Fic: Among Wolves (3/5?)
Title: Among Wolves
Author: Anaphalis
Rating: PG-13/R
Characters: Rose Tyler. As for the rest? That would be telling.
Summary: There’s always a price. Rose learns just how big Grandmother’s teeth really are.
Spoilers: Post-Doomsday
Disclaimer: The BBC, RTD and anything that involves blue boxes, screwdrivers or dustbins with plungers are probably not mine. Any recognizable dialogue is from 'Dalek', 'PoTW' or 'Doomsday' and also not mine.
Author’s Notes: Well, I'm not completely happy with this, but Rose the Dalek den mother was insistent. As always, any and all suggestions and comments welcomed and appreciated.
Prologue | One | Two | Three
Among Wolves
If you live among wolves you have to act like a wolf.
-Nikita Khrushchev
II. The Path (of Least Resistance)
Do not stray from the path, little Girl. There are dark things in the forest. You do not want to become one of them.
Do not listen to the Wolf, little Girl. The Wolf's Truth is not yours.
Do you wonder why would it speak to you now, when it knows that you know of its past treachery?
It is desperate, little Girl.
Before, before to stop the Wolf, you lost the Huntsman.
But one cannot triumph at the expense of the other.
The Wolf needs the Huntsman needs the Wolf. For a circle to be complete there must be two halves to reflect one another (alphaomega). Always bound- the Wolf one end of the path, the Huntsman the other.
And you, little Girl?
You are the path.
***
Rose had never planned on being a Dalek den mother. Probably because most of the Daleks she's met would have exterminated her before they got around to the campfire sing-alongs.
This Dalek though is, well… obviously missing a few circuits. Its weaponry is even more impressive than the Daleks she's already seen (even if its laser does split things into messy pieces) but it acts like a sugar-fueled five year-old.
"No- you can't exterminate my neighbours."
"They are Not-Rose. They cause discomfort to Rose."
Okay- an observant sugar-fueled five year-old.
"Annoying me isn't punishable by death."
The Dalek actually manages to pout.
No- in spite of what it is, Rose wouldn't dream of contacting Torchwood. Even if it doesn’t agree, it listens to her and stays out of sight and- She tries to ignore the fact that it won't be an issue very long, because the Dalek is very, very obviously running out of time. However it is that it got here and found her (andshedoesn'tdoesn'twanttoknow), it obviously took out more than a few vital parts. And she wouldn't dream of giving it the touch of a time traveler.
So she manages to ignore it very nicely for two days. Until the Dalek starts screaming.
She wouldn't have thought a metallic voice could convey pain.
Apparently she was wrong.
And she can't help herself, even as she knows the path she's starting.
"Are you in pain?"
"I am in pain. I am dying."
She has to force her fingers into fists to keep from reaching out. It's like she can't help herself, like she's that nineteen year-old shop girl again. No matter how long she lives, she's never ever gotten used to suffering.
This Dalek obeys her, but more importantly, she can't leave something to suffer. Either you kill something outright or you fix it up. None of this torture- no matter what's happened she can't allow herself to be a Dalek. And somehow, there's something that tells her that death isn't the answer here-
Save the vessel.
Oh no. Voices in her head are bad, bad things. Aside from the insane killer potential, they're often related to other bad things. Like dying. And Satanic pre-universe aliens.
And Rose is far too old and far, far too cautious to be any kind of 'valiant child' now.
It is time. He is coming.
And that's going to encourage her to do something stu-
Do you fear me?
Damn those clever, clever pre-universe demons.
She closes her eyes, but her hand is steady when she touches it to the casing.
Caution is for sane people.
"Genetic material extrapolated - initiate cellular reconstruction!"
Of course she realizes after she touches it that she may have just condemned at least her world, if not most of the galaxy, to total annihilation. Eh. She's made worse mistakes.
"I am ready to serve. How may I please Rose?"
Definitely made worse mistakes (buries memory of voices deep in the sleeping black).
She calls it Alpha because Omega would be hopelessly cruel. Because she thinks the Doctor would appreciate the irony of Rose Tyler, shop girl, making fun of a Dalek with a Greek reference. It responds because she tells it to respond, but she's fairly sure that it still thinks of itself as 'Rose'.
