Blame
wealhtheow and Grover Cleveland. (Okay, and
the song.)
88 Lines about 44 Presidents
Washington was quite
reluctantDidn't want to rule the land,
Adams, more enthusiastic,
Claimed
Sedition Acts were grand,
Jefferson
bought half the nation,
Headlined the two dollar bill,
Madison's
Federalist PapersSeemed to give him quite a thrill.
Monroe
was a flagpole bearerSpread
Good Feelings through and through,
Quincy Adams followed father,
No one ever called him Q,
Jackson, he was one tough bastard,
Old Hickory through wartime years,
Van Buren grew up speaking Dutch
Then oversaw the
Trail of Tears.
William Henry Harrison would
Rock the vote with "Tip and Ty"Tyler walked in one month later
When his predecessor died,
Polk
was "that one" old-school style,
Then pushed a westward
Destiny,
Taylor thought
that compromiseMight swing deserters from a tree.
Fillmore
knew nothing at all,
Sent Perry's
Black Ships to Japan,
Pierce was dubbed a
doughface, then
Let
Cuba slip right through his hands,
James Buchanan, bachelor,
Left it all up to history,
Lincoln rode the storms of war,
From Gettysburg to
poor Bixby.
Andrew Johnson
fought with Congress,
Reconstruction, then impeached,
Grant
raced in his horse and buggyAnd speed limits overreached,
Hayes
got in by one elector,
And granted female lawyers rights,
Garfield was much more unlucky,
Shot in
Stalwart party fights,
Arthur, maverick reformer,
Also was a fashion plate,
Grover Cleveland
kept gold standardsAs the currency's fixed rate,
Harrison then overthrew him,
Buying up the
Blocks of Five,
Cleveland
came back with a vengeance,
Strikers watched the troops arrive.
(Uh-uh. Not Cleveland.)
McKinley sent the
Maine to Cuba,
Blew a mine to start a war
Roosevelt
carried a big stick,
Hiked in forests,
hung with Muir,
Taft, a fan of jurisprudence,
Left the White House
for the Court,
Wilson and his
Versailles treaty.
Cut
"War to End All Wars" short.
Harding had bribery scandals,
Ran aground on
Teapot DomeCoolidge liked his
laissez-faire,
And
played up "Silent Cal" at home,
Hoover held
EfficiencyRight up until
the markets died,
Roosevelt held
fireside chatsThen took the
New Deal forth to try.
Truman
wouldn't pass the buck,
He
fought McCarthy over spies,
Eisenhower?
Roads and rights,
He
added God in public guise.
Kennedy ruled Camelot,
A generation's "where were you?"
Johnson, he got
Vietnam and
Our first wiretap ballyhoo.
Nixon, when touched by audits,
Snubbed the mink but kept the dog,
Ford traveled to
fair Helsinki,
Served as
a golf program's cog.
Carter was a peanut farmer,
He tried to live within his means,
Reagan was a movie star
Who filled the jar with jellybeans
Bush the first,
he led the spies,
Put "cheerful" in the CIA,
Clinton
was already smilingRecruited Blair for the
Third Way,
Bush II's
high-amp approval rates,
Show most constituents are pissed,
Obama's campaign promised change,
We voted "hope" to end this list.
Eighty-eight lines about forty-four Presidents.