The Importance of Words (Earthian, K)
I dug out my Earthian manga last night 'cause I had been thinking about it recently and did a re-read. My muses decided to run with it. Which, since Kagetsuya and Chihaya are SO FREAKING ADORABLE works for me. ♥
I doubt that many people on my Friends list - if any at all - know what Earthian is, but. I'll probably end up posting this on Fanfiction.net and possibly AO3, too. Eventually.
For the uninitiated, Earthian is a manga (and OAV anime) about a group of aliens who look like angels, who decend to Earth in pairs to judge the positive and negative sides of the 'Earthians' to decide whether or not they should be allowed to live. (Before anyone gets up in arms over this, yes, there are issues with that from several sides.) The story itself centers around several groups of characters who are involved in relationships that are considered to be condemned by God. So basically, there's rampant yaoi/slash, pedophilia, and incest. It also debates what love is, and who has the right to judge someone *in* love. And there's a subplot about genetic mutation and racism. I promise it's not as philosophical and preachy as I'm making it sound. c.c;;;
I like it because it has pretty pictures, Chihaya is adorable - particularly with his boytoy - and there are some really beautiful sayings in this series.
Fandom/: Earthian (Manga, 'cause the anime version *sucked* in comparison. >.<). Post series.
Characters/: Chihaya and Kagetsuya, with quotes from Elvira, Miyuki (although it’s kind of mangled x.x), and Raphael and Michael
Pairings/: Kagetsuya/Chihaya
Rating/: K
Disclaimer/: I wish I owned Earthian, because then there would be more of it.
Summary/: Sometimes nightmares linger long after the fight is over. And sometimes, we need to be reminded that actions speak louder than words.
Warnings/: If you've read the Earthian manga, none. If you haven't ... uh .... you may not get it?
Author's Notes/: Quotes snagged from manga #3, which is my personal favorite for many reasons. I'm basing the idea of Kagetsuya not being a morning person off the way he wakes up with a hangover in the chapter Angel's Chain, and because, well he is incredibly grumpy in general, so I can see him waking up that way, too. I don't usually write in present tense, but for some reason Chihaya insisted it be written this way, so yay for writing exercises!
Written because the fact that Kagetsuya says he won't ask Chihaya again always stuck with me, and I thought that I'd like to see them make up a little more clearly than they actually did. (Not that I don't already adore the reunion scene, because OMG. -Flails- ♥♥♥)
The Importance of Words
"I am sure you are well aware that homosexual love is punishable by death. Your actions are a crime."
"Objection! It is not a crime! What's so wrong about two people loving each other?"
He wakes up to warm sunlight on his face and strong arms wrapped securely around him, holding him in place. He smiles before opening his eyes, knowing what he will find when he does. As always, the first sight to greet him is Kagetsuya, sleeping peacefully, his face relaxed and content. His smile widens, the warmth spreading through his heart, and he watches for several minutes before leaning forward to press a kiss to Kagetsuya's lips. It takes a moment before he gets his response, for Kagetsuya has never been a morning person - or any sort of cheerful person, really - but at last there's a soft pressure, moments before he finds himself rolled over and pinned to the bed.
He giggles, because he can't help himself, and it's the sound that finally causes Kagetsuya to open his eyes. He's clearly grumpy, and Chihaya beams up at him. "Good morning, love!" he chirps happily, leaning up to give him another brief kiss.
Kagetsuya sighs irritably, but manages another kiss back, his hand coming up to stroke Chihaya's cheek. "Breakfast?" he mumbles, because even half-asleep he's concerned for Chihaya's well-being.
Chihaya nods, still smiling, and reaches up to squeeze Kagetsuya's hand, turning to kiss his fingers. "Yes, please. Whatever you'd like to make is fine."
Kagetsuya's eyes narrow, and he hastily corrects "But eggs and toast would be nice!" if only because they are currently in America again, and Kagetsuya enjoys making food based on the local cuisine.
Kagetsuya humphs in acknowledgement, giving him another kiss that lingers a bit longer before abruptly climbing off of him and heading to the kitchen.
Chihaya watches him leave, his smile fading as soon as Kagetsuya is gone. He sits up slowly, running a hand through his tangled hair with a sigh. (He'd cut it, but Kagetsuya insists he likes it long.) There is no need to smile when Kagetsuya isn't nearby.
