I have a hard time with change. With endings. With the inevitable passage of time. None of this is helped by this garbage fire year, where I've struggled with my depression and a raging storm of PTSD that's come out howling out of the darkness while we fight the destruction of our democracy ( Read more... )

I went to my first march yesterday, and not the last one. It was the largest crowd in Texas history, mainly women though I was one of many men there. The diversity of the crowd was awe inspiring. There were moments when it felt hard to breathe for how much my chest ached. It was the slowest I have ever walked a mile, in the enormous 50,000 person ( Read more... )

For everyone climbing to the boats of DW, I have the same user name there. I will eventually figure out the crossposting thing. While I am largely sanguine that novy rusky wolves have no use for chasing me, I am concerned that pressures on the company could cause the closure of the servers for reasons financial or otherwise. What a strange thing, ( Read more... )

I'm so lucky, and I feel so unworthy of the kindness of strangers.

First, someone wrote me a full on Flowers in the Attic style story about Thomas and Lucille from Crimson Peak. Which is exactly the sad story I wanted about how two terrified children grew up to be murderers. Heed the warnings on it, because it is dark and grim. But oh so lovely.

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Last night I made a buche de noel cake for the first time ever. I had a good teacher, and I feel confident about trying to do it again on my own. I also feel more confident about getting Swiss buttercream and meringue right. Funny how simple things can feel overwhelming, but having someone show me how to do it in a very low key way helps ( Read more... )

I made this sixteen years ago. I've never changed the name, in all this time. Weird to think I picked a Russian word long before the Russians bought LJ or it had any relevance there. I was just bored and angry and lonely at my job in the middle of the night, in the middle of university ( Read more... )

I just don't even know.

I'm having a hard time not breaking down tonight. I distracted myself for much of the day. I cooked an elaborate, excellent meal. Now I'm just drinking wine and living with the terror of this night. I'm genuinely fearful about what this means for the progress of this country, for the safety of my friends and neighbors ( Read more... )

I am listening to Bruce Springsteen play the final Clinton rally of 2016's endless election season. It makes me ache ( Read more... )

It's Halloween. Many things are better. Some are the same. Work is still dumb. I cover a lot of shifts because other people are fuckwits ( Read more... )