Fight the Break of Dawn
Title: Fight the Break of Dawn
Fandom: The Hunger Games/Battlestar Galactica
Rating: PG-13 for swearing and some disturbing images
Pairings: Kara/Lee, Katniss/Gale
Words: ~4000
Summary: Lee Adama is nineteen when his younger brother’s name is drawn from the reaping ball.
Author's Note: Written for taragel and thrace_adama who won my auction over at help_haiti . Beta'd by penny_earrings .
Lee Adama is nineteen when his younger brother’s name is drawn from the reaping ball, and suddenly it feels like the ground he’s standing on has turned to quicksand and he’s slowly being swallowed. Of all the boys in District 3, it is him. Zak is not cut out for the arena, Lee knows, but his brother puts on a brave face as he steps forward. If it had been the year before or any year before that, Lee would step in, take his place, give his brother the chance to keep on living.
Of course, it always seems darkest right before it goes pitch black.
The female tribute for District 3 this year is Kara Thrace. Lee feels the world drop out from underneath him.
When he goes to say goodbye to Zak, his throat is so tight he can barely speak. He closes his hands over Zak’s shoulders-they’re shaking-and looks him in the eye. Zak’s afraid, but he’s trying not to show it to his big brother. Instead, he shows him a lighter their father has given him for luck.
“I’m gonna bring it back,” he lies. Lee pretends to believe him.
Visiting Kara is almost worse. She isn’t shaking at all. There’s no fear in her eyes. There’s just grim acceptance on her face, and it nearly kills him. He’s known her since she was born, just shy of a year longer than he’s known his own brother. She means more to him than he can ever tell her-especially now. He pulls her tight against his chest and drops his forehead against hers.
“I’m gonna keep him safe,” she promises.
Lee feels his breath hitch in his chest. He can’t bear the thought of losing either of them, let alone both. All he can think to say is “Good luck, Kara.”
For a brief moment, she shudders and sighs. “Lee…”
*~*
“Lee. Lee!” Gale shouted. Lee’d been staring at the television for the better part of the last half hour. Gale could tell he wasn’t really watching, just looking at the screen dazedly.
“Snap out of it.” Gale reached out and turned off the set that’d been airing the games because it’s not doing anyone any good right now.
Lee shook his head, startled back into reality. “Sorry,” he said. He closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and opened them again. “Is it time?”
“Yeah. I just wanted to let you know we were going.” They had just a few hours to reach the arena at the right time. If they left too early, they risked the chance of the Capitol catching them before they were able to rescue the Katniss and the others. If they left too late, the Capitol would surely kill them all before they got there. “You know what to do if things go south.”
Lee grimaced. “They’d better not.”
“Just in case-“
“Gale! Move your ass or we’re leaving without you.” The pilot of their hovercraft’s voice boomed from outside the room. Gale turned toward the doorway just as Kara Thrace walked through it. She stormed into the room, hands planted on her hips. As a former victor herself, she’d been lucky to avoid being sent back into the arena with the others, though from the look of her, Gale guessed she’d been fully prepared to go. She glared at him then shook her head. “Of course, it’s not like we actually need you for this.”
“I’m coming,” he snapped right back.
Out of the corner of his eye, Gale noticed Lee’s posture stiffened slightly. He was always like that when she was around. They never talked, but they sure screamed at each other a hell of a lot. A look he couldn’t quite place passed between him and Kara.
“Good luck,” he said simply.
A moment of silence passed before she turned away from him. “We’ll bring them back,” she said over her shoulder.
*~*
When Lee sees Kara again, it’s almost like he isn’t seeing her-like he isn’t seeing the girl who teamed up with Zak to play every trick on him they could imagine; the girl his father had welcomed as part of their family; the girl who used to escape to their house, hiding from the person her mother wanted her to become.
Instead, for a second, he sees that girl-the one on the television screen with her fingers around the throat of her final opponent, blonde hair masking her face as she squeezes the life out of the same tribute who killed Zak on the third day of the games.
Lee pushes those thoughts aside and runs to her, pulls her into a hug and tucks her head under his chin. She’s rigid in his arms - she doesn’t put her arms back around him, just stands in his embrace for a moment before pulling back. She digs in her pocket.
“He wanted you to have this,” she says, holding the lighter out to him. When he doesn’t take it, she presses it into his hand. Her voice sounds like an apology.
He wants to tell her it doesn’t matter, but it does. Zak is gone, and it isn’t her fault. Zak is gone, but she is alive.
He doesn’t try to hold her again.
