hey there, i'm ezra, at least on here. i just made this account mostly so i could talk to all you people out there in the trans* community who have had experience with this kind of thing
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"i've been questioning whether i want to live my life as a woman, or as an ftm ... some days i wake up and i've got myself so convinced that i should come out as trans, but then the next day i can't even contemplate being a man full time ... but the thought of growing up into a woman scares me too ... i want to decide if i'm trans or not, because waking up every day trying to decide which pronoun to use in my head is driving me crazy."
yes i know exactly how this feels. the way i deal with it is to not look into the future too far. it currently is pretty scary and distant to picture myself either as a thirty-something man or as a thirty-something woman (i mean... i'm 21 right now). but you can take things step by step. i mean the order i did things in was, cut my hair, changed my wardrobe / started binding, changed my name and pronouns. and that's all i've done so far, and all that took place over the course of like ... a year, maybe. and it was just a matter of, "is this a step i want to take?" rather than, "do i want to live as a man forever?"
which made it a lot more approachable and made it a lot easier for me to see that yes, okay, i want to do this thing. and whether or not i end up using this name/pronoun forever is irrelevant, but i am happy with my decision right now. and whether not i am a woman or a man or neither in five years is irrelevant, because i like the things that i am doing right now.
i know it has been super helpful for me to hear these sorts of things from other trans/questioning people in the past year or two, good to see that others feel the same...
just because something is a phase doesn't mean it is "just" a phase or that it's less legitimate because it may or may not be permanent; it's okay to try different things; take things one step at a time; etc.
Yes it's such a great way to look at it! So much less daunting, and so much more real in a way, because it's based on being responsive to yourself as you are (as opposed to hedging your bets on how you might feel in a year's time!)
yes i know exactly how this feels. the way i deal with it is to not look into the future too far. it currently is pretty scary and distant to picture myself either as a thirty-something man or as a thirty-something woman (i mean... i'm 21 right now). but you can take things step by step. i mean the order i did things in was, cut my hair, changed my wardrobe / started binding, changed my name and pronouns. and that's all i've done so far, and all that took place over the course of like ... a year, maybe. and it was just a matter of, "is this a step i want to take?" rather than, "do i want to live as a man forever?"
which made it a lot more approachable and made it a lot easier for me to see that yes, okay, i want to do this thing. and whether or not i end up using this name/pronoun forever is irrelevant, but i am happy with my decision right now. and whether not i am a woman or a man or neither in five years is irrelevant, because i like the things that i am doing right now.
...does any of that make sense?
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i know it has been super helpful for me to hear these sorts of things from other trans/questioning people in the past year or two, good to see that others feel the same...
just because something is a phase doesn't mean it is "just" a phase or that it's less legitimate because it may or may not be permanent; it's okay to try different things; take things one step at a time; etc.
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