Memoirs of an OC, Outsider Character - Story I: Dream (Part 1)
What happens when a girl not especially fond of One Piece criticise this manga in front of her brother, a very devoted author of fan-fictions on the same universe?
Usually nothing, I guess. But apparently, this particular brother has magical powers…
(Snipped away the authors listing the theme, pairings, ratings, etc.)
THE DAY AN AUTHOR GOT HIS REVENGE ON HIS SISTER
All right. This story is really long, and as it turned out to be fifty-four pages long with my commentary. I'd have to split it up in five or six parts, and that would be very tedious and probably boring. So, I'll try to shorten this up a bit.
Right, so. We start out in ”REALITY”, or at least something that closely resembles that.
Clow: Here, read my fanfic. It's the most awesomest thing ever made, isnt' it?
Fuu: It would be a good story, if it wasn't about One Piece.
Clow: Oh, my poor deluded sister. If you could only understand the awesomeness that is One Piece, you'd see how great my story is!
Fuu: *gets angry for no apparent reason*
Clow: No, seriously! Drop that silly shoujo manga and try One Piece. You won't regret it! "One Piece is a classic; it's a myth, a piece of art, an unavoidable reference of the world of mangas!"
Fuu: Whatever.
Clow: *goes on about how girls all over the world would sell their soul to be in the world of One Piece*
Fuu: Look. I'm going to bed. Come back when you've got a good reason for me to read it.
Clow: No! I must make you see the greatness that is One Piece! How about we start with the characters?
Fuu: *is still really angry for some reason* "Why should I feel obliged to follow the adventures of a stupid marshmallow boy, a money-obsessed girl, a stinky playboy chef, a swordsman not even handsome, and a strange micro plush toy?"
Clow: *is stunned to silence by this “heartless description”*
Me: You get shocked by that? Wow. I feel sorry for you, Clow.
Fuu: Unless there's a cute love story in there, I'm not interested. *leaves and slams the door*
Clow: *still in shock* … Oh, hell no. *laughs sadistically and starts writing a fanfic*
Fuu: *wakes up to the sound of seagulls and waves* Aah, how relaxing. Wait! No! I'm on a huge ship in the middle of the ocean! *sits up* Whoa. What's with the weird reindeer?
Chopper: *walks around with a box full of medicine for no reason* -? *spots Fuu* Holy sh- LUFFY! AN INTRUDER! *runs away*
Fuu: *screams in her thoughts*
Me: She does this A LOT. Always this stupid “Kyaaa” thing going on in her thought-narration. It's really annoying.
Fuu: *takes a step to the side*
Sword: *"cuts through the wooden floor, right where Fuu was standing mere seconds ago"*
Zoro: *appears out of nowhere* Damn. I missed.
Me: I don't get why Zoro just attacks her like that. Not that I mind. It was a shame that he missed. I do want to ask the authors why Fuu would have the ability to just side-step a sneak-attack like that, though.
Fuu: *bitches at Zoro for attacking her, even if the narration says that she's reached ”the pinnacle of panic”*
Luffy: *appears out of nowhere and is stupid*
Fuu: *loses her ability to use contractions in her speech in an attempt to sound polite* I intend to leave immediately! *closes her eyes*
Me: Then... things turn a bit weird. I'll show you.
I need to focus… It's a dream! Of course it's a dream - correction: a nightmare - but still part of an oneiric
So, it’s part of a ‘part of a dreamlike state’? I see…
and not real world! Yes, of course, a very realistic dream but still a dream! So I can just wake up! If I just lay down… was imagining Fuu while doing exactly all the steps her mind was telling her to do in order to go back to sleep, close my eyes… and think of going back in my bed, I…
That was very odd and awkwardly written.
Eh? thought she when she opened her eyes again and was still seeing Luffy staring at her.
I'd stare at her as well. What the hell is she doing?
How come I'm still there? Okay, then let's take some more radical - or less soft - measures…
Fuu started pinching her cheek, pinching harder, punching herself and even laid down on the floor in order to fall back asleep and escape the awful situation.