Daleks aren't supposed to think of themselves as individuals but Rose has always been about fixing the hopeless.
It helps that Alpha's obviously re-learning a lot of behavioral things all over again. It still behaves like a five year-old, but now it behaves like a five year-old mimicking every move and gesture its mother makes. Literally.
Alpha does not let Rose out of its sight. Although it still obeys Rose's commands to stay out of sight, the one time Rose tried to leave it behind to pick up groceries and then supplies from the chemist's, there was a literal circle of destruction around her house when she returned. On the plus side, she now has lots and lots of firewood. Rose now pays far too much to have things delivered to the house while Alpha happily blasts wood into kindling.
It's easy to talk to Alpha. Daleks aren't exactly known as the universe's most brilliant conversationalists, but it does a very good job of sitting there while she whinges. In some ways, Rose thinks it’s a bit like pouring out her heart to a toaster or an oversized hydrant, but she's selfish enough not to care. Although, even at her most pathetic, she never, ever mentions the Doctor.
"I was happy when Mickey gave into Jake, y'know? I mean s'not good to think about him and Ricky being together first, but he really did make Mickey happy. And after how awful I was to him…. Mickey was too good. He shouldn't have ever been anyone's tin dog. I was so lucky he never hated me for it."
"It is against logic to hate Rose. Rose is superior."
Rose snorts over the nearly empty bottle of Macallan.
"I was awful. All that time after Game Station, I was so blind, so stupid. I was so bad for everyone-"
Rose suddenly realizes something (only a hundred odd years too late), her voice almost too quiet for even her to hear. "I think I knew. There was this thing in my head and I knew it was all going to end soon. No matter how hard I held on, I couldn't stay. It hurt so much…."
Alpha swivels slightly. "Did you treat the injury? Are you still incapacitated?"
For the first time in years, Rose lets out a full-throated laugh of delight. "Alpha, you are the best mentally deficient Dalek a girl could ever ask for. And no- all I really had to do was grow up. Honestly? It's been a fantastic life."
She grins as she swigs the last of the bottle.
Rose starts taking long walks on the beach, Alpha trailing along behind her. It doesn't understand why she won't let it destroy the world, but it seems to be trying very, very hard to understand value outside genetic superiority. She's pretty sure her continued series of drunken confessions are Not Helping.
"I got a degree. In languages first and then in psychology. I thought… it would help to understand."
"Behavior does not always follow logically predicted outcomes in inferior species."
"Tell me about it."
Alpha perches by her closet at night, watching her while she sleeps. She's not sure why she trusts it so intuitively, but, then again, she's not sure why she's suddenly started drinking like a fish either.
She finds herself telling it stories through the course of her day, bringing up fond memories of her time in Torchwood, her family, fun places she's visited on alt!Earth. Maybe that's what encourages Alpha to do a little of its own exploring of her past. She'd be delighted by the initiative if it hadn't suddenly ripped her buried pain wide open.
Alpha is floating the picture in front of itself- Mickey and Jake wrapped around one another like vines, Mum and Pete holding Connor between them and Rose… Rose standing in the center laughing like a maniac.
"They are Rose?"
There's no real way to make it understand so she doesn't even bother trying to correct it.
"They were Rose. They're all gone though. I'm… alone now."
She's completely startled when she feels the press of the plunger against her chest.
"You are not alone."
"You know the immortality thing isn't all it's cracked up to be. I mean it only fixes injuries that actually kill me. Still got all my scars, me. 'M just lucky I never lost a hand or somethin'. Probably wouldn't have gotten it back."
"Are your scars numerous?"
"Not so bad for the way I've lived. They aren't the worst though, y'know. I was forty-three… I mean I knew I couldn't die and I just didn't think. Only got so many eggs in a human body and it's not fatal if you run out. I'd always thought I had more time…."
Time moves quickly now. Rose starts to realize just how isolated, how closed-off she has become. Even with a hidden Dalek shadow, she's suddenly having more contact with other people than she's had in years. Even if it's only to find some semi-logical explanation for why young Varg's sheep suddenly have a nifty fence that keeps them from old Varg's garden.
