hey there, i'm ezra, at least on here. i just made this account mostly so i could talk to all you people out there in the trans* community who have had experience with this kind of thing
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thank you for your advice, that last part especially was really helpful. it helps to hear that i'm not crazy, and that this is all part of how we become the people we were meant to be. that sounded really obnoxious haha.
i guess its more that i'm just not 100% percent sure, more like 85%. your questions are very thought provoking, and are pushing me in the right direction. in my head i refer to myself as both "she" and "he", but right now "he" feels so much more...right. so i guess in that sense, i am moving in the right direction.
"i've been questioning whether i want to live my life as a woman, or as an ftm ... some days i wake up and i've got myself so convinced that i should come out as trans, but then the next day i can't even contemplate being a man full time ... but the thought of growing up into a woman scares me too ... i want to decide if i'm trans or not, because waking up every day trying to decide which pronoun to use in my head is driving me crazy."yes i know exactly how this feels. the way i deal with it is to not look into the future too far. it currently is pretty scary and distant to picture myself either as a thirty-something man or as a thirty-something woman (i mean... i'm 21 right now). but you can take things step by step. i mean the order i did things in was, cut my hair, changed my wardrobe / started binding, changed my name and pronouns. and that's all i've done so far, and all that took place over the course of like ... a year, maybe. and it was just a matter of, "is this a step i want to take?" rather than, "do i want to live as a man
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i know it has been super helpful for me to hear these sorts of things from other trans/questioning people in the past year or two, good to see that others feel the same...
just because something is a phase doesn't mean it is "just" a phase or that it's less legitimate because it may or may not be permanent; it's okay to try different things; take things one step at a time; etc.
Yes it's such a great way to look at it! So much less daunting, and so much more real in a way, because it's based on being responsive to yourself as you are (as opposed to hedging your bets on how you might feel in a year's time!)
Try seeing if it feels right for you. What I would do if I were in your shoes (and what I did, in my own shoes) is doing a sugery-less, hrt-less mini-transition.
Cut your hair, try binding or layering clothes to hide your chest (DON'T bind too much if you're unsure, it ruins breast tissue), wear male clothes, don't use make up, etc...
If what you see in the mirror looks more like what you would like to be, and if it makes you feel better...well, I would take it as a clue that hrt and surgery might be the right thing for you.
(Though you don't HAVE to have surgery or hrt to be trans*. You can be non-op and/or non-T and trans*)
When you say 'a way to live in between' that doesn't appeal to you, do you mean androgyny or do you mean being part-time?
I'm FAAB with a fluid gender identity, and though I mostly live as a woman (albeit a woman who wears men's trousers and boxers rather than women's trousers because they're more comfy - though I still wear skirts, too), I do sometimes go out socially as male - binding, etc - and have a haircut that can either be girly if I put a clip in it or appear to be a lad starting to grow his hair out if I pull out the curls.
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that sounded really obnoxious haha.
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i know it has been super helpful for me to hear these sorts of things from other trans/questioning people in the past year or two, good to see that others feel the same...
just because something is a phase doesn't mean it is "just" a phase or that it's less legitimate because it may or may not be permanent; it's okay to try different things; take things one step at a time; etc.
Reply
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What I would do if I were in your shoes (and what I did, in my own shoes) is doing a sugery-less, hrt-less mini-transition.
Cut your hair, try binding or layering clothes to hide your chest (DON'T bind too much if you're unsure, it ruins breast tissue), wear male clothes, don't use make up, etc...
If what you see in the mirror looks more like what you would like to be, and if it makes you feel better...well, I would take it as a clue that hrt and surgery might be the right thing for you.
(Though you don't HAVE to have surgery or hrt to be trans*. You can be non-op and/or non-T and trans*)
Reply
I'm FAAB with a fluid gender identity, and though I mostly live as a woman (albeit a woman who wears men's trousers and boxers rather than women's trousers because they're more comfy - though I still wear skirts, too), I do sometimes go out socially as male - binding, etc - and have a haircut that can either be girly if I put a clip in it or appear to be a lad starting to grow his hair out if I pull out the curls.
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