How to Attract Men
Last October, I wrote How to Attract Women.
However, most people who read my blog are women. sweetest_clover asked me last fall what I thought about how women could attract men.
I've talked to many guys about their dating lives. I've lived with many different guy roommates and we have shared our stories. I've also lived with two players, so I have insight into how THEY think.
In doing my "research" to try helping my socially clueless single friends, here are some books I recommend you ladies read. They seem to tell how men REALLY think, not just what John Gray or one of those snooze-fest psychologists tells you.
Of course, things change depending on what kind of man you wish to attract. Upper or lower class? Husband or a roll in the hay? Strategies may be different.
1. Tracey Cox: Flirting and dating in general (for both women and men)
Superflirt, by Tracey Cox.
Tracey used to be an editor of Cosmopolitan before moving to London to host two TV series, "Hot Love" (about relationships) and "Hotter Sex," six one-hour documentaries that try to solve the sex problems of 24 couples.
Superflirt looks like a fashion magazine (Cosmo, anyone?) It's easy and fun to read, with playful fonts and cheeky photos of many girls and guys in various flirting positions. She tells you how to stand in a more sexy way, how to dress more alluringly, and how to give, detect, and receive classic come-hither signals.
Here are Tracey Cox's other books, like Superdate and Supersex.
2. Steve Santagati: Bad Boys
The Manual: A True Bad Boy Explains How Men Think, Date, and Mate--and What Women Can Do to Come Out on Top
I liked this one very much! According to his definition of "bad boy," I have much more "bad boy" in me than I thought! I always say that girls love a guy who is Maginoo pero medyo bastos. My cousin explained the Filipino phrase this way:Maginoo means noble or gentlemanly
pero means but
medyo means somewhat
bastos means rude, or naughty...something like that.
Maginoo pero medyo bastos is often used to describe
a Filipina's idea of an ideal male. They want someone
who is good and kind (maginoo) but at the same time, a
guy who is well-rounded enough to have a sort of
naughtiness (bastos), or sarcasm to him.
Steve Santagati says things like: "Men could care less about your shoes." That's partially true. But I always warm up to the view of a slender pair of legs in heels. And I usually can't help turning my head to the "clop clop" sound of a woman's heels on concrete.Santagati, a former model and admitted bad boy who has appeared on The Oprah Winfrey Show and The View, has expanded on his relationship advice enterprise, http://AskSteveSantagati.com, to make this guidebook to dating and taming the wild male. Dissecting all aspects of the bad boy lifestyle, including lessons like "How Bad Boys Bring Out the Best in Women" and "Porn Explained," Santagati takes women through every step of the bad boy's process, from hunt to sex to relationship to "endgame." Despite some tough love ("The Myth of the Nice Guy") and blatant boorishness ("How to Clothe Your Chest"), Santagati doesn't grate or insult, coming off as no more than an experienced, confident man who loves women. Indeed, he's the guy "who you won't even know is trying to pick you up until you're leaving his apartment the next morning," and he provides brief lessons in spotting and avoiding the players and misogynists among the populace. Often direct, but never above goofy humor or cheesy sentiment, Santagi may not "reveal everything that you need to know to successfully date and have relationships with men," but his short, easy-to-digest chapters make a perfect way to browse away an afternoon, gain some perspective and try narrowing the age-old gap between the sexes.
3. Ron Louis and David Copeland's books:
How to Succeed with Men
I haven't read it, but these guys seem to know what they are talking about. They do a good job with How to Succeed with Women and How to Be the Bad Boy Women Love.
3. Bradley Gerstman (lawyer), Christopher Pizzo (CPA), and Rich Seldes (doctor):
What Men Want: Three Professional Single Men Reveal to Women What It Takes to Make a Man Yours
In my brief skim through it, this book seems to say a bunch of ugly but real truths about what rich, good-looking yuppie alpha males may want. Some readers on Amazon have given it some very negative reviews. One called it an "official trophy wife's manual."
I don't know. The jury is out for me, since I haven't fully read this book yet. But their tips make sense in dealing with guys who find it easy to attract women.
4. Leil Lowndes (yes, her again!)
UpDating: How to Date Out of Your League
Are you tired of dating the same old losers? Do you justify it by saying: "There's nobody interesting in this town. "I don't meet any exciting people in my job."Or "All the good ones are taken."You know you're too good for the pool of potential partners you've been swimming in. So why do you stay? You've probably become more discriminating than you were in the past. But just as newly slender people have a "lag factor" before their self-image catches up with a dramatic weight loss, you may be experiencing a lag factor in the quality of partner you think you can attract. Now is the time to make the break and start UpDating! In this unique book, Leil Lowndes gives you forty-eight rock-solid tips for capturing the man or woman you once thought out of your league.
