"How can it be bullshit to state a preference?"

[tonguesintrees]

OPINION:
1. a : a view, judgment, or appraisal formed in the mind about a particular matter

- Merriam-Webster Online DictionaryThe reason for today's vocabulary lesson is my increasing annoyance with people who tell me that my daughter is very opinionated like it's a negative thing. She does indeed have definite ideas about what she likes or what

Comments

[tonguesintrees]

That damned internalized misogyny can be pretty sneaky, it's true.

I don't understand why it should/would count against you on a performance evaluation because you're "opinionated." Do you do your job well and correctly, and help library patrons with their needs? As long as you're professional and courteous, it shouldn't matter if your boss thinks you're too "opinionated." (And yes, I totally think that needs the quotation marks!)

[tonguesintrees]

Yeah, no, if someone is yelling and/or swearing at me, that's when I call the boss. No one gets paid enough for that shit. Not putting up with being abused by patrons isn't being "opinionated," it's called having a backbone and not allowing yourself to be mistreated. When will people learn that a please and a thank you and some general politeness will most likely get them what they want?

[skittish_derby]

I have a lot of experience with this actually. My mom is very soft, malleable, opinionless.. and I am.. not. I am very "stubborn, obstinate, opinionated" and all those 'bad' words and I have been described thus my whole life. My step dad actually said that he wanted to, well.. beat it out of me. I do not share this opinion and will not be raising my children that way. As far as I can tell, Hazel is very opinionated and strong willed and I like it, I think she'll have a good head on her shoulders. It is a good thing.

[tonguesintrees]

I wonder what exactly it is about strong, opinionated women that so bothered your stepfather? I'd think any father or stepfather would be glad that his daughter knew her own mind and wasn't easily swayed by others. I'm glad you're encouraging your daughter to think for herself!

[angelinw8ing13]

This is hard for me to comment on because one I'm very over opinionated and 2 I have absolutely no filter when it comes to it. I kinda think (at least in my experience) the issue lies when you give your opinion and it's not wanted (again with me.) I was raised in the south, and yes I know most people of an older generation believe women and children should be seen and not heard. Behn isn't old enough to "have an opinion" since he's just putting words together and most people can't understand him yet. I haven't seen a difference between boys and girls in that aspect again I see the issue (and this is just my own personal experience) being when I child or adult for that matter voices their opinion when it's not wanted. Normally down here when someone says "my you're opinionated" i've only seen it as their polite way of telling me to shut the f up. But each person’s situation is different so I’m not sure how they mean it towards you. Sorry you're going through this. ::hugs::

[tonguesintrees]

I, too, was raised in the South, and as you say, it does perpetuate that old school seen-and-not-heard mentality about its women and children, which is just ridiculous. Interestingly, I do often see a difference between boys and girls as small children having preferences and opinions about stuff - lots of people will say that a boy is decisive or that he goes after what he wants and gets it, and on the other hand, I've had a lot of people tell me that my little girl is "opinionated" or "a handful" or has "attitude

[angelinw8ing13]

Yeah that's a little outdated. I haven't seen a difference but I'm sure that's only a matter of time. I don't remember it being that way as a child but then again I was really rude as a kid so whenever someone corrected me for speaking out it was normally on how I did it not the fact that I did it; and Behn isn't old enough to be around those situations yet. I don't see why it's a bad thing either for a woman to speak her mind, I just know personally I can sometimes because I am so blunt I can be borderline rude. (I blame the military for that! :) )

[tonguesintrees]

I think blunt can be good, provided you aren't purposely hurting someone's feelings. One of my sisters is VERY blunt, and lacks the filter you say you don't have either, but what I like about that is that you always know where you stand with her. I think that sometimes it does tend to make people a little less open-minded to be so firmly entrenched in their beliefs, but I don't think that being opinionated is essentially a bad thing.

[juke_box_dive]

When I started reading your post, I thought "they wouldn't say it like that about a little boy". It's absolutely a way of policing girls' behavior. Just like girls are called "bossy" or "pushy" if they try to lead and boys are said to be displaying leadership skills.

[tonguesintrees]

"they wouldn't say it like that about a little boy"

This is exactly what makes me so fucking angry. An opinionated girl is clearly pushy and shrewish and should stfu and stfd, but an opinionated boy is a great leader. UGH. I think it's time for me to think of a great response for people who tell me that my talkative, decisive daughter is a handful.

[celtprincess13]

*raises opinionated hand* Yep, all the time. And as you said, always like it's a bad thing. I was once told "you don't get to have an opinion" by a boss I already hated. My response? "Oh yes, I do. You don't have to take it into consideration, but I will be damned if you're going to tell me I can't have one."

I say good for you, raising Olivia to not be a doormat. Haters to the left.

[tonguesintrees]

Haters to the left, indeed! God forbid my daughter have thoughts and words of her own, right? For that matter, how dare I have an opinion about something! I agree with you - people don't have to like my opinion, or agree with it, but hell if I'm going to act like I don't have one!