LJ Idol Season 9, Week 03, In Another Castle

[theun4givables]

Some part of her wants to compare it to Deployments One through Three: the sudden sinking feeling in her stomach at the news, and how her stomach remains in her shoes as it gets closer to Day One. Except with deployments, she knew there would be an expiration date, a date where her ex would (hopefully) come home. This -- this is different. This won

Comments

[eternal_ot]

Ohh..this has a sad sweet feeling...could relate to it on many levels..Nicely done!

[theun4givables]

Thank you. :)

[kandigurl]

Augh, heartbreaking, the one who got away. I can definitely relate.

[theun4givables]

<3

I'm not sure if I would call him the one who got away...yet. But I also am not 100% sure of what my feelings for him ARE, other than he's been a huge pillar of support and he definitely is one of my best friends. I'm going to have a hard time without him here, that's for sure.

[penpusher]

Really nice capture of the tightrope walk and the very difficult balance of emotion and rationale.

[theun4givables]

Thank you. :) That's precisely what I was trying to do, so I'm glad that it worked for at least one person.

[basric]

How tender and sad. I enjoyed.

[theun4givables]

Thank you. :) I'm glad you did enjoy it.

[tatdatcm]

There's a lot of emotion packed into this.

Just a bit of feedback. The opening paragraph seemed unnecessary to me and kind of led me away from the piece. I know it's part of the background, but I think it would have been more powerful opening with the second paragraph.

[theun4givables]

Thanks. It's been an interesting few days, to say the least.

Funny you should say that, because that paragraph has been all over this piece. It was towards the end when I first wrote it, then it was paragraph two...

One of me betas suggested I move it to where it currently is. It does set the mood and some background information, but you're right that it probably isn't necessary, in the end. :)