[fic] Just This

[transient_words]

Disclaimer: I don't own a thing.

Rating: M

Summary: It's not only that, it's everything. Just this, being with Sasuke, is everything. SasuNaru.

Comments

[starbeams]

[transient_words]

Thank you. It means a lot to me that you think this is IC (and the entire time, too). I was worried that I would be OOC, but I'm glad you loved it.

[elfinmouse]

"Perhaps he isn't asleep: let's check it out

[transient_words]

That line was a rather spontaneous decision. Sometimes I plan lines beforehand -- before typing, that is -- and sometimes they just come out to me when actually writing.

Strangely, when I first began to ever write, I only used the first person narrative, but it seriously sucked -- it was very melodramatic and bordering on purple prose. So, I'm very relieved that you don't think it was that bad. I don't like it when the first person narrative is too detailed -- it doesn't sound quite as natural, I think. I'm really glad that I managed to portray Naruto convincingly for you.

I think that lengthy descriptions would have been inappropriate and have detracted from what was actually going on. I was more interested in the emotions as well than the surroundings.

I'm glad you picked the "cheering up" aspect here; I was worried it wouldn't be quite as noticeable.

And this review is great. You sound very coherent for being tired (I sound drunk when I'm tired).

[1radicaldreamer]

Very nice. The entire thing is purely Naruto. I really enjoyed reading this;it's not quite like any of the other fics I've read that are first person-Naruto's POV in particular.

Yes, it's filled to the brim with sappy little moments, but you didn't overdo it and you balanced it quite nicely with the not-so-sappy moments. I love the way You wrote Naruto's perception of his life with Sasuke. Many fics focus on just the relationship drama, but you made it seem as if he's just accepted Sasuke as another part of his life-the way I think it ought to be.

I love this, and I look forward to reading more from you.

[transient_words]

Thank you. I'm pleased that you think this purely Naruto. I really tried to sound like him when writing this without infusing my own mannerisms. The danger about using the first person is that you very easily slip into writing about yourself.

That's what I was going for: having sappy moments, but still adding enough realism to it. So, it wouldn't be too fluffy and sappy. I can imagine relationship drama between Naruto and Sasuke, but in this piece I just wanted them to be be happy (and comfortable around each other).

[sasunaru22]

It was an incredible story...I loved all of it...Though I'll admit that what I really appreciated throughout this fic (and what I really look for in all fics..even if it is in another setting), is the realism of the characters and their personalities, and the ability to relate your own understanding of the individuals without straying too much from the actual characters. This story effectively portrays a relationship between the two, that COULD ACTUALLY HAPPEN in the future...without a subsequent sacrifice of everything we attach to Sasuke and Naruto

[transient_words]

I really don't mind your rambling -- this is awesome feedback and makes me feel happy, even though I don't really deserve such an awesome comment.

I'm flattered that you think this is realistic and that I didn't stray too much from canon. Keeping them IC is important for me and I'm really glad to hear it works.

This paragraph was actually wanted prompted me to write the entire story. I wanted to show Sasuke and Naruto as equals and nothing else.

I think Naruto, as childish as he can be, has shown quite a bit of maturity in canon. I do think he's vulnerable, but he isn't depressed or a cutting emo like I've seen some fics portray him as.

I very much agree on what you say about them not being subservient to each other. And I'm really honoured that you think I managed to portray their dynamics believably.

You can most definitely add me as a friend. I feel honoured that you want to friend me.

[dayadhvam_triad]

Awwwww, Naruto delivers this in such an IC way. :) I haven't read much first-person present tense fic before, but I think you did a good job with this. In a way, it's like running commentary; I liked how Naruto's thoughts moved about from subject to subject and all that.

He doesn't answer again, but smiles that shy, nearly non-smile of his and it's totally fine. Being with him just like this is more than just fine. It's fantastic.
The only thing here is that I wouldn't exactly characterize Sasuke's smiles as shy. But anyway, I liked the ending sentences. When Naruto says, "It's fantastic," there's a sense of... exhilaration to it, really. An enjoyment of life. :)

I'm afraid this isn't a very good review, I simply don't know what to say (in a good way!). I thought they were pretty IC throughout the fic--crotchety and sniping at each other, and yet they also have an innate sense of the other's mindset and actions. I liked it. :)

Also, have fun on your vacation! :)

[transient_words]

I don't read much first-person present tense in fanfiction, but I've read a few novels written this way. I think "Catcher in the Rye" is a classic that you at least know by name. Interiour monologues are like a running commentary and do jump from subject to subject: actually, a proper inner monologue would be more jumbled ... but I didn't want to be too confusing.

I'll remove the shy,then. Perhaps, I've been too inspired by pre-massacre Sasuke; his smiles seemed shy to me.

I think is a perfectly fine review. I really couldn't imagine Sasuke as anything but crotchety and sniping at each other, even in old age (I once saw a fanart that had them arguing ... in bed -- with the twist added that they were both old men).

I apologise for the hurried (and mostly) stupid reply; I am lucky that I managed to see this before I left. Thank you.