"Going through the Old Diary"

[tinhuviel]

It's a song title from a piece on "Haunted Box of Switches" by Barry Andrews, and it feels like that's what I've been doing. In all actuality, I've been going through dresser drawers. I found my old Rider-Waite deck, my Celtic Tarot, and the box for the Robin Wood Tarot but, in lieu of cards, there was instead a wax poppet, a wooden heart, a

Comments

[aki_dreaming]

Yes, yes yes! Oh, yes.

You know, for all my interest in Feri, I have also wanted to study actually ceremonial magic for a long time as well. But it's sooooooooo structured.

I'm jealous that you had a "First Degree" initiation. I've never had the kind of formal training that allowed for such things, though I continue to want them.

[tinhuviel]

I tell you what: should we ever meet, we'll schedule it to where I will give you a full-blown Ceremonial Witch 1st Degree Initiation. That is, if you want to do that. It'll connect us on levels that will never be broken for...ever.

[aki_dreaming]

That might just be a formality. :) I feel like we've got some kind of serious connection already. And I am going to try a Cadmus drawing, but I can't make any guarantees about what form it will take. Woo.

Envy? Or anxiety?

[spencer_diehard]

Your post struck a chord with me

Or maybe just a little of both?

[sapphirescarlet]

And your comment struck a chord with me. I don't know you, and my belief system is likely different (because it's different from everyone else's I know) but I feel much the same. I am solitary, and my status as 'witch' is often questionable. Yet I know it, in myself, through means that I am incapable of putting into words.

Perhaps you are alone. But still you're not.

Re: Or maybe just a little of both?

[spencer_diehard]

Yes, I "know" it, too. My gut brought me to this place. I just don't understand why I linger in 'self-defined' space for so long. I thought that being true to myself would lead to 'the promised land' of 'whole' people 'like' myself.

I really appreciate your comment, though. I had just gone off to brood over my situation, and came back to hear a certain amount of acknowledgement and validation from another human being, and I liked it.

But I did, just this morning, talking with my husband, observe the situation, and the only 'silver lining' I could see was the result or influence it has on the kids --- how NOT 'spoiled' they are, and how good their priorities and personal disciplines are.

But I am getting to where I am scared to dream -- I am so tired of disappointment. (Regarding my own life. Not the kids'.)

Thank you for helping me feel a little less alone, anyway. Gonna check out your LJ bio, now.

[sapphirescarlet]

I think my efforts to make my child a better person than I am is one of the best results of my own decision to acknowledge and embrace my personal beliefs, too. Again, I can relate, despite the differences. My bio portrays me as a bit odd, so in that aspect it's accurate.

[ealdthryth]

Feeling the tug of Beltane?

[tinhuviel]

Could be, could be!