Okay, this is getting increasingly annoying, and I think I'd be a bit frightened if someone started doing this in front of me. What’s so awful about this situation? Nothing has happened yet! … Okay, fine, she was attacked by Zoro, but everyone seems to have forgotten about him already.
Why can't I wake up? I can usually wake up from any bad dream just by wishing it! Come on!
Lucky you. I have to wait until after the zombies have caught me and are about to eat me before I wake up.
"Why am I not waking up?" muttered Fuu, speaking to herself, panicked, "Why?"
The rest of the Mugiwaras crew have by then arrived
How convenient. They seem to have just appeared out of nowhere.
to watch the strange spectacle of their uninvited guest hitting her own head and muttering things like waking up, and they seemed really bewildered.
Well, a strange girl appeared from thin air and is currently wriggling around on deck hitting her own head and talking to herself. If that’s not a bit unsettling, I don’t know what is.
That's a dream! That must be a dream! I am sure the stupid argument I had with my idiot of a brother provoked it! Wait a minute… My idiot of a brother…
…Wait, what?
Could it be? NO! No, please tell me it's a misunderstanding! Don't tell me I am here because of him! He couldn't have gone this far just to punish me?
So… Wait. So Clow has magic fanfic powers… in the real world?
Please, please tell me it's an error! Tell me I will wake up soon!
Fuu was now hiding her head in her arms, rolling on the floor with a distressed look on her face.
Okay, I wouldn’t get close to her if I saw that. Hm. How can they see her distressed expression if she’s hiding her face?
"Shishishi, she's funny!" commented Luffy, laughing out loud.
"Funny or not, she's an intruder. She's suspicious! Even her clothes are weird!" declared Zoro, merciless.
Damn right. Although I don’t think Zoro would pay attention to her clothes.
"My attire is NOT weird! That's just some short pants and nightgown I am using as pajamas!
In what way are those clothes strange? It's not like there aren't nightgowns or shorts in the One Piece world. They do wear normal clothes.
And they are pretty normal in my world!" shouted Fuu, reacting instinctively to the criticism,
Well, yeah. It's normal to wear them to bed, not when you're out among other people. And don't snap at people like that. It's rude.
"And besides, you're in no position of criticizing my outfit: what's with this slashed top of yours? You look like you just battled, and it reeks of perspiration!"
How classy. Someone makes a comment about your clothes, and you attack them. Not to mention, if Zoro looks like that, he probably did just get out of a battle. He doesn't usually walk around in clothes that are worn out or torn up. At least not longer than necessary.
Me: So, she goes from panicking, to desperation, to confusion, and then leaps to anger for no particular reason. I'd probably side with Zoro on this one. She's definitely suspicious and a bit too defensive to be trusted.
Zoro: *gets angry and draws his sword... again, I guess*
Sanji: *laughs and comments on how Zoro has no style*
Zoro and Sanji: *fights*
Fuu: *continues to lack the ability to use contractions in her speech* I'm definitely going to leave very soon! *bows for no reason*
Chopper: *is fooled by the insincere apology* I think she's a good person.
Usopp and Franky: *speaks in unison* Yeah, same here.
Robin: I agree as well, but since I'm apparently the only one with a brain here, I wonder just where this girl came from, since we haven't seen land or another ship in days.
Nami: Oh! Right! Now that you mention it, that's kind of weird! Where do you come from, anyway?
Fuu: Um, well, uh... it's a long story... *broods and thinks that she can't tell them that she's from another world*
Luffy: I'll interrupt you because I sense that you don't want to talk about it! *interrupts* You can stay here until we throw you off the ship at the next island.
Nami: I'm not sure about this, Luffy.
Luffy: It'll be fine! *smiles charmingly* "Besides, we both have something more interesting to do this afternoon than touring around the Thousand Sunny, isn't it?"