She doesn't know what kind of abilities Alpha has and, frankly, she'd rather live in denial a little longer rather than find out just how much of its traveling abilities remain intact.
"I think if you'd shot me when you first got here, that would have been it. Whatever's made me like this, s'got something to do with… things I know you can kill."
"I would not kill Rose."
"I know."
Something tears the throats out of young Varg's flock of sheep and the Aconitum dies almost overnight.
The black space in Rose's head sings.
"I think I almost hated him in the end, y'know?"
"Who?"
Silence.
Rose goes to the beach regularly, but she knows when the visit is different, when the time has come to answer to the dark part of her head. She supposes she should be surprised when Dalek Sek suddenly appears in front of her, laser leveled at her heart.
"RoseTyler interfered with my temporal shift. RoseTyler will explain her interference. Obey!"
Well, considering the last time she saw Dalek Sek was over a hundred years ago in a different universe, she's not entirely sure how that's possible. But maybe it's a weird sort of fair that she gets blamed for the stupid things she hasn't done. Alpha apparently disagrees.
"You will not hurt the Mother. You will not hurt the Master. Obey! Obey!"
Huh. If Daleks could do double-takes, the black Dalek just let his jaw drop down to his knobby bits. Apparently Alpha's a bit of a surprise all round. Too bad he recovers so quickly.
"Daleks have no mothers. Daleks have no masters."
Okay- at least she can stop having nightmares about what really went on in those battle ships.
"I am not Dalek. I am Rose."
Sek doesn't need to have facial expressions to make his disdain clear to his injured relative.
"You are Dalek. I am Dalek. RoseTyler is an inferior species. The information of an inferior species is unimportant. I will reverse the temporal shift. Exterminate."
It's said so casually and she knows that this time there's no escape. It's a stupid, although fitting, way to go. And now that Alpha knows she's tricked it (avoiding the truth is still a kind of lie), she almost deserves this kind of end at its hands.
That's why it's doubly surprising when Alpha is suddenly between her and Dalek Sek. Dalek Sek may have set his laser to kill something organic, but Alpha apparently has no such limitation.
She barely has the chance to gasp before pieces of the black Dalek scatter across the beach. And then, as Alpha turns to her, she realizes that Sek didn't need to set his laser to anything other than organic.
"Why? Is it just because you still think I'm your Mummy?"
He's very obviously injured- his casing is shattered in places and pieces of circuitry hang out of the holes.
"I… have known for six months, four days, twelve hours and nineteen seconds that Rose is not the Mother. I have known for four months, twenty-eight days, seventeen hours and three seconds that I am not Rose. I… could not let Rose be hurt. I was… afraid."
Rose walks towards Alpha, her hand outstretched, only to see Alpha move weakly backwards.
"You must not touch me. It will not repair the systemic degradation. It will cause you pain. I am… in pain."
Alpha weakly swivels, digging a small pit in the sand.
"I do not like pain. I am… afraid. Daleks do not fear. Must not fear. I do not understand, Rose Tyler. Why am… I… afraid?"
Rose swallows. Hard.
"Let me see you, Alpha. Maybe there's something I can do anyways to help. Even if I don't touch you."
And, like some ghost from a half-forgotten nightmare, the casing on a second Dalek opens in front of her. But this Dalek looks more like… a brain. A brain hooked up to more wires than she can possibly count.
"I am the last. But I have… changed. Maybe this is not life but sickness. Maybe I should… end."
Rose bites her lip until she nearly draws blood, drawing closer while Alpha is distracted.
"What do you want?"
"I… do not want to die."
She knows that she shouldn't mustnot do it, but there is a bridge in her mind and she crosses it willingly, eagerly, pulling that destructive piece of herself (her non-death) out just a little bit, just a little bit to force into Alpha-
And there's… there's music.
I sang a song and the Daleks ran away.
Why is there light?
Why is Alpha shifting, growing too large for its case?
Oh god.
Somehow she has enough presence of mind to throw Alpha and herself away from the casing before the change gets too large, but not enough to let go as the light burns her from the inside out.
And then she can see, see just what she's done.
The last thing she remembers before she dies is the pile of vomit she leaves by that all-too familiar close-shaved head.
tbc
Final Notes: For those who might have been looking, Connor means 'wolf-lover'.
