Reimeiroku Okita Route Chapter 5 (Shieikan Memories)
Okita Route Chapter 4
*** The memory is told from Kondou's point of view, in 1st person perspective. ***
Souji was only 9 years old when he was left in our care.
He was born in a samurai family. But his parents died when he was little. The children left behind strived to feed themselves. Souji's sister, Mitsu-san, raised him in place of their parents. When she's getting married, she can no longer take care of him. I still clearly remember the first day Mitsu brought Souji to Shieikan. Mitsu-san bowed again and again to me and my foster father, Shuusai-sensei.
Mitsu: Sensei, please take care of my little brother. ... Come on, your greetings.
Souji had been looking down at the ground quietly, and finally spoke after Mitsu-san urged him.
Souji: Yoroshiku onegaishimasu.
Quite a meek boy. That's my first impression of him.
He's separated from his family when he wasn't even 10 years old. He must be lonely, although not complaining.
After Mitsu-san left, Souji stood outside the dojo silently, looking at the direction of his home.
Although he was taken in as a private pupil, he's treated more like a servant. While children of his age were playing, he had to do chores like laundries, cleaning, and weeding all day long. What's more, it was hard to keep him well-fed since our dojo wasn't that abundant.
If his parents lived, he might not have to go through these hardships. Thinking of this, I feel compassionate for him, and often share my meal with him.
On that day, I made an extra rice ball with leftover boiled barley and rice, and brought it to Souji.
I couldn't believe my eyes when I opened the door.
In the dim room, the smell of cold miso soup filled the air. Souji sat there with sagged shoulders. Beside him were spilled soup and a rice ball, smashed like it was stepped on.
Kondou: What... in the world happened?
I asked in astonishment. But Souji answered monotonously without looking up.
Souji: ... I accidentally spilled them.
Kondou: Accidentally spilled?
Souji: Yes. I will clean these up nicely. Don't worry about it.Souji picked up the barley and rice scattered on the ground and started eating them. Dropped on the ground wouldn't make a rice ball scatter like that. But from the rejection in his voice, it's better not to press further.
Kondou: I see. Be careful next time. Did you get burned by the soup?
Souji: I'm fine.
Kondou: That's good. By the way, there's some leftover rice. I brought you another rice ball. You should eat more since you're still growing.
His expression didn't soften when I handed him the rice ball. But perhaps out of hunger, he timidly reached for it. Then I noticed something on his wrist - numerous bruises were left on his skinny arms and legs.
Kondou: Hold it, Souji. What are these?
Souji hastily drew back his hand and hid the bruises.
Kondou: What happened? Did someone hit you?
But Souji hang his head and answered monotonously, as usual.
Souji: I tripped. That's all. It's because I'm clumsy.
Kondou: But...
What kind of fall would cause that kind of bruises? It's obviously caused by hitting with something hard, like a wooden sword. But Souji pushed me away with his words.
Souji: Thank you for your rice ball. Since I must go weeding later, may I be excused now?
The resignation showed he refused to rely on me or Shuusai-sensei. I didn't know what to say.
Kondou: I see. Sorry for taking up your meal time.
*****
Kondou: One day I returned early from degeiko*, and witnessed the other pupils beating up Souji, using "practice" as an excuse.
*Note: Degeiko means giving lessons at a pupil's house.
Kondou seemed to be painful just thinking about it.
Ryu: That can't be helped. I don't think kid Okita was any less stubborn than he is now. Being an unlovable kid, and favored by Shuusai-sensei just because he's a private pupil, I'm not surprised that the others would envy him.
Kondou: Even so, it's not right to bully such a little child!
Ryu: Calm down! I'm not the one bullying him!
Kondou: Um. You're right...
Kondou: I hoped to teach morality alongside with sword skills. But it seemed that not everyone accepted it. It was Shuusai-sensei's and my responsibility.
Kondou seemed depressed at his failure in teaching.
Ryu: Well, every dojo has an asshole or two. What happened to Okita wasn't your fault.
Kondou: Thank you for being thoughtful of me. However, if I tried harder, Souji wouldn't have to go through these.
He tends to feel responsible for things not really him to blame, Ryu thought.
Ryu: What happened afterwards?
Judging by how righteous Kondou is, he wouldn't have let it slide.
Kondou: When I was going to scolded them, Souji spoke, "like they said, we're practicing."
Ryu: What's that for? It's not like him to cover them.