Nami: *blushes and nods silently*
Me: It's disgusting the way these two have been twisted OOC. This next bit is also disgusting.
"And… it seems like she does not wish to share her story…" whispered Luffy to Nami, "You should understand, you."
A lot of people in One Piece choose not to tell their story other than to the reader in flashbacks. Zoro hasn’t told anyone about Kuina, and I don’t think that Robin ever told her story in detail. Oh, and why the hell is Luffy reminding Nami of her backstory? He knows what kind of pain she went through, and it's a real dick-move to bring it up like that. Especially since Fuu's backstory is not even nearly as bad as what Nami went through.
"Yes…" whispered back Nami, remembering her own past and sacrifices.
Yeah. Nami had a painful past with tragedy, abuse, and slavery, and it's something she has chosen not to dwell on anymore. Fuu is just a normal girl who was sent into a fictional world. I can clearly see that Fuu has it worse.
Luffy: *decides that the conversation is over, puts his hand on Nami's hip and leads her off*
Fuu: *points after them* Are they...
Robin: Screwing like bunnies off-screen? Yeah, probably.
Fuu: Really? They do not really look like a couple...
Me: No, he wraps his arm around everyone like that.
Robin: They want to keep it a secret, because they don't want to flaunt their relationship in public. Everyone knows about it, of course.
Me: Ohh, so that's why they were so completely obvious about it.
Robin: *to the rest of the crew* Go back to whatever you were doing, I'll show her around the ship.
Zoro: *has disappeared*
Usopp, Franky, and Chopper: *leaves*
Robin: *shows Fuu around the ship*
Fuu: *doesn't pay attention, and decides to monologue in her thoughts* Okay, let's see here. 1: I'm trapped in One Piece. 2: I'm just going to assume that it's all my brother's fault, and 3: when I get back, I'll slaughter him. Oh, and 4: I must try not to get myself killed, but who knows what these people might do to me? I must fight back!
Robin: *shows her around, asking questions to start up a conversation*
Fuu: I must make sure to point out that I answer the questions very courteously because I had a very polite education. Not that I'm really listening to what Robin says, because that would take effort. So I'll just monologue to myself some more. *does so*
Internal monologue: *is long and very angsty*
Fuu: *is stunned with shock when she realizes that she doesn't have a purpose in the One Piece world*
Robin: … Are you okay?
Fuu: Oh, I am fine. *is absentminded*
Me: Then she suddenly realizes that she's in one of her brother's fanfics. I'm not sure how she got to that conclusion, but I guess it's not the first time Clow has done this.
Robin: *shows Fuu the outside of the ship*
Fuu: *drops to her knees by the railing all of a sudden*
Me: Look at this, and tell me if you think this sounds like an apology to you:
"Okay my dear cute little brother! I definitely, sincerely and honestly regret everything I said yesterday, so bring me back home!" murmured Fuu, looking at the clouds.
Yeah, this seems really sincere. What made you think this would work?
SHIN.
ELBOW! Oh, sorry, I thought we were randomly shouting the names of body parts.
The wind kept blowing, silently, invariable.
"Okay… grr, you wished it! Please, great CLOW-SAMA, grant me the permission of coming back home!" supplicated Fuu, resigned to have to go to such extent to get her brother's attention.
You know, I would ignore you, too. This doesn’t sound like someone who is actually showing regret. If you're really sorry, you don't piss and moan about having to apologize.
SHIN.
KNEECAP!
The wind was blowing the clouds away but the sky didn't seem keen on answering Fuu's prayer.
(Sky): What are you yelling at me for? Fuck off!
Robin: *patiently waits for Fuu to stop being creepy*
Fuu: *gets angry because she's not getting her way, and "stares at the sky, tears of frustration building up in her eyes but she refuses to let them leave her eyes"*
Robin: I'm sorry, but is this some kind of tradition where you come from, or are you just a crazy person?
Fuu: *embarrassed* Um, not really...
Robin: Oh, because I thought it looked like something I've come across in my studies of the Poneglyphs.
