Past, Present & Future, Chapter 19 Part 1
Chapter 19: Patching Things Right
Part 1
“Will you… have dinner with me?”
“Dinner?” The man’s face was unreadable. And he started to think that he had made the wrong move.
“Ah, I mean- there’s still a lot that I want to talk to you about. But-“ he turned up his lips in an awkward smile. “It’s okay if you don’t want to- I was just-“
“I’d love to!” Yunho stopped his rambling as he pulled his hand when he started to turn away. “I’d… love to have dinner with you.”
“Oh…” he stupidly stared at his own shoes instead of looking into his eyes. “That’s- that’s great…”
“Any place you have in mind?” He asked him gently like he deserved it.
“I’m sorry, I haven’t thought about the place I was just- well… I didn’t think you’d say yes?”
“Why not?”
“…”
“Look, I thought that we’re starting over? We’re friends aren’t we?”
“We are.”
“Then I have no reason to say no for dinner with a friend.” Yunho eyed him amusedly. “I guess if it makes you comfortable, let me ask you out instead.”
“Huh?”
“Hi Kim Jaejoong, would you like to have dinner with me?”
He was stunned by the turn of events and could only stare at the man in front of him.
“I…”
“Say yes, please?”
And he smiled. Yunho never changed, always.
On that meeting at Changmin’s guest house they’d taken a walk and talked about their life while waiting for the others to return. They parted with Jaejoong’s shy smile in accepting Yunho’s offer for lunch the next week and Yunho’s lingering gaze as he drove away with his mother.
Yun-Ah hadn’t said anything to him and Yoochun kept throwing him meaningful looks. He pretended to sleep and but everytime he closed his eyes he could only see Yunho’s smile. To be honest, he was expecting something more, like stepping up a level from their ‘friendly kiss’ but Yunho didn’t do anything else. They really talked.
What’s really bothering him was that he wasn’t able to talk about his life. He could feel that the other man sensed his hesitation so he was the talkative one instead. Yunho told him about the accident that took his arm, about Moonbin growing up, about running the mini market, Changmin and everyone else in his life. He wanted to be fair and tell him about those years in his life too but he was too ashamed. There was nothing important enough in his life that’s worth telling him. How could he tell him something like: ‘Hey Yunho, I got married out of love but I still f**ked her for 10 years anyway yet I was lucky for not having any child until we got divorced. And by the way, I decided to search for you again because my father was dead, and I could finally do things without needing his approval.’
How could he? After listening to his hard life and everything that he didn’t have while he was still living a luxury. Though it seemed that he had no more bitterness towards the past -- they even kissed for goodness sake - Jaejoong was still unsure if it was the right thing to be wanting him back. Somehow he felt more shameful, Yunho deserved someone better.
Then why did he ask him for dinner when they met over coffee this morning? He made up his mind that he would ask him once again if they’re doing the right thing… if Yunho thinks there’s still a chance for them to get together again. And whatever the outcome might be, he would accept it. Maybe happiness was not his thing, but Yunho certainly deserves it.
* * * * *
Moonbin watched his father making a mess in the bedroom. He got home early and had been fussing about his dinner with Jaejoong.
“What do you think about this? Is this too formal?” He faced his son holding a baby blue dress shirt with one hand. He had taken off his prosthesis the moment he got home.
“Errr, I think-“
“You think it is!” He cut him off and threw the shirt on his bed and resumed to rummaging his wardrobe again.
Moonbin sighed, “I didn’t say it wasn’t nice-“
“But you paused a little when you say it…” He turned around with another shirt, “how about this one?”
“It’s fine! Everything is fine!”
Yunho frowned, “You’re saying it because you just want me to wear it and stop bugging you, aren’t you?” He tossed it on the bed once again but his son was quick to pull him away from the closet and stood in front of him.
“Appa, listen. You look good in everything. And Jae-ahjussi won’t mind with whatever you’re wearing. Stop acting like a girl, you’re the one that asked him out this morning!”
His father looked at him as if he was about to say something to prove him wrong but then he sighed in defeat. He walked the messy bed and plopped himself on it.
“I felt so stupid.”
Moonbin sat beside him. “For what? For asking him out? Don’t tell me that you’re regretting it now? Besides, I thought everything worked out well between you too. Didn’t you also tell me that you talked when we were out back at Uncle Min’s place?”
“To tell the truth, he was the one that asked me out but then he quickly said that it’s okay if I didn’t want to. It’s as if he was expecting me to reject him right away. So I… braved myself to ask him out for this dinner instead.” He put his good arm above his eyes. “And you were wrong about the talk.”“What do you mean? You didn’t really talk and just walked around the place?”
“No… we did talk but-“ He put his arm back on his side and stared at the ceiling. “It was me who kept telling him about my life- our life. He kept silent and I just realized that maybe I made him feel guilty. I mean- I told him about my accident, about how hard it was to raise you and being a single parent…” He turned to look at him, “You didn’t think that he might be thinking I was trying to put him into a guilt trip so he didn’t get to tell me about himself, did you?”
Moonbin smiled at his father and flicked his temple, “Idiot.” He told him fondly.
“Ouch! What’s that for?” He got up and sat.
“You still don’t understand, do you?”
“What don’t I understand?”
“Appa, when I left you to take the scholarship and lived with him I thought I did the right thing. And then you accepted me back…” He closed his eyes, trying to hold back his tears. “On the night that I returned we talked about so many things and you told me about what you’ve been through while I wasn’t there. Yes, I felt guilty for being the reason that you felt lonely when you missed me. But more than that I-“
His father took his hand.
“I felt ashamed of myself for not believing you, for doubting your love to me. And it took me sometime to finally be able to look you up in the eye and being proud of myself as your son. And do you know how did I get over it?”
Yunho shook his head.
“Because you kept loving me. You showed me how much I meant to you and said it to me every night when I went to bed and every morning when I woke up. I’m probably the only 18 year old who still hear ‘I love you’ at least twice a day from his parent!” They laughed together and when the laughter died down Moonbin suddenly hugged his father tightly, “And I’m probably the only 18 year old who’s never tired of hugging his father and wished that he could do that to him forever… even after he turns fourty and his father had become a grandfather instead.”
Yunho felt like his heart was going to explode from happiness.
“Appa… your love had made me proud and I’m not ashamed of myself anymore… Because you were never ashamed of me. Show Jae-ahjussi your love like you’ve shown me, get him to talk his heart out and said what he wanted to say. And maybe… just maybe, he’ll be proud of himself once again and have the courage to be with you again.”
Yunho pulled off and ruffled his son’s hair. “Are you sure you’re only 18?”
Moonbin pushed him off with a scowl while his father kept laughing at him, “Laugh all you want. It’s already 6pm by the way and you haven’t even taken a shower. Isn’t your dinner at 7.30?”
“Gaaah!” He jumped off the bed. “And I still don’t know what to wear!” He looked at his son pleadingly.
Moonbin sighed, “Alright, alright! Go take your shower, I’ll pick your clothes and put them on the bed.”
He smiled at him. “You’re the best, Bin.”
“I know.”
He watched his father entered the shower and smiled to himself. He hoped that tonight will be the night when his father’s happiness be completed. He clasped his hands together and said a prayer.
* * * * *
Part 2