Kondou: At then, Souji was still cautious of me. He was separated from his sister, left in this dojo, and beaten up in "practicing". I guess he's unsure if he can trust me or not. Anyhow, no matter what Souji thinks, I can't tolerate bullying children. So I warned them not to do this again.
Ryu waited quietly, but Kondou fell silent. Feeling anxious since Ryu can't believe the older pupils would behave after scolding, he asked what happened next. With a sigh, Kondou continued.
*****
Afterwards, the older pupils didn't bully Souji. But Souji still didn't open up to Shuusai-sensei and I.
He did his chores as usual, and gave not a word of complain.
One day at dusk I saw him standing outside the dojo where he bid farewell to his sister, and looking at the direction of his home again. Although he tried to act mature, he's a child after all. Doubtlessly he missed his sister.
Kondou: ... Souji.
Seeing his small lonely silhouette, I called. But he didn't look back. There's nothing wrong with being attached to one's family. I placed my hand on his small shoulder.
Kondou: What are you doing here? Are you feeling lonely because you missed your sister?
Souji didn't reply, but gazed at the sky with indifferent eyes.
Kondou: Perhaps Mitsu-san can't come by since she's busy with her daily life. If you write her a letter and tell her, surely she'd show up in Bon Festival and New Year. Better keep practicing kenjitsu so you don't get her worried...
Souji didn't look up. He gazed at the sky, with eyes that bear no light. He softly spoke.
Souji: My sister abandoned me.
The voice was pessimistic and hopeless. I felt painful to hear such a small child speak this way. I pressed on his shoulder harder, and told him.
Kondou: Souji, Mitsu-san didn't abandon you. How could anyone abandon her lovely little brother? She has her own life. She can't leave you in the old house by yourself. It must be a difficult decision for her to leave you here.
Souji didn't respond. It's like my words couldn't reach him. Still, I continued.
Kondou: Although it's lonely to live far away from your sister, everything in life must be a meaning. For you to be left in our care, there must be a meaning to it as well. So don't curse your fate. Instead, think about what you can do with what your fate offers you. Isn't that what being a human is about?
Souji listened silently. After a while, he finally looked up, and whispered.
Souji: Kondou-san, you warned the older pupils not to beat me, right?
Kondou: Huh? Yes, I did.
Souji: Would you do me a favor by not doing that again?
His voice was colder than usual. Feeling a chill down the spine, I looked at Souji.
Kondou: Don't do that? What do you mean?
Souji pulled down his collar silently. There were countless bruises and scratches on his chest, obviously more than before.
Souji: The day after Kondou-san warned them, I was called to the dojo and beaten with wooden swords. "How dare you tell on us!" They said. Although I said I didn't, no one listened. Because of the needless thing Kondou-san did, I got beaten more severe than before.
Feeling cold sweat running down my spine, I was speechless. With lifeless eyes, Souji stared at my face without blinking, and continued.
Souji: I don't recall asking for your help. It's annoying. Please leave me alone.
Then he turned his back on me and walked back into the dojo.
*****
Ryu: Well, it's not like I can't relate to Okita's feelings.
Kondou: What do you mean?
Ryu: Although I wasn't abandoned by my parents nor bullied by older pupils, I did view everyone around me as enemies. Someone came and offered compassion, but ended up making life more miserable... I can relate to that.
Kondou: I see. You lived through a lot of difficulties as well.
Ryu: Then what happened?
Kondou: On another day when returning from degeiko, I witnessed the older pupils beating Souji again.
Ryu: So you stopped them?
Kondou: I wanted to. More than anything. But Shuusai-sensei stopped me.
Ryu: Why would sensei do that?
Kondou: He said this is what Souji must overcome with his own strength. If I reach out a helping hand now, he'd develop a habit to depend on others when in trouble. A person asking for compassion from others will never grow stronger. Shuusai-sensei also told me to look carefully. Souji wasn't merely getting beaten. He kept his eyes peeled until getting hit, and saw through his opponent's attacks.
Ryu: No way! Can a child less than 10 do that?
Kondou: I didn't believe it at first. But like sensei said, he's studying his opponents' attacks, seeking a chance to win those pupils much older than him.
Kondou: A few days later, Shuusai-sensei suggested a tournament among pupils.
*****
Kondou: Begin!
Souji's opponent quickly drew near, held his sword over his head, and swang down aiming at Souji's forehead.
The sound of wooden swords clashing filled the room.
