Disintegration 9/9 FINAL
Story: Disintegration
Author: WMR
Characters: Ten, Rose, Nine, Jackie Tyler, Sarah-Jane Smith.
Rated: M
Spoilers: All the way to Age of Steel
Summary: “You know this is goodbye, right? No visits. I don’t do that. If you leave now, Rose, this is it.”
With very many thanks to my wonderful BR,
dark_aegis And to everyone who's said such lovely things about this story over the past week or so!
Chapter 1: Selfish
Chapter 2: Letting Go
Chapter 3: Temptations
Chapter Four: Ghost of the Past
Chapter 5: Truth and Consequences
Chapter 6: Second Chance
Chapter 7: A Decision
Chapter 8: Getting To Know You - Again
Chapter 9: Reintegration
She put a few feet of distance between herself and the Doctor. After all, the first time she’d seen Sarah-Jane the older woman had been holding the Doctor’s hand. Her resentment and jealousy had begun right there, with that single gesture.
Yes, she and the Doctor were lovers. But the poor woman about to come through that door was going to have enough surprises as it was without having her nose rubbed in that one immediately.
The door opened. And the first thing she noticed about the figure that emerged was that it was male. Very definitely male; tall and muscular, dark-haired, a few years older than the Doctor’s apparent age.
And very familiar.
“Jack!” She ran blindly, arms outstretched, towards him.
He dropped whatever he was holding; it fell to the ground with a clatter, but he didn’t appear to notice any more than she did. His arms were extended towards her, and he caught her in them, swinging her around before capturing her tightly against his broad chest.
“Rose!” His face was so close, the blue eyes she remembered so well staring into hers. “But how - oh, hell, that’s not important.”
And suddenly he was kissing her, his lips warm on hers, the kiss affectionate and not exactly chaste. But it was Jack, and only to be expected. She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him back. He was alive. He was here. She’d thought she’d never see him again.
And then, as he released her, she stifled a giggle at the thought that, ignoring the fact that the two Doctors were the same man, in the past few hours she’d kissed three men from her past.
“Doctor.” Jack was looking over her shoulder, beyond her, to where the Doctor was strolling down from the console platform, hands stuffed in his trouser pockets, she saw as she looked over. “Thought you told me Rose was gone? That we wouldn’t be seeing her again?”
“I can’t be right about everything.” His attempt to sound impatiently wounded made her smile. “And, by the way, Jack, is there some reason why you just kissed my woman?” he added, eyes wide, rocking on his heels.
“Huh?” Jack looked stunned. And then he grinned. Broadly. “You mean you two finally did something about that thing that’s been between you as long as I’ve known you? About damn time!”
“Might have.” The Doctor grinned. “Anyway, don’t mind me. You two carry on.” And he winked, clicking his tongue at the same time, and leaned against the console rail, just watching them.
Bastard. He really was enjoying this too much.
He’d let her think that he had some new pretty young thing sharing his TARDIS. And all the time it’d been Jack. Jack, who he had to know - well, he’d known once she told him, if not before - she’d missed so much.
But still. Jack was here, and the three of them were together again. She could probably allow the Doctor his few minutes of amusement at her expense. Probably.
Especially since she was already planning ways to extract her revenge later.
***
He watched the two of them in their joy at being reunited, a glad smile on his face despite his mock irritation of a few minutes earlier. He’d deliberately not told Rose about Jack earlier, when she’d asked if he had anyone travelling with him, because he’d wanted to surprise her. And then...
He’d feel the guilt for some time that he’d contributed to her grief six years earlier. All unnecessarily, too. He could have set her mind at rest about Jack a long time ago.
She’d asked, of course, and he’d stonewalled. Of course he’d known Jack was alive, and he’d known what he was doing, too. And why he couldn’t be with them. But what he’d known, and how he’d known it... a Time Lord thing. Something he hadn’t wanted to have to explain to Rose. So he’d given her the smallest amount of information possible and expected her to accept it.
He’d forgotten - or hadn’t wanted to recognise - how much she’d cared about Jack. Because it would’ve meant having to remember how the three of them had become a unit. Inseparable. Dependent on each other. Caring for each other. And he’d have had to admit how much he missed Jack himself. Just as he missed every companion who left, or who was forced away from him by circumstances.
