Fic:"God is in Heaven. All's right with the World." (Cobb/Fischer) Part 1

[twilightthief]

Title: God is in heaven. All's right with the World.

Crossover: Inception meets Neon Genesis Evangelion

Pairings: Subtle Dom/Robert

Rating: PG

Summary: Written for the

Comments

[barbarafett]

Wow. I love the references to the repeated phrases from both Eva and Inception. I would love to read more of this.

[twilightthief]

Thanks. There will be more soon:)

[anonymous]

You were obviously trying to capture the dense, emotive atmosphere of NGE here. Unfortunately it really doesn't come across. The short sentences aren't very emotive and read more like an outline for a fic than an actual story. Possibly it's the lack of dialogue which is making it read that way. I know there are lots of moments in NGE canon where silence is used really well, but in writing it's harder to do without falling into pure exposition. And exposition usually doesn't read very well. A good example of a fic where extremely abrupt sentences and scenes work well is this: http://smallacts.livejournal.com/28514.html if you wanted to have a look at how that author uses dialogue and action to convey the story and still keep that abrupt style