Souji gritted his teeth, blocked the attack and tried to fight back. However, the wooden swords used in Shieikan were heavy for a grown man to wield. Not to mention for a child like him. Souji took a hit. Blood came out of his forehead. No matter how talented, fighting against someone with great difference in physique is too harsh.
Kondou: Call off the match! Someone go get some ointment that stops bleeding!
Souji: I'm fine! I can still fight!
Souji got up from the floor.
Kondou: But you're....
Souji: It's just a small cut. Nothing serious. Please! Let me finish!
He stared at the older pupil with eyes covered in blood. Like a wounded beast, the menace in his eyes was enough to send chills down the spine of a grown man. Perhaps it's better to call off the match now. But Souji was serious. Seeing his determination, I couldn't bring myself to stop him.
Kondou: I see. But if there is further danger, I'll call off the match.
It's the first time Souji showed a faint smile in front of me.
Souji: Thank you very much.
Both sides returned to their positions. The older pupil felt uneasy from the thirst for blood in Souji's eyes. The confidence in him was gone.
Kondou: Begin!
Both took a step forward at the same time. However, the older pupil hesitated and his step wasn't firm. Souji didn't let this chance slip by. He swang down the wooden sword at full strength. When the first attack succeeded, he attacked again and again. It's not just vengefulness, but more like deep grudge.
His opponent dropped his sword. Seeing victory in hand, Souji speeded up. With his pupils widened in excitement, he kept attacking breathlessly. The result was obvious. His opponent fell on the floor, losing all intention to fight back. However, Souji kept hitting again and again.
Kondou: Souji! Enough! That's enough! Stop it!
I held down Souji. His shoulders rose and fell in excitement, while he's trying to catch his breath.
Kondou: Stop it. You've already won. So please, stop it.
Souji: I... I won?
Souji didn't seem to understand what happened, and looked up to me in surprise. Seeing him like this, before I know it, I hugged him in my arms.
Kondou: You've done well. You're really... really great.
He had lost his parents, was separated from his sister, left in an unfamiliar dojo, and bullied by others. Today he fought against this unreasonable fate, and grabbed victory with his own hands.
I wanted to give him all the praise he deserved, but couldn't find the right words to do so.
Souji: Kondou-san, your kimono would get blood-stained.
Souji murmured, sounding puzzled. I shook my head and held him tighter.
Kondou: It doesn't matter. With the small body of yours, you've worked so hard.
That was from the bottom of my heart. I've never hoped for someone's victory so desperately.
Souji: Kondou-san had never called me a "poor thing".
Kondou: Eh?Souji: That's what the older pupils and the neighbors all say. "You're so little, yet you lost your parents, and your sister dumped you. What a poor thing." But Kondou-san had never called me that. And you trusted me, allowing me to fight to the last.
Souji: Even if my parents died, and even if I can't see my sister again, there must be a meaning to it. That's what Kondou-san said. I think now I get it.
With these words, Souji's little hands grabbed firmly to my kimono.
Souji: I'm here to become stronger, for Kondou-san's sake.
Afterwards, Souji's sword skill improved at astonishing speed. Soon no pupil in Shieikan was on par with him. Even I might take a hit from him in sword matches.
Although it's somewhat embarrassing to hear him say, "I'll become stronger, for Kondou-san's sake." I was happy that Souji found his point of living and can live positively.
In the 7th month of Bunkyuu Year 2, Souji said he had a fever, and slept for days. It turned out that he had caught measles. He was sent to an acquaintance's house in Fuda for recuperation. For grownups, measles could be lethal. I went to Fuda every day to see how Souji was doing. Although everyone suggested me to go after he's cured, I couldn't leave him like this.
Kondou: Souji, how are you doing? Has the fever gone down?
Souji: What should I say... It's most troublesome if I don't cure soon. I've missed practice for days.
His voice sounded weary from the high fever. Then he suddenly started coughing.
Kondou: Are you alright, Souji?
I rushed to his side to pat his back. After catching his breath, Souji turned to me.
Souji: Kondou-san, you should keep a distance. You might catch it too.
Kondou: Don't worry. I'm so healthy that illness would run away from me.
Souji looked more relieved. When being sick, no one would want to be left alone. Since Souji's parents were gone, I think it'd be nice if I can take their place, even if it's just a little bit.
Kondou: Let me tell you stories until you fall asleep. You used to like it when you were little.
Souji: Kondou-san, I'm not little anymore.
Kondou: Nonsense. You're still a kid in my eyes. What would you like to hear? You're too old for Momotaro or Urashimataro. How about Romance of the Three Kingdoms or the Record of Kiyomasa*?