Me: What could her behavior just now possibly have to do with the Poneglyphs?
Fuu: Oh! Can I see them? Maybe they'll help me get home!
Robin: Sure. *takes Fuu to her cabin, even though the documents and books should be in the ship's library* Here's a scroll I found.
Scroll: *shows an illustration of a stone tablet with a scene of people praying, surrounded by symbols*
Me: Is Robin really stupid enough that she'll assume that just because someone falls to their knees and appear to be praying, it's got something to do with an ancient document?
Fuu: *is disappointed*
Robin: Oh, so it wasn't part of your culture?
Fuu: No, but I can read these hieroglyphs... because my home country is close to Egypt, I guess. *shows off her knowledge by teaching Robin how to read the hieroglyphs*
Hours: *pass*
Me: Wow. How many hieroglyphs were there on that document, anyway?
Fuu: Well, that was annoying. I'm glad I got away from her. I'm still angry because I'm stuck here, so I'll just walk around randomly on the ship. Oh, hey. What's with the trees?
Nami: Chopper, you've got to do something! Even though I've been taking care of tangerine trees since I could hold a watering pail, I just can't figure out how to keep the soil from drying out too fast!
Chopper: Damn it, Nami, I'm a doctor, not a horticulturist!
Me: Seriously, that's basically what he says.
Nami: *is sad* "Oh, h... hi, Fuu."
Fuu: *is inexplicably embarrassed* "H... hi!"
Nami: Allow me to explain my problem with my tangerine garden!
Fuu: Allow me to be surprised that a money-obsessed girl like you can actually care about living things. *feels bad for “badmouthing” Nami earlier*
Me: Yeah, even though calling her money-obsessed is not an insult. It's part of her character.
Nami: *is so sad that her eyes turn grey*
Fuu: *has a flashback to her mother gardening* Um, did you try covering the soil with something?
Nami: What?
Fuu: Yeah, cover up the soil with straw or something and the sunlight won't make the water evaporate.
Nami: …
Fuu: Oh no! I was too nosy! Now they hate me! They will laugh at me! AAAAH!
Nami: THAT'S BRILLIANT! I never thought of that! How did you know how to do that?!
Me: … Uh, isn't that kind of common practice? I remember that my grandmother covered the soil of her potted plants in the middle of summer so that she didn't have to water them so often. And why doesn't Nami already know this?
Nami: Let's go and look for some straw! *goes to her gardening-stuff-keeping-place*
Chopper: *goes to the “apothecary”*
Me: Do you mean the sick bay, or the infirmary? Because I think Chopper is the closest thing to an apothecary they have on the ship. Then again, why the hell would there be straw in the sick bay?
Fuu: *goes to the workshop*
Usopp: *holds a lecture about Sogeking*
Franky: Someone came in! I'm saved! I mean, what can I help you with?
Fuu: I need some straw... you know, for Nami's trees.
Franky: Oh, sure. I think I've got some straw here. Allow me to deliver it for you. *exit stage left*
Fuu: Allow me to be surprised that a “cyborg exhibitionist” can be a nice person.
Usopp: Damn, I lost my audience. Oh! Fuu is still here! Allow me to tell you about the great Sogeking!
Fuu: Um, okay.
Usopp: "Well you see, he is the greatest sniper of All Blue and… blablabla 'huge monologue about the wonders and virtues of the Great Sogeking' blablabla… Moreover blablabla, and blablabla… Impressive isn't it?" *doesn't stop talking until half an hour later*
Me: I'm not kidding. That's exactly how it's written in the story. They can't even be bothered to come up with some kind of lame adventure Sogeking went on.
Fuu: *believes at least half of what Usopp just told her*
Me: I actually think that's kind of good. Someone who doesn't know Usopp or has ever heard about Sogeking, or is as stupid as Luffy or Chopper, would probably not realize immediately that it's just lies.
Fuu: *angsts because she doesn't have superpowers*
Me: Oh. So that's why she brought it up.
