Transitioning and the Loss that Comes with It

[tinhuviel]

In the past year, I have learnt that if you find yourself unable to behave in a manner more comfortable for those who have been your "friends" for years, and you begin to deal with issues that cannot be avoided in the best way you know how, there are many so-called friends who deem it perfectly feasible to abandon you when you probably need them

Comments

[zitronenhai]

I remember the week Bennie died, and you called me. We talked while I was in the metals studio at KU, if memory serves. I thank you so much for that.

I am so very sorry that this person distanced and excised you. I have experienced that a number of times in my past.

The most "tolerant" and "all-inclusive" people often turn out to be the most hypocritical, I've come to learn.

THAT is a FACT. I have come to the point where lack of intolerance in another is a huge red flag for me. I can't trust someone who is so obviously lying to herself.

I know we are not super-close or anything, but I consider you a real friend, and I really do mean to send you some CDs and a box of shit.

I would be completely alone if not for people who can tolerate my general anger, misanthropy, and depression. I am, after all, utterly delightful at times, and probably would not be so if not for all of the black. Without it, I am not sure I would have anything to say.

[tinhuviel]

Just being there for people, regardless of what you might think is their faults, is the greatest gift a friendship can garner. You guys have done that for me so many times, there's no way I can ever repay any of you. That's the problem with being a fluffy bunny. You're all fluff, with no meat inside. Basicially just a dry hair ball, no substance, no style, no depth. There's a big section of faux fur in most department stores. If I need friends like that, I'll go chill out at JC Penney. You're welcome to join me. :)

[zitronenhai]

... there's no way I can ever repay any of you.

That's another thing about friendship. In my estimation, it is not an accounts payable/accounts receivable arrangement. It's an exchange of energies, and that which is given must be given freely, or one is borrowing trouble.

Fluffy bunnies are great étouffée. *highfive*

[tinhuviel]

hmmm Lapine Cajun Cuisine....

[dandelion_diva]

Being your friend takes no courage. You are a good person, you are interesting and you care about me as well. Feh on people who don't get us.

I'm so sorry things are so hard right now. I wish I could do something concrete to help. If I can, let me know.

[tinhuviel]

I'm heartened to see you think so. Sometimes, I have to wonder what my major flaw is that triggers people to do this to me, though. I'm surely not innocent in all this rigamarole.

[sapphirescarlet]

I'm angry on your behalf that someone would treat you that way. And I'm glad to know that despite the fact I'm on the other side of this glass *taptaptap* we are real friends, not just internet ones. Because that's how I see you.

I've been so worried about you of late, and fretted over the fact that I didn't have the means to express it in the way I wanted to. (which involved cases of Cheerwine, btw) All I could do was watch your entries and send the good mojo and throw in a word when I could conjure one. I think this post has released something in me that was tightly gripping the fear you would hurt yourself in the depths of your grief. Maybe because this post makes it clear you're still reaching out to us. I'm so glad.

Cause we loves you, yes we does.

[tinhuviel]

I'm hanging in there. Each one of you have helped me do so in a particular way. I'll be honest and say I came really close around 12-21 No end of the world, no heat, no transportation, and basically no hope and I felt no one to really talk to almost pushed me over the edge. janalyson, paulpearson23. Ginny Brabban, and falkenna formed a kind of coalition to stop any nefarious plans of mine in their tracks. And I find that amazing, since they're from West Virginia, NC, and England, when people much closer to me were literally challenging me to follow through with my desperate wish-fulfillment. I bounce back and forth between being amazed at how callous people can be and how wonderfully capable they are at caring. <3 you.

[qt3_14159]

::hugs::

[tinhuviel]

thank you, dahling.

[evcelt]

That sucks, but I think it is not all that uncommon. When people go through important transitions/transformations, and uncomfortable things start popping up, not everyone around them is capable of dealing with that... it doesn't mean that distancing themselves is the right thing to do, though.

Be true to yourself, but also be gentle with yourself...

Here if you need me. You are in my prayers.

::hugs::

[tinhuviel]

Thank you sweetheart, and thank you for not stepping away from me.

[evcelt]

You're most welcome.