*~*
Defeat was never an option when it came to breaking the tributes out of the arena - hell, the entire fate of the rebellion depended on it. On the other hand though, Kara had promised she’d bring them back alive, and she didn’t exactly have a good track record keeping her promises to Lee when they were that important. As much as she wanted to see the Capitol fall, she knew Lee wanted it more. It was like some part of him had been ripped out when Zak died, and he had filled it up with righteous rage instead. He wasn’t the same boy she used to trip and tease back in school, was no longer one of her two best friends. Of course, she wasn’t exactly the same either. They didn’t fit into each other’s lives anymore. But now that didn’t matter, because they had a war to fight.
Kara didn’t leave the cockpit of the hovercraft until they were safely back at District 13. It was the first time she got a look at the kid they went through so much to save, the so-called symbol of their rebellion. Mostly she looked like hell, scared and weak. Sometimes it made her sick to think all it took was some kid and her fucking boyfriend to get the people of Panem to wake up and do something. Like she was the only one whose life was ever fucked over by the Capitol.
Back in the district, Kara lead their guest of honor and her entourage through the catacombs to the main part of the underground complex. Kara wasn’t surprised that Lee was waiting for them when they arrived-he’d worked so hard to make sure they could pull it off-but what caught her off guard was the way he ran to her.
Lee caught her in his arms and pulled her tight against his chest-happy to see her, she figured. He was probably just happy that the plan worked. Lee didn’t hold her like this. He didn’t even hold her when she made it back from the games alive. She hugged him back though, a reflex of their childhood.
He pulled back from her, and she expected him to move right along. Instead, he caught her face between his hands and kissed her. It was brief and sudden but it felt like a jolt of electricity rushing through her. They both stood for a moment, faces inches apart, looking for something to say, before she swallowed hard. “Good to see you too, Lee.”
He let out a laugh. “That was a hell of a fireworks show.”
“Nice to see the Capitol knows how to pull a good cover up,” she said, lips curving into a wry smirk.
The atmosphere in the room shifted quickly back to the task at hand. All of Panem was up in arms and it was time to strike while the iron was hot. Seems Katniss-“the girl on fire”-might just send the Capitol up in smoke after all.
It was somewhere between the talks about reaching out to their allies in the Capitol and storming the government building to assassinate President Snow that Katniss brought up rescuing Peeta. Haymitch didn’t consider it for a second - he simply brushed her off. “There’s a reason we don’t let you make the plans,” he said.
Katniss’s face went red, and her eyes narrowed. “You’re not going to be able to stop me. Once we get to the Capitol-” She trailed off as the room went quiet. “What?”
Gale was the only one to speak, his voice sounded miserable. “You’re staying here, Katniss.”
“What!?”
“You think we busted our asses saving your life just so you could die in the Capitol?” Haymitch slurred.
“I am not staying here. Peeta stepped in for you so he could save me. I’m not going to let him-”
“You listen to me! You ungrateful little brat, I was the one keeping you alive in there last year and I kept you alive now. If you even think about throwing it all away just for-”
Kara felt a hard knot tighten in her stomach as she listened to the words. Before she could stop her herself, she was yelling. “Back the hell off, Haymitch.” Kara snagged Katniss by the wrist. “C’mon, kid. Let’s get out of here.”
*~*
“I’m keeping you alive, you ungrateful brat!”
This is how Kara’s mother answers everything. She survived the games, and tells Kara that one day she’s going to have to face them too. She says that she is not going to send her daughter into the arena unprepared, that she will make her come out a victor. Kara should be thankful. One day, she will be.
Her mother teaches her how to use various weapons, to live off whatever she can get her hands on. One day, Kara kills a small bird that landed on the fence outside their house with a stick because her mother orders her to. Her mother catches her later on when she tries to bury the bird in their yard. She beats her. No sentimentality.
“You think this hurts?” her mother asks her.
Kara is eight and the skin on her forearms is blistered and blazing red from the boiling water her mother pours over them. White-hot pain settles there and she needs to bite her lip to keep from crying out, so she just nods.
Her mother snarls and slaps Kara with the back of her hand. “You don’t know what pain is!” She howls.
As soon as she can, Kara runs. She gets out of her house, runs from the Victor’s Village and into the town. There’s going to be hell to pay when she gets home but she doesn’t stop until she gets to Lee and Zak’s house.
“What happened?” Lee asks, taking her hands and looking over her arms. Kara just shakes her head.
Zak runs into the house and returns with a damp towel that he wraps around her arms. The cool cloth feels good against the burns, makes them not sting so much. Their dad asks her to join them for dinner and, when he sees her arms, lets Kara stay the night.
Her mother tells her that life is worthless. No one’s life is too precious to protect.
Kara isn’t sure she believes her.