Usopp: Allow me to keep talking about Sogeking!
Fuu: Allow me to agree to listen even though it's kind of obvious that I'm just showing off how polite I am. I don't really want to hear it, which the narration will show.
Usopp's story: *lasts until lunchtime*
Lunch: *is summarized in one small paragraph describing Fuu's amazement over how much Luffy eats*
Fuu: *is amazed over how fast everyone ate, and how much food was consumed*
Sanji: *is worried* Did you get enough to eat? I'll make you something else if you want.
Fuu: Ah, hum... No I am fine, no problem By the way, do you always clean up after every meal? On your own?
Sanji: Of course! I am an awesome chef, and that's what we do!
Fuu: Wow. He really makes it sound like he's passionate about cooking. Well, I guess everyone else does here... I should try my best too. "After all, it does not sound like me to be complaining…"
Me: Yes, of course. It's not like you've been complaining at all this far.
Fuu: Can I help out in the kitchen? I don't have any other skills, so I might as well...
Sanji: Awesome! *tries to hug Fuu while in Love-noodle-twirly-mode*
Fuu: *blocks him instinctively* Oh right, he's a creepy, sticky playboy. I mustn't let my guard down, even though he's got some good sides.
Sanji: Right. So. If you want to help out in the kitchen, I want to see what you can do. Show me your signature dish.
Fuu: *whispers for some reason* Okay.
Afternoon: *passes*
Me: *sings* Time-skip, time-skip, fucking time-skip, skipping past the booring stuff…
Fuu: *prepares a ”huge chocolate cake decorated with marble-like covering”*
Sanji: *is impressed by the original cake*
Me: Oh, please. A chocolate cake with marble icing is not original. These are some original cakes: Cake Wrecks: Sunday Sweets. Enjoy your browsing. I know I do.
Besides, how come Sanji is so damn impressed with this? The man can make gourmet meals out of table scraps and from what other chefs consider garbage. I think he can make a chocolate cake.
Several hours: *passes... maybe? I'm not sure.*
Cake: *is done*
Fuu: Ta-daah! My Birthday Chocolate Cake is done! I make it all the time for my family and friends, but I'll just think that instead of saying it out loud.
Door: *crashes to the floor under the weight of Luffy, Usopp and Chopper*
Me: What weight? They’re the two scrawniest guys on the ship, and a pint-sized reindeer. Were they actively trying to knock the door down, or was the door made of papier-maché?
Sanji: *nags at them to not just barge in like that, and to not eat the cake without permission*
Fuu: It's okay. Go and get everyone else, and we'll have cake.
Cake: *is skipped*
Dinner: *is skipped*
Fuu: *helps Sanji wash the dishes and then walks out on deck* Argh, how long am I supposed to stay here? Hm? What's that noise? Sounds like clashing metal. *goes to investigate*
Zoro: *is training on deck*
Me: That's weird. He's got a gym in the crow's nest now.
Fuu: Holy crap! I must run away before he attacks me again! Oh crap, he saw me!
Zoro: *is suspicious*
Fuu: Sorry, I just wanted to see where that noise came from. *is both embarrassed and afraid* You… you're really impressive! Your attacks are very powerful but still, your movements are really fluid… *thinks* Nothing to compare with me at fencing or kendo, who is only good at defending… Even my teachers gave up on me, sigh…
Zoro: *is still suspicious, and thinks Fuu is there to spy on his techniques for some reason* Not that I care what you think, because you're a weak amateur.
Fuu: *gets angry at the drop of a hat* Oh yeah? What the…? Really, I might be weak, but I can still make the difference between a good and a bad fighter! And he does not need to act all high and mighty, especially when his attack is so good but his defense so bad! He really pisses me off!
Me: I've got to spork this next part, because my inner Zoro fangirl wants blood because of it.
"Are you sure?
Sure about what? Who is talking now?
If we discover you are indeed a spy or a traitor, I won't hesitate a second to get rid of you… You sure you want to cheer on your enemy in getting stronger?”
