[multichapter] baby blue part 3 chapter 2
Title: Baby Blue: Part 3: Chapter 2
Pairing: JunDa
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 2159
Disclaimer: All people mentioned belong only to themselves...aside from JunDa who clearly belong to each other.
Summary: In the fairy tales they fall in love and live happily ever after...but this isn't a fairy tale. How are two people, madly in love, supposed to stay away from each other?
November 5th 2012
He felt sick. He couldn’t tell if it was the alcohol, the lack of sleep, or the girl grinding into his front. Taguchi put a hand on her shoulder, gently pushing her forward, away from him. “Got to piss” he slurred into her ear by way of excuse, but he didn’t head for the bathroom, he headed back to the bar, signalling to the bar-tender to pour him another drink.
He’d moved to whisky now, he started with beer, back before he’d intended on getting drunk, but it seemed impossible to go to a club with Koki and not get drunk, especially as it is was now technically the older man’s birthday. When the buzz had began to kick in he switched to cocktails, those prissy, girly ones he always mocked Ueda for drinking, had down right refused to order for him when they’d gone to his billiard hall together. But that night he’d found himself ordering one, secretly wishing that he were ordering it for Ueda, but he knew how bad an idea it would have been to invite him along. Instead he drank the vile things himself, feeling a bitter warmth with each one at the reminder of Ueda.
“Hey, it’s my birthday...why are you the one that’s sloshed...” Koki asked as he made his way over to Taguchi’s stool on slightly wobbly legs. “I hope you’re not planning on getting drunk enough to crawl into my bed now Ueda’s has gone cold...” Koki laughed.
Taguchi downed the drink in front of him and slammed the glass back to the bar, a little harder than necessary. He then turned his gaze to Koki, glaring at him. “You don’t even know what you’re talking about...”
Koki raised his hands in surrender “Calm down man, I was only joking...here have another drink on me.”
His head was swimming too much to stay angry so he turned back to the bar, sliding his glass towards the bar-tender “Again, make it a double.”
Koki sat down beside him, looking at him with mild concern as he picked up the glass drinking it down in one go. “How much have you had?”
“Not enough” Taguchi replied putting down the glass and sliding it back to the bar-tender again.
Koki reached out a hand and caught it “Ok, I’m cutting you off now, I think we should go home.”
Taguchi tried to wrestle the glass from his hand “What’s your problem? One minute you’re buying me drinks and the next you’re telling me I’ve had too much...”
“I didn’t know you were knocking them back that easily when I said it...I’m your friend, I’m allowed to worry about you.” Koki snapped as he managed to pull the glass away.
“Koki, I’m fine.” Taguchi protested.
“Yeah sure, keep telling yourself that and maybe soon even you’ll start to believe it” Koki retorted with a raised eyebrow, but then his face softened as he continued “Look, ever since...that thing...we’ve been worried about you.”
“Well don’t, I’m fine” and he stood up, desperate to get out of this conversation before it even began. He stumbled a little, but then righted himself on Koki’s shoulder, before patting it “I’m going home now. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Hey, wait up” Koki called after him, stumbling to catch up “I don’t trust you to get home safely like this, we’ll go together”
He didn’t remember much that happened next, until he found himself in what appeared to be an elevator, a warm body pressed close to him.
“Tatsuya?” he asked hopefully as he turned his head to the side, nuzzling into the soft dark hair.
“Stop that” came Koki’s gruff voice, pushing his head away. “You’re an Idiot, but at least you’re awake now, do you have any idea how heavy you are?”
Taguchi just chuckled, but it turned towards a whine at the end, with the realisation that it wasn’t Ueda, they weren’t together. His body felt suddenly too heavy, weighed down by the feelings pressing in on him, and possibly the large quantity of alcohol in his system. He slumped to the floor, head between his knees and fingers winding tightly into his hair as though it might stop the painful memories.
The elevator stopped and Koki tugged on his arm. He shook his head “Just leave me here.”