*~*
Katniss fumed as she was dragged from the meeting. She can’t stand being treated like this, like some dumb little kid. She’d been in the arena twice, survived more than any of them, and now they’re acting like she’s some piece of porcelain about to break. Actually, right now she’d like to break something herself.
As if she was reading Katniss’s mind, Kara spoke for the first time since she dragged her out. “Don’t listen to them. They have no idea what they’re talking about.” She dropped down onto a cot and dug around beneath it for a bottle of liquor. She unscrewed the top and raised the bottle to her lips, taking a long gulp.
The only time Katniss had ever gotten drunk was the day they announced the Quarter Quell, but right now-stuck here, unable to save someone who would’ve done anything for her-she felt like having another drink. “Can I have some of that?”
“It’s not good for the kid,” Kara said, gesturing with the bottle towards her stomach.
Katniss sank down next to her on the cot. “I’m not really pregnant.”
“No?” Kara arched an eyebrow. After a moment, she scoffed and handed the bottle over. “Knock yourself out then.”
Katniss took it, threw her head back, and enjoyed the hot tear of liquor ripping down her throat. It made her remember that she was still alive. When she looked up, wiping her mouth, Kara was staring at her. Silent. Icy. Katniss had to break the quiet somehow. “I remember you. You won the 71st games.”
Kara snatched the bottle back. “I survived. I wouldn’t call it winning.” She didn’t say it, but Katniss heard the words: you should know that.
*~*
The first time Kara realizes that alcohol can make her feel, she drinks until she wakes up alone, hunched over the bathtub, her clothes soiled and stinking. Feeling sick is better than feeling nothing, she decides.
The second time, she wakes up in a distantly familiar bed. Her head is pounding and it takes a few minutes longer than it should for her to realize this is-was-Zak’s old room. She doesn’t know how she got there, but she tugs on her shoes and is gone before anyone can stop her.
Eventually she figures out a method. She knows how to drink just enough at just the right time that nothing bothers her anymore-not the way that her mother is actually proud of her after all this, not the way Lee rushes off whenever he sees her, not the way Zak’s parents claim they don’t blame her for their younger son’s death, even when they should. She never sobers up so she never has to deal with being hung over, except for first thing in the morning, which is easily remedied. She manages to keep it up for three years.
One morning, she stumbles down the stairs and heads straight for the liquor cabinet only to find it empty. She groans, hanging her head, which suddenly feels like it weighs three times as much as usual. She hears a smug voice coming from the doorway. “Looks like someone is finally sobering up.”
“Very fucking funny, Lee,” she hisses.
“I need your help,” he confesses, walking closer to her. “And you’re no good if you drink yourself to death.”
He puts his hands on her shoulders, and it’s the first time he’s held her in years. She doesn’t want to keep this moment in her memory. It’ll hurt too much to hold. “Your concern is touching.”
Turns out, rebellion makes her feel almost as good as alcohol-almost. It gives her something to fight, just as she’d been trained to do.
*~*
“What are you doing?” The sound of Gale’s voice jerked Lee out of his thoughts. He quickly turned off the television set, hoping that Gale hadn’t noticed the fact that he’d been rewatching Katniss and Peeta’s interviews. It wasn’t the first time he’d been found watching them either. “Those… those don’t matter anymore,” Gale said. “Why the hell are you bothering with them?”
Lee didn’t know why he spoke. He just did. It was a secret he’d been holding in for nearly half a decade, because it was his and no one needed to know. But for some reason he just couldn’t hold it in anymore. “Zak loved Kara.”
Gale’s head snapped up.
Well, now that he’d said it, Lee figured he might as well explain it too. “He told me a long time ago. But she was our friend, and he didn’t want to mess that up. Didn’t even tell her before they left District 3. He didn’t want it to change the way things had to go.” He laughed-low and bitter and choking. “And now I just wonder… what if he had? Maybe… this,” he gestured at the blank tv, “would be them. Maybe my brother’d still be alive right now.”
Gale was quiet for a moment, watching him, studying his face. “You love her, too.”
Lee felt the heat rising in his face. He was about to snap, tell Gale he didn’t know what he was talking about, tell him he didn’t have any right prodding into his life like that, but Gale kept going before he had a chance. “I see the way you look at each other, the way you kissed her when she came back alive. If you love her then why don’t you just do something about it?”
“You don’t know anything about me or Kara, kid.”
Gale’s face turned dark at that last word. “I’m not a kid. And I do know. I know what it’s like to watch someone you love fight and kill and try to survive! I know how the games change them!” Gale had begun to shout. “At least the person you love isn’t happily married and having a baby.” His uninjured hand clenched at his side for a moment, face reddening with anger before he turned and bolted from the room.
