“We have the wolf by the ears; we can neither hold him, nor let him go." For auror_aura

[true_marauder]

Wolfsbane potion imbibed by a wizard now flowed through the veins of a wolf, calming him, keeping his more dangerous predilections at bay.  Sometimes the draught was enough to cool his blood and allow him to curl up before the fire and sleep, but not tonight.  Tonight he prowled the room he could not leave, thanks to charms he could not undo in

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[auror_aura]

It had been a long night for Tonks, too. First, she was fretting like she always did about Remus on the full moon. She was always antsy about it, and her worry only increased as their relationship became more involved

[auror_aura]

"Explain it to me, then," she said quietly. "Explain it, and then we'll make sure it never happens. Together. You need to rest, Remus, and then we'll talk about this rationally."

[true_marauder]

Remus sagged against the wardrobe, trousers on but unfastened, button down shirt only half on. He felt raw and spent, exhausted on every possible level.

"There is no way to make sure it doesn't happen again, no fail-safe plan we can come up with. And it's only going to get worse, when the time comes to stop taking the Wolfsbane potion." He looked back over his shoulder, hating how quiet she sounded, how small and fragile she looked.

"I don't think I know the meaning of the word rational, not when it comes to you. I love you." The words he had been unable to say until now were spoken in pain.

[auror_aura]

She never thought hearing those words would ever cause her pain. She'd been wrong. Pain, and dread were what she felt when he said it, looking at her like he was lost.

"All I have to do is stay away long enough - it's just one night a month, and the day after. I'm not in any danger the rest of the time, and it's not as though I can't take care of myself..."

[true_marauder]

"You don't have to stay away, I do. I never should have let Sirius convince me... there are too many people in and out of here for it to be safe." He tugged on the shirt the rest of the way, but his fingers were too clumsy to do up the buttons. His knees buckled and he slid down to the floor. Tired; he was so damn tired.

[auror_aura]

She was so worried; when he slid to the floor she was on her feet immediately, crossing the room to smooth his hair and help him stand again. "Bed," she said firmly, leading him to it, "Right now, don't argue with me. You need to rest."

[true_marauder]

He staggered across the room in the same way a drunk man might, leaning against her to keep upright. Once by the bed he sat down, finding that despite the ruined blankets the mattress was at least intact. There were claw marks on the wood headboard, but he know Sirius wouldn't care.

"Wish I was stronger," he said, looking down at the floor. "Better for you if I could stay away, but I don't think I can."

[auror_aura]

"Don't say that, don't even think it. It's not true," Tonks scolded him, mending some of the blankets with her wand so he would have something intact to cover up with. Then she started stroking his hair again, as though trying to soothe a sick person.

"You can't go away. I wouldn't be better, I'd be worse, much worse, and besides, I'm not the only one who cares about you. There's Sirius, and what about Harry?

"You're a good and kind man, Remus. First and foremost, that's what you are."

[true_marauder]

"Sirius just needs someone to talk him out of him crazier ideas, and you can do that as well as I can. And he'll watch Harry; James knew he would be the best one for the boy." Sometimes he wished he could go back and trade places with James; give Harry his father and Sirius his best friend.

"'m old and more'n half used up. Dangerous." His eyes were closed and he was curled up tightly under the blankets. Every word he spoke was slower then the last one. "You should have someone who will make you laugh more then cry. I'll bring you tears."

It was telling that even as he told her what he should do he was holding onto the hand that wasn't stroking his hair as if it was a lifeline.

[auror_aura]

"But we like you around," Tonks pointed out simply.

She kissed his forehead, still smoothing his hair. "You aren't any of those things, and you make me laugh all the time."

She could feel him beginning to drift off to sleep, so she pulled away just long enough to take off her robes, then curled herself around him on the mattress. "I'll only cry if you leave," she murmured, feeling her own exhaustion begin to take over.

[true_marauder]

"...all those thing," he muttered, almost asleep. But when she curl around him he anchored her there with an arm around her waist, and his last thought was that he liked the smell of her hair.

[auror_aura]

"No." She did like having the last word. She kept pressing kisses to his face, even after she could tell that he'd fallen asleep. She didn't care what he said, she loved him and that was that.

[true_marauder]

Perhaps because his night was such a restless one his sleep was deep and mercifully free of dreams. He did not move at all, and not until a knock on the bedroom door was followed by a call of "Oi Moony, you gonna sleep the day away?" sometime in the early afternoon did he wake. Remus freed his arm from under Tonks carefully, and sat up.

[auror_aura]

"Mmwossat?" Tonks muttered, awakened by the sounds and movement. "Remus?" Clearly not still fully awake, she reached out for him, trying to pull him close again.

[true_marauder]

"Get a little more sleep." He touched her face lightly, tenderly. All the other thoughts in his mind did not distract him completely from how adorable she was when only half awake.

"I'm going to take a shower." He started to move away, but decided that she might rest easier with an explanation, as hard as it was for him to admit to some things. "Hot shower help to relax my muscles. They're always sore the morning after. The muscles and bones... they change shape during the night."

[auror_aura]

"Mm," she mumbled, burying her face in the sheets that still smelled like him. "Hurry back."