It’d been easier to pretend to forget. To fail to mention Jack entirely, until the right time had come. And it hadn’t come - not while Rose had still been with him.
Then, after she’d left, he’d spent two months missing her and feeling sorry for himself. Until he’d remembered that he owed the former Time Agent a rescue. That Jack needed a way off the Earth of 200,100 and that he owed it to the man not to leave him at the mercy of some passing time-traveller whose attention he might manage to attract.
So he’d gone, and found Jack - a weary, thinner, drained Jack, who desperately, he could see, needed some rest and recuperation. Reintroduced himself, and spent the next few hours trying to deflect the other man’s anger and hurt. Finally, Jack had accepted his reasons for doing what he’d done and taken that first step back over the TARDIS threshold. And then had come the explanations about Rose: where she was, why she wasn’t travelling with him any more.
He hadn’t gone to get Jack with the thought in mind of picking up where they’d left off. It’d never occurred to him, anyway, that Jack might want to stay. When they’d met Jack, the ex-Time Agent had been at a very low point in his life. Once a courageous, clever soldier, he’d had his belief in himself and what he stood for ripped away from him with those two years of memories. Gradually, over the months he’d travelled in the TARDIS, he’d rediscovered his courage, his desire to do good and his sense that there was something worth believing in. By the time he’d gone off to die for the Earth on the Game Station, he’d become again the hero he’d always been underneath.
And, since then, he’d been a hero many times over. He’d rediscovered causes he could believe in. He’d found a purpose to his life, missing memories or not. And so it made sense that he’d want to be somewhere, somewhen, where he could make a difference. And all the Doctor had expected was to provide the transport. He’d intended simply to take Jack to whatever destination the other man wanted.
But Jack - and now he wondered whether the ex-Time Agent had done it because he’d sensed that he needed company - had said he needed some time to think about what he wanted to do, and asked if he could stick around for a few days. He hadn’t really cared either way, and had agreed. Jack needed the break, too, he’d told himself. A few days to rest and heal and put the harrowing year he’d just had behind him.
Of course, they’d fallen into adventures, danger, excitement, and it had almost been like old times. Saving the universe and sometimes even getting home in time for tea. Except without Rose. And he’d remembered what it’d been like to have a friend. Someone he could regard as an equal, at least in some ways. There were still many, many ways in which he was far cleverer than Jack and always would be, but it’d been interesting to be challenged in ways he wasn’t used to from companions. Not since Romana, really.
And so, after about a week, when Jack had started talking about it being time to move on, he’d laid his hand on the younger man’s shoulder and just said, “Stay.” And Jack had.
It had been difficult at times. Learning to be a team and to live together without Rose as the apex of their triangle. Missing her and being reminded of her all the time by each other’s presence and memories of their shared past - because at no time before had they been together without her. But it had got easier.
Now, watching them, the truth dawned. In the same way that he’d never realised how much Rose loved Jack, he’d never understood how much Jack loved Rose, too.
Well, that was good.
He strolled over to pick up the electronic components which had fallen out of the box Jack had simply let go of when he’d seen Rose. Smothering a grin, he said, “You really should be more careful with this stuff, Captain. It doesn’t grow on trees. Do you know how long it took me to find a reliable source of non-contemporary, high-speed, non-corrodable semi-conductors with down-scaled interconnect dimensions?”
Jack looked a bit sheepish. Rose, on the other hand, slipped out of their friend’s arms and came to stand in front of him, hands on her hips. “High-speed semi-conductors? You wouldn’t be talking about computer memory chips, Doctor, by any chance? Or mobile phone SIM cards?”
Busted. His superior expression slipped just a little. “Of course not! Well... maybe something like those. Similar principle. And, yeah, all right, maybe they look a little like ‘em too. Coincidence, that’s all. Pure coincidence.”
Rose bent and retrieved one of the static-proofed packages from the floor, where it had fallen out of the box. “This looks like computer memory to me, Doctor.” She studied the transparent packaging. “PC133 SDRam. That stuff was already almost obsolete when I was first travellin’ with you. An’ you sent Jack where to get it?”