“Don’t be so stupid, now get up.” Koki snapped but he just shook his head again, he just wanted to stay right where he was, curled in his little ball away from the rest of the world, hoping to be swallowed up. “Taguchi Junnosuke, get the hell up now, or I swear to God I will drag you out of this elevator by your hair.”
He expected it to be an empty threat but soon enough more fingers grasped his hair pulling him over so that he lay on the floor knees still tucked up almost comically. He felt the tug again on his hair and finally shouted out “Ok, ok, damn it Koki!” and he scrambled to his feet pushing past Koki and along the corridor of, what he now realised, was his apartment building.
He waited by his door until Koki came to unlock it, and then he barged in only to fall over his shoes and onto the floor.
“Come on you idiot” Koki reprimanded him again as he pulled him up and helped him to the couch, “now stay there until I get you something to drink ok?” He waited in silence until Koki returned carrying two mugs of oolong tea and a glass of water.
His heart skipped a beat as the scent of the tea wafted towards him, he hadn’t even taken it out of the cupboard since Ueda was last there, not because he didn’t like it, but because it reminded him too much of the other man. He reached out to pick up the mug but Koki slapped his hand away saying “Water first, I’m not letting you pick that up on your own until I know you can drink water without spilling it.”
He rolled his eyes but did as Koki asked, before picking up the mug of tea and resting back against the sofa, holding it just below his nose so that he could smell it better. It surprised him just how many different memories one smell could dredge up. Early mornings after nights of passion, or late evenings sat on this very sofa watching some program or another. He could recall in minute detail the way Ueda would curl up to him, legs tucked up, a blanket wrapped around them both, mug of tea gripped in both hands to warm them. The way he way he would blow so softly onto the surface, he could remember the exact shape of his lips, how smooth they looked, how soft his features were in the dim light as he focused his attention on the television screen. Taguchi wondered briefly how long he must have spent like that, just looking at Ueda, taking in every detail of his face as he combed his fingers lightly through Ueda’s hair just to feel that small shudder through the older man’s body when it felt good. Surely he must have known, even then, how much he loved Ueda.
It wasn’t Koki that startled him from his thoughts, it was the tiny splash of a tear landing on his wrist. He hadn’t even noticed his eyes were turning blurry as he stared at the floor, looking back into his happier times.
More tears followed and he reached out to put down the mug with shaky hands before glancing at Koki. “Sorry” he murmured, but Koki’s face was not asking for an apology, instead it displayed understanding, almost as if he’d been expecting this, waiting for it even.
Koki reached out an arm, pulling him closer to lean against his chest “Come on, let it all out...”
He didn’t think he could have stopped anyway, he buried his face into Koki’s collar and cried his heart out. He’d been so careful not to show any weakness, not to his friends at work and certainly not to himself. He’d refused to cry, forcing his trademark smile to present itself constantly, even when there was no-one to see it. It was his way of blocking it out, nothing could hurt him so long as he kept smiling, or so he had been telling himself.
Koki’s other hand came up to rub the back of his head as he placed a gentle kiss into his hair.
“Koki?” he croaked out through sobs “how do I make it stop? Every breath hurts and I just want it to stop...” but it seemed Koki had no solution, instead the older man just leant down to kiss his head again.
He couldn’t say how long they had sat that way, but eventually he pulled himself together. He sat himself back up in silence, and Koki handed his mug of tea to him.
“Come on, have something to hydrate yourself and then we’ll get you to bed.” He just nodded and took the mug, drinking it down immediately. His throat felt raw and coarse but the tea managed to soothe it a little, it did nothing for the pounding in his head though and he felt as though his skull could collapse on itself any minute.
Koki helped him from the sofa and into his bedroom where he stripped, with Koki’s help, to his boxers before climbing under the covers. “Thank you Koki” he almost whispered once Koki had tucked him in.
“Get some sleep ok? I’ll bring a bucket through in case you feel sick” Koki whispered back, but his eyes were closed before Koki even left the room, and he didn’t even see the other man come back in.
He suffered for his drinking spree the next morning, he rolled over instinctively to vomit over the side of his bed, truly thankful that Koki had indeed brought a bucket through, and miraculously placed it in the perfect spot.
