I have this notion that I'm stiffled in this house. And I'm sure I am, by my own mixed views on suberbia; by my own sense of grandure; by my own history and ideals and preconceptions. But it inhibits my work, as if I don't need to, or rather, difinitively can't, work here. I don't feel independent (I never feel independent) because I love the ( Read more... )

i'm home, and just as productive as i used to be. just as anti spend-thrift. just as just. i'm more tired than ever before, and have not this time packed my luxuries. i have not unpacked my computer. i have not. i fear that i will lose track of all my passwords in this cyber world. i haven't ever written any down: well, maybe a few, those ( Read more... )

the more i learn, the more i realize how little i know, which is someone's definition of knowledge, somewhere, somehow. the more i live, i've noticed, the more i realize i lack a general knowledge. i've had this fear and realization since early elementary, when i realized that i was not privy the same simple facts as peers, and would get looks and ( Read more... )

i'm watching led zeplin "live" in concert in a music video on vh1 classic and i am jealous of their zeal. no matter how many times he's sung "kashmere" over and over, he is just as riveted. just as zealous. just as into it. letting loose on stage, for a grand audience. maybe it was the drugs, maybe it was the rush of knowing the audience paid. ( Read more... )

fuhuck profs/booklists/time management/heat.

i've been absolutely ill in many ways since last thursday, and even though i'm pretty much out of the teeth-woods, i'm sick again and again and again. i have so much to do, losing a week of my life so close to move-in, but i'm not stressin'. the worst will actually be cleaning this mess of a room, and convincing my mother to buy me duplicates of ( Read more... )

this was to be a comment reply. then i exceeded the character limitation by 4300 (exactly!) and instead of copying and pasting into two, i did this ( Read more... )

i just started "on the road" and i was really ready for it, and i like the first page and all, but the introduction said it was autobiographical, which is fine. but it really just said almost everything that the first page said and even though that's all i read of both of them, i just keep thinking that the book is more of the same. more of what i ( Read more... )

HA!, i tried, really. it took a while, because i had to find Proust, (HA! to the "e" i was adding.), because as much as i don't read, i take a book with me almost everywhere i go. to every waiting room, on most errands, really. and i had packed him in my "overnight bag" to the living room, because marriage and babies means giving up my room to ( Read more... )

for fuck's sake: i'm tired, but you know, the sun is up. and i was never good at napping, really. maybe for a while i was, but now they're a novelty, and i was never good at just accepting novelties. i have to observe and relish, and really, what's a nap when you just can't stop thinking about the fact that you're napping? but though i penned a ( Read more... )