Souji: Those are what Kondou-san wants to read, right?
Kondou: Huh? Nah. I'm looking for stories that Souji would be interested in.
Souji: Really? It's not Kondou-san's personal interest?
Souji smiled teasingly. I know he always teases people around him. It's a bad habit of his. But I can't bring myself to scold him.
Kondou: Then what would you like to hear? I'll do my best.
Souji: It's alright. Anything Kondou-san tells, I'm glad to hear it.
*Note: These two books are Kondou's favorite military novels. They also appeared on his desk in anime episode 16. (Screencap above.)
The childhood memory from Souji's point of view: Interlude #32 - Opening Up
Souji returned cured.
But with the chaos in economics, the rapid rise in prices made it harder to keep Shieikan running. Request for degeiko had decreased to nearly none. Without this income, we couldn't feed our guests. As we thought we might have to close the dojo, we heard the news about recruiting ronin to protect Lord Iemochi Tokugawa during his journey to the capital city.
Toshi, Sannan-kun, and I discussed about preparation for this journey. There were dozens of things to be decided, such as how to use the wage we'll receive, and what to do with the dojo when we were away. Toshi suddenly suggested leaving Souji in Edo.
Toshi: He was sick in bed from measles, right? He's not fully recovered yet. Wouldn't it be better if we go to Kyoto first, and call him over after we've got things on track? Besides, there's no guarantee that we'll really get paid.
Toshi was being reasonable. Skillful as Souji is, he's not that healthy. And this rumored "Roshigumi" sounded suspicious. It's Okachi's job to protect the Shogun. Why would someone recruit a bunch of nameless ronin?
But somehow I didn't want to agree on this part.
Kondou: Sannan-kun, what do you think?
Sannan-kun seemed to be in deep thought, and gave Toshi a glance with the edge of his eyes. When he does that, it means his opinion differs from Toshi's.
Sannan: Wouldn't it be better to respect Okita-kun's own opinion? It's not for us to decide.
Kondou: I see. I'll ask him directly tomorrow.
The next day, I called to Souji when he's practicing in the courtyard.
Kondou: Souji, there's something I want to ask you. Do you have a minute?
Souji: Of course. What is it?
He beamed like an innocent child. Lately he had been more focused on practicing, in order to be helpful in our journey to Kyoto. Seeing him like this, I felt guilty about what I was about to ask.
Kondou: It's about the journey to Kyoto.
Souji: What about it? Is the date decided?
Souji asked in excitement. Now it's even harder to ask. I bit my lip, and finally spoke.
Kondou: Now... How about you stay here with Shuusai-sensei, for the time being?
Souji: What does that mean? Am I being a hindrance to you?
Souji asked in stiffened voice. His expression was like back then, when he stood outside the dojo looking at the direction of his home blankly, and saying "my sister abandoned me".
Kondou: No! Nobody said that. It's just... you've been sick in bed for a while, so it's too stressful for you to ...
Souji: If you're talking about measles, wasn't that about half a year ago? I'm already cured. Why can't I go with you? Is it troublesome if I go?
Kondou: That... that's...
Souji: Please! Take me with you! For all the kindness Kondou-san offered me, I haven't done anything in return yet.
Before I could say "don't let it bother you", Souji suddenly grabbed my sleeve.
Souji: I'm not useless! I will be helpful to Kondou-san in Kyoto, definitely! So please! Take me with you!
Souji bowed. He's almost like a puppy knowing he'd be thrown away, fearing to be again abandoned by someone he deeply trusted. Seeing him like this, I can't refuse.
Kondou: I see. Let's go to Kyoto together, Souji.
Souji looked up, trying to see if I mean it or not. Then he beamed.
Souji: Yes!
*****
It's already nightfall when Kondou-san finished.
Ryu: I see. So that's what happened.
Now Ryu understood why Souji admired Kondou so much, why he's often unstable, and why he got annoyed when Ryu said "there must be other ways". Ryu admitted he really didn't have the resolution as firm as Souji's.
Kondou looked down woefully.
Kondou: I didn't intend to bring Souji here to kill. I don't know how to apologize to Mitsu-san. Shuusai-sensei and I taught him sword skill. But perhaps we failed to teach him the most important thing about being a human.
Kondou only wanted to see Souji happy, and to make up for the childhood he lost. While he deeply regretted bringing his little brother onto this path, Souji only focused on being helpful to Kondou.