What? I just- What? Even if Zoro is suspicious of her, it doesn’t mean that she’s automatically an enemy. On top of that, his only focus is to be the strongest, so why the hell would he care whether or not some random girl comments on what he does?
asked Zoro with a mighty smile.
*snerk* Mighty… What does a mighty smile look like, anyway?
"Oh?" tilted Fuu, turning around to face Zoro, really on the nerves now,
Ohh, sh- You made the Sue angry! Hit the deck!
"My enemy, huh?"
That is what he said, yes.
Fuu moved on slowly of two steps, in direction of Zoro, with a provoking stance, and Zoro immediately went en garde.
Yeah, because he’s really going to be wary of a girl who up to this point has been afraid of him. Please.
But at the third step, Fuu dived slowly
Slowly? Is she moving in slow-motion? Is Zoro even doing anything?
under the swords of Zoro
…Who apparently was standing still while she was doing her slo-mo routine.
and reappeared
Did she disappear at some point?
nearly pressed against his chest, inside the perimeter of his arms, the position also ensuring Fuu of being without reach of Zoro's third sword,
Look. Even if you were such a threat that he actually planned on attacking you with all three swords, he’d just headbutt you or something if you got too close like that.
Wait. Third sword? Dude. If this is before the Thriller Bark arc, Zoro has only two swords. Yubashiri was completely destroyed by a Rust Devil fruit user in Enies Lobby, and he didn’t get a replacement until the middle of Thriller Bark.
for being smaller than him.
"Wh…?" coughed Zoro, stupefied.
… Excuse me. *rages incoherently*
I'm sorry. Zoro does not get fooled by someone who admits that they have no skills in fighting except defending. He was just standing there, doing nothing!
"Your arms define a perimeter, and as long as I will be within this perimeter, even someone as weak as me can touch you without risk…" informed Fuu with a frosty tone.
I’m getting really angry just reading this. Zoro is not this incompetent at fighting. This is after they left Water7 and before they got to Thriller Bark, since Brook isn’t here. Zoro was able to fight off hordes of Marines, including several Devil Fruit users without dying.
The author has admitted that the idea for this scene came from a fencing lesson they took some years ago, where the teacher demonstrated the dangers of forgetting the space between your body and your sword. In other words, it’s something that (I would guess) is brought up in the beginning of a person’s training, so that they don’t develop bad habits, and something that Zoro would have learned at least ten years ago.
Still looking at Zoro right into his eyes, Fuu slowly spread her arm and curl it up around his neck. Zoro froze.
He’s just standing there! Doing nothing! Unless Fuu looks exactly like Tashigi, I don’t buy it. Hmm… What does Fuu look like, anyway? We haven’t had any descriptions of her yet. I know that there are plenty of drawings in her deviantArt gallery, but there’s nothing here.
"BAM… You lost!" said Fuu, pretending to stab Zoro's back neck with her hand,
He’s still doing NOTHING! Headbutt her! Kick her! Grab her and throw her overboard for attacking you! DO SOMETHING!
"Your attacks are truly powerful but your garde leaves much to be desired…" added Fuu, escaping Zoro's arms before leaving the deck.
I’m sorry, but this just makes me so angry. I hate this kind of arrogant attitude, and I really don’t think it’s a case of “you don’t have to be a master chef to know that the food tastes like crap”, because the only reason she’s doing this is because she’s angry again.
This girl has the shortest fuse and the largest amounts of switches that’ll set her off I have ever seen. Not to mention that she was berating Zoro for acting “high and mighty” just a few moments ago, and then acting like this herself.
"What the… Th… that girl!" grumbled Zoro, his face still red.
Argh, another character left stammering after her “biting” remarks. Why the hell is he blushing?
All right. You know what? I need a break. Next time on Memoirs of an OC: More whining and OOC canon characters! Yay!
Onwards to: Story I: Dream (Part 2)
Back to: Author's Note
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