Comments | thingsunwritten: The Road Home

christianscott in thingsunwritten

The Road Home

Apr 25, 2009 19:20

Title: The Road Home
Author: christianscott
Person the story was written for: odette_river
Rating: pg13
Summary: He was there when the world ended.
Word Count: 1,756
Author's Notes: I went with the post-apocalyptic prompt. Tried and tried to work some of the other elements into this story, but it just wasn't having it, so... Anyway, I hope it's still good enough. My ( Read more... )

fourth go at things

Comments 6

grneyedwoman April 25 2009, 22:44:56 UTC

Good so good! You wove a very tight tale here. I want mopre but really need it.
Hugs

grneyedwoman April 26 2009, 21:28:12 UTC

I really was perfectly sober when I wrote the above comment. Although you can't tell. LOL What I mean to say was I want more but the story doesn't really need it. *shakes my head*. I think much faster than I write. Then I see whart I was thinking not what is really there. Sorry. :)

ladyavatar May 23 2009, 08:01:47 UTC

A peek around the curtain is exactly right... I was sucked in immediately. Though I think the kiss was a might forceful maybe. Them talking about not going back and the women being together suggested enough for me to understand that they were outcasts of sorts. Though I do remember you telling me that an FF relationship was one of the constraints to the story.

But still - really intelligent and could be left as is - or turned into an epic story..

(The comment has been removed)

ladyavatar May 29 2009, 21:04:06 UTC

Not forceful in the manner of force being used.. just seemed like it was forced into the writing, as if you weren't sure it was supposed to be there just yet, or thought you should have it somewhere and stuck it there. It just didn't seem like your natural flow of things - and you do transitions from one scene to the next, from one moment to the next so very well that when I read that, it just stuck out at me when it happened in the story and didn't seem to fit in that moment. That's the only reason I mentioned it.

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Thread 5

odette_river May 26 2009, 16:10:39 UTC

Okay, so sorry for the extremely late reply to this, but yay! Thank you so much! This was awesome. You've got a really good voice going on here, and you set everything up and bring the story to its conclusion so smoothly. I love it.