[pot | kirihara, yanagi] for you
spontaneous fic brought to you by a bout of listening to old Coldplay songs and the writing style of a fantastic book I read last night. guess the title (of the book) and I'll.. we'll work something out.
Everyone of us is high,
Everyone of us is low,
Everyone of us has hope,
For you.
Yanagi-senpai peels oranges starting with the top (only it's the bottom, really) and stripping the rind away round and around, until he tears away the bottom (only it's the top, really, you can see where the stem used to be). "Are you finished with question four yet, Akaya?" he asks, and I always say, "No," even if I already have, so that he will turn around and pick up another orange and I can watch him peel it. The smell of it is very strong, stronger than the fruit itself in your mouth, tart and sour and toe-curling. I do this so that we always end up with an odd number of oranges and I let him have the extra one, and it means to say thank you.
*****
There is a very high brick wall at the back of my house, and I climb it and sit on the top looking out over the rooftops, and everything looks different when you are looking down at it from up high. Maybe this is how tall people see things. I wonder what I look like from up high. I know that from the same level (I have checked in the mirror), I just look like myself, and myself is boring, and myself always makes me turn away from the mirror and go away.
*****
Following plans is boring, except for big plans like 'win nationals' (buchou says it is 'win nationals again', but it isn't 'again' for me). When I am told to do something that I didn't think of myself, it becomes something that someone else wants, like doing homework, or cleaning my room, or not playing games fifteen minutes before dinner and clearing things off the table instead. Mother tries to make it interesting by telling me how these things are also things that I want, but I don't really want to do my homework (although I want to get into a good college with a tennis club), or clean my room (she says I can always find the bag or shirt or CD that I want then), or clearing the table for dinner (then Mother says she won't yell at me, because I don't want her yelling at me). The thing is I know that doing my homework is, in the end, sort of something that I want, but I don't feel it. And knowing and feeling isn't the same thing.
*****
The first person who hit me was a boy in kindergarten who called me a monkey. He did it until I bit him and then he stopped. The last person who hit me was Sanada-fukubuchou. I can't bite him, he would just hit me until I stopped.
*****
I like football and I like tennis, but I don't like playing football because it always goes on for at least 90 minutes and that's just too long to spend on something even if you like it a lot. At least when I'm watching I can change channels if I get bored. Tennis is different because you just need to win this much more points than the other person and then you can go do something else. If you get bored very quickly then you should just win quickly so the match ends faster. Buchou told me that. Buchou also told me that there is no such thing as a fair game in a world where everyone is taller or stronger or faster than you. Buchou is shorter than Sanada-fukubuchou, not as strong as Jackal-senpai, not as fast as me. But he can beat all of us, and he is our captain.
I like playing tennis.
*****
Yanagi-senpai's hair is very soft, very fine, very straight, like the advertisements you see on television except he is real. I don't like to touch people but to be strictly correct Yanagi-senpai's hair is not people, just hair, and he says it is OK to think about things in a manner which makes sense to you. He also says it is OK to touch his hair but maybe not when everyone else is looking, because it doesn't make sense to other people, and we should be considerate of other people. So I only do it when he comes over to my house to play video games or teach me maths, or when I go over to his house because he has a bigger garden with ponds and rocks and a lot of books about war. And when I touch his hair I think about how it is not people and maybe this means Yanagi-senpai is not people, just Yanagi-senpai, and maybe this is why I don't don't like to touch him.
*****
Sometimes my parents fight, like Yanagi-senpai and Sanada-fukubuchou fight, except of course they call each other different things. None of them know that I know they fight. Except that my parents fight about a lot a lot a lot of things, and Yanagi-senpai and Sanada-fukubuchou just fight about one person. Yanagi-senpai will say things like:
"It's not the best way to deal with him."
And Sanada-fukubuchou always says, "It's only until the end of the year."
And Yanagi-senpai will say, "You are only making him worse."
And Sanada-fukubuchou will say, "At least it makes him listen to me."
And Yanagi-senpai will be quiet, and then one of them will say, after a long time, "We're not Seiichi," and if it's Sanada-fukubuchou he will say buchou's name with difficulty, as though he hasn't pronounced it in a while. And they will be even more quiet, or they will start again, and then I think, maybe I shouldn't be hiding underneath the bench in the far end of the room, and then, maybe they are fighting about two people instead of just one.
My parents' fights always end with someone apologising (usually Father) and the room very very quiet and then the next morning they are back to normal again, and the way they keep doing things for each other (Father loads the dishwasher without being asked, and Mother makes bento without being reminded), it means to say I'm sorry and I love you. I keep waiting for that to happen in the tennis club but it still hasn't. I think it needs buchou to come back for that to happen.
*****
Yanagi-senpai looks at me when I ask him for a dishcloth, and then he looks at the mess all over the table, and he asks me why I didn't ask him to peel the oranges instead. I tell him, "Because I never get to do it," and he laughs and says that's because he's better at it, and then I ask him, "Teach me," and he stops laughing, and I tell him, "You only laugh when no one else is watching," and he says, "You are no one else," and I don't understand that because I am thinking about how he doesn't peel oranges for anyone else, either. I pick up the bowl with the three kind of squishy oranges in it that I managed to peel, and I give it all to him, and I don't know if he will get what it means to say.
ps. Java is like, whoa. also I have problems running applets (set variable path? javac? ehhh?). is there any other language in which it is easier to learn OOP? :D;;
Everyone of us is high,
Everyone of us is low,
Everyone of us has hope,
For you.