Author: Anaphalis
Rating: PG-13/R
Characters: Rose Tyler. As for the rest? That would be telling.
Summary: There’s always a price. Rose learns just how big Grandmother’s teeth really are.
Spoilers: Post-Doomsday
Disclaimer: The BBC, RTD and anything that involves blue boxes, screwdrivers or dustbins with plungers are probably not mine. Any recognizable dialogue is from 'Dalek', 'PoTW' or 'Doomsday' and also not mine.
Author’s Notes: Well, I'm not completely happy with this, but Rose the Dalek den mother was insistent. As always, any and all suggestions and comments welcomed and appreciated.
Prologue | One | Two | Three
Among Wolves
If you live among wolves you have to act like a wolf.
-Nikita Khrushchev
II. The Path (of Least Resistance)
Do not stray from the path, little Girl. There are dark things in the forest. You do not want to become one of them.
Do not listen to the Wolf, little Girl. The Wolf's Truth is not yours.
Do you wonder why would it speak to you now, when it knows that you know of its past treachery?
It is desperate, little Girl.
Before, before to stop the Wolf, you lost the Huntsman.
But one cannot triumph at the expense of the other.
The Wolf needs the Huntsman needs the Wolf. For a circle to be complete there must be two halves to reflect one another (alphaomega). Always bound- the Wolf one end of the path, the Huntsman the other.
And you, little Girl?
You are the path.
***
Rose had never planned on being a Dalek den mother. Probably because most of the Daleks she's met would have exterminated her before they got around to the campfire sing-alongs.
This Dalek though is, well… obviously missing a few circuits. Its weaponry is even more impressive than the Daleks she's already seen (even if its laser does split things into messy pieces) but it acts like a sugar-fueled five year-old.
"No- you can't exterminate my neighbours."
"They are Not-Rose. They cause discomfort to Rose."
Okay- an observant sugar-fueled five year-old.
"Annoying me isn't punishable by death."
The Dalek actually manages to pout.
No- in spite of what it is, Rose wouldn't dream of contacting Torchwood. Even if it doesn’t agree, it listens to her and stays out of sight and- She tries to ignore the fact that it won't be an issue very long, because the Dalek is very, very obviously running out of time. However it is that it got here and found her (andshedoesn'tdoesn'twanttoknow), it obviously took out more than a few vital parts. And she wouldn't dream of giving it the touch of a time traveler.
So she manages to ignore it very nicely for two days. Until the Dalek starts screaming.
She wouldn't have thought a metallic voice could convey pain.
Apparently she was wrong.
And she can't help herself, even as she knows the path she's starting.
"Are you in pain?"
"I am in pain. I am dying."
She has to force her fingers into fists to keep from reaching out. It's like she can't help herself, like she's that nineteen year-old shop girl again. No matter how long she lives, she's never ever gotten used to suffering.
This Dalek obeys her, but more importantly, she can't leave something to suffer. Either you kill something outright or you fix it up. None of this torture- no matter what's happened she can't allow herself to be a Dalek. And somehow, there's something that tells her that death isn't the answer here-
Save the vessel.
Oh no. Voices in her head are bad, bad things. Aside from the insane killer potential, they're often related to other bad things. Like dying. And Satanic pre-universe aliens.
And Rose is far too old and far, far too cautious to be any kind of 'valiant child' now.
It is time. He is coming.
And that's going to encourage her to do something stu-
Do you fear me?
Damn those clever, clever pre-universe demons.
She closes her eyes, but her hand is steady when she touches it to the casing.
Caution is for sane people.
"Genetic material extrapolated - initiate cellular reconstruction!"
Of course she realizes after she touches it that she may have just condemned at least her world, if not most of the galaxy, to total annihilation. Eh. She's made worse mistakes.
"I am ready to serve. How may I please Rose?"
Definitely made worse mistakes (buries memory of voices deep in the sleeping black).
She calls it Alpha because Omega would be hopelessly cruel. Because she thinks the Doctor would appreciate the irony of Rose Tyler, shop girl, making fun of a Dalek with a Greek reference. It responds because she tells it to respond, but she's fairly sure that it still thinks of itself as 'Rose'.