Okita Route Chapter 6
*** The memory is told from Kondou's point of view, in 1st person perspective. ***
Souji was only 9 years old when he was left in our care.
He was born in a samurai family. But his parents died when he was little. The children left behind strived to feed themselves. Souji's sister, Mitsu-san, raised him in place of their parents. When she's getting married, she can no longer take care of him. I still clearly remember the first day Mitsu brought Souji to Shieikan. Mitsu-san bowed again and again to me and my foster father, Shuusai-sensei.
Mitsu: Sensei, please take care of my little brother. ... Come on, your greetings.
Souji had been looking down at the ground quietly, and finally spoke after Mitsu-san urged him.
Souji: Yoroshiku onegaishimasu.
Quite a meek boy. That's my first impression of him.
He's separated from his family when he wasn't even 10 years old. He must be lonely, although not complaining.
After Mitsu-san left, Souji stood outside the dojo silently, looking at the direction of his home.
Although he was taken in as a private pupil, he's treated more like a servant. While children of his age were playing, he had to do chores like laundries, cleaning, and weeding all day long. What's more, it was hard to keep him well-fed since our dojo wasn't that abundant.
If his parents lived, he might not have to go through these hardships. Thinking of this, I feel compassionate for him, and often share my meal with him.
On that day, I made an extra rice ball with leftover boiled barley and rice, and brought it to Souji.
I couldn't believe my eyes when I opened the door.
In the dim room, the smell of cold miso soup filled the air. Souji sat there with sagged shoulders. Beside him were spilled soup and a rice ball, smashed like it was stepped on.
Kondou: What... in the world happened?
I asked in astonishment. But Souji answered monotonously without looking up.
Souji: ... I accidentally spilled them.
Kondou: Accidentally spilled?
Souji: Yes. I will clean these up nicely. Don't worry about it.Souji picked up the barley and rice scattered on the ground and started eating them. Dropped on the ground wouldn't make a rice ball scatter like that. But from the rejection in his voice, it's better not to press further.
Kondou: I see. Be careful next time. Did you get burned by the soup?
Souji: I'm fine.
Kondou: That's good. By the way, there's some leftover rice. I brought you another rice ball. You should eat more since you're still growing.
His expression didn't soften when I handed him the rice ball. But perhaps out of hunger, he timidly reached for it. Then I noticed something on his wrist - numerous bruises were left on his skinny arms and legs.
Kondou: Hold it, Souji. What are these?
Souji hastily drew back his hand and hid the bruises.
Kondou: What happened? Did someone hit you?
But Souji hang his head and answered monotonously, as usual.
Souji: I tripped. That's all. It's because I'm clumsy.
Kondou: But...
What kind of fall would cause that kind of bruises? It's obviously caused by hitting with something hard, like a wooden sword. But Souji pushed me away with his words.
Souji: Thank you for your rice ball. Since I must go weeding later, may I be excused now?
The resignation showed he refused to rely on me or Shuusai-sensei. I didn't know what to say.
Kondou: I see. Sorry for taking up your meal time.
*****
Kondou: One day I returned early from degeiko*, and witnessed the other pupils beating up Souji, using "practice" as an excuse.
*Note: Degeiko means giving lessons at a pupil's house.
Kondou seemed to be painful just thinking about it.
Ryu: That can't be helped. I don't think kid Okita was any less stubborn than he is now. Being an unlovable kid, and favored by Shuusai-sensei just because he's a private pupil, I'm not surprised that the others would envy him.
Kondou: Even so, it's not right to bully such a little child!
Ryu: Calm down! I'm not the one bullying him!
Kondou: Um. You're right...
Kondou: I hoped to teach morality alongside with sword skills. But it seemed that not everyone accepted it. It was Shuusai-sensei's and my responsibility.
Kondou seemed depressed at his failure in teaching.
Ryu: Well, every dojo has an asshole or two. What happened to Okita wasn't your fault.
Kondou: Thank you for being thoughtful of me. However, if I tried harder, Souji wouldn't have to go through these.
He tends to feel responsible for things not really him to blame, Ryu thought.
Ryu: What happened afterwards?
Judging by how righteous Kondou is, he wouldn't have let it slide.
Kondou: When I was going to scolded them, Souji spoke, "like they said, we're practicing."
Ryu: What's that for? It's not like him to cover them.