It isn't that he's unhappy. He *is* happy, unbelievably so. He loves Earth and the Earthians, and to live peacefully among them - with Kagetsuya no less - is like living in a dream. He does get homesick at times, for Eden, for Lord Michael, for his friends: Miyagi, Aya, and Sayaka. But being here with Kagetsuya is enough. More than enough.
It doesn't stop the nightmares, though.
"All I want is the truth! You may think you're trying to help me by doing that, but ... I don't need it! Chihaya, please!"
"Chihaya ... Don't worry about what will happen. Just let me hear the truth. I won't ask you again. Do you love me?"
"Kagetsuya ... I don't love you."
Just the memory alone brings tears to his eyes and makes his heart ache. He will never forget that day, or Kagetsuya's tears. He won't allow himself to.
He knows that Kagetsuya has forgiven him, to a point. He did leave Eden, after all. He came when Chihaya called for him without question, and stood by his side with the Earthian. These are not the actions of a man who doesn't care.
"No matter what happens ... I'll never lie! Not about this!"
But then, Kagetsuya has always cared a bit too much, no matter how unfeeling he pretends to be.
And still ...
"I won't ask you again. Do you love me?"
He never asks. Not once. He smiles when Chihaya tells him he loves him, when he hugs him, and his touch is always gentle, almost reverent. As if he can't believe Chihaya means the things he says.
And he says them constantly, over and over. Good morning, love! I love you. I love you so much. You're the most important thing in the world to me, Kagetsuya. I love you. Lover? Where are you? (The last makes him blush, but the startled flush to Kagetsuya's face makes it worth it every time.)
He tries to show his devotion, staying close to Kagetsuya's side as much as possible. (But he does have a tendency to wander when he's curious; he can't help himself, he's always been that way.) He brings him gifts: cooking supplies and books and once even a really pretty hair ribbon he found that reminded him of Kagetsuya's eyes. (Which Kagetsuya later used to tie back Chihaya's hair, despite his protests.) And he helps with the cleaning - except for the kitchen, because he knows to stay out of Kagetsuya's territory.
But it never feels like enough. It seems like there's something else he's missing, some other way he can assure Kagetsuya that he loves him more than anything. That what he'd said that day was a lie, and while he admits that he would make the same choice, (Because he was not wrong. Protecting the one he loves most is never wrong.) that doesn't change the fact that it *was* a lie. That he only said it to keep Kagetsuya safe, because he couldn't bear to see him hurt. That he hurt him the most because he was willing to make such a sacrifice if it meant that Kagetsuya would be safe. In pain, hurt, but alive.
Because he would shatter his own heart if it meant that Kagetsuya would keep breathing.
"You'll fight with us? That's what it means to *love* something!"
Because there is more than one way to fight for something. Because there are thousands of ways to love something. Because devotion is nothing so simple.
He reaches up to brush at his eyes, trying to calm himself before Kagetsuya hears him start to sniffle. He doesn't want to give him the wrong idea, after all. He *is* happy here, with Kagetsuya. And he doesn't regret the choices he has made that brought him here. He will never give up his pride.
He dresses slowly, thoughtfully, admiring the birds lingering on the windowsill. The local birds always tend to stay near them wherever they are, as though happy to have found friends. He thought that perhaps it was just for Kagetsuya, who specializes in Bird Calling, but they don't leave when Kagetsuya is gone, so perhaps ... perhaps they like him, too.
He starts as something pokes him in the temple, turning to stare up at Kagetsuya with wide eyes as he eeps in surprise. "K - Kagetsuya? You startled me!"
Kagetsuya is watching him thoughtfully, frowning. "Hmm. Breakfast is ready."
He brightens at the thought, because Kagetsuya *is* an excellent cook. "Yum!" he cheers, heading for the dining room.
A hand closes on his arm, and he finds himself drawn back against a firm chest. "Chihaya." Kagetsuya's voice is soft, barely a murmur in his ear.
He swallows, heart pounding at their closeness. Even now, Kagetsuya still affects him this way, and he's grateful every day for it. "Y - yes?"
"What's wrong?"
He blinks, forcing away the sudden surge of fear. "Wrong? What - "
The arms tighten rather painfully, and Kagetsuya nips at his ear in a less-than-playful way. "Tell me what you were thinking about just now."
" ... Breakfast?" he offers tentatively, because technically he was at that moment.
"Chihaya." Kagetsuya sounds less than amused.