Daleks aren't supposed to think of themselves as individuals but Rose has always been about fixing the hopeless.
It helps that Alpha's obviously re-learning a lot of behavioral things all over again. It still behaves like a five year-old, but now it behaves like a five year-old mimicking every move and gesture its mother makes. Literally.
Alpha does not let Rose out of its sight. Although it still obeys Rose's commands to stay out of sight, the one time Rose tried to leave it behind to pick up groceries and then supplies from the chemist's, there was a literal circle of destruction around her house when she returned. On the plus side, she now has lots and lots of firewood. Rose now pays far too much to have things delivered to the house while Alpha happily blasts wood into kindling.
It's easy to talk to Alpha. Daleks aren't exactly known as the universe's most brilliant conversationalists, but it does a very good job of sitting there while she whinges. In some ways, Rose thinks it’s a bit like pouring out her heart to a toaster or an oversized hydrant, but she's selfish enough not to care. Although, even at her most pathetic, she never, ever mentions the Doctor.
"I was happy when Mickey gave into Jake, y'know? I mean s'not good to think about him and Ricky being together first, but he really did make Mickey happy. And after how awful I was to him…. Mickey was too good. He shouldn't have ever been anyone's tin dog. I was so lucky he never hated me for it."
"It is against logic to hate Rose. Rose is superior."
Rose snorts over the nearly empty bottle of Macallan.
"I was awful. All that time after Game Station, I was so blind, so stupid. I was so bad for everyone-"
Rose suddenly realizes something (only a hundred odd years too late), her voice almost too quiet for even her to hear. "I think I knew. There was this thing in my head and I knew it was all going to end soon. No matter how hard I held on, I couldn't stay. It hurt so much…."
Alpha swivels slightly. "Did you treat the injury? Are you still incapacitated?"
For the first time in years, Rose lets out a full-throated laugh of delight. "Alpha, you are the best mentally deficient Dalek a girl could ever ask for. And no- all I really had to do was grow up. Honestly? It's been a fantastic life."
She grins as she swigs the last of the bottle.
Rose starts taking long walks on the beach, Alpha trailing along behind her. It doesn't understand why she won't let it destroy the world, but it seems to be trying very, very hard to understand value outside genetic superiority. She's pretty sure her continued series of drunken confessions are Not Helping.
"I got a degree. In languages first and then in psychology. I thought… it would help to understand."
"Behavior does not always follow logically predicted outcomes in inferior species."
"Tell me about it."
Alpha perches by her closet at night, watching her while she sleeps. She's not sure why she trusts it so intuitively, but, then again, she's not sure why she's suddenly started drinking like a fish either.
She finds herself telling it stories through the course of her day, bringing up fond memories of her time in Torchwood, her family, fun places she's visited on alt!Earth. Maybe that's what encourages Alpha to do a little of its own exploring of her past. She'd be delighted by the initiative if it hadn't suddenly ripped her buried pain wide open.
Alpha is floating the picture in front of itself- Mickey and Jake wrapped around one another like vines, Mum and Pete holding Connor between them and Rose… Rose standing in the center laughing like a maniac.
"They are Rose?"
There's no real way to make it understand so she doesn't even bother trying to correct it.
"They were Rose. They're all gone though. I'm… alone now."
She's completely startled when she feels the press of the plunger against her chest.
"You are not alone."
"You know the immortality thing isn't all it's cracked up to be. I mean it only fixes injuries that actually kill me. Still got all my scars, me. 'M just lucky I never lost a hand or somethin'. Probably wouldn't have gotten it back."
"Are your scars numerous?"
"Not so bad for the way I've lived. They aren't the worst though, y'know. I was forty-three… I mean I knew I couldn't die and I just didn't think. Only got so many eggs in a human body and it's not fatal if you run out. I'd always thought I had more time…."
Time moves quickly now. Rose starts to realize just how isolated, how closed-off she has become. Even with a hidden Dalek shadow, she's suddenly having more contact with other people than she's had in years. Even if it's only to find some semi-logical explanation for why young Varg's sheep suddenly have a nifty fence that keeps them from old Varg's garden.
She doesn't know what kind of abilities Alpha has and, frankly, she'd rather live in denial a little longer rather than find out just how much of its traveling abilities remain intact.