*~*
Gale moved at such a furious pace that he didn’t see Katniss rounding a corner in the corridor until he collided with her. The wounds on his chest and the injured arm bloomed with pain where they hit her body. She stumbled back, a frown on her face before she stepped forward, reaching out to him.
“Are you okay?” she asked. Her speech was slurred and her motions were less than steady.
“Drinking again, Catnip?” He frowned, hoping this wasn’t going to end as badly as it had before. “Don’t you know that’s bad for the baby.”
She made a frustrated little grunting noise, and Gale felt himself begin to grin. There was something strong in the tone of her voice, even in just that little sound. Something he loved about her. “I’m not pregnant.”
For a brief moment, Gale felt like his head was spinning. Was he hearing her right? Was she not really having Peeta’s baby? “Katniss, what-?”
Katniss shut her eyes. “I’m not pregnant, I’m not married. Peeta lied. He was trying to protect me or make people hate the Capitol. I don’t know what he was doing or thinking but he was smart.” Her eyes snapped open again, dark and determined now. “Haymitch used him, and me, but Peeta’s not just some pawn, he’s a person-a good person-and right now he needs my help.”
Before Gale could stop himself, he reached out, grabbing her shoulder and pulled her close. He caught her chin in his hand and kissed her soundly. Katniss spluttered for a moment, but he deepened the kiss and she didn’t pull back. In fact, she sank against him and he dropped his arm to slide around her waist. She let him kiss her-Katniss the girl, the fighter, the hero, not some idea or symbol. She was never a symbol to him.
“What was that for?” she asked when she finally slid away for air.
“No reason.”
Katniss blushed furiously and he bit back the urge to tease her about it. Instead, he told her, “We’ll save him. Okay?”
“We as in you all will and I stay here all safe and sound?” she glared.
“No, we as in we, Katniss.” She blinked hard at him, face shifting like she didn’t quite understand what he was saying. “I figure you have two working arms right now,” he nodded to his sling, “and that already puts you at an advantage over me.”
She didn’t say anything. She just leaned in, put her arms around his neck, and pressed her lips to his. Gale knew she was telling him thank you.
*~*
Kara couldn’t rest, couldn’t sleep. There were bigger things on her mind. Like killing the president. Like going into the Capitol not knowing if she was going to come out alive. She wasn’t quite sure it mattered either way.
She shoved herself out of her bed and made her way out into the catacombs, following a trail she knew too well by now, only making a detour when she found the two kids in a dark corner, kissing each other like there was no tomorrow. Of course, considering their situation, there might not be.
She found Lee looking over the plans-again. What a surprise. Every time she saw him he was doing something like that, so she knew she’d find him here. But why had she come here? Well, she wasn’t even sure. Lee looked up when she cleared her throat.
Unsure of what to say to him, she gestured over her shoulder with her thumb, “Catch the show out there? The kids are-”
She didn’t even have time for her brain to process what was going on before Lee had her backed up against the wall, his hands settled firmly on her hips. Her mind reeled for a second. This was Lee-Lee, who hadn’t touched her, barely talked to her in years. And now he was kissing her. He was kissing her and her heart was racing and she was running out of breath. She felt dizzy when Lee pulled back.
“Um… that,” she panted. “The kids are… uh… doing that.”
“You’re alive.”
Where the hell had that come from? “What?”
Lee’s hands closed over her shoulders, his eyes fixed on hers-dark from the dim lighting and maybe something else. “You’re alive… you’re here.”
“Yeah, Lee, I am.” Her brow furrowed. She would’ve crossed her arms over her chest, had he not been holding them. “I have been for the last four years. Guess you were too busy avoiding me to notice.”
“I wasn’t-” Lee shook his head, trying to back out of the obvious lie he was starting. “What happened to Zak wasn’t your fault. I just… I don’t know… I was so caught up in changing the future that I stopped thinking about what was happening now.” He brought his hand up to her face, his thumb brushing over her cheek.
For someone so smart, he was so fucking dumb sometimes. She pressed her hands to his chest, fingers curling in the fabric of his shirt. “And what exactly is happening now?” she asked, her lips curving into a small smirk.
He brushed a strand of hair back from her face and bent down to kiss her again. She pulled him closer, just wanting to feel this-feel him. She let out a sigh as he rest his forehead against hers. She dropped her hands to his hips, threading her fingers through his belt loops. “You have really shit timing, Lee.”
He didn’t answer, just pulled her closer and trailed his lips over her neck. Kara shut her eyes, and let herself get lost in the feel of being alive.
Everyone in the rebellion was fighting for something. She had been fighting because it was the only thing she knew how to do. It had always felt like her life was over and she was just waiting out her borrowed time.
But maybe-just maybe-it wasn’t over yet.
She didn’t want to make a promise to him-she could never keep them anyway-but maybe she could handle fighting for this.
