.
“At last!”
“Now, you two,' said the Doctor, “no more silly talk about babies. This is a time machine, not a nursery.”
Jamie and Zoe muttered their assent like a couple of annoyed teenagers. The Doctor smiled to himself. While the realities and the practicalities didn't bear going into, the thought of the Tardis filled with a brood of tiny, argumentative, over-clever children was somewhat endearing.
eclecticmuse's prompt "Oh noes we're the last humans left and we have to repopulate teh species! (Jamie/Zoe)". PG rating.
“Doctor.”
There was no response from the pair of legs under the console.
“Doctor!”
“Yes, Zoe?”
“When did you last see Jamie?”
The Doctor sat up. “Oh, well, it was, let me see-”
“A week ago. When he said he was going to have a look round the rest of the tardis because we were 'playing with wires'.”
“Oh. Oh dear. We'd best go find him.”
Zoe started to walk purposefully deeper into the Tardis, but the Doctor stopped her. “Wait, I've a better idea than just walking”
So it was that Zoe found herself being driven round the inner recesses of the Tardis perched on the back of a Vespa. Wardrobes full of clothes, a large lobster vivarium, dusty rooms filled with weird furniture, stone cloisters, a well-tended bowling green - there really was everything back here. Except for Jamie. “Do you think that he's safe?”
“Oh yes, there's nothing dangerous in here. Well, nothing dangerous that isn't locked away. And you usually stumble across something to eat and drink before it gets too much. We'll find him Zoe, just a matter of time.”
Zoe had quite lost track of time when they eventually did find Jamie, who was contentedly rifling through some deeply rusted armaments.
“I wasnae lost, just because you haven't seen me doesn't mean I was lost. I knew exactly where I was.”
“Yes, I'm sure Jamie, but we do need to get back to the control room to finish rewiring the circuits I was working on.”
Jamie was more than a little ill at ease on the Vespa, but sandwiched between Zoe and the Doctor there wasn't much he could do about it.
“Doctor...” said Zoe after a few hours, “We're lost, aren't we.”
“I wouldn't get lost in my own Tardis!”
“It's taking us much longer to get back to the control room than it did to get out here.”
“Yes,” chipped in Jamie, “and I'm sure we've been in here before.”
“The Tardis has more than one Zeppelin hangar Jamie, we're just going through a different one.”
“No we're not, it has all those umbrellas in the corner, it's the same one.”
The Doctor stopped the scooter and sighed. “It is possible that I may have slightly lost my way. But don't worry, we'll soon get back.”
---------
Jamie kicked disconsolately at distressed watering can. “That's the worst of being in here, not knowing day or night. It's not natural.”
“Well, I don't know how long we've really been here,” said Zoe, “But it must be longer than a week.”
The Doctor was ignoring them, pacing up and down in front of a wall and peering at it.
“What if we never get out? We might have to live the rest of our lives in here!”
“It's not that bad Jamie. We're just lost.”
“Just lost! I've seen how many rooms there are in here. You saw for yourself.”
“I must admit that it has been a rather long time.”
There was a long pause.
“We're going to have to think about babies Zoe.”
“I can think of a lot of better things to think about to make the time pass Jamie.”
“I mean having babies.”
Zoe looked at Jamie and then burst out laughing. “I suppose if we found ourselves back in one of the labs we could work it out, but why you'd want to have a baby...”
“Me?”
“Isn't that what you meant? I hardly thought that being lost for a few days would fill you with a desire to get pregnant-”
“Now wait just a minute, men don't get pregnant.”
“Men don't get pregnant without assistance, but a lot of women don't either.”
“That's not how it works, you need a man and a woman and-”
“Yes?” Zoe smiled sweetly.
“Um, and, they get married, and um...” Jamie was turning beetroot.
“I don't think they need to be married.”
“Well, not but, um-”
“At intercourse there is ejaculation and if it's in the correct period of ovulation a spermatozoon fertilises an ova which then implants itself in the uterus. Was that what you were getting at Jamie?” Zoe continued to smile sweetly. Jamie-torture was a pleasant way to assuage the boredom. She was fairly sure she'd seen the Doctor stifle a couple of smiles out of the corner of her eye.
“Um, yes. Not men getting pregnant! That's not natural.”
“I don't think the inside of the Tardis is a good place to start getting worried about what's natural. Why are you thinking about this anyway?”
“We're parked out in some empty planet in a broken time machine, which means you and me are the last humans, so we should have babies.”
“Why?”
“That's what you're supposed to do. Survival of humanity”
“I'm not sure that filling the Tardis with children is a good idea. And then when they grew up they'd have to have babies with each other,” Zoe decided not to mention any of the other options, since it would confuse Jamie too much, “and that wouldn't be natural either.”
“It worked for Adam and Eve!”
Zoe bit her tongue. Where on earth to start with that? “It was different for them.”
“Och, now I see, you don't think I'm good enough to be the father of your children.”
It took all Zoe's efforts not to burst out laughing again, as it was obvious that Jamie was deadly serious. “I don't want children with anyone right now Jamie, it's nothing to do with you.”
“Aha! Knew it was round here!”
Thankfully for Zoe, the Doctor had found something. He pressed on an innocuous-looking bit of wall, which slid away, revealing the control room.
“At last!”
“Now, you two,' said the Doctor, “no more silly talk about babies. This is a time machine, not a nursery.”
Jamie and Zoe muttered their assent like a couple of annoyed teenagers. The Doctor smiled to himself. While the realities and the practicalities didn't bear going into, the thought of the Tardis filled with a brood of tiny, argumentative, over-clever children was somewhat endearing.