Kondou: At then, Souji was still cautious of me. He was separated from his sister, left in this dojo, and beaten up in "practicing". I guess he's unsure if he can trust me or not. Anyhow, no matter what Souji thinks, I can't tolerate bullying children. So I warned them not to do this again.
Ryu waited quietly, but Kondou fell silent. Feeling anxious since Ryu can't believe the older pupils would behave after scolding, he asked what happened next. With a sigh, Kondou continued.
*****
Afterwards, the older pupils didn't bully Souji. But Souji still didn't open up to Shuusai-sensei and I.
He did his chores as usual, and gave not a word of complain.
One day at dusk I saw him standing outside the dojo where he bid farewell to his sister, and looking at the direction of his home again. Although he tried to act mature, he's a child after all. Doubtlessly he missed his sister.
Kondou: ... Souji.
Seeing his small lonely silhouette, I called. But he didn't look back. There's nothing wrong with being attached to one's family. I placed my hand on his small shoulder.
Kondou: What are you doing here? Are you feeling lonely because you missed your sister?
Souji didn't reply, but gazed at the sky with indifferent eyes.
Kondou: Perhaps Mitsu-san can't come by since she's busy with her daily life. If you write her a letter and tell her, surely she'd show up in Bon Festival and New Year. Better keep practicing kenjitsu so you don't get her worried...
Souji didn't look up. He gazed at the sky, with eyes that bear no light. He softly spoke.
Souji: My sister abandoned me.
The voice was pessimistic and hopeless. I felt painful to hear such a small child speak this way. I pressed on his shoulder harder, and told him.
Kondou: Souji, Mitsu-san didn't abandon you. How could anyone abandon her lovely little brother? She has her own life. She can't leave you in the old house by yourself. It must be a difficult decision for her to leave you here.
Souji didn't respond. It's like my words couldn't reach him. Still, I continued.
Kondou: Although it's lonely to live far away from your sister, everything in life must be a meaning. For you to be left in our care, there must be a meaning to it as well. So don't curse your fate. Instead, think about what you can do with what your fate offers you. Isn't that what being a human is about?
Souji listened silently. After a while, he finally looked up, and whispered.
Souji: Kondou-san, you warned the older pupils not to beat me, right?
Kondou: Huh? Yes, I did.
Souji: Would you do me a favor by not doing that again?
His voice was colder than usual. Feeling a chill down the spine, I looked at Souji.
Kondou: Don't do that? What do you mean?
Souji pulled down his collar silently. There were countless bruises and scratches on his chest, obviously more than before.
Souji: The day after Kondou-san warned them, I was called to the dojo and beaten with wooden swords. "How dare you tell on us!" They said. Although I said I didn't, no one listened. Because of the needless thing Kondou-san did, I got beaten more severe than before.
Feeling cold sweat running down my spine, I was speechless. With lifeless eyes, Souji stared at my face without blinking, and continued.
Souji: I don't recall asking for your help. It's annoying. Please leave me alone.
Then he turned his back on me and walked back into the dojo.
*****
Ryu: Well, it's not like I can't relate to Okita's feelings.
Kondou: What do you mean?
Ryu: Although I wasn't abandoned by my parents nor bullied by older pupils, I did view everyone around me as enemies. Someone came and offered compassion, but ended up making life more miserable... I can relate to that.
Kondou: I see. You lived through a lot of difficulties as well.
Ryu: Then what happened?
Kondou: On another day when returning from degeiko, I witnessed the older pupils beating Souji again.
Ryu: So you stopped them?
Kondou: I wanted to. More than anything. But Shuusai-sensei stopped me.
Ryu: Why would sensei do that?
Kondou: He said this is what Souji must overcome with his own strength. If I reach out a helping hand now, he'd develop a habit to depend on others when in trouble. A person asking for compassion from others will never grow stronger. Shuusai-sensei also told me to look carefully. Souji wasn't merely getting beaten. He kept his eyes peeled until getting hit, and saw through his opponent's attacks.
Ryu: No way! Can a child less than 10 do that?
Kondou: I didn't believe it at first. But like sensei said, he's studying his opponents' attacks, seeking a chance to win those pupils much older than him.
Kondou: A few days later, Shuusai-sensei suggested a tournament among pupils.
*****
Kondou: Begin!
Souji's opponent quickly drew near, held his sword over his head, and swang down aiming at Souji's forehead.
The sound of wooden swords clashing filled the room.
Souji gritted his teeth, blocked the attack and tried to fight back. However, the wooden swords used in Shieikan were heavy for a grown man to wield. Not to mention for a child like him. Souji took a hit. Blood came out of his forehead. No matter how talented, fighting against someone with great difference in physique is too harsh.