--End--
Fandom: The Hunger Games/Battlestar Galactica
Rating: PG-13 for swearing and some disturbing images
Pairings: Kara/Lee, Katniss/Gale
Words: ~4000
Summary: Lee Adama is nineteen when his younger brother’s name is drawn from the reaping ball.
Author's Note: Written for taragel and thrace_adama who won my auction over at help_haiti . Beta'd by penny_earrings .
Lee Adama is nineteen when his younger brother’s name is drawn from the reaping ball, and suddenly it feels like the ground he’s standing on has turned to quicksand and he’s slowly being swallowed. Of all the boys in District 3, it is him. Zak is not cut out for the arena, Lee knows, but his brother puts on a brave face as he steps forward. If it had been the year before or any year before that, Lee would step in, take his place, give his brother the chance to keep on living.
Of course, it always seems darkest right before it goes pitch black.
The female tribute for District 3 this year is Kara Thrace. Lee feels the world drop out from underneath him.
When he goes to say goodbye to Zak, his throat is so tight he can barely speak. He closes his hands over Zak’s shoulders-they’re shaking-and looks him in the eye. Zak’s afraid, but he’s trying not to show it to his big brother. Instead, he shows him a lighter their father has given him for luck.
“I’m gonna bring it back,” he lies. Lee pretends to believe him.
Visiting Kara is almost worse. She isn’t shaking at all. There’s no fear in her eyes. There’s just grim acceptance on her face, and it nearly kills him. He’s known her since she was born, just shy of a year longer than he’s known his own brother. She means more to him than he can ever tell her-especially now. He pulls her tight against his chest and drops his forehead against hers.
“I’m gonna keep him safe,” she promises.
Lee feels his breath hitch in his chest. He can’t bear the thought of losing either of them, let alone both. All he can think to say is “Good luck, Kara.”
For a brief moment, she shudders and sighs. “Lee…”
*~*
“Lee. Lee!” Gale shouted. Lee’d been staring at the television for the better part of the last half hour. Gale could tell he wasn’t really watching, just looking at the screen dazedly.
“Snap out of it.” Gale reached out and turned off the set that’d been airing the games because it’s not doing anyone any good right now.
Lee shook his head, startled back into reality. “Sorry,” he said. He closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and opened them again. “Is it time?”
“Yeah. I just wanted to let you know we were going.” They had just a few hours to reach the arena at the right time. If they left too early, they risked the chance of the Capitol catching them before they were able to rescue the Katniss and the others. If they left too late, the Capitol would surely kill them all before they got there. “You know what to do if things go south.”
Lee grimaced. “They’d better not.”
“Just in case-“
“Gale! Move your ass or we’re leaving without you.” The pilot of their hovercraft’s voice boomed from outside the room. Gale turned toward the doorway just as Kara Thrace walked through it. She stormed into the room, hands planted on her hips. As a former victor herself, she’d been lucky to avoid being sent back into the arena with the others, though from the look of her, Gale guessed she’d been fully prepared to go. She glared at him then shook her head. “Of course, it’s not like we actually need you for this.”
“I’m coming,” he snapped right back.
Out of the corner of his eye, Gale noticed Lee’s posture stiffened slightly. He was always like that when she was around. They never talked, but they sure screamed at each other a hell of a lot. A look he couldn’t quite place passed between him and Kara.
“Good luck,” he said simply.
A moment of silence passed before she turned away from him. “We’ll bring them back,” she said over her shoulder.
*~*
When Lee sees Kara again, it’s almost like he isn’t seeing her-like he isn’t seeing the girl who teamed up with Zak to play every trick on him they could imagine; the girl his father had welcomed as part of their family; the girl who used to escape to their house, hiding from the person her mother wanted her to become.
Instead, for a second, he sees that girl-the one on the television screen with her fingers around the throat of her final opponent, blonde hair masking her face as she squeezes the life out of the same tribute who killed Zak on the third day of the games.
Lee pushes those thoughts aside and runs to her, pulls her into a hug and tucks her head under his chin. She’s rigid in his arms - she doesn’t put her arms back around him, just stands in his embrace for a moment before pulling back. She digs in her pocket.
“He wanted you to have this,” she says, holding the lighter out to him. When he doesn’t take it, she presses it into his hand. Her voice sounds like an apology.
He wants to tell her it doesn’t matter, but it does. Zak is gone, and it isn’t her fault. Zak is gone, but she is alive.
He doesn’t try to hold her again.