For a moment, he debates what to say. Part of him wants to dodge the question again, to go to the kitchen and eat his breakfast and go about their day. But he has promised himself years ago that he would never lie to Kagetsuya. Never again.
"Chihaya ... Don't worry about what will happen. Just let me hear the truth. I won't ask you again. Do you love me?"
Of course I love you.
"Kagetsuya ... I don't love you."
He closes his eyes, gathering his strength. "I was thinking about how much I love you," he admits quietly.
There's a pause, and he can almost *hear* Kagetsuya's frown. "Then why do you look so upset?"
"I'm not!" he protests immediately, spinning around to stare up at his beloved's face. "I *love* you, Kagetsuya! I love you more than anything!"
For a moment they stare at each other, Chihaya silently pleading for Kagetsuya to believe him, Kagetsuya staring down at him with an unreadable expression.
Then Kagetsuya sighs.
"I thought we were past this." It's not quite a reprimand, but he sounds displeased, even annoyed.
Chihaya blinks, confused. "Past this?" he echoes uncertainly. His heart is in his throat, and he hopes, *prays*, that Kagetsuya doesn't mean what it sounds like he does.
Kagetsuya sighs again, more irritably this time, and smacks their foreheads together painfully. He ignores Chihaya's yelp, seizing either side of his face and forcing Chihaya to meet his eyes. "I *know*, Chihaya. I *know* that you love me. So stop trying to convince me that you mean it. I already know you do."
Chihaya freezes, his eyes widening. "I ... I wasn't - "
But Kagetsuya's stare is calm and knowing, and he can't finish his sentence.
Instead tears well in his eyes, and he flings himself into Kagetsuya's arms. "I'm sorry!" he chokes out. "I'm so sorry!"
Those strong arms wrap around him, pulling him close, and holding him like some sort of precious treasure. The way Kagetsuya has always held him ever since that first night together. One hand comes up to run gently through his hair, while the other rests at the small of his back. "I know," Kagetsuya murmurs in his ear, shushing him. "I know. I forgave you a long time ago."
"I'm sorry!" he sobs again, clinging tighter. "I love you so much!"
I ought not to say it again but ... I love you.
I love you.
I wish I'd said it ... as many times as I could.
And so he cries the words, over and over, as Kagetsuya continues to hold him close and soothe him. "I love you ... I love you ... I love you ... "
"Listen! If the world were going to end soon, what would you do?"
"I think I'd prefer to die somewhere beautiful ... with no one else around."
"Who would ever want to be alone when the end came?!"
"If I don't have Kagetsuya, then I'd rather be alone."
****
It is later, *much* later, when they are settled back in bed with Chihaya wrapped securely in Kagetsuya's arms again. Chihaya's tears have finally stopped, at last reduced to the occasional sniffle. Kagetsuya's hand continues to run through his hair while he holds Chihaya in his lap, once in awhile pressing another kiss to the top of his head.
" ... Was it the nightmares again?"
The words are what startle him more than the sudden question, and he looks up with wide eyes. "How did you ... ?"
The look Kagetsuya gives him is pure annoyance. "We share a bed, Chihaya. Did you really think I wouldn't notice you having trouble sleeping?"
Chihaya flushes in embarassment. "I ... I'm sorry," he mumbles. "I didn't mean to disturb you ... "
Kagetsuya huffs. "I didn't say you bothered me. It bothers me that you won't *talk* to me about this," he snaps.
Chihaya stares at his hands, still clenched in Kagetsuya's nightshirt. "I ... I don't ... know what you want me to say," he says finally, sounding meeker than he'd like. It isn't so much giving in as it is the sudden understanding that Kagetsuya is *worried* about him.
Another sigh, and the hand in his hair gives a light tug. "What do you dream about?"
His eyes close and he bites his lip. "Valhalla," he whispers painfully. "The trial."
Kagetsuya's hand stills.
"W - when you asked me to tell you the truth," he forces out. His hands tighten before he can stop himself, twisting fabric. "You said that you wouldn't ask again, and I still lied to you."
Silence.
"I'm sorry," he whispers again. Because he is, and he'll keep saying it forever, even if Kagetsuya *does* finally believe him someday. "I'm sorry that I lied to you, and that I hurt you."
" ... Are you sorry for lying to the court about what happened?"
He stiffens slightly.
" ... No," he says eventually, because he isn't. "I could never be sorry for trying to protect you, Kagetsuya. I'm sorry that you were hurt, but I will never regret trying to protect the person I love most."