One reader calls it "An unintentionally hilarious guide to gold digging."
Still, another guy loved it:She tells you where to hunt, and how to get, a spectacular partner.(Way out of your league?) What I like is that "one size doesn't fit all." In different sections, she gives you get realistic and researched techniques to win a different type of superior man or woman. Do you want someone who is:1) Very rich?
2) Famous?
3) High class and discriminating?
4) Gorgeous?
5) Creative and interesting?
6) Ethical and honorable?
She tells you what type of person each is looking for, and why they respond to different approaches. "Updating " tells you where to find each particular type and how to win them over. I happened to want a beautiful and refined woman (they really ARE different than average women,) and her unusual techniques worked. I am now dating a classy 10!
------------------------------
What are my own suggestions to women on how to better attract men?
1. Learn to become an excellent flirt. Yes, flirting can be learned. (Read some of those flirting books I've been mentioning. The best flirts are babies and singers. Study them.) But you must give up any Puritanical views you have about how "sinful" it may be. You must relax and be willing to be playful and spontaneous. That takes confidence in your own sexiness.
Show body language, facial expressions, fashions, and an overall look that makes you approachable and inviting. Your body should say to everyone: "Welcome! Let's talk!" Make eye contact with everyone. Smile. Keep your posture erect, thrust your shoulders back, keep your head high, put your hand on your hip, show off your curves, uncross your arms, etc.
2. Show the man that you are having a wonderful time with him. SHOW him. Laugh, take off your mask, let down your drawbridges, and always show the world how much you enjoy his company and are having fun when you are with him. Usually the women I see who attract the most men around them are the ones who laugh and look like they are having a delightful time.
Why are men so attracted to these women? Because we think: "Hey I can PLEASE her! I can make her HAPPY! Lil' ol' ME! I can potentially give her great orgasms too."
Do not be very reserved or play hard to get when you first meet a man you like. No no no. We will move on. In fact, don't play games the way books like The Rules teach you. We get tired of that bullshit very quickly and may delete you from our address books.
3. Don't complain, be uptight, look stressed, or show any pessimism/cynicism when you first meet a man. Huge turnoff. When a man takes you out, don't criticize little things like the plates, decor, or even the food. Keep focused on how much you are enjoying being with HIM. Him. Forget about the food (even if it's lousy) and show your sheer delight to be there with him. He will be thanking his lucky stars for every "ooh and ahh" you give him about the decisions he makes during your date. If you show how much the food turns you on ("MMMMMMMMmmmmm...."), he will puff out his chest and think: "Yeah! See? This was MY choice. I cooked that food. And by the way, she looks easy to please. I'll bet I can give her fantastic orgasms."
4. Touch men. Our society has pitiful amounts of human touch and contact. With all the fears about sexual harrassment, people are more afraid than ever of simple touches. I like Latin and French culture, because everyone hugs and kisses each other. I am an affectionate person whose family is very cold and non-touchy. So I crave touch.
Men (because of fears of homosexuality, etc.) get less touch than women. Men barely touch each other either.
So again. If you touch men (hands, arms, shoulders, back, slap their butts), you get huge bonus points.
Also, hug men. My pet peeve about hugs is when women give me FEEBLE, wimpy hugs, like I have tuberculosis or something. I absolutely hate that. Either hug me warmly and strongly, with passion, or not at all. I hate half-hearted, indecisive gestures.
5. Ask men for help. Let them do things for you and satisfy their natural desires to please women. Don't do EVERYTHING for yourself (even though we know you CAN do it.)
That's right. Despite what you may say or think about men being lazy asses, we men actually really really want to make women happy. We will become Sir Lancelot and turn over mountains for you, if you just bothered to ask us in a sweet, gracious, feminine way to do things for you. If you didn't ask in a nagging, bitchy, or sarcastic way, like "When will you ever get off your butt and take out the trash?" If you actually showed us gratitude with a huge, flirty smile, a hug, and even a kiss when we did things for you.
You would have men at your beck and call if you just knew how and when to ask for help. If you didn't feel like you had to COMPETE with men or prove you could do it all yourself all the time. Women who do this are very unsexy and unattractive to men. They lose their essential femininity, men don't feel needed, and we feel emasculated. "Why am I here then?" we think.
Let us be your Knight in Shining Armor. But smile, flirt, be sweet, and show us gratitude when we are done. Praise us. You will have us eating out of your hands.
Basically, act more feminine so we men can feel more masculine. Help us feel like Men (with a capital "M.") It's a big turn on.
These are some of my basic suggestions for you ladies to attract men. I'll add more in the future when I think of them.