Kondou: Call off the match! Someone go get some ointment that stops bleeding!
Souji: I'm fine! I can still fight!
Souji got up from the floor.
Kondou: But you're....
Souji: It's just a small cut. Nothing serious. Please! Let me finish!
He stared at the older pupil with eyes covered in blood. Like a wounded beast, the menace in his eyes was enough to send chills down the spine of a grown man. Perhaps it's better to call off the match now. But Souji was serious. Seeing his determination, I couldn't bring myself to stop him.
Kondou: I see. But if there is further danger, I'll call off the match.
It's the first time Souji showed a faint smile in front of me.
Souji: Thank you very much.
Both sides returned to their positions. The older pupil felt uneasy from the thirst for blood in Souji's eyes. The confidence in him was gone.
Kondou: Begin!
Both took a step forward at the same time. However, the older pupil hesitated and his step wasn't firm. Souji didn't let this chance slip by. He swang down the wooden sword at full strength. When the first attack succeeded, he attacked again and again. It's not just vengefulness, but more like deep grudge.
His opponent dropped his sword. Seeing victory in hand, Souji speeded up. With his pupils widened in excitement, he kept attacking breathlessly. The result was obvious. His opponent fell on the floor, losing all intention to fight back. However, Souji kept hitting again and again.
Kondou: Souji! Enough! That's enough! Stop it!
I held down Souji. His shoulders rose and fell in excitement, while he's trying to catch his breath.
Kondou: Stop it. You've already won. So please, stop it.
Souji: I... I won?
Souji didn't seem to understand what happened, and looked up to me in surprise. Seeing him like this, before I know it, I hugged him in my arms.
Kondou: You've done well. You're really... really great.
He had lost his parents, was separated from his sister, left in an unfamiliar dojo, and bullied by others. Today he fought against this unreasonable fate, and grabbed victory with his own hands.
I wanted to give him all the praise he deserved, but couldn't find the right words to do so.
Souji: Kondou-san, your kimono would get blood-stained.
Souji murmured, sounding puzzled. I shook my head and held him tighter.
Kondou: It doesn't matter. With the small body of yours, you've worked so hard.
That was from the bottom of my heart. I've never hoped for someone's victory so desperately.
Souji: Kondou-san had never called me a "poor thing".
Kondou: Eh?Souji: That's what the older pupils and the neighbors all say. "You're so little, yet you lost your parents, and your sister dumped you. What a poor thing." But Kondou-san had never called me that. And you trusted me, allowing me to fight to the last.
Souji: Even if my parents died, and even if I can't see my sister again, there must be a meaning to it. That's what Kondou-san said. I think now I get it.
With these words, Souji's little hands grabbed firmly to my kimono.
Souji: I'm here to become stronger, for Kondou-san's sake.
Afterwards, Souji's sword skill improved at astonishing speed. Soon no pupil in Shieikan was on par with him. Even I might take a hit from him in sword matches.
Although it's somewhat embarrassing to hear him say, "I'll become stronger, for Kondou-san's sake." I was happy that Souji found his point of living and can live positively.
In the 7th month of Bunkyuu Year 2, Souji said he had a fever, and slept for days. It turned out that he had caught measles. He was sent to an acquaintance's house in Fuda for recuperation. For grownups, measles could be lethal. I went to Fuda every day to see how Souji was doing. Although everyone suggested me to go after he's cured, I couldn't leave him like this.
Kondou: Souji, how are you doing? Has the fever gone down?
Souji: What should I say... It's most troublesome if I don't cure soon. I've missed practice for days.
His voice sounded weary from the high fever. Then he suddenly started coughing.
Kondou: Are you alright, Souji?
I rushed to his side to pat his back. After catching his breath, Souji turned to me.
Souji: Kondou-san, you should keep a distance. You might catch it too.
Kondou: Don't worry. I'm so healthy that illness would run away from me.
Souji looked more relieved. When being sick, no one would want to be left alone. Since Souji's parents were gone, I think it'd be nice if I can take their place, even if it's just a little bit.
Kondou: Let me tell you stories until you fall asleep. You used to like it when you were little.
Souji: Kondou-san, I'm not little anymore.
Kondou: Nonsense. You're still a kid in my eyes. What would you like to hear? You're too old for Momotaro or Urashimataro. How about Romance of the Three Kingdoms or the Record of Kiyomasa*?