A hand catches his chin, lifting it to meet Kagetsuya's eyes, and he gasps slightly at the wealth of emotion in them. "Just like I will never regret telling all of Eden that I love you," Kagetsuya returns, leaning down to kiss him.
"No matter what happens ... I'll never lie! Not about this!"
He's trying not to cry again when they finally pull apart, and failing. "I don't deserve you," he sniffles, reaching up to rub at his eyes.
"Probably," Kagetsuya agrees, but his hand still catches Chihaya's, brushing away the welling tears in its place, and another kiss is pressed against his forehead. "Chihaya ... you don't have to remind me," he says after a moment, sounding vaguely uncomfortable. "I know that you love me."
Chihaya frowns, looking up at him worriedly. "But you never ask. Not since - " He stops himself, swallowing. "Not since that day."
Kagetsuya stares at him for a moment, at last shaking his head with another sigh. "Because I don't need to."
Chihaya blinks.
"Chihaya ... the moment I saw you again, I knew. The first time you smiled at me again, and every time since then. The fact that you curl under my chin every night. The way you hold my hand just because you can." He reaches out to entwine their fingers, as if to emphasize his point. "I don't need to hear you say you love me. Because you tell me every day."
The slow, answering smile that breaks across Chihaya's face is like the dawning sun.
"Besides," Kagetsuya adds in afterthought. "You're a horrible liar. Anyone who knows you at all knew you were lying that day."
Chihaya blinks again.
"You show your emotions too easily," Kagetsuya informs him, taking the hand from his hair to cup his cheek again. "It's one of your more obnoxious traits, but it also makes it very easy to tell when you're lying. Which *can*, occasionally, be useful."
It takes a moment to understand, but at last Chihaya slowly smiles at him again. "I love you too, Kagetsuya," he murmurs, leaning up to kiss him again.
"Idiot," Kagetsuya humphs against his lips. "Letting a perfectly good breakfast go cold just to learn that you don't need words."
Chihaya laughs, because this is his Kagetsuya, and because he knows that he wouldn't change him for the world - either of them.
"Show me a smile. I always loved you best ... when you were smiling."
****
"I cannot believe ... Kagetsuya and Chihaya would fall to this."
"Can you really say that you didn't see it coming? Really?"
" ... No."
I doubt that many people on my Friends list - if any at all - know what Earthian is, but. I'll probably end up posting this on Fanfiction.net and possibly AO3, too. Eventually.
For the uninitiated, Earthian is a manga (and OAV anime) about a group of aliens who look like angels, who decend to Earth in pairs to judge the positive and negative sides of the 'Earthians' to decide whether or not they should be allowed to live. (Before anyone gets up in arms over this, yes, there are issues with that from several sides.) The story itself centers around several groups of characters who are involved in relationships that are considered to be condemned by God. So basically, there's rampant yaoi/slash, pedophilia, and incest. It also debates what love is, and who has the right to judge someone *in* love. And there's a subplot about genetic mutation and racism. I promise it's not as philosophical and preachy as I'm making it sound. c.c;;;
I like it because it has pretty pictures, Chihaya is adorable - particularly with his boytoy - and there are some really beautiful sayings in this series.
Fandom/: Earthian (Manga, 'cause the anime version *sucked* in comparison. >.<). Post series.
Characters/: Chihaya and Kagetsuya, with quotes from Elvira, Miyuki (although it’s kind of mangled x.x), and Raphael and Michael
Pairings/: Kagetsuya/Chihaya
Rating/: K
Disclaimer/: I wish I owned Earthian, because then there would be more of it.
Summary/: Sometimes nightmares linger long after the fight is over. And sometimes, we need to be reminded that actions speak louder than words.
Warnings/: If you've read the Earthian manga, none. If you haven't ... uh .... you may not get it?
Author's Notes/: Quotes snagged from manga #3, which is my personal favorite for many reasons. I'm basing the idea of Kagetsuya not being a morning person off the way he wakes up with a hangover in the chapter Angel's Chain, and because, well he is incredibly grumpy in general, so I can see him waking up that way, too. I don't usually write in present tense, but for some reason Chihaya insisted it be written this way, so yay for writing exercises!