*~*
Defeat was never an option when it came to breaking the tributes out of the arena - hell, the entire fate of the rebellion depended on it. On the other hand though, Kara had promised she’d bring them back alive, and she didn’t exactly have a good track record keeping her promises to Lee when they were that important. As much as she wanted to see the Capitol fall, she knew Lee wanted it more. It was like some part of him had been ripped out when Zak died, and he had filled it up with righteous rage instead. He wasn’t the same boy she used to trip and tease back in school, was no longer one of her two best friends. Of course, she wasn’t exactly the same either. They didn’t fit into each other’s lives anymore. But now that didn’t matter, because they had a war to fight.
Kara didn’t leave the cockpit of the hovercraft until they were safely back at District 13. It was the first time she got a look at the kid they went through so much to save, the so-called symbol of their rebellion. Mostly she looked like hell, scared and weak. Sometimes it made her sick to think all it took was some kid and her fucking boyfriend to get the people of Panem to wake up and do something. Like she was the only one whose life was ever fucked over by the Capitol.
Back in the district, Kara lead their guest of honor and her entourage through the catacombs to the main part of the underground complex. Kara wasn’t surprised that Lee was waiting for them when they arrived-he’d worked so hard to make sure they could pull it off-but what caught her off guard was the way he ran to her.
Lee caught her in his arms and pulled her tight against his chest-happy to see her, she figured. He was probably just happy that the plan worked. Lee didn’t hold her like this. He didn’t even hold her when she made it back from the games alive. She hugged him back though, a reflex of their childhood.
He pulled back from her, and she expected him to move right along. Instead, he caught her face between his hands and kissed her. It was brief and sudden but it felt like a jolt of electricity rushing through her. They both stood for a moment, faces inches apart, looking for something to say, before she swallowed hard. “Good to see you too, Lee.”
He let out a laugh. “That was a hell of a fireworks show.”
“Nice to see the Capitol knows how to pull a good cover up,” she said, lips curving into a wry smirk.
The atmosphere in the room shifted quickly back to the task at hand. All of Panem was up in arms and it was time to strike while the iron was hot. Seems Katniss-“the girl on fire”-might just send the Capitol up in smoke after all.
It was somewhere between the talks about reaching out to their allies in the Capitol and storming the government building to assassinate President Snow that Katniss brought up rescuing Peeta. Haymitch didn’t consider it for a second - he simply brushed her off. “There’s a reason we don’t let you make the plans,” he said.
Katniss’s face went red, and her eyes narrowed. “You’re not going to be able to stop me. Once we get to the Capitol-” She trailed off as the room went quiet. “What?”
Gale was the only one to speak, his voice sounded miserable. “You’re staying here, Katniss.”
“What!?”
“You think we busted our asses saving your life just so you could die in the Capitol?” Haymitch slurred.
“I am not staying here. Peeta stepped in for you so he could save me. I’m not going to let him-”
“You listen to me! You ungrateful little brat, I was the one keeping you alive in there last year and I kept you alive now. If you even think about throwing it all away just for-”
Kara felt a hard knot tighten in her stomach as she listened to the words. Before she could stop her herself, she was yelling. “Back the hell off, Haymitch.” Kara snagged Katniss by the wrist. “C’mon, kid. Let’s get out of here.”
*~*
“I’m keeping you alive, you ungrateful brat!”
This is how Kara’s mother answers everything. She survived the games, and tells Kara that one day she’s going to have to face them too. She says that she is not going to send her daughter into the arena unprepared, that she will make her come out a victor. Kara should be thankful. One day, she will be.
Her mother teaches her how to use various weapons, to live off whatever she can get her hands on. One day, Kara kills a small bird that landed on the fence outside their house with a stick because her mother orders her to. Her mother catches her later on when she tries to bury the bird in their yard. She beats her. No sentimentality.
“You think this hurts?” her mother asks her.
Kara is eight and the skin on her forearms is blistered and blazing red from the boiling water her mother pours over them. White-hot pain settles there and she needs to bite her lip to keep from crying out, so she just nods.
Her mother snarls and slaps Kara with the back of her hand. “You don’t know what pain is!” She howls.
As soon as she can, Kara runs. She gets out of her house, runs from the Victor’s Village and into the town. There’s going to be hell to pay when she gets home but she doesn’t stop until she gets to Lee and Zak’s house.
“What happened?” Lee asks, taking her hands and looking over her arms. Kara just shakes her head.
Zak runs into the house and returns with a damp towel that he wraps around her arms. The cool cloth feels good against the burns, makes them not sting so much. Their dad asks her to join them for dinner and, when he sees her arms, lets Kara stay the night.
Her mother tells her that life is worthless. No one’s life is too precious to protect.
Kara isn’t sure she believes her.
*~*
Katniss fumed as she was dragged from the meeting. She can’t stand being treated like this, like some dumb little kid. She’d been in the arena twice, survived more than any of them, and now they’re acting like she’s some piece of porcelain about to break. Actually, right now she’d like to break something herself.