"I think if you'd shot me when you first got here, that would have been it. Whatever's made me like this, s'got something to do with… things I know you can kill."
"I would not kill Rose."
"I know."
Something tears the throats out of young Varg's flock of sheep and the Aconitum dies almost overnight.
The black space in Rose's head sings.
"I think I almost hated him in the end, y'know?"
"Who?"
Silence.
Rose goes to the beach regularly, but she knows when the visit is different, when the time has come to answer to the dark part of her head. She supposes she should be surprised when Dalek Sek suddenly appears in front of her, laser leveled at her heart.
"RoseTyler interfered with my temporal shift. RoseTyler will explain her interference. Obey!"
Well, considering the last time she saw Dalek Sek was over a hundred years ago in a different universe, she's not entirely sure how that's possible. But maybe it's a weird sort of fair that she gets blamed for the stupid things she hasn't done. Alpha apparently disagrees.
"You will not hurt the Mother. You will not hurt the Master. Obey! Obey!"
Huh. If Daleks could do double-takes, the black Dalek just let his jaw drop down to his knobby bits. Apparently Alpha's a bit of a surprise all round. Too bad he recovers so quickly.
"Daleks have no mothers. Daleks have no masters."
Okay- at least she can stop having nightmares about what really went on in those battle ships.
"I am not Dalek. I am Rose."
Sek doesn't need to have facial expressions to make his disdain clear to his injured relative.
"You are Dalek. I am Dalek. RoseTyler is an inferior species. The information of an inferior species is unimportant. I will reverse the temporal shift. Exterminate."
It's said so casually and she knows that this time there's no escape. It's a stupid, although fitting, way to go. And now that Alpha knows she's tricked it (avoiding the truth is still a kind of lie), she almost deserves this kind of end at its hands.
That's why it's doubly surprising when Alpha is suddenly between her and Dalek Sek. Dalek Sek may have set his laser to kill something organic, but Alpha apparently has no such limitation.
She barely has the chance to gasp before pieces of the black Dalek scatter across the beach. And then, as Alpha turns to her, she realizes that Sek didn't need to set his laser to anything other than organic.
"Why? Is it just because you still think I'm your Mummy?"
He's very obviously injured- his casing is shattered in places and pieces of circuitry hang out of the holes.
"I… have known for six months, four days, twelve hours and nineteen seconds that Rose is not the Mother. I have known for four months, twenty-eight days, seventeen hours and three seconds that I am not Rose. I… could not let Rose be hurt. I was… afraid."
Rose walks towards Alpha, her hand outstretched, only to see Alpha move weakly backwards.
"You must not touch me. It will not repair the systemic degradation. It will cause you pain. I am… in pain."
Alpha weakly swivels, digging a small pit in the sand.
"I do not like pain. I am… afraid. Daleks do not fear. Must not fear. I do not understand, Rose Tyler. Why am… I… afraid?"
Rose swallows. Hard.
"Let me see you, Alpha. Maybe there's something I can do anyways to help. Even if I don't touch you."
And, like some ghost from a half-forgotten nightmare, the casing on a second Dalek opens in front of her. But this Dalek looks more like… a brain. A brain hooked up to more wires than she can possibly count.
"I am the last. But I have… changed. Maybe this is not life but sickness. Maybe I should… end."
Rose bites her lip until she nearly draws blood, drawing closer while Alpha is distracted.
"What do you want?"
"I… do not want to die."
She knows that she shouldn't mustnot do it, but there is a bridge in her mind and she crosses it willingly, eagerly, pulling that destructive piece of herself (her non-death) out just a little bit, just a little bit to force into Alpha-
And there's… there's music.
I sang a song and the Daleks ran away.
Why is there light?
Why is Alpha shifting, growing too large for its case?
Oh god.
Somehow she has enough presence of mind to throw Alpha and herself away from the casing before the change gets too large, but not enough to let go as the light burns her from the inside out.
And then she can see, see just what she's done.
The last thing she remembers before she dies is the pile of vomit she leaves by that all-too familiar close-shaved head.
tbc
Final Notes: For those who might have been looking, Connor means 'wolf-lover'.