However, most people who read my blog are women. sweetest_clover asked me last fall what I thought about how women could attract men.
I've talked to many guys about their dating lives. I've lived with many different guy roommates and we have shared our stories. I've also lived with two players, so I have insight into how THEY think.
In doing my "research" to try helping my socially clueless single friends, here are some books I recommend you ladies read. They seem to tell how men REALLY think, not just what John Gray or one of those snooze-fest psychologists tells you.
Of course, things change depending on what kind of man you wish to attract. Upper or lower class? Husband or a roll in the hay? Strategies may be different.
1. Tracey Cox: Flirting and dating in general (for both women and men)
Superflirt, by Tracey Cox.
Tracey used to be an editor of Cosmopolitan before moving to London to host two TV series, "Hot Love" (about relationships) and "Hotter Sex," six one-hour documentaries that try to solve the sex problems of 24 couples.
Superflirt looks like a fashion magazine (Cosmo, anyone?) It's easy and fun to read, with playful fonts and cheeky photos of many girls and guys in various flirting positions. She tells you how to stand in a more sexy way, how to dress more alluringly, and how to give, detect, and receive classic come-hither signals.
Here are Tracey Cox's other books, like Superdate and Supersex.
2. Steve Santagati: Bad Boys
The Manual: A True Bad Boy Explains How Men Think, Date, and Mate--and What Women Can Do to Come Out on Top
I liked this one very much! According to his definition of "bad boy," I have much more "bad boy" in me than I thought! I always say that girls love a guy who is Maginoo pero medyo bastos. My cousin explained the Filipino phrase this way:Maginoo means noble or gentlemanly
pero means but
medyo means somewhat
bastos means rude, or naughty...something like that.
Maginoo pero medyo bastos is often used to describe
a Filipina's idea of an ideal male. They want someone
who is good and kind (maginoo) but at the same time, a
guy who is well-rounded enough to have a sort of
naughtiness (bastos), or sarcasm to him.
Steve Santagati says things like: "Men could care less about your shoes." That's partially true. But I always warm up to the view of a slender pair of legs in heels. And I usually can't help turning my head to the "clop clop" sound of a woman's heels on concrete.Santagati, a former model and admitted bad boy who has appeared on The Oprah Winfrey Show and The View, has expanded on his relationship advice enterprise, http://AskSteveSantagati.com, to make this guidebook to dating and taming the wild male. Dissecting all aspects of the bad boy lifestyle, including lessons like "How Bad Boys Bring Out the Best in Women" and "Porn Explained," Santagati takes women through every step of the bad boy's process, from hunt to sex to relationship to "endgame." Despite some tough love ("The Myth of the Nice Guy") and blatant boorishness ("How to Clothe Your Chest"), Santagati doesn't grate or insult, coming off as no more than an experienced, confident man who loves women. Indeed, he's the guy "who you won't even know is trying to pick you up until you're leaving his apartment the next morning," and he provides brief lessons in spotting and avoiding the players and misogynists among the populace. Often direct, but never above goofy humor or cheesy sentiment, Santagi may not "reveal everything that you need to know to successfully date and have relationships with men," but his short, easy-to-digest chapters make a perfect way to browse away an afternoon, gain some perspective and try narrowing the age-old gap between the sexes.
3. Ron Louis and David Copeland's books:
How to Succeed with Men
I haven't read it, but these guys seem to know what they are talking about. They do a good job with How to Succeed with Women and How to Be the Bad Boy Women Love.
3. Bradley Gerstman (lawyer), Christopher Pizzo (CPA), and Rich Seldes (doctor):
What Men Want: Three Professional Single Men Reveal to Women What It Takes to Make a Man Yours
In my brief skim through it, this book seems to say a bunch of ugly but real truths about what rich, good-looking yuppie alpha males may want. Some readers on Amazon have given it some very negative reviews. One called it an "official trophy wife's manual."
I don't know. The jury is out for me, since I haven't fully read this book yet. But their tips make sense in dealing with guys who find it easy to attract women.
4. Leil Lowndes (yes, her again!)
UpDating: How to Date Out of Your League
Are you tired of dating the same old losers? Do you justify it by saying: "There's nobody interesting in this town. "I don't meet any exciting people in my job."Or "All the good ones are taken."You know you're too good for the pool of potential partners you've been swimming in. So why do you stay? You've probably become more discriminating than you were in the past. But just as newly slender people have a "lag factor" before their self-image catches up with a dramatic weight loss, you may be experiencing a lag factor in the quality of partner you think you can attract. Now is the time to make the break and start UpDating! In this unique book, Leil Lowndes gives you forty-eight rock-solid tips for capturing the man or woman you once thought out of your league.