As if she was reading Katniss’s mind, Kara spoke for the first time since she dragged her out. “Don’t listen to them. They have no idea what they’re talking about.” She dropped down onto a cot and dug around beneath it for a bottle of liquor. She unscrewed the top and raised the bottle to her lips, taking a long gulp.
The only time Katniss had ever gotten drunk was the day they announced the Quarter Quell, but right now-stuck here, unable to save someone who would’ve done anything for her-she felt like having another drink. “Can I have some of that?”
“It’s not good for the kid,” Kara said, gesturing with the bottle towards her stomach.
Katniss sank down next to her on the cot. “I’m not really pregnant.”
“No?” Kara arched an eyebrow. After a moment, she scoffed and handed the bottle over. “Knock yourself out then.”
Katniss took it, threw her head back, and enjoyed the hot tear of liquor ripping down her throat. It made her remember that she was still alive. When she looked up, wiping her mouth, Kara was staring at her. Silent. Icy. Katniss had to break the quiet somehow. “I remember you. You won the 71st games.”
Kara snatched the bottle back. “I survived. I wouldn’t call it winning.” She didn’t say it, but Katniss heard the words: you should know that.
*~*
The first time Kara realizes that alcohol can make her feel, she drinks until she wakes up alone, hunched over the bathtub, her clothes soiled and stinking. Feeling sick is better than feeling nothing, she decides.
The second time, she wakes up in a distantly familiar bed. Her head is pounding and it takes a few minutes longer than it should for her to realize this is-was-Zak’s old room. She doesn’t know how she got there, but she tugs on her shoes and is gone before anyone can stop her.
Eventually she figures out a method. She knows how to drink just enough at just the right time that nothing bothers her anymore-not the way that her mother is actually proud of her after all this, not the way Lee rushes off whenever he sees her, not the way Zak’s parents claim they don’t blame her for their younger son’s death, even when they should. She never sobers up so she never has to deal with being hung over, except for first thing in the morning, which is easily remedied. She manages to keep it up for three years.
One morning, she stumbles down the stairs and heads straight for the liquor cabinet only to find it empty. She groans, hanging her head, which suddenly feels like it weighs three times as much as usual. She hears a smug voice coming from the doorway. “Looks like someone is finally sobering up.”
“Very fucking funny, Lee,” she hisses.
“I need your help,” he confesses, walking closer to her. “And you’re no good if you drink yourself to death.”
He puts his hands on her shoulders, and it’s the first time he’s held her in years. She doesn’t want to keep this moment in her memory. It’ll hurt too much to hold. “Your concern is touching.”
Turns out, rebellion makes her feel almost as good as alcohol-almost. It gives her something to fight, just as she’d been trained to do.
*~*
“What are you doing?” The sound of Gale’s voice jerked Lee out of his thoughts. He quickly turned off the television set, hoping that Gale hadn’t noticed the fact that he’d been rewatching Katniss and Peeta’s interviews. It wasn’t the first time he’d been found watching them either. “Those… those don’t matter anymore,” Gale said. “Why the hell are you bothering with them?”
Lee didn’t know why he spoke. He just did. It was a secret he’d been holding in for nearly half a decade, because it was his and no one needed to know. But for some reason he just couldn’t hold it in anymore. “Zak loved Kara.”
Gale’s head snapped up.
Well, now that he’d said it, Lee figured he might as well explain it too. “He told me a long time ago. But she was our friend, and he didn’t want to mess that up. Didn’t even tell her before they left District 3. He didn’t want it to change the way things had to go.” He laughed-low and bitter and choking. “And now I just wonder… what if he had? Maybe… this,” he gestured at the blank tv, “would be them. Maybe my brother’d still be alive right now.”
Gale was quiet for a moment, watching him, studying his face. “You love her, too.”
Lee felt the heat rising in his face. He was about to snap, tell Gale he didn’t know what he was talking about, tell him he didn’t have any right prodding into his life like that, but Gale kept going before he had a chance. “I see the way you look at each other, the way you kissed her when she came back alive. If you love her then why don’t you just do something about it?”
“You don’t know anything about me or Kara, kid.”
Gale’s face turned dark at that last word. “I’m not a kid. And I do know. I know what it’s like to watch someone you love fight and kill and try to survive! I know how the games change them!” Gale had begun to shout. “At least the person you love isn’t happily married and having a baby.” His uninjured hand clenched at his side for a moment, face reddening with anger before he turned and bolted from the room.
*~*
Gale moved at such a furious pace that he didn’t see Katniss rounding a corner in the corridor until he collided with her. The wounds on his chest and the injured arm bloomed with pain where they hit her body. She stumbled back, a frown on her face before she stepped forward, reaching out to him.