Written because the fact that Kagetsuya says he won't ask Chihaya again always stuck with me, and I thought that I'd like to see them make up a little more clearly than they actually did. (Not that I don't already adore the reunion scene, because OMG. -Flails- ♥♥♥)
The Importance of Words
"I am sure you are well aware that homosexual love is punishable by death. Your actions are a crime."
"Objection! It is not a crime! What's so wrong about two people loving each other?"
He wakes up to warm sunlight on his face and strong arms wrapped securely around him, holding him in place. He smiles before opening his eyes, knowing what he will find when he does. As always, the first sight to greet him is Kagetsuya, sleeping peacefully, his face relaxed and content. His smile widens, the warmth spreading through his heart, and he watches for several minutes before leaning forward to press a kiss to Kagetsuya's lips. It takes a moment before he gets his response, for Kagetsuya has never been a morning person - or any sort of cheerful person, really - but at last there's a soft pressure, moments before he finds himself rolled over and pinned to the bed.
He giggles, because he can't help himself, and it's the sound that finally causes Kagetsuya to open his eyes. He's clearly grumpy, and Chihaya beams up at him. "Good morning, love!" he chirps happily, leaning up to give him another brief kiss.
Kagetsuya sighs irritably, but manages another kiss back, his hand coming up to stroke Chihaya's cheek. "Breakfast?" he mumbles, because even half-asleep he's concerned for Chihaya's well-being.
Chihaya nods, still smiling, and reaches up to squeeze Kagetsuya's hand, turning to kiss his fingers. "Yes, please. Whatever you'd like to make is fine."
Kagetsuya's eyes narrow, and he hastily corrects "But eggs and toast would be nice!" if only because they are currently in America again, and Kagetsuya enjoys making food based on the local cuisine.
Kagetsuya humphs in acknowledgement, giving him another kiss that lingers a bit longer before abruptly climbing off of him and heading to the kitchen.
Chihaya watches him leave, his smile fading as soon as Kagetsuya is gone. He sits up slowly, running a hand through his tangled hair with a sigh. (He'd cut it, but Kagetsuya insists he likes it long.) There is no need to smile when Kagetsuya isn't nearby.
It isn't that he's unhappy. He *is* happy, unbelievably so. He loves Earth and the Earthians, and to live peacefully among them - with Kagetsuya no less - is like living in a dream. He does get homesick at times, for Eden, for Lord Michael, for his friends: Miyagi, Aya, and Sayaka. But being here with Kagetsuya is enough. More than enough.
It doesn't stop the nightmares, though.
"All I want is the truth! You may think you're trying to help me by doing that, but ... I don't need it! Chihaya, please!"
"Chihaya ... Don't worry about what will happen. Just let me hear the truth. I won't ask you again. Do you love me?"
"Kagetsuya ... I don't love you."
Just the memory alone brings tears to his eyes and makes his heart ache. He will never forget that day, or Kagetsuya's tears. He won't allow himself to.
He knows that Kagetsuya has forgiven him, to a point. He did leave Eden, after all. He came when Chihaya called for him without question, and stood by his side with the Earthian. These are not the actions of a man who doesn't care.
"No matter what happens ... I'll never lie! Not about this!"
But then, Kagetsuya has always cared a bit too much, no matter how unfeeling he pretends to be.
And still ...
"I won't ask you again. Do you love me?"
He never asks. Not once. He smiles when Chihaya tells him he loves him, when he hugs him, and his touch is always gentle, almost reverent. As if he can't believe Chihaya means the things he says.
And he says them constantly, over and over. Good morning, love! I love you. I love you so much. You're the most important thing in the world to me, Kagetsuya. I love you. Lover? Where are you? (The last makes him blush, but the startled flush to Kagetsuya's face makes it worth it every time.)
He tries to show his devotion, staying close to Kagetsuya's side as much as possible. (But he does have a tendency to wander when he's curious; he can't help himself, he's always been that way.) He brings him gifts: cooking supplies and books and once even a really pretty hair ribbon he found that reminded him of Kagetsuya's eyes. (Which Kagetsuya later used to tie back Chihaya's hair, despite his protests.) And he helps with the cleaning - except for the kitchen, because he knows to stay out of Kagetsuya's territory.
But it never feels like enough. It seems like there's something else he's missing, some other way he can assure Kagetsuya that he loves him more than anything. That what he'd said that day was a lie, and while he admits that he would make the same choice, (Because he was not wrong. Protecting the one he loves most is never wrong.) that doesn't change the fact that it *was* a lie. That he only said it to keep Kagetsuya safe, because he couldn't bear to see him hurt. That he hurt him the most because he was willing to make such a sacrifice if it meant that Kagetsuya would be safe. In pain, hurt, but alive.