Definitely busted. How had Rose become that technologically knowledgeable?
“What?” Jack was now looking over her shoulder. “You mean this stuff’s easily available on Earth?”
Rose shrugged. “Course. Go back to, say, 2005. Walk into any Dixons or PC World. You can pick it up off the shelf. Bit expensive there, though. Better off buying it online.” And she grinned. “Can’t completely blind me with science any more, Doctor. I went and got physics and chemistry A-levels while you were swannin’ off around the universe. An’ I taught myself all about computers, cause hardly anyone else at work seemed to know what to do when something went wrong.”
Rassilon, he was proud of her. The three of them were going to make a brilliant team. Even better than before.
And then an elbow in his ribs made him splutter. “Next time you want a so-called rare electronic component, Doctor, you can get it yourself!”
“But, Jack, it was just a joke... Okay, okay, it wasn’t funny. But, really, it was. Come on, it was hilarious. Wasn’t it?”
***
Later, over a bottle or two of very nice wine, it was time for explanations and catching up. She gave Jack an abbreviated version of the past six years and the reasons why she’d left the Doctor, and he in turn explained what he’d been up to after they’d parted on Satellite Five.
It was a shock to realise that he’d been dead; an even bigger shock to find out that she had given him back his life. And, at that point, the Doctor took over the tale, finally telling her what had happened when she and the TARDIS had come back to the satellite. That she had saved his life and, as she’d concluded a long time ago, his ninth self had given his life to save her.
“The best of reasons,” he told her when she looked at him questioningly, wondering whether he’d ever had any regrets or resented the fact that she’d put him in the position of having to die himself or see her die. “I’ve never had any regrets about that, Rose. Not ever.”
And, with the hours she’d spent with his previous self earlier today still fresh in her mind, she had no doubt that that was true. He’d loved her in that body. He still loved her now.
Jack had been helping to rebuild the Earth after the Dalek massacre, just as the Doctor had told her all those years ago. For some highly complicated reason, something to do with the imperative of history and not interrupting the flow of time and dire consequences if Jack hadn’t been there to do it - and the Doctor knowing this all along from the time he’d taken the Time Vortex from her - they’d had to abandon him, to leave him to get on with it.
It had been a hard year or so for him. And then he’d been with the Doctor for almost a year after that - so he was two years older than when she’d seen him last. He didn’t look it, really, apart from one or two moments when he turned serious and she saw lines that hadn’t been on his face before.
But those moments were rare. The rest of the time, he was still the Jack she’d known and loved. She studied him carefully at one point to be sure that he wasn’t pretending - she knew all about pretending, after all. But he wasn’t. Whatever bad times he’d been through were in the past. And the three of them were together again.
It had been nearly seven years for her since she’d seen Jack, and over six years since she’d seen the Doctor, yet her feelings for both of them - her love for both of them, in different ways yet equally strong - were the same as ever.
“So, what’s next, Doctor?” Jack asked as he leaned over to refill their wine-glasses.
“How’d you fancy spending a couple of weeks in a completely brilliant, exciting, fascinating location?” the Doctor replied, a grin twitching at his lips.
“Sounds good. Where’s that?”
“London, England. 2013.”
***
It felt so strange to go off to work the next morning as if nothing had happened. Of course, it wasn’t quite like normal; she didn’t, as a rule, have a TARDIS parked in the living-room of her flat, and she didn’t, as a rule, have a 900-odd-year-old Time Lord in her bed. Though he’d pronounced his TARDIS bedroom more comfortable and declared that they’d sleep there for the rest of their stay.
Jack and the Doctor were going to spend the day exploring, they’d told her over breakfast. Jack, it seemed, despite his widespread travelling, had never been to the early 2000s, and he was keen to see what he’d missed.
She’d told the two of them not to touch anything in the flat until she got back, though she was already resigned to coming home to find her satellite receiver jiggeried with in order to receive Qarisian television. Despite the fact that the Doctor could watch what he called the very best of classic filmmaking in the TARDIS, that’d never stopped him messing with her mum’s satellite when they’d been around the old flat in the Powell Estates.
