[FIC] Il Diavolo Sorriso (3)

[tristripe]

Title:  Il Diavolo Sorriso
Fandom:  Hetalia
Pairing:  Spain/Romano (Spamano)
Rating:  R/M - Very Mature

Summary:  Lovino is trapped by the pirate monster "Carriedo el Diablo" who's smile is just as dangerous as his anger. Despite the horrors that he experiences, Lovino has his own reason to survive, and he will not give up until he finds what he is

Comments

[studentsnark]

The Italian should be this way, I think:

Ti prego non farlo (Prego and non being separate words). I'd actually probably say, Non lo fare, per favore, but that's just me.

and

Piscia sulla tomba! Brucia all'inferno, stronzo.

Lots of typos. Was this beta'd? I'm finding it hard to identify with anyone in this story, or to care about them, but it just might not be my kind of story, I guess. Other than the typos, it's okay, just not my thing.

[tristripe]

Kinda sucks when the first comment for the chapter is a bit of a downer :(

I do not speak Italian, nor do I know anyone who does. I used google translate, which I have been finding isn't very reliable.

This does NOT have a beta. I have been writing fan fics for over 10 years, and have had numerous beta partnerships explode in my face, so even though a beta could fix up the typos and give me different ways to approach scenes and characterization, I have chosen to write this completely solo.

Even though your review wasn't what I was hoping for, thank you so much for your const fictive criticism.

[studentsnark]

Ohjee, I don't want you to be upset! It's just not my kind of story. That doesn't mean I think it's bad.

And as for the Italian, I figured you probably didn't speak it. I'm only a student myself, and I'm much more comfortable with German, I just thought I could help before someone mean corrected you D:

[tristripe]

:: waves hands:: don't worry, I'm not upset at all. I was agreeing with your comments about the Italian and the typos! Like I said, I've been writing fanfics for a long time, so Have had my share of people who are outright mean ('flames' or 'trolls')'. I did not see your comment as an attack. You admitted that it wasn't your thing, hence why it was difficult for you to get into the plot and relate to the characters. But I you were RIGHT about the Italian and the typos, so there was nothing to upset me

[anonymous]

OHMAHGOD. I've been searching for dark fics for quite a while now, and this is by far the most realistic. Usually, Pirate!Spain is romanticised a lot and I'm glad I found a fic where it potrays the character for who he is. Which in this case, an actual pirate.

The rape scene really disturbed me, but that brings me to my original point of this comment. The scene felt so real that I felt the same disgust and terror as Lovino had.

All in all, I thank you for renewing my love for Spamano though ironically this fic doesn't actually show any 'love' between Lovino and Antonio~ XD

[tristripe]

I am in love with dark fics. I read them and cannot help but write them. The pirate era was quite violent. The pirates themselves declared war on the world, and the crimes they committed were quite horrific. This is something that I have not read in fanfiction (whether in the Hetalia fandom or others). Like you said, they are romanticized, so I strived for that vicious realism (as much as I could stomach

[anonymous]

Uwargh!@# Poor Lovino! Is he going to exact revenge?? Or is this only the start??!

True, dark fics are not everyone's cup of tea, but, as far as dark fics go, your story ranks up there near the top of the bell curve! It's dark, and not afraid to be so. It's aggravating to read fics sometimes when they cannot commit to really portraying nightmarish things they set out to or when they portray things in an absurd manner. You toed the line well and overall this was well written, so kudos to you :) Spain was truly dark and twisted, but still human enough to be realistic, while true-to-character Lovino never lost his defiant streak. Actually, I quite like how you had Lovino retain his defiance and not just give up when the going got..err rough. Lastly, I thought the aftermath was a particularly well done, hopefully setting the stage for a continuation of their story!

Good luck with your writing!

[koppito]

Hey there!, I just find your fan fic, and I completely love it! :)
It's so dark and new for me, I read many fanfics, a lot of them, and after a time, those feels so recycled, the same idea writing one and another time...
But despite isn't new the pirate concept, the approach that you gave to this story make me felt excited.

So please, please, work on it! I'll wait for the next chapter.
Congratulations for your efforts!, you made a great work here!

[thepagansun]

Your fic is amazing! I LOVE seeing Antonio/Spain in a darker light for truly that's how Spain was at that time! They dealt with pirates, the Inqusition, and conquistadors! They've only recently began to calm down and enjoy life like how modern Spain is portrayed. But medieval Spain was NOT like that...at all. Even to Romano and when the Pope tested Spain by siding with france against him, Spain didn't hesitate in burning Rome to the ground! So yeah...and lol...Romano plan revenge? The guy that was such a coward he began grovelling to England when he merely told him to shut his yap?! Yeah...I think if Spain was portrayed the right way and Romano dared defy Spain once, he would NOT make that same mistake twice. The Spain back then didn't show mercy. And if Romano planned revenge, Spain would only beat the hell out of him TWICE as hard.