My Needy Little Cub

[trollup]

In a couple of different conversations lately, this one thread keeps popping up. Last night at dinner -- yeah, she won the bet -- S asked "So, you have all this insight... so why aren't you writing about the stuff going on inside?" Of course the question was rhetorical, and she's absolutely correct.

Oh, the thread, if you were wondering, revolves

Comments

[courtneydisney]

Wow - really good stuff in here

[trollup]

"With more intimate partners, aftercare can be as fun as the scene!"

I totally agree. I find that with most things the intimate parts are the most fulfilling. They can also be the most scary, which I think underscores the importance to having someone willing to go there with you. It's damn hot when it clicks.

"You'd think I would have learned my lesson about young newbie guys already!"

*snicker* Well, it is *just* that they are newbie... or is it that they haven't opened certain doors for themselves yet? Maybe they're inextricably linked...

[bellaballanda]

I need touchy/feely in aftercare too.... but only if the scene has been really intense (haven't had one like that in a while but that's another whining moment)...

I understand that I'm younger than a lot of people, but I totally understand the peeling off the layers.... I've got Daddy issues but I'm dealing with them now at 24 rather than waiting till it's possibly too late and my dad is no longer around. I was finding that it was interfering with all of my relationships with men... I was waiting for them to leave so I never put both feet in which just meant that the left me.... oh wait that was just the one that left me.... I left the others before they could...

Ok enough about me in your journal....

massive hugs and we should talk more *going to IM you right now*

[innerb]

"My need... such as it is now... is for a companion to help me take this journey. I don't know if it will be just one person or a whole village... but I know that in order to take it I'm going to have to burn a few curtains, demolish walls, and let others see the squishy bits inside."

I think when you settle on just one companion, you'll leave a string of dommes missing our favorite play partner. Until then, we're all enjoying being part of your happy village. :)

It has been fun watching the interchange between you and K in the meantime...

[trollup]

Well, I'm rather hoping that finding a partner/soul mate won't mean forsaking all the other relationships I have. But I guess we'll have to see. Maybe these are just fantasy rantings of an ethical slut who wants her white picket fence? Who knows... ;) But I've never really been one to shed my existing life to take the next steps into improving it. :)

I'm liking the Village idea

[innerb]

It would be lovely to be able to just include another partner in crime in our merry band. That would be the ideal outcome of your finding someone you wanted to keep.

That profile pic is just too tempting. Makes me want to reach over and swat you two.

I agree with S--you two need to meet soon--it's like we're all going through this anticipation together. :)

[sharon_masters]

ok doll.... we do tend to run through a lot of esoteric discussions while wolfing prime rib (thank you again... and yes, i am still sorry i lost that bet but it's OK

[trollup]

"Damned if ya do, damned if ya don't-- so , to me, i went to stripping--- even if i run off the possibilities, i am being the woman i *need* to be to live this life... fuck the rest."

Yes, this is usually where I wind up with my own stuff. Once I've come to terms with it, I rip open the zipper and show it all off right up front. It's a kind of litmus test to see if who I'm dealing with can handle the stuff I've already handled. If they can't, then we'd wind up having issues... and, yeah, that sucks. But if they don't run in fright, then at least I know there's something lovely there to work with. :)

[mmmicx13]

Good writing and I really relate to a lot of it. The aftercare bit is vital to me. I think that is why I shy away from public play. The experiences I have had are not very great because of the let down after the fact.

I struggle to show my wants and needs to others. I feel they are too great and that I will only be spurned again. I keep a wall between me and others so that I don't expect too much and get let down. I try to stay safe but I also know I am not going to ever find my happiness because I don't bare myself to someone and let the process of surrender happen.

Thanks for sharing your writing Trollup.

chel

[trollup]

I'm glad you enjoyed it. The reaction has been somewhat different than I imagined, which was something more like a firey ball of flame engulfing me as I cross the street -- or something. I guess this is what happens when we unleash the hard stuff... it feels worse than it might actually be.

"I keep a wall between me and others so that I don't expect too much and get let down. I try to stay safe but I also know I am not going to ever find my happiness because I don't bare myself to someone and let the process of surrender happen."

Precisely, and that is exactly a barrier I want to pull down like the Berlin wall. Barriers do serve a purpose, but after a while they need to be removed, like those concrete temporary things they use when working on the highway. These sorts of barriers prevent us from having fully realized relationships with people... if left in place too long they can harm us as much as the things that caused them to be erected in the first place.