And, before she left, the Doctor demanded both her old phone and her new one. He stripped out his components from the old phone and installed them in the new one, then handed it back to her with a grin. “Just in case.”
“What, in case you an’ Jack get the urge to go travellin’ to some far-off galaxy without me?”
“Not going to happen.” He flashed her a grin. “But you never know when you might need a super-phone, do you? Best to be prepared, I always say.”
She grinned back. “You? The expert at makin’ it up as you go along?”
“Hey!” He looked wounded. “I do have plans. Well, sometimes. And are you saying that making it up as I go along isn’t being prepared? Especially when I’m so very good at it.” He grinned at her; she rolled her eyes at him and left.
Once in work, she called up a new Word document and typed out her resignation. And she IMed Sarah-Jane, asking her to meet for coffee as soon as she was free.
“You’re looking very happy today,” Sarah commented as soon as they’d collected their coffees and claimed a quiet corner table.
This was the moment she’d been nervous about all night. Sarah, after all, thought she’d done the right thing staying away from the Doctor all those years. She’d supplied the shoulder to cry on countless times. She was the one who’d sent her to the therapist, after all. How was she going to react to this?
But, steadily, calmly, she told Sarah what had happened. Not everything, but meeting the Ninth Doctor, that they’d talked, that he’d offered to take her back to the Tenth Doctor. And that she’d gone.
And Sarah nodded. “You’re going to travel with him again, aren’t you? I always knew you’d go back to him one day,” she added as Rose nodded to confirm it.
“You don’t think I shouldn’t, do you?” Actually, what Sarah thought didn’t matter. It was her decision and she had no regrets whatsoever about it. She was happier than she’d been in years. But Sarah was her friend, and she didn’t want to lose her over this.
“I think you should do what makes you happy. And this clearly does.” Sarah reached across and covered her hand. “He’s not a bad man - well, alien. But then we never thought he was. He can just be... thoughtless. I could tell he loved you, though.”
That made her smile. “Yeah.” Then, more soberly, she added, “I know ‘s not going to be easy. Or happy ever after. But he’s worth taking a risk for. He’s so worth it.”
Sarah nodded. “He is.”
“He wants to see you,” Rose added. That was the difficult bit. She knew how painful it had been for Sarah to say goodbye before. She’d warned the Doctor that Sarah might prefer not to see him again.
But she smiled. “I’d love to see him. Come for dinner. Wednesday do? And bring your Jack, too - with all you’ve said about him, I feel as if I know him already. I can’t wait to meet him.”
That could be interesting. Rose grinned. She just hoped Sarah was prepared for being the focus of attention of a very handsome younger man, because Jack was going to love her.
***
Dinner at Sarah-Jane’s. It had the potential for great awkwardness. After all, a lot had happened, from her perspective, since their last meeting. She’d been Rose’s greatest support and ally, after all. And Rose had told him that Sarah had been the most help in making her keep to her resolve not to call him. Clearly, his old friend thought he was bad for Rose.
But it wasn’t like that at all. Sarah seemed genuinely pleased to see him again, and came to him instantly when he opened his arms in invitation. And it was good to see her again. She looked a little older - only to be expected - but still unmistakeably Sarah. Still wonderful.
K-9 still knew him. As soon as his control panel was initiated, the little dog ran in circles around the living-room, happily chirping, “Master!” Jack was enthralled, and needed no invitation to get down on his knees and examine the robot dog.
And dinner was fun. There was lively conversation throughout, and Jack flirted entertainingly with Sarah on and off all evening. Sarah, he could tell, was more amused than flattered, clearly assuming that Jack was just being polite to a woman old enough to be his... well, aunt, anyway. He wondered how she’d react if he tipped her off that, given the slightest encouragement, Jack would be very happy to leave him and Rose to go home alone.
After dinner, he forestalled Rose, who was about to help Sarah clear the dishes away. Sending her off with Jack to socialise with K-9, he followed Sarah into the kitchen.
“So, how have you been?” he asked her cheerfully as she took the crockery from him.
