Comments | twispitefic: The Price of Arrogance

amadris in twispitefic

The Price of Arrogance

Jan 28, 2011 14:00

Title: The Price of Arrogance
Author: amadris
Fandom(s): Twilight
Rating: R just to be safe
Word Count: 898
Inspiration: Written as to illustrate what would really happen if a person was driving 100 mp/h in the night, not keeping their eyes in the road.
Warnings: Character death
Summary: Edward Cullen is finally forced to realize the depth of his own ( Read more... )

spitefic type: reality enema, genre: general, length: 500-1000, rating: r, book: twilight, character: charlie swan, warning: character death

Comments 14

elementallove January 28 2011, 02:54:20 UTC

That was great and very realistic. It's nice to see something sensible happen in Meyer's world.

P.S. You might want to put it under a cut, though, so it doesn't get taken down.

amadris January 28 2011, 13:23:22 UTC

Good to know I succeeded in conveying the mood! It was kind of heartbreaking to write this, making Charlie go through that, but the original scene always bothered me.

Sorry about the lack of LJ-cut. I fixed it now so that people don't have to stare at my text walls on the front page.

quicksilvermad January 28 2011, 02:56:29 UTC

Phwoar...

That is powerful.

amadris January 28 2011, 13:24:33 UTC

Thanks! I thought about going the minimalistic way, not using that many words to describe how Charlie is feeling. Apparently it worked.

emmram January 28 2011, 04:41:26 UTC

This is fantastic - realistic and gut-wrenching, although I think it'd be more so if you did away with the last line altogether.

Also: LJ-cut, please!

amadris January 28 2011, 13:29:45 UTC

Thank you. I did contemplate on the last line for a while and whether it fit the fic, but decided to include it anyway. I kinda wanted to put emphasis on the magnitude of Charlie's despair. I can pretty much see the way story would go from here - it would basically be a downfall of this good, kind man. That's why I finally decided to put the last line there.

evanesco75 January 28 2011, 07:19:23 UTC

Wow, that was pretty devastating. Especially because Charlie's the only half-decent character in the books. I mean, I was kinda cheering because Bella was dead, but his grief stopped me from going full-out :(

amadris January 28 2011, 13:32:27 UTC

Yeah, I hate to torture Charlie in this way, but when the inpsiration strikes you, there is no rejecting it. There's no way Bella would survive the accident if Ed was driving like he always does in the books. He only realizes it when she points it out, but is still pretty much speeding like a maniac. The asshole actually mocked her for being scared.

lurkythespork January 28 2011, 18:01:36 UTC

This was...perfect. Punch-in-the-gut perfect. Good job.

amadris January 28 2011, 18:44:47 UTC

Thanks!