Because he would shatter his own heart if it meant that Kagetsuya would keep breathing.
"You'll fight with us? That's what it means to *love* something!"
Because there is more than one way to fight for something. Because there are thousands of ways to love something. Because devotion is nothing so simple.
He reaches up to brush at his eyes, trying to calm himself before Kagetsuya hears him start to sniffle. He doesn't want to give him the wrong idea, after all. He *is* happy here, with Kagetsuya. And he doesn't regret the choices he has made that brought him here. He will never give up his pride.
He dresses slowly, thoughtfully, admiring the birds lingering on the windowsill. The local birds always tend to stay near them wherever they are, as though happy to have found friends. He thought that perhaps it was just for Kagetsuya, who specializes in Bird Calling, but they don't leave when Kagetsuya is gone, so perhaps ... perhaps they like him, too.
He starts as something pokes him in the temple, turning to stare up at Kagetsuya with wide eyes as he eeps in surprise. "K - Kagetsuya? You startled me!"
Kagetsuya is watching him thoughtfully, frowning. "Hmm. Breakfast is ready."
He brightens at the thought, because Kagetsuya *is* an excellent cook. "Yum!" he cheers, heading for the dining room.
A hand closes on his arm, and he finds himself drawn back against a firm chest. "Chihaya." Kagetsuya's voice is soft, barely a murmur in his ear.
He swallows, heart pounding at their closeness. Even now, Kagetsuya still affects him this way, and he's grateful every day for it. "Y - yes?"
"What's wrong?"
He blinks, forcing away the sudden surge of fear. "Wrong? What - "
The arms tighten rather painfully, and Kagetsuya nips at his ear in a less-than-playful way. "Tell me what you were thinking about just now."
" ... Breakfast?" he offers tentatively, because technically he was at that moment.
"Chihaya." Kagetsuya sounds less than amused.
For a moment, he debates what to say. Part of him wants to dodge the question again, to go to the kitchen and eat his breakfast and go about their day. But he has promised himself years ago that he would never lie to Kagetsuya. Never again.
"Chihaya ... Don't worry about what will happen. Just let me hear the truth. I won't ask you again. Do you love me?"
Of course I love you.
"Kagetsuya ... I don't love you."
He closes his eyes, gathering his strength. "I was thinking about how much I love you," he admits quietly.
There's a pause, and he can almost *hear* Kagetsuya's frown. "Then why do you look so upset?"
"I'm not!" he protests immediately, spinning around to stare up at his beloved's face. "I *love* you, Kagetsuya! I love you more than anything!"
For a moment they stare at each other, Chihaya silently pleading for Kagetsuya to believe him, Kagetsuya staring down at him with an unreadable expression.
Then Kagetsuya sighs.
"I thought we were past this." It's not quite a reprimand, but he sounds displeased, even annoyed.
Chihaya blinks, confused. "Past this?" he echoes uncertainly. His heart is in his throat, and he hopes, *prays*, that Kagetsuya doesn't mean what it sounds like he does.
Kagetsuya sighs again, more irritably this time, and smacks their foreheads together painfully. He ignores Chihaya's yelp, seizing either side of his face and forcing Chihaya to meet his eyes. "I *know*, Chihaya. I *know* that you love me. So stop trying to convince me that you mean it. I already know you do."
Chihaya freezes, his eyes widening. "I ... I wasn't - "
But Kagetsuya's stare is calm and knowing, and he can't finish his sentence.
Instead tears well in his eyes, and he flings himself into Kagetsuya's arms. "I'm sorry!" he chokes out. "I'm so sorry!"
Those strong arms wrap around him, pulling him close, and holding him like some sort of precious treasure. The way Kagetsuya has always held him ever since that first night together. One hand comes up to run gently through his hair, while the other rests at the small of his back. "I know," Kagetsuya murmurs in his ear, shushing him. "I know. I forgave you a long time ago."
"I'm sorry!" he sobs again, clinging tighter. "I love you so much!"
I ought not to say it again but ... I love you.
I love you.
I wish I'd said it ... as many times as I could.
And so he cries the words, over and over, as Kagetsuya continues to hold him close and soothe him. "I love you ... I love you ... I love you ... "
"Listen! If the world were going to end soon, what would you do?"
