Gray Morning Rewrite -- Chapter 2

[theun4givables]

Those of you who are members of writerverse may have already seen this chapter -- but I also mentioned I was iffy about the execution of the second half. Behold! The official version of chapter two -- new and improved, and much more to my liking.
If you're reading Gray Morning for the first time, previous chapter(s) can be found here:
1Savin stood in front of

Comments

[alien_writings]

Whoa, Jazz's jealousy is off the charts! At least, it seemed that way to me. Jazz and Savin are still rather adorable together, despite the circumstances, before Mari shows up. And methinks Hajime would have preferred Savin stay with her -- at least, he doesn't seem all that fond of Jazz and showed what resembled actual human interaction with Mari. Does he have issues with Savin's bisexuality in this version? Or is it just about the particular people involved in the not-actually-a-love-triangle?

Is it "like mother, like son" with the hiding-illness deal? That's not going to end well for Savin, is it?

I couldn't help loling a little at Savin's "I'm not suited for leadership" line, just because he was a freaking Emperor in previous drafts.

I sense the seeds of trouble in this chapter. This one also seems a whole lot less random than the first version where Mitchel showed up. I'm sure Mitchel will appear to cause trouble soon enough, though!

[theun4givables]

Jazz's jealousy never had a chance to be resolved, I guess. The boys haven't outright discussed it (if how Savin approaches the topic in chapter 3 is any indication), and of course when tensions are already high, I imagine Jazz is going to respond even worse than usual to seeing her.

And yes, Hajime definitely prefers her. Even over his own son, apparently, judging by his interaction with her vs his interactions with Savin. Poor Savin bb. I'm not sure where Hajime stands on his bisexuality this time around, though.

Of course it is! He had to get some negative personality traits from his mother. ;)

Yeah, that line amused me, because it's really so true. He never really was suited for leadership, even in previous drafts. lol

Yes, the seeds of trouble had been planted. I'm starting to worry I'm building Mitchel up too much, lol. Because he's really the largest seed of them all.