Secrets of Secret Stuff Revealed!
OH MY FUCKING GOD!
DID YOU KNOW THAT THE HUMAN SPECIES IS A SCIENCE EXPERIMENT BY ALIENS FROM ALPHA CENTAURI GONE HORRIBLY WRONG?
DID YOU KNOW THAT THE ENTIRE OUTSIDE WORLD IS A POLITICAL FABRICATION, THAT LITERALLY EVERYTHING YOU SEE ON TV IS CREATED ON A COMPUTER IN A SMALL, DARK ROOM FILLED WITH MEN WHO HAVE SOLD THEIR SOULS TO SATAN IN RETURN FOR CONTROL OF THE INTERNATIONAL BANKING INDUSTRY?
DID YOU KNOW THAT SMELLS HAVE THEIR OWN SPIRITUAL AURAS, THE POWER OF WHICH, ONCE HARNESSED, COULD DESTROY THE WORLD, AND THAT ONLY I CAN TEACH YOU HOW TO LEARN THIS POWER?
IF NOT, THEN YOU NEED TO BUY MY NEW BOOK, SECRETS OF SECRET STUFF REVEALED, RIGHT FUCKING NOW!
DISCOVER HOW ALL THE PROBLEMS IN THE WORLD ARE CAUSED BY A SINGLE RIDICULOUSLY ELABORATE CONSPIRACY INVOLVING NAZIS, UFO'S, SCANTILY-CLAD WOMEN, SUPER-SIZE NACHOS, SATANIC RITUALS, UNDERAGE MYSPACE SLUTS, PSYCHIC POWERS, ISRAEL, LIGHTSABER DUELS, THE DEAD SEA SCROLLS, MARIJUANA, THE WORD "ORWELLIAN", FAT KKK GUYS, "THE GOVERNMENT", AND REALLY REALLY FAST CARS!
SOME PEOPLE MAY TELL YOU THAT THERE SORT OF ARE REAL CONSPIRACIES IN THE WORLD, BUT THAT THEY'RE FAIRLY DISORGANIZED AND PRETTY BORING, LIKE "SOME ASSHOLES GET RICH AND HIRE A BUNCH OF LOBBYISTS TO MAKE SURE THEY DON'T HAVE TO PAY TAXES ON THEIR EARNINGS", OR "A BUNCH OF CHRISTIANS WANT TO IMPOSE 'MORALITY' ON EVERYONE BECAUSE THEIR OWN SEX LIVES ARE PRETTY LACKLUSTER THESE DAYS", OR "A FEW PISSED-OFF TEENAGERS WHO LISTEN TO BLACK METAL FORM LIVEJOURNAL COMMUNITIES DEVOTED TO SAYING STUFF THAT SOUNDS SCARY BUT NEVER ACTUALLY DO ANYTHING", AND THAT FOCUSING ON ESOTERIC BULLSHIT JUST DISTRACTS PEOPLE FROM ISSUES THAT ARE ACTUALLY IMPORTANT. LIES! LIES, I SAY! THE TRUTH IS MUCH MORE ENTERTAINING THAN THAT!
YES! DISCOVER THE ANCIENT SINISTER ALLIANCES BETWEEN THE FOLLOWING GROUPS, ALL OF WHOM ARE UNITED IN THEIR DESIRE TO OPPRESS YOU:
NAZIS AND JEWS
GLOBAL CAPITALISM AND GLOBAL COMMUNISM
THE CATHOLIC CHURCH AND THE ORDER OF FREEMASONS
DOGS AND CATS
HOLY SHIT! I BET YOU DIDN'T KNOW THAT! ALSO IF ANYONE TELLS YOU DIFFERENTLY IT'S BECAUSE THEY'RE ALL CLOSE-MINDED PEOPLE WITH CLOSED MINDS WHO ARE AFRAID TO OPEN THEIR MINDS TO THE TRUTH!!! YES, THE TRUTH (THE ONE THAT'S ACTUALLY TRUE, THAT IS) WAS REVEALED TO ME THE LAST TIME I CONSUMED LARGE QUANTITIES OF HALLUCINOGENS, AND THUS ONLY I CAN SHOW YOU THE ONE TRUE PATH!
EVEN AS WE SPEAK THE GOVERNMENT IS WATCHING YOU, THE ALIENS ARE ARMING THEIR BATTLE CRUISERS, AND THE DEVIL IS PREPARING FOR THE BATTLE OF ARMAGEDDON! WILL YOU HAVE THE PROPER KNOWLEDGE AND TELEKINETIC ABILITIES TO SURVIVE PAST THE YEAR 2012 AND ATTAIN NIRVANA AND JOIN THE MOTHER GODDESS IN VALHALLA SOMEWHERE OVER THE RAINBOW?
THERE IS ONE HOPE: BUY MY BOOK! SECRETS OF SECRET STUFF REVEALED - ONLY $129.99! ALSO IF YOU BUY 10 COPIES, YOU GET THE 11th FREE! I ACCEPT PAYPAL, CREDIT CARDS, CHECKS, MONEY ORDERS, WELL-CONCEALED CASH, POORLY-CONCEALED CASH, BULK RAMEN, AND BOTTLES OF OLD CROW!
ALSO, CHECK OUT MY MYSPACE BAND AND BUY SOME OF MY DEVIANTART PRINTS!
DID YOU KNOW THAT THE HUMAN SPECIES IS A SCIENCE EXPERIMENT BY ALIENS FROM ALPHA CENTAURI GONE HORRIBLY WRONG?
DID YOU KNOW THAT THE ENTIRE OUTSIDE WORLD IS A POLITICAL FABRICATION, THAT LITERALLY EVERYTHING YOU SEE ON TV IS CREATED ON A COMPUTER IN A SMALL, DARK ROOM FILLED WITH MEN WHO HAVE SOLD THEIR SOULS TO SATAN IN RETURN FOR CONTROL OF THE INTERNATIONAL BANKING INDUSTRY?
DID YOU KNOW THAT SMELLS HAVE THEIR OWN SPIRITUAL AURAS, THE POWER OF WHICH, ONCE HARNESSED, COULD DESTROY THE WORLD, AND THAT ONLY I CAN TEACH YOU HOW TO LEARN THIS POWER?
IF NOT, THEN YOU NEED TO BUY MY NEW BOOK, SECRETS OF SECRET STUFF REVEALED, RIGHT FUCKING NOW!
DISCOVER HOW ALL THE PROBLEMS IN THE WORLD ARE CAUSED BY A SINGLE RIDICULOUSLY ELABORATE CONSPIRACY INVOLVING NAZIS, UFO'S, SCANTILY-CLAD WOMEN, SUPER-SIZE NACHOS, SATANIC RITUALS, UNDERAGE MYSPACE SLUTS, PSYCHIC POWERS, ISRAEL, LIGHTSABER DUELS, THE DEAD SEA SCROLLS, MARIJUANA, THE WORD "ORWELLIAN", FAT KKK GUYS, "THE GOVERNMENT", AND REALLY REALLY FAST CARS!
SOME PEOPLE MAY TELL YOU THAT THERE SORT OF ARE REAL CONSPIRACIES IN THE WORLD, BUT THAT THEY'RE FAIRLY DISORGANIZED AND PRETTY BORING, LIKE "SOME ASSHOLES GET RICH AND HIRE A BUNCH OF LOBBYISTS TO MAKE SURE THEY DON'T HAVE TO PAY TAXES ON THEIR EARNINGS", OR "A BUNCH OF CHRISTIANS WANT TO IMPOSE 'MORALITY' ON EVERYONE BECAUSE THEIR OWN SEX LIVES ARE PRETTY LACKLUSTER THESE DAYS", OR "A FEW PISSED-OFF TEENAGERS WHO LISTEN TO BLACK METAL FORM LIVEJOURNAL COMMUNITIES DEVOTED TO SAYING STUFF THAT SOUNDS SCARY BUT NEVER ACTUALLY DO ANYTHING", AND THAT FOCUSING ON ESOTERIC BULLSHIT JUST DISTRACTS PEOPLE FROM ISSUES THAT ARE ACTUALLY IMPORTANT. LIES! LIES, I SAY! THE TRUTH IS MUCH MORE ENTERTAINING THAN THAT!
YES! DISCOVER THE ANCIENT SINISTER ALLIANCES BETWEEN THE FOLLOWING GROUPS, ALL OF WHOM ARE UNITED IN THEIR DESIRE TO OPPRESS YOU:
NAZIS AND JEWS
GLOBAL CAPITALISM AND GLOBAL COMMUNISM
THE CATHOLIC CHURCH AND THE ORDER OF FREEMASONS
DOGS AND CATS
HOLY SHIT! I BET YOU DIDN'T KNOW THAT! ALSO IF ANYONE TELLS YOU DIFFERENTLY IT'S BECAUSE THEY'RE ALL CLOSE-MINDED PEOPLE WITH CLOSED MINDS WHO ARE AFRAID TO OPEN THEIR MINDS TO THE TRUTH!!! YES, THE TRUTH (THE ONE THAT'S ACTUALLY TRUE, THAT IS) WAS REVEALED TO ME THE LAST TIME I CONSUMED LARGE QUANTITIES OF HALLUCINOGENS, AND THUS ONLY I CAN SHOW YOU THE ONE TRUE PATH!
EVEN AS WE SPEAK THE GOVERNMENT IS WATCHING YOU, THE ALIENS ARE ARMING THEIR BATTLE CRUISERS, AND THE DEVIL IS PREPARING FOR THE BATTLE OF ARMAGEDDON! WILL YOU HAVE THE PROPER KNOWLEDGE AND TELEKINETIC ABILITIES TO SURVIVE PAST THE YEAR 2012 AND ATTAIN NIRVANA AND JOIN THE MOTHER GODDESS IN VALHALLA SOMEWHERE OVER THE RAINBOW?
THERE IS ONE HOPE: BUY MY BOOK! SECRETS OF SECRET STUFF REVEALED - ONLY $129.99! ALSO IF YOU BUY 10 COPIES, YOU GET THE 11th FREE! I ACCEPT PAYPAL, CREDIT CARDS, CHECKS, MONEY ORDERS, WELL-CONCEALED CASH, POORLY-CONCEALED CASH, BULK RAMEN, AND BOTTLES OF OLD CROW!
ALSO, CHECK OUT MY MYSPACE BAND AND BUY SOME OF MY DEVIANTART PRINTS!