One reader calls it "An unintentionally hilarious guide to gold digging."
Still, another guy loved it:She tells you where to hunt, and how to get, a spectacular partner.(Way out of your league?) What I like is that "one size doesn't fit all." In different sections, she gives you get realistic and researched techniques to win a different type of superior man or woman. Do you want someone who is:1) Very rich?
2) Famous?
3) High class and discriminating?
4) Gorgeous?
5) Creative and interesting?
6) Ethical and honorable?
She tells you what type of person each is looking for, and why they respond to different approaches. "Updating " tells you where to find each particular type and how to win them over. I happened to want a beautiful and refined woman (they really ARE different than average women,) and her unusual techniques worked. I am now dating a classy 10!
------------------------------
What are my own suggestions to women on how to better attract men?
1. Learn to become an excellent flirt. Yes, flirting can be learned. (Read some of those flirting books I've been mentioning. The best flirts are babies and singers. Study them.) But you must give up any Puritanical views you have about how "sinful" it may be. You must relax and be willing to be playful and spontaneous. That takes confidence in your own sexiness.
Show body language, facial expressions, fashions, and an overall look that makes you approachable and inviting. Your body should say to everyone: "Welcome! Let's talk!" Make eye contact with everyone. Smile. Keep your posture erect, thrust your shoulders back, keep your head high, put your hand on your hip, show off your curves, uncross your arms, etc.
2. Show the man that you are having a wonderful time with him. SHOW him. Laugh, take off your mask, let down your drawbridges, and always show the world how much you enjoy his company and are having fun when you are with him. Usually the women I see who attract the most men around them are the ones who laugh and look like they are having a delightful time.
Why are men so attracted to these women? Because we think: "Hey I can PLEASE her! I can make her HAPPY! Lil' ol' ME! I can potentially give her great orgasms too."
Do not be very reserved or play hard to get when you first meet a man you like. No no no. We will move on. In fact, don't play games the way books like The Rules teach you. We get tired of that bullshit very quickly and may delete you from our address books.
3. Don't complain, be uptight, look stressed, or show any pessimism/cynicism when you first meet a man. Huge turnoff. When a man takes you out, don't criticize little things like the plates, decor, or even the food. Keep focused on how much you are enjoying being with HIM. Him. Forget about the food (even if it's lousy) and show your sheer delight to be there with him. He will be thanking his lucky stars for every "ooh and ahh" you give him about the decisions he makes during your date. If you show how much the food turns you on ("MMMMMMMMmmmmm...."), he will puff out his chest and think: "Yeah! See? This was MY choice. I cooked that food. And by the way, she looks easy to please. I'll bet I can give her fantastic orgasms."
4. Touch men. Our society has pitiful amounts of human touch and contact. With all the fears about sexual harrassment, people are more afraid than ever of simple touches. I like Latin and French culture, because everyone hugs and kisses each other. I am an affectionate person whose family is very cold and non-touchy. So I crave touch.
Men (because of fears of homosexuality, etc.) get less touch than women. Men barely touch each other either.
So again. If you touch men (hands, arms, shoulders, back, slap their butts), you get huge bonus points.
Also, hug men. My pet peeve about hugs is when women give me FEEBLE, wimpy hugs, like I have tuberculosis or something. I absolutely hate that. Either hug me warmly and strongly, with passion, or not at all. I hate half-hearted, indecisive gestures.
5. Ask men for help. Let them do things for you and satisfy their natural desires to please women. Don't do EVERYTHING for yourself (even though we know you CAN do it.)
That's right. Despite what you may say or think about men being lazy asses, we men actually really really want to make women happy. We will become Sir Lancelot and turn over mountains for you, if you just bothered to ask us in a sweet, gracious, feminine way to do things for you. If you didn't ask in a nagging, bitchy, or sarcastic way, like "When will you ever get off your butt and take out the trash?" If you actually showed us gratitude with a huge, flirty smile, a hug, and even a kiss when we did things for you.
You would have men at your beck and call if you just knew how and when to ask for help. If you didn't feel like you had to COMPETE with men or prove you could do it all yourself all the time. Women who do this are very unsexy and unattractive to men. They lose their essential femininity, men don't feel needed, and we feel emasculated. "Why am I here then?" we think.
Let us be your Knight in Shining Armor. But smile, flirt, be sweet, and show us gratitude when we are done. Praise us. You will have us eating out of your hands.
Basically, act more feminine so we men can feel more masculine. Help us feel like Men (with a capital "M.") It's a big turn on.
These are some of my basic suggestions for you ladies to attract men. I'll add more in the future when I think of them.