Yanagi-senpai peels oranges starting with the top (only it's the bottom, really) and stripping the rind away round and around, until he tears away the bottom (only it's the top, really, you can see where the stem used to be). "Are you finished with question four yet, Akaya?" he asks, and I always say, "No," even if I already have, so that he will turn around and pick up another orange and I can watch him peel it. The smell of it is very strong, stronger than the fruit itself in your mouth, tart and sour and toe-curling. I do this so that we always end up with an odd number of oranges and I let him have the extra one, and it means to say thank you.
*****
There is a very high brick wall at the back of my house, and I climb it and sit on the top looking out over the rooftops, and everything looks different when you are looking down at it from up high. Maybe this is how tall people see things. I wonder what I look like from up high. I know that from the same level (I have checked in the mirror), I just look like myself, and myself is boring, and myself always makes me turn away from the mirror and go away.
*****
Following plans is boring, except for big plans like 'win nationals' (buchou says it is 'win nationals again', but it isn't 'again' for me). When I am told to do something that I didn't think of myself, it becomes something that someone else wants, like doing homework, or cleaning my room, or not playing games fifteen minutes before dinner and clearing things off the table instead. Mother tries to make it interesting by telling me how these things are also things that I want, but I don't really want to do my homework (although I want to get into a good college with a tennis club), or clean my room (she says I can always find the bag or shirt or CD that I want then), or clearing the table for dinner (then Mother says she won't yell at me, because I don't want her yelling at me). The thing is I know that doing my homework is, in the end, sort of something that I want, but I don't feel it. And knowing and feeling isn't the same thing.
*****
The first person who hit me was a boy in kindergarten who called me a monkey. He did it until I bit him and then he stopped. The last person who hit me was Sanada-fukubuchou. I can't bite him, he would just hit me until I stopped.
*****
I like football and I like tennis, but I don't like playing football because it always goes on for at least 90 minutes and that's just too long to spend on something even if you like it a lot. At least when I'm watching I can change channels if I get bored. Tennis is different because you just need to win this much more points than the other person and then you can go do something else. If you get bored very quickly then you should just win quickly so the match ends faster. Buchou told me that. Buchou also told me that there is no such thing as a fair game in a world where everyone is taller or stronger or faster than you. Buchou is shorter than Sanada-fukubuchou, not as strong as Jackal-senpai, not as fast as me. But he can beat all of us, and he is our captain.
I like playing tennis.
*****
Yanagi-senpai's hair is very soft, very fine, very straight, like the advertisements you see on television except he is real. I don't like to touch people but to be strictly correct Yanagi-senpai's hair is not people, just hair, and he says it is OK to think about things in a manner which makes sense to you. He also says it is OK to touch his hair but maybe not when everyone else is looking, because it doesn't make sense to other people, and we should be considerate of other people. So I only do it when he comes over to my house to play video games or teach me maths, or when I go over to his house because he has a bigger garden with ponds and rocks and a lot of books about war. And when I touch his hair I think about how it is not people and maybe this means Yanagi-senpai is not people, just Yanagi-senpai, and maybe this is why I don't don't like to touch him.
*****
Sometimes my parents fight, like Yanagi-senpai and Sanada-fukubuchou fight, except of course they call each other different things. None of them know that I know they fight. Except that my parents fight about a lot a lot a lot of things, and Yanagi-senpai and Sanada-fukubuchou just fight about one person. Yanagi-senpai will say things like:
"It's not the best way to deal with him."
And Sanada-fukubuchou always says, "It's only until the end of the year."
And Yanagi-senpai will say, "You are only making him worse."
And Sanada-fukubuchou will say, "At least it makes him listen to me."
And Yanagi-senpai will be quiet, and then one of them will say, after a long time, "We're not Seiichi," and if it's Sanada-fukubuchou he will say buchou's name with difficulty, as though he hasn't pronounced it in a while. And they will be even more quiet, or they will start again, and then I think, maybe I shouldn't be hiding underneath the bench in the far end of the room, and then, maybe they are fighting about two people instead of just one.
My parents' fights always end with someone apologising (usually Father) and the room very very quiet and then the next morning they are back to normal again, and the way they keep doing things for each other (Father loads the dishwasher without being asked, and Mother makes bento without being reminded), it means to say I'm sorry and I love you. I keep waiting for that to happen in the tennis club but it still hasn't. I think it needs buchou to come back for that to happen.
*****
Yanagi-senpai looks at me when I ask him for a dishcloth, and then he looks at the mess all over the table, and he asks me why I didn't ask him to peel the oranges instead. I tell him, "Because I never get to do it," and he laughs and says that's because he's better at it, and then I ask him, "Teach me," and he stops laughing, and I tell him, "You only laugh when no one else is watching," and he says, "You are no one else," and I don't understand that because I am thinking about how he doesn't peel oranges for anyone else, either. I pick up the bowl with the three kind of squishy oranges in it that I managed to peel, and I give it all to him, and I don't know if he will get what it means to say.
ps. Java is like, whoa. also I have problems running applets (set variable path? javac? ehhh?). is there any other language in which it is easier to learn OOP? :D;;