Brigits_Flame Entry

[tigerstriped86]

brigits_flame week 3 entry (only the 2nd time I've reached week 3 if I get in) is a french word "depaysment" which has to do with disorientation and disillusionment.  Back to poetry!

Title: Bedroom
Rating: PG
Word count: 246

******************

Comments

Your BF edit!

[keppiehed]

Hello, I'm your editor this week

Re: Your BF edit!

[tigerstriped86]

Gosh, thanks for the great edit! I made the mistake of asking for brtually honest edits the first couple of months I was at the Flame and it really unnerved me, so I backed up a little bit. Besides, I bruise easy, like a peach.

I really do feel that this is top shelf work and I'm glad it can be appreciated. Thanks again!

the phouka goes ROAR

[bardiphouka]

Gentle edit for a poem that does well at taking care of itself? some bits standing out exceptionally well

the rim of the mirror stands resolute. Love it.

The rooms of this mansion are a lie...ok, one thing you may have noticed is that a poet's readers often come up with things about poems that the poet had never intended to do within the poem. I am not sure if this one is one of those. I loved the line because it has a paragospel feel that sort of becomes deeper within the tone of the poem.
Repetition has been mentioned. It is often an issue,especially in shorter poems. The one phrase that I would suggest working on would be waxy poetics. Esp in a poem that has other domestic elements in it. Of course I know..I am horribly literal about things.

Love to see people writing poetry, here is hoping you are here for the rest of the weeks,eh?

Re: the phouka goes ROAR

[tigerstriped86]

Oh, you're good at seeing stuff in my poetry. Kinda jealous...;)

I will keep writing poetry, though I wasn't sure originally how it would be received, but it seems to be going over quite well.

You wrote one last week about a musical instrument I had a hard time following, I love that I can look at your style being so different and get stuff out of it too!

Thanks so much!

Re: Hey, I'm your ROAR reader this week :)

[tigerstriped86]

Thanks for such positive feedback. I'm going to start mainly doing poetry since it seems its actually better than the fiction I've done in the past. Who knows? Maybe they'll compliment each other one day. =)