"I think I'd prefer to die somewhere beautiful ... with no one else around."
"Who would ever want to be alone when the end came?!"
"If I don't have Kagetsuya, then I'd rather be alone."
****
It is later, *much* later, when they are settled back in bed with Chihaya wrapped securely in Kagetsuya's arms again. Chihaya's tears have finally stopped, at last reduced to the occasional sniffle. Kagetsuya's hand continues to run through his hair while he holds Chihaya in his lap, once in awhile pressing another kiss to the top of his head.
" ... Was it the nightmares again?"
The words are what startle him more than the sudden question, and he looks up with wide eyes. "How did you ... ?"
The look Kagetsuya gives him is pure annoyance. "We share a bed, Chihaya. Did you really think I wouldn't notice you having trouble sleeping?"
Chihaya flushes in embarassment. "I ... I'm sorry," he mumbles. "I didn't mean to disturb you ... "
Kagetsuya huffs. "I didn't say you bothered me. It bothers me that you won't *talk* to me about this," he snaps.
Chihaya stares at his hands, still clenched in Kagetsuya's nightshirt. "I ... I don't ... know what you want me to say," he says finally, sounding meeker than he'd like. It isn't so much giving in as it is the sudden understanding that Kagetsuya is *worried* about him.
Another sigh, and the hand in his hair gives a light tug. "What do you dream about?"
His eyes close and he bites his lip. "Valhalla," he whispers painfully. "The trial."
Kagetsuya's hand stills.
"W - when you asked me to tell you the truth," he forces out. His hands tighten before he can stop himself, twisting fabric. "You said that you wouldn't ask again, and I still lied to you."
Silence.
"I'm sorry," he whispers again. Because he is, and he'll keep saying it forever, even if Kagetsuya *does* finally believe him someday. "I'm sorry that I lied to you, and that I hurt you."
" ... Are you sorry for lying to the court about what happened?"
He stiffens slightly.
" ... No," he says eventually, because he isn't. "I could never be sorry for trying to protect you, Kagetsuya. I'm sorry that you were hurt, but I will never regret trying to protect the person I love most."
A hand catches his chin, lifting it to meet Kagetsuya's eyes, and he gasps slightly at the wealth of emotion in them. "Just like I will never regret telling all of Eden that I love you," Kagetsuya returns, leaning down to kiss him.
"No matter what happens ... I'll never lie! Not about this!"
He's trying not to cry again when they finally pull apart, and failing. "I don't deserve you," he sniffles, reaching up to rub at his eyes.
"Probably," Kagetsuya agrees, but his hand still catches Chihaya's, brushing away the welling tears in its place, and another kiss is pressed against his forehead. "Chihaya ... you don't have to remind me," he says after a moment, sounding vaguely uncomfortable. "I know that you love me."
Chihaya frowns, looking up at him worriedly. "But you never ask. Not since - " He stops himself, swallowing. "Not since that day."
Kagetsuya stares at him for a moment, at last shaking his head with another sigh. "Because I don't need to."
Chihaya blinks.
"Chihaya ... the moment I saw you again, I knew. The first time you smiled at me again, and every time since then. The fact that you curl under my chin every night. The way you hold my hand just because you can." He reaches out to entwine their fingers, as if to emphasize his point. "I don't need to hear you say you love me. Because you tell me every day."
The slow, answering smile that breaks across Chihaya's face is like the dawning sun.
"Besides," Kagetsuya adds in afterthought. "You're a horrible liar. Anyone who knows you at all knew you were lying that day."
Chihaya blinks again.
"You show your emotions too easily," Kagetsuya informs him, taking the hand from his hair to cup his cheek again. "It's one of your more obnoxious traits, but it also makes it very easy to tell when you're lying. Which *can*, occasionally, be useful."
It takes a moment to understand, but at last Chihaya slowly smiles at him again. "I love you too, Kagetsuya," he murmurs, leaning up to kiss him again.
"Idiot," Kagetsuya humphs against his lips. "Letting a perfectly good breakfast go cold just to learn that you don't need words."
Chihaya laughs, because this is his Kagetsuya, and because he knows that he wouldn't change him for the world - either of them.
"Show me a smile. I always loved you best ... when you were smiling."
****
"I cannot believe ... Kagetsuya and Chihaya would fall to this."
"Can you really say that you didn't see it coming? Really?"
" ... No."