name change - how do you know when to start?

[kshea333]

Hi all,

I'm new to this community but I've posted before in genderqueer and other LGBTQ journals here before, so I apologize if the beginning part of this post sounds similar. I'm a female-bodied queer person who doesn't really identify with either gender, or rather fluctuates between feeling like a man and feeling like a woman. While my dress

Comments

[ilanthefirst]

A lot of your post resonated with me, but I'm a little bit all over the place, too. I'm also FAAB and identify as transmasculine and genderqueer but am almost always read as female due to stature and voice. I actually made this LJ account when I realized I already had a masculine name picked out a couple years ago and was ready to start re-questioning my genderqueer identity, though it took me a long time to feel like it was okay to claim a transgender identity and ask people to call me a new name; in particular, it was hard to internalize that it's okay to identify as transgender and not want to pursue some (or any) parts of medical transition

[kshea333]

Yes, a lot of what you're saying here resonates with me too, and it's so helpful to know that others are feeling similar things (fears about regretting things, becoming comfortable claiming a GQ/trans identity, etc.). And definitely the part about wanting to be known by a more gender-neutral name by my students. That's a huge part of why I'm thinking about this so much more now.

I definitely have fears of not liking the new name I'm going by, and I'm going to have my partner use it more frequently before I move to try it out more. There's also still a part of me that's doubtful, or that's wondering if I'm just making it all up in my head, or sometimes that if I just *tried* harder to be more feminine than it would start feeling okay. But there must be something to the fact that it bothers me when I'm read as female, or that I don't want to be called "ms./mrs./ma'am" etc., or that i feel like a freak-doll when a female friend tries to dress me all up in their clothing - right?