[fic] Just This

[transient_words]

Disclaimer: I don't own a thing.

Rating: M

Summary: It's not only that, it's everything. Just this, being with Sasuke, is everything. SasuNaru.

Comments

[elfinmouse]

"Perhaps he isn't asleep: let's check it out."

I loved that line. :) It was hilarious and, so in-character and just -Naruto-.

I also really liked how you handled this first person narrative. Most people carefully describe the room and situation in the same way they do third person, just replacing 'he' with 'I'. You had more of a running internal monologue, which was infused very distinctly with Naruto's personality. You captured the train of his thoughts, and the twists and bends in it, while also describing everything around him in a manner that was convincingly his.

There weren't any lengthy descriptions of the apartment or office. Those are places he knows well, so he wouldn't stop to take in all the details. I could believe Naruto would notice those things around him.

As always, your depiction of their relationship is beautiful. The way they both were in a bad mood then, through their individual neurosis and habits, sort of cheered eachother up and managed to show how they both missed eachother.

Sorry for not leaving a better review, but I'm kind of tired right now. :)

[transient_words]

That line was a rather spontaneous decision. Sometimes I plan lines beforehand -- before typing, that is -- and sometimes they just come out to me when actually writing.

Strangely, when I first began to ever write, I only used the first person narrative, but it seriously sucked -- it was very melodramatic and bordering on purple prose. So, I'm very relieved that you don't think it was that bad. I don't like it when the first person narrative is too detailed -- it doesn't sound quite as natural, I think. I'm really glad that I managed to portray Naruto convincingly for you.

I think that lengthy descriptions would have been inappropriate and have detracted from what was actually going on. I was more interested in the emotions as well than the surroundings.

I'm glad you picked the "cheering up" aspect here; I was worried it wouldn't be quite as noticeable.

And this review is great. You sound very coherent for being tired (I sound drunk when I'm tired).