“Are you okay?” she asked. Her speech was slurred and her motions were less than steady.
“Drinking again, Catnip?” He frowned, hoping this wasn’t going to end as badly as it had before. “Don’t you know that’s bad for the baby.”
She made a frustrated little grunting noise, and Gale felt himself begin to grin. There was something strong in the tone of her voice, even in just that little sound. Something he loved about her. “I’m not pregnant.”
For a brief moment, Gale felt like his head was spinning. Was he hearing her right? Was she not really having Peeta’s baby? “Katniss, what-?”
Katniss shut her eyes. “I’m not pregnant, I’m not married. Peeta lied. He was trying to protect me or make people hate the Capitol. I don’t know what he was doing or thinking but he was smart.” Her eyes snapped open again, dark and determined now. “Haymitch used him, and me, but Peeta’s not just some pawn, he’s a person-a good person-and right now he needs my help.”
Before Gale could stop himself, he reached out, grabbing her shoulder and pulled her close. He caught her chin in his hand and kissed her soundly. Katniss spluttered for a moment, but he deepened the kiss and she didn’t pull back. In fact, she sank against him and he dropped his arm to slide around her waist. She let him kiss her-Katniss the girl, the fighter, the hero, not some idea or symbol. She was never a symbol to him.
“What was that for?” she asked when she finally slid away for air.
“No reason.”
Katniss blushed furiously and he bit back the urge to tease her about it. Instead, he told her, “We’ll save him. Okay?”
“We as in you all will and I stay here all safe and sound?” she glared.
“No, we as in we, Katniss.” She blinked hard at him, face shifting like she didn’t quite understand what he was saying. “I figure you have two working arms right now,” he nodded to his sling, “and that already puts you at an advantage over me.”
She didn’t say anything. She just leaned in, put her arms around his neck, and pressed her lips to his. Gale knew she was telling him thank you.
*~*
Kara couldn’t rest, couldn’t sleep. There were bigger things on her mind. Like killing the president. Like going into the Capitol not knowing if she was going to come out alive. She wasn’t quite sure it mattered either way.
She shoved herself out of her bed and made her way out into the catacombs, following a trail she knew too well by now, only making a detour when she found the two kids in a dark corner, kissing each other like there was no tomorrow. Of course, considering their situation, there might not be.
She found Lee looking over the plans-again. What a surprise. Every time she saw him he was doing something like that, so she knew she’d find him here. But why had she come here? Well, she wasn’t even sure. Lee looked up when she cleared her throat.
Unsure of what to say to him, she gestured over her shoulder with her thumb, “Catch the show out there? The kids are-”
She didn’t even have time for her brain to process what was going on before Lee had her backed up against the wall, his hands settled firmly on her hips. Her mind reeled for a second. This was Lee-Lee, who hadn’t touched her, barely talked to her in years. And now he was kissing her. He was kissing her and her heart was racing and she was running out of breath. She felt dizzy when Lee pulled back.
“Um… that,” she panted. “The kids are… uh… doing that.”
“You’re alive.”
Where the hell had that come from? “What?”
Lee’s hands closed over her shoulders, his eyes fixed on hers-dark from the dim lighting and maybe something else. “You’re alive… you’re here.”
“Yeah, Lee, I am.” Her brow furrowed. She would’ve crossed her arms over her chest, had he not been holding them. “I have been for the last four years. Guess you were too busy avoiding me to notice.”
“I wasn’t-” Lee shook his head, trying to back out of the obvious lie he was starting. “What happened to Zak wasn’t your fault. I just… I don’t know… I was so caught up in changing the future that I stopped thinking about what was happening now.” He brought his hand up to her face, his thumb brushing over her cheek.
For someone so smart, he was so fucking dumb sometimes. She pressed her hands to his chest, fingers curling in the fabric of his shirt. “And what exactly is happening now?” she asked, her lips curving into a small smirk.
He brushed a strand of hair back from her face and bent down to kiss her again. She pulled him closer, just wanting to feel this-feel him. She let out a sigh as he rest his forehead against hers. She dropped her hands to his hips, threading her fingers through his belt loops. “You have really shit timing, Lee.”
He didn’t answer, just pulled her closer and trailed his lips over her neck. Kara shut her eyes, and let herself get lost in the feel of being alive.
Everyone in the rebellion was fighting for something. She had been fighting because it was the only thing she knew how to do. It had always felt like her life was over and she was just waiting out her borrowed time.
But maybe-just maybe-it wasn’t over yet.
She didn’t want to make a promise to him-she could never keep them anyway-but maybe she could handle fighting for this.
--End--