“Oh, fine. Fine. Really, it’s been good,” she added as he raised an eyebrow in her direction.
He smiled. “It’s really good to see you again. I know we said goodbye, but...”
“Well, we never imagined, did we, that Rose would end up working with me.” She carried on loading the dishwasher, just glancing at him occasionally as she worked.
He leaned against the island counter. “I told Rose I didn’t do this. Come back and visit, I mean.”
She straightened and gave him a hard look. Obviously the friendliness was, to some extent, a veneer. “Then why are you here?”
He gave her one of his most persuasive smiles. “Well... We were here. You know. Silly not to, really. Rose was going to see you anyway, and I thought, why not?”
“What? Might as well look up the old hag while you’re hanging around waiting for Rose? Since you’ve got nothing better to do?”
His smile slipped. “You know me - even this me - better than that, Sarah. I did want to see you. And if you’re expecting me to tell you you’re not an old hag... well, I said you know me, Sarah. Never been much for doing what’s expected.”
She sighed. “All right, yes, that was uncalled for. But, Doctor - ”
No, he’d invited it with his comment that he didn’t go back and see people. “I wanted to thank you for everything you did for Rose. And I wanted to see you. Y’see, I’ve come to the conclusion - well, Rose sort of made me realise it - that just because I know I’ll outlive everyone I care for it’s stupid, really, to behave as if people are already dead when they’re still alive.” He gave her a self-deprecating smile. “So, if it’s all right with you, we’ll look in on you again from time to time.”
And this time she gave him a genuine smile. “I really would like that, Doctor. I was hoping Rose would stay in touch.”
“We both will.” And he meant it. No empty promises about it not really being goodbye; not this time. “We’ll be coming back all the time to see Jackie and Howard. Silly not to drop in on you at the same time - and anyway, we want to. The offer’s still open, by the way,” he added, digging his hands deep into his pockets and tilting his head to one side. “You ever want another trip in the TARDIS, all you have to do is say.”
She smiled, but shook her head. “And my answer’s still the same. I’m too old for that now, Doctor.”
“Aah, you’re never too old! ‘Sides, who says we have to go somewhere dangerous? ‘S not as if I’m suggesting we go back to Metebelis Three, y’know. No human-eating spiders this time, I promise. Could go somewhere nice and safe and relaxing. There’s New Earth, for starters...”
“Oh, yeah, where you and Rose ran into megalomaniac cat-nuns and a crazy woman with a psychograph? I think I’ll stay put, thanks. I’m considering starting a support group for your former companions, you know.”
He ignored that bit. “Aww, come on, where’s your sense of adventure?” He laughed. “Jack would be very happy to protect you, you know.”
She grinned at that. “I like your friend. He’s very gallant.”
“I’ll tell him you said that. It’ll probably wound him to the core.” He sobered then. “The other reason I wanted to see you, Sarah, was to say I’m sorry.”
She looked genuinely surprised. “For what?”
He sighed, took his hands out of his pockets and walked over to her. Taking her by the shoulders, he said, “For leaving you. For not explaining that I couldn’t come back. For letting you wait, thinking I was coming. It was cruel, and I’m sorry.”
“Oh.” And, for a moment, he thought he saw a tear come to her eyes. But she blinked, and then she was sunny and cheerful again. “All water under the bridge, Doctor. But it’s still nice to hear it.”
He studied her for a long moment, and then bent to brush a gentle kiss against her cheek. “Never change, Sarah. You’re an amazing woman, and I’m so glad I know you.”
***
Finally, she’d worked her notice and they were packing up her flat. The two weeks had just flown past in the end, and the three of them were leaving later tonight. They were all going out to dinner with her mum and Howard and Sarah-Jane, and they’d leave after that.
Her mum’d been very surprised to hear that the Doctor was back after all these years, but not at all surprised that she’d decided to leave with him again. She’d seemed sad at first, but then had shaken her head. “I always thought you never should’ve left ‘im, love. You were never happy without him.”
“No,” she admitted. “I tried, but it was never the same. I missed him so much. An’ what we did together.”