Once his stomach had stopped twisting, he dragged himself out of bed and to the bathroom. He washed out the bucket and then brushed his teeth to get rid of the taste before showering as quickly as he could. He wrapped himself tightly in his bathrobe before heading to the kitchen to make some strong coffee.
Koki stirred from his makeshift bed on the sofa as he entered the living room. He nodded good morning and then disappeared into the kitchen, returning shortly with a mug of coffee for them both.
“Koki...” he started, clearing his throat “Last night...if I...” he cleared his throat again “I was really drunk...so if I said or did anything...”
Koki shook his head “If anyone should apologise it should be me...” Taguchi looked at him in confusion “I tried to get you drunk on purpose...and then to goad you a little about Ueda...”
He felt almost like he’d been kicked in the stomach “Why? You just wanted to hurt me?”
“I didn’t, not at all, I swear...” Koki answered quickly “Well, I mean technically I did...but not because I wanted you to feel hurt...” Taguchi narrowed his eyes, Koki wasn’t making sense and it was making him feel stupid and like he’d been played. “Kame and Yuichi were in on it too...ever since...you know...”
“No, I don’t...I don’t understand what you’re trying to say...” he snapped a little.
“Since you and Ueda broke up...or whatever it was you did...you just...you’ve been strange...like acting too happy, as though you’re over-compensating for something...”
“I’m sorry...I didn’t know that being all depressed would make me a more productive idol...” he said with sarcasm.
“It’s not about that...it’s about you. We’re worried...we know you’re hurting and it’s scaring us how badly you’re trying not to show it...we thought if we could just get you to open up a little...”
“I don’t want to talk about it Koki...I don’t need to, I’m doing fine...”
“That’s not how it looked last night...”
“Last night I was...”
“Drunk?” Koki cut in “Yeah, maybe you were, but it’s the most honest you’ve been in weeks...”
He didn’t know how to react. “What is it that you want from me?”
“Just let us in every once in a while...I get it that you have your own way of dealing with stuff...”
“I do...I smile...I keep smiling and I don’t let it get to me, that’s just how I am you should know that by now...I’ll talk when I ready to ok?”
Koki sighed but it sounded defeated “Ok...well if you change your mind...or when you’re ready...you know you have a group of friends that really care about you.”
“I know” he replied, he did too. He knew he could trust them and talk to them but he just couldn’t face it right now. He needed time for the wounds to heal first.
Chapter 1 | Chapter 3
------------------------------------------------------
It seems a lot of people are anxious to know how Junno is coping with things...so here we go - not too well really. As some of you guys picked up on, Junno seems stronger that Ueda in way, at least he's a lot better at covering up how he's feeling than Ueda is, but really, he's just as heartbroken :( Sorry again for all the angst!!
Pairing: JunDa
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 2159
Disclaimer: All people mentioned belong only to themselves...aside from JunDa who clearly belong to each other.
Summary: In the fairy tales they fall in love and live happily ever after...but this isn't a fairy tale. How are two people, madly in love, supposed to stay away from each other?
November 5th 2012
He felt sick. He couldn’t tell if it was the alcohol, the lack of sleep, or the girl grinding into his front. Taguchi put a hand on her shoulder, gently pushing her forward, away from him. “Got to piss” he slurred into her ear by way of excuse, but he didn’t head for the bathroom, he headed back to the bar, signalling to the bar-tender to pour him another drink.
He’d moved to whisky now, he started with beer, back before he’d intended on getting drunk, but it seemed impossible to go to a club with Koki and not get drunk, especially as it is was now technically the older man’s birthday. When the buzz had began to kick in he switched to cocktails, those prissy, girly ones he always mocked Ueda for drinking, had down right refused to order for him when they’d gone to his billiard hall together. But that night he’d found himself ordering one, secretly wishing that he were ordering it for Ueda, but he knew how bad an idea it would have been to invite him along. Instead he drank the vile things himself, feeling a bitter warmth with each one at the reminