NEW FIC: You Thought Wrong (3/5)
Title: YOU THOUGHT WRONG
Rating: T for angst, a character death, and serious Doctor-whump.
Summary: The TARDIS mysteriously dumps 11, Amy, and Rory near Chiswick. Worried about running into Donna, 11 instead runs into someone he thought he'd never see again... and who's furious with him.
Disclaimer: If I owned them, would I have ever felt compelled to write this? Yeah, I didn't think so, either.
Author's Note: Almost all songs referenced are sung by Kelly Clarkson, although there might be one additional one by someone else. Each one seemed appropriate given the tone and topic of each chapter. Title is from another Kelly Clarkson song, although the lyrics weren't right for this story.
Might want tissues while reading this...
This revived fic is dedicated to tardis-mole, with extra Eleven-whumpage as an homage. If you love Eleven, blame this fic on her. My frustration is with RTD and the other writers responsible for the situation that I'm sort-of fixing here, but I'm afraid Eleven has to take the punishment for it. Apologies to Matt Smith, but I have far too much affection for the characters that David Tennant and Catherine Tate played to perfection.
Section Note: First song was from John's perspective. Second was Donna's. This one is about both of them.
PART 3: IF NO ONE WILL LISTEN
John appeared in a field next to a road, and needed to catch his breath. Part Time Lord he was, his body was still very weak, and traveling via a Vortex Manipulator was always a rough means of transportation even for Gallifreyans. Even with the little stolen piece of the Old Girl powering it...
His Sonic beeped at him, and he raised it to look at its readings. And smiled grimly. Yes, that dratted van was coming around the bend... Now he just prayed that all they'd done thus far was just hold her down; nothing would stop a new Oncoming Storm if she'd been violated...
Meanwhile, Donna sat exhausted in the van. She'd been tied up, hands behind her, but no one had tried anything else other than gagging her. After doing that much, they'd left her cuffed to one part of the van while they talked with the two men in the front. But the language was something Donna had never heard before. They had pale skin, so she doubted it was one of those click languages from Africa. Their tones bounced around a bit, but she knew what Asian languages largely sounded like - and this was nothing like those, either!
She had a headache again, but once they'd basically left her alone, it started to fade a little. Somehow, it seemed like those lost memories were pushing their way to the surface, but something was holding them back. Something that Donna sensed was dangerous to her... although it couldn't be as much as the threat these bastards presented!
Who were these men...? What did they want with her...? And why did they have to shoot Shaun...?!
As the van turned the bend, John - well hidden by the trees - aimed both Sonics at the engine. A quick blast, and the van skidded to a stop. He smirked. One of the few good things to come from living on Pete's World: a thorough knowledge of vehicles and how to make one halt from a distance...
Donna would've been thrown if she hadn't been cuffed. The tug hurt her wrists, but the men were ignoring her. Their words got heated, and they all stormed out to check the van - locking her in. She tried to look at her binds, to see if she could get herself free and find a weapon to defend herself...
As those men emerged, John brought the Sonics up to scan, which also brought the Manipulator right next to his ear - letting him listen in on the alien language. He recognized them as members of a major crime syndicate based on their clipped conversation. And he soon blanched as the gist of their plan became clear, which confirmed their identity to him.
This syndicate was known for inventing devices that could actually scan a person's mind and record the memories within. They had been eying Donna for a few years and thought they had a way of capturing the Time Lord memories inside Donna's head and making them usable for themselves. It would kill her, but they didn't care; they planned to use that to take over numerous worlds... including Earth...
Well, John thought as he quickly calibrated the Sonics, they didn't count on a part Time Lord who knows about their little weakness connected to their ears... So he whipped out a sound directing device that Pete Tyler had a hand in inventing (he couldn't remember how many were actually involved), and put the Sonics up against it...
And grimly smiled as the four collapsed from the agony... Serves you all right!
Inside, Donna flinched. She swore she could hear something, but she couldn't discern any noises!
John stopped the directed noise, and pocketed Pete's equipment as he rushed forward. Normally his weakened state would be a hazard in a fight, but that sonic blast would keep them disoriented enough that he could handle them - if he was quick. Which gave him an excuse to put a Sonic against their ears and fire another blast - this one knocking them completely unconscious for at least 30 minutes.
He hoped it'd be enough time to undo the Doctor's work on Donna's mind... And he let the blasts be more intense on the two who grabbed Donna - with the worst saved for the one who shot Shaun. “That's for messing with my best friend,” he growled at their unmoving forms once he finished. He could feel his energy crashing, but senses that had been fading for years were being stimulated because he could feel Donna's presence... at long last!
Donna could hear something going on outside, but could make nothing out... It seemed awfully quiet out there... They weren't going to leave her in here and blow her up, were they?!
Although, on second thought, that didn't seem likely. They sounded like the stop wasn't planned... Then she jumped when she heard a strange noise that sounded oh-so familiar... and then the door opened...
John made short work of the lock - only the Doctor's memories were needed for that - and yanked it open impatiently. And nearly collapsed in relief at seeing the familiar ginger. “Donna,” he cried in relief, and a hint of panic, “you're safe! I'm getting you out!” He held up his hands so she could see them as he approached. No telling how she'd react after this kidnapping...
Donna's eyes widened as she stared at the skinny man who looked more like a boy - especially with that hair that flopped on his head, hair that she somehow thought should be standing up a bit unnaturally - who climbed inside. I-I know him, she thought as her headache returned. He's making a show of not seeming to be a threat... and I believe him...
She recognizes me... The mind-lock must be weakening as her body is... He could feel that her own body was giving out on her - a side effect of the effort to contain the Time Lord mind, but the DNA that she'd absorbed needed that Time Lord energy to power itself... I don't have much time before the Defense Mechanism kicks in... He rushed to remove the gag first; the Doctor hadn't liked them, and he knew Donna hated them equally strongly.
Donna swallowed to speak. There were so many questions she had, but when that strange buzzing sound returned, her eyes went right to the little wand-like thing in his hand. Which released her hands! She could feel her memories pressing against her mind... “I know that...” Images of a man using it to scan her rushed to her awareness... A man who she slapped... twice! The same man again... in that blue suit flashing an ID... No, psychic paper! Her eyes went right to his. “You're...”
John shook his head as he put down the Sonic. “No, I'm not quite him. But I'm here to correct his mistake.” He brought his hands to her contact points, not surprised when she flinched at the contact.
No, that's bad... But Donna's thoughts were interrupted when she felt something unlock in her mind... And it was like the universe exploded inside her... She gasped as she felt his mind against hers, struggling... You're the Duplicate Doctor, she thought at him in shock.
Yeah, he whispered in her, struggling with the effort to contain the energy inside Donna. Your mind started failing when the cracks sealed between the universes... My Time Lord senses started failing me soon after, but I'd sensed that what he asked of me was wrong... I just didn't think fast enough to stop him... I didn't realize being apart from you would slowly kill me... and vice versa...
She could feel her mind healing as he guided the energy into something a step below a healing coma, and her body was following suit. We're two halves of a whole... But... You're using up your own energy to do this! It'll kill you!
I've been living a nightmare in Pete's World, he replied as he focused what seemed like the last of his strength to corral the leftover regeneration energy. I found a way back to you, because your life is more important than my own. The universe needs the DoctorDonna intact... My needs can be ignored... I give my life for you...
But he - just like the Doctor - underestimated the human spark, that bit of ingenuity that Time Lords lacked because they'd gone so far from what Earthlings called humanity... Donna, in a part of her mind that John wasn't focusing on, saw a solution. And quickly grabbed his head with one hand to draw him into a kiss, and grasped the Manipulator with her other...
They both nearly stopped breathing as another connection was forged... This time the golden energy within Donna grew into a glowing force that flowed into John, and grew further as it touched the Manipulator. The little cutting of the TARDIS reacted and pulsed to make it grow... Creating enough energy to heal both of them...
When they felt it fade around them, they slowly pulled apart. As his hands dropped to his side, John was shocked to feel... tired, but alive! He stared in shock at his brilliant ginger. “Your energy connected with my Baby Old Girl... and revived all of the cells in our bodies...”
Donna found a smile growing as a long forgotten feeling bloomed in her entire being. “We are the DoctorDonna. Together we can manage a life like Time Lords, but with that human bit. You have enough of that human spark to think of a solution to save me, but you didn't even think of saving yourself, you daft Martian boy!”
He nearly cried again. “Oh, I've missed your insults!”
They both laughed and threw their arms around each other in the tightest hug of either one's lives. They basked in the relief of knowing their lives weren't over, weren't empty, weren't a waste!
And then Donna recalled the events that led up to this. “Shaun...? What happened...”
John cringed, and pulled back just enough to look at her sadly. “I was too late, Donna. I'm so sorry.” The man was her husband, after all... John was sure she must feel strongly about him.
She'd known it on some level as soon he'd fallen... but it was another thing to hear it from the one person who would never lie to her... Especially when she realized that their minds had bonded through the energy sharing, and she could see John's memory of Shaun dying... The promise he gave to her husband... Her eyes watered, but no tears fell... “Oh, God... If I'd held to my instincts, he wouldn't have been there!”
The link went two ways, so John's eyes widened as he realized that Donna had harbored doubts about marrying Shaun. That she'd been ready to kill herself to spare her family the continued misery, that she knew she'd made a mistake that - had she gone for a divorce - would only have hurt an innocent man more than he'd already been from being held at a distance... He pulled her in close - cradling her head gently into his neck - as her body shook from the weight of the guilt, of the pressures placed on her by feeling so empty... His own eyes watered, but he fought to hold the tears back; too many memories of having to restrain them for fear of being seen as weak...
Maybe no one told you there is strength in your tears
And so you fight to keep from pouring out
He let her weep for a while, trying to keep them from sharing anything further until she'd had a chance to recover some composure. But she surprised him by pulling herself together, despite her churning feelings, and withdrawing from his embrace far sooner than he'd expected. She put a finger over his open mouth. “We need to tie them up and call for back-up, don't we?”
John closed his eyes and - in his mind - muttered a strong Gallifreyan curse over getting distracted. “Right. The sooner, the better...
They're probably going to wake up before UNIT can get here.” He did that a lot because of her, John thought, didn't he...?
They made quick work of tying the aliens up - in silence because neither quite felt ready to really talk about what had happened to them while they were separated. Of how much things had gone wrong for both of them... and how no one seemed to get what they were experiencing... Because they couldn't trust anyone with what they really felt or thought...
But what if you unlock the gate that keeps your secret soul
Do you think that there's enough you might drown?
Finally, Donna used her phone to call the UNIT number that the TARDIS told John about. She waited several seconds for an answer, which mildly surprised her; he'd given her the direct line to Headquarters - along with showing her the Sonic's readings on where they were. Finally, some male answered, and she dropped the bombshell on the poor bloke: “Hello, my name is Donna Noble. I was abducted from outside my mother's house in Chiswick about half an hour ago by aliens who wanted to steal my memories, which would've killed me in the process. My rescuer and I have them tied up and would appreciate someone picking them up.” She rattled off their location to the sputtering soldier, who then promised that a urgent response team would be there within twenty minutes.
John sighed. “I hate having to rely on people with guns.”
Donna closed her phone and raised her eyebrows. “So that one you put together back in the TARDIS was a fluke?”
He sighed. “I didn't know what else to do. There are only so many ways to handle Daleks.”
She brushed his arm, sending as soothing thoughts as she could given how much her mistakes were weighing on her. “You know, I think I was overly influenced by the regeneration energy. And he'd forgotten how much anger he had from... everything. And most importantly, that you got it from him. I see it now... So why didn't you say that you wanted to stay with us?”
John lowered his eyes to the ground, and kicked the dirt. “I... I did wonder if we did owe Rose something, and... I don't deny that he did love her once. But it was over by that moment... I just didn't know what I could say that they'd actually listen to... He wasn't even listening to the TARDIS.”
If no one will listen, if you decide to speak
If no one's left standing after the bombs explode
If no one wants to look at you, for what you really are
I will be here still
Donna took his arm and guided him to lean against the side of the van. When they did, he moved his arm to wrap around her - to ward off the memories. She also pulled her free arm around him as she sensed his discomfort from the memories. “Oh, I'm so sorry, Spaceboy. I should've thought to play the 'he came from both of us, so what are you doing sending our boy off into the care of a kid' card. That should've freaked her out enough to leave without you.”
John laughed, a bit awkwardly. “Oh, that would've freaked the Doctor out. Especially because I think he could sense that I don't see you as my mother.”
She smiled at the mental image, and then flinched as another came to mind. “Ooh... Jackie might've dragged her out - after she slapped the Doctor. Again.”
He pulled her in tighter, leaning his head in to tuck her head under his chin. “He's forgotten that others have the right to live their own lives, to make their own choices.”
Donna sighed sadly. “He hated those parts of himself that had to do horrible things,” she reflected aloud, “and he had a scapegoat in you.”
His voice tightened. “And he couldn't bear to share you... And that forced you to live a less than brilliant life!” He choked on the last words, partly because he could feel how much weight she'd lost to the illness.
Donna sniffled, wiping some of the tears that were escaping from his eyes. “And he made you live with someone who didn't appreciate you as you are...”
No one can tell you where you alone must go
There's no telling what you find there
It was John's turn to sniffle. “So why didn't either of us protest? Why did we let the person who's been called The Lonely God dictate our lives?”
Donna had to think, to sift through the emotions that created a hole in her psyche - a hole that John was already beginning to heal, just by being right there with her. The answer slowly came to her - in one of those elusive moments of clarity. “Fear... Neither of us had ever challenged anyone to that extent... and we were both in the grips of the newness of our respective situations. Me as a Time Lady, and you having a full body... We were overwhelmed... and nothing feeds on that feeling like fear...”
And, God, I know the fear that eats away at your bones
It's screaming every step, "Just stay here?”
The truth of her words slammed on him like the weight of Gallifrey itself. “I was extremely afraid... and, just like him, I didn't dare show it... A Time Lord - or a Time Lady - was never to show such emotional states. It was... unseemly...”
Donna snorted. She couldn't help it. “Sounds like your people were trying to be Vulcans, except a lot less practical. At least Spock's people would occasionally own up to having emotions influence their logic, and - if I'm not mistaken, because I swear I read this when I was much younger - without emotions, we can't make any decisions.”
The imagery struck a chord. Several, actually. It kept him from talking aloud, and made him choke up mentally.
If no one will listen, if you decide to speak
If no one's left standing after the bombs explode
If no one wants to look at you, for what you really are
I will be here still
But Donna could feel the images from the Doctor's mind flooding John's consciousness, could feel them as her own because of the Meta-Crisis... And she cried a bit more. “He always had a greater contact with what we call humanity - that need to connect with others, to feel needed and to help. It's why he ran... Why he fell in with humans in the first place...”
John nodded. “But as much as he rebelled against the Time Lords, his thinking was twisted by them. They thought of races like humans as like flies. Unimportant, insignificant...”
Donna remembered the Oodsphere, her realization that traveling to the future wasn't something all wonderful. “But humans are capable of so many terrible things...”
“So are Gallifreyans,” John reminded her, thinking vividly of the Master. When he felt the answering cringe, he added, “In fact, I think our connection to time and space makes us even more dangerous. It's why he had to condemn Gallifrey...”
“No wonder he's a bit crazy,” Donna mused. “The weight of the universe really is on his shoulders, unless the Guardians of Time find a way to return...” She looked up, forcing John to meet her eyes. “You didn't just get all of that baggage. You got mine, too... And I got his... No wonder we were both under so much pressure and didn't speak up; not one of the three of us involved had a habit of being kind to our respective selves...”
If you find your fists are raw and red from beating yourself down
If your legs have given out under the weight
John's face hardened, and his body tensed. “It doesn't justify his actions. He made us both settle for something less than what we could have, what we could be. Even Rose; she never quite let go after he'd burned that sun to say goodbye. If he hadn't, I think she would've started moving on by the time the stars starting going out.”
Donna looked back on the Doctor's memories of Rose, and felt a sharp contrast with that she'd seen with her own eyes. “She didn't really grow up, did she?”
“Not until a physician in Pete's World examined her for an odd headache during one of my visits to the hospital.” John shuddered at the memory. “We found out that she had damage to her frontal lobes that he couldn't explain. But I knew at once what caused it...”
And so did Donna. “The energy that made her into the Bad Wolf...” The implications hit he hard. “Then some of Rose's behavior afterward...”
“Wasn't entirely her fault,” John acknowledged. “It hurt to realize that I'd been getting pressure from her to conform to what she remembered the Doctor being like and looking like, hearing all those comparisons, and being made to feel like less than a person... all because he didn't bother to check her for damage after absorbing the Time Vortex from her!”
Donna felt more tears fall. She hadn't realized that Rose was as much a victim as they were.. “So she, too, was having to settle... But she had even less of a clue than we did because she was so sheltered...”
If you find you've been settling for a world of gray
So you wouldn't have to face down your own hate
“But there's hope for her,” John added quietly, after a few moments of silence. “The physicians had ideas for repairing the damage, and started her on a treatment. And she started responding, started thinking more about others instead of herself. Mind, it didn't make up for all she'd done to me. I had to get my own place - away from the Tyler mansion - within a few months of being left behind with her and Jackie, and had endured a lot of efforts to...” He swallowed, unable to speak of it.
Thankfully, Donna saw the memories and reached up to stroke his cheek. “If you'd just had the Doctor's memories, you would've just been confused as all get out. But you had mine, so you knew what she was thinking about, and you found yourself repulsed. By her...”
He slowly nodded, bile rising over the memory. “I realized how young she really was... and that the Doctor had allowed himself to ignore that in favor of focusing on her innocence. He was so caught up in his grief and anger over the Time War that he forgot to treat her like a daughter... Would've saved us all so much trouble!”
Donna felt irritation growing, and wondered whether the Doctor was the biggest bloke in the entire history of the Universe.
John snorted. “You should explore the memories of the Academy teachers. They make him look positively wise.” Then he had a new thought. “The one thing that always puzzled me about the worst of my illnesses, the one that I thought was going to kill me right then, was that it had to be because he regenerated. Since we both carry that self's DNA, and the DNA of each incarnation is defunct once regeneration is complete, I don't see how we can both still be alive. It should've killed us...”
They both pondered that for a bit, letting the genetic mystery roll around in their heads. Until Donna had a brainwave. “I can think of three things that prevented that. My human DNA, your baby TARDIS, and our link. They combined to keep us alive, to give us a chance find our way back to each other...”
If no one will listen, if you decide to speak
If no one's left standing after the bombs explode
If no one wants to look at you, for what you really are
I will be here still
Donna shook her head, having no desire to think more about their close calls that moment. They had bigger, more immediate problems to deal with, after all. “What are you going to do now that you're here? You're gonna need a job. Blimey, I need a job...” Haven't been able to work in months, and I was doing it because I wanted to!
He heard her thoughts, and the question. And both had him puzzled. In a small voice, he asked, “Is working necessary? Can't we just travel and help people...?” You won the lottery thanks to him...
Donna smirked a little over the hint of the little boy whining that she'd missed. So that's where that ticket came from... Still a such a cheap present! Didn't really help me at all! “Oh, I'm sure we'll do that, but we need something of stability. A new place to call home - I can't stay in the place I'm at; too many memories I need to move past, to let go - and...” She swallowed. “And just in case we decide to adopt, to raise a family... If,” she quickly added, “you're interested in that.”
He looked at her, and could see the desires that had driven her to settle. The Doctor hadn't thought about children since Jenny, but John had every reason to assume he would live a human life-span. Then again, he thought, I suppose that he could be wrong about that... Maybe I'll turn into that one-heart person who does regenerate and gain a second heart that he once joked about being to throw someone off...
He and Donna laughed a little over the memory of the Doctor's amusement at how well that trick had worked. And how he'd thought about throwing it out at others. Donna choked out, “He really claimed to be half-human?!”
“And to think I'm here,” John reflected absently. “No one could've predicted that. I can't believe Dalek Caan could...”
We need to move on, Donna realized slowly, and - as hard as it'll be - we have to start now... “Hey,” she murmured, stroking his cheek again. “If I understand how this bond works... we're basically married by Gallifreyan law, right?”
He nodded, not quite connected enough to sense her thoughts. She's holding herself back a bit, he realized, because she doesn't want to push me...
She grinned hesitantly at him. “Then, we'll stick together. I no longer think of you as... 'nothing,' and I bet we're actually going to suit rather well. I'll even marry you by Earth law one day - when we're both enough past this whole mess - but I'll expect a little bit of a courtship. Got it?” She hoped the familiar teasing would take away any sting from her words, but she did have the memories of the Doctor's perspective on her... So she didn't think what she was suggesting would beunwelcome... And from the beaming smile that suddenly lit his still too-pale face, she'd made his dreams come true.
“Donna,” he whispered, almost choking on his words, “nothing would make me happier than to give the Most Important Woman in my universe what she's always wanted. I love the idea of having our own Mini-Donnas.”
Daft man and that daft alien's ginger obsession... She snorted. “As long as you won't mind any Mini-Johns.”
He had to laugh. “With our luck, we'd probably get a Mini-Doctor.”
She laughed and groaned. “The universe wouldn't know what hit it...”
Their slightly hysterical humor was broken by hearing a few vehicles rapidly approaching. Both tensed, and John moved carefully to look. He heaved a relieved sigh when he saw the UNIT logo on the front of each of the three vehicles. “Help is here.”
She clutched him in a hug, and he wrapped his arms around her protectively. Trying to shield her from the world, and from herself. “So we give our statements,” Donna murmured, “and then I go let Mum and Gramps know I'm okay?”
If no one will listen, if you decide to speak
If no one's left standing after the bombs explode
If no one wants to look at you, for what you really are
I will be here still
“Yeah.” Another thought cut off a continuation of the casual tone. “Um... You know, he'll probably be there...”
Donna froze. Here was a repeat, in a way, of the moment she'd searched for several years ago. And yes, she was a compassionate person. But... “Good,” she said sharply. “It's time for him to hear some home truths...”
I will be here still
For the first time, John felt a twinge of empathy - and concern - for his progenitor. Donna was angry, and had no problem slapping. Especially an annoying, arrogant Time Lord who'd wronged her after she'd considered him to be her best friend ever...
NEXT: Never Again...