Comments | theun4givables: Lj Idol Season 9, Week 09: Keep Calm and (End this Meme)

theun4givables

Lj Idol Season 9, Week 09: Keep Calm and (End this Meme)

May 16, 2014 10:14

“It’s quite simple, Bates,” Mitchel said, buffing his nails on his form-fitting suit. His lips curled upwards in a self-satisfied smile as his eyes stared clear through Savin. “Jasper will pick me, in the end. I am better than you, after all. In every way imaginable.” He glanced down the thin hallway of the Palace, gesturing to moving men as they ( Read more... )

character: mitchel, original fiction, lji: season 9, novel: gray morning, character: savin, character: jazz, rating: pg-13

Comments 30

bleodswean May 16 2014, 14:57:29 UTC

I hope someone stays calm! This clips along nicely.

theun4givables May 16 2014, 15:07:20 UTC

Thank you! I trimmed some good 200 or so words from the original draft -- I'm glad it worked in my favor. :)

Unfortunately, though, I know what happens and next, and Savin... well, he wishes he could keep calm.

adoptedwriter May 16 2014, 17:51:11 UTC

Nice use of dialogue to move the story. AW

theun4givables May 16 2014, 18:29:21 UTC

Thank you. :) Dialogue is my favorite thing to write.

catwomon May 16 2014, 19:21:45 UTC

I like this piece. So is the link that says "novel" a link to more if the story?

theun4givables May 16 2014, 20:29:18 UTC

Aw, yay. :) And yes, that's the tag for this novel. This part takes place some time after what I've currently rewritten, but if you dig deep enough in the tag you can find the first draft. Mitchel's character has come a long way/undergone a lot of development, whereas Jazz and Savin have been more or less my babies since I was 15.

What's available is a bit of a mess, and I haven't touched the second draft in a while -- but I think this piece more or less resparked my need to work on it. :)

kagomeshuko May 16 2014, 20:43:38 UTC

Were you two just . . .

"Uh, yeah, we were just . . . um, uh . . . cooling each other's soup . . ."

"Uh huh . . ."

theun4givables May 16 2014, 21:23:35 UTC

Hahahaha, I purposely wrote it to be ambiguous, but no, Jazz and Mitchel weren't kissing -- and if they were, it certainly wasn't, er, reciprocated by Jazz.

But I certainly wanted it to look real bad. ;)

alien_writings May 16 2014, 21:15:34 UTC

Oh, Savin, things aren't looking good for you, are they? I hope you stay calm, but I doubt you will.

Mitchel is such an ass, and he sure knows how to get under Savin's skin.

You did a good job with this piece. :)

Savin had threatened to call the marriage off

I am super-dense right now, but are they married at the time of this piece or are they merely engaged? The phrasing confused me a little.

theun4givables May 16 2014, 21:35:13 UTC

I think it's pretty heavily implied that he didn't remain calm, but you and I also both know how this story supposedly unfolds. ;)

And yes, Mitchel is an ass, that is why I love him and love writing him. So much.

Thank you. :D I had a lot of fun with this piece, especially towards the end. Like I had to ask Sarah how to end it -- and she was like DUDE, THAT'S IT. THAT'S THE ENDING.

They're supposed to be married at the time of this piece but yeah, I did phrase that weird. Usually when you see that kind of phrasing, it's with the word "wedding," (call the wedding off), but I can see where the confusion comes in. :) I'll keep that in mind for next time!