Her mum had hugged her. “Be happy, love. But be careful, too. Keep yourself safe.” She’d hesitated, then added, “Keep each other safe. He needs lookin’ after, too, for all he thinks he’s this invincible Time Lord.”
Now, with Jack’s help, she was packing up the last of her things and moving them into the TARDIS. The flat was rented furnished, so she didn’t have to worry about disposing of that, but the Doctor and Howard were taking electrical appliances and other stuff she didn’t want over to Howard and Jackie’s flat.
“How’s it going?” Jack, who’d just taken some boxes into the TARDIS for her, came back into the bedroom, smiling.
She turned to grin back at him. “Just got to empty out this drawer - ” She hesitated as her fingers brushed against something. It felt like paper. Pulling it out, she glanced at it. An envelope, with Jack’s name written on it.
Oh. Of course.
She hesitated. It seemed strange to keep that letter now, but she couldn’t quite bring herself to throw it away. Not after all the grief and love she’d poured into it. But what to...
She glanced behind at Jack. And then, on impulse, handed it to him.
He took it, glanced at her in puzzlement, but then tore it open and began to read. She turned away and carried on with emptying the drawer; although she’d taken the decision to let him read it, it was still a little embarrassing to remember what she’d written.
Then she felt his hand on her shoulder. “Rose.” He’d never said her name quite like that before. Almost choked.
She looked around at him. Unbelievably, his eyes were shimmering. And, silently, he tugged her into his arms, embracing her tightly. She hugged him back as words and phrases from her letter came back to her, as she remembered the pain of believing he was dead.
He wasn’t dead. He was alive and well and they were together again. The three of them were together.
“Jack.” She pulled back a little and laid her palm against his cheek. “ ‘S so good to have you back.”
“It’s great to be back, Rose.” His voice was soft, and still with a note of emotion she’d never heard from him before. “Oh, and, by the way - ” He smiled. “I love you too.”
Yeah. She’d said that in her letter, though she’d never expected him to see it.
And suddenly he was kissing her. Warmly, affectionately, and once again not exactly chastely. But with emotion, too. Her letter really had moved him.
As his lips trailed from her mouth to her cheek, she noticed movement behind him. The Doctor. He was looking at the two of them in surprise.
Jack glanced around. Seeing the Doctor, he gave a rueful smile. “Oops.” Then he held out a hand, and she could see her letter in it. “Take a look at this.”
“Jack!” she protested, but it was too late. The Doctor, glasses on, was already reading.
And then - she’d forgotten what a speed-reader he was - he was walking towards them. Swift, sure steps. And he was enfolding both of them in his strong arms.
“I’m sorry,” he murmured. “Sorry I didn’t set you straight sooner, Rose. And sorry there was nothing I could do other than leave you, Jack.”
“You didn’t have a choice,” Jack said, his voice still a little shaky.
“An’ anyway, ‘s all okay now,” she added.
“Yeah.” The Doctor gazed at her, then at Jack, and then back at her. And then he kissed her, his arms still tight around the two of them.
“Hey, when do I get some of that?” Jack enquired, a grin spreading across his face and all signs of distress vanished.
“Some things about you never change, Captain, do they?” The Doctor gave a long-suffering sigh. But then he leaned across and pressed his lips to Jack’s in a firm and, to her surprise and amusement, lingering kiss. It didn’t look exactly chaste either, though whether that was Jack’s doing or the Doctor’s - or both - she couldn’t tell.
She smiled at them both as they separated. “That looked nice.”
Jack grinned. “It was.”
The Doctor shook his head in mock despair, but hugged them both again. Then he dropped his arms and stepped away. “So. Time for the big farewell dinner, I think. And then... onward to yesterday and tomorrow and the end of the universe and everywhere in between.” He spread his arms, grinning broadly.
“Everywhere,” she echoed.
“And anywhere,” Jack finished.
The Doctor extended a hand to each of them. “And the adventure starts right here.”
“Can’t wait.” She took his hand and grinned up at him, turning her head to share the moment with Jack, completing the circle on the Doctor’s other side. The three of them, the TARDIS and the universe.
Together.
END
satine79 made this for me! Isn't it pretty?