Souji: Those are what Kondou-san wants to read, right?
Kondou: Huh? Nah. I'm looking for stories that Souji would be interested in.
Souji: Really? It's not Kondou-san's personal interest?
Souji smiled teasingly. I know he always teases people around him. It's a bad habit of his. But I can't bring myself to scold him.
Kondou: Then what would you like to hear? I'll do my best.
Souji: It's alright. Anything Kondou-san tells, I'm glad to hear it.
*Note: These two books are Kondou's favorite military novels. They also appeared on his desk in anime episode 16. (Screencap above.)
The childhood memory from Souji's point of view: Interlude #32 - Opening Up
Souji returned cured.
But with the chaos in economics, the rapid rise in prices made it harder to keep Shieikan running. Request for degeiko had decreased to nearly none. Without this income, we couldn't feed our guests. As we thought we might have to close the dojo, we heard the news about recruiting ronin to protect Lord Iemochi Tokugawa during his journey to the capital city.
Toshi, Sannan-kun, and I discussed about preparation for this journey. There were dozens of things to be decided, such as how to use the wage we'll receive, and what to do with the dojo when we were away. Toshi suddenly suggested leaving Souji in Edo.
Toshi: He was sick in bed from measles, right? He's not fully recovered yet. Wouldn't it be better if we go to Kyoto first, and call him over after we've got things on track? Besides, there's no guarantee that we'll really get paid.
Toshi was being reasonable. Skillful as Souji is, he's not that healthy. And this rumored "Roshigumi" sounded suspicious. It's Okachi's job to protect the Shogun. Why would someone recruit a bunch of nameless ronin?
But somehow I didn't want to agree on this part.
Kondou: Sannan-kun, what do you think?
Sannan-kun seemed to be in deep thought, and gave Toshi a glance with the edge of his eyes. When he does that, it means his opinion differs from Toshi's.
Sannan: Wouldn't it be better to respect Okita-kun's own opinion? It's not for us to decide.
Kondou: I see. I'll ask him directly tomorrow.
The next day, I called to Souji when he's practicing in the courtyard.
Kondou: Souji, there's something I want to ask you. Do you have a minute?
Souji: Of course. What is it?
He beamed like an innocent child. Lately he had been more focused on practicing, in order to be helpful in our journey to Kyoto. Seeing him like this, I felt guilty about what I was about to ask.
Kondou: It's about the journey to Kyoto.
Souji: What about it? Is the date decided?
Souji asked in excitement. Now it's even harder to ask. I bit my lip, and finally spoke.
Kondou: Now... How about you stay here with Shuusai-sensei, for the time being?
Souji: What does that mean? Am I being a hindrance to you?
Souji asked in stiffened voice. His expression was like back then, when he stood outside the dojo looking at the direction of his home blankly, and saying "my sister abandoned me".
Kondou: No! Nobody said that. It's just... you've been sick in bed for a while, so it's too stressful for you to ...
Souji: If you're talking about measles, wasn't that about half a year ago? I'm already cured. Why can't I go with you? Is it troublesome if I go?
Kondou: That... that's...
Souji: Please! Take me with you! For all the kindness Kondou-san offered me, I haven't done anything in return yet.
Before I could say "don't let it bother you", Souji suddenly grabbed my sleeve.
Souji: I'm not useless! I will be helpful to Kondou-san in Kyoto, definitely! So please! Take me with you!
Souji bowed. He's almost like a puppy knowing he'd be thrown away, fearing to be again abandoned by someone he deeply trusted. Seeing him like this, I can't refuse.
Kondou: I see. Let's go to Kyoto together, Souji.
Souji looked up, trying to see if I mean it or not. Then he beamed.
Souji: Yes!
*****
It's already nightfall when Kondou-san finished.
Ryu: I see. So that's what happened.
Now Ryu understood why Souji admired Kondou so much, why he's often unstable, and why he got annoyed when Ryu said "there must be other ways". Ryu admitted he really didn't have the resolution as firm as Souji's.
Kondou looked down woefully.
Kondou: I didn't intend to bring Souji here to kill. I don't know how to apologize to Mitsu-san. Shuusai-sensei and I taught him sword skill. But perhaps we failed to teach him the most important thing about being a human.
Kondou only wanted to see Souji happy, and to make up for the childhood he lost. While he deeply regretted bringing his little brother onto this path, Souji only focused on being helpful to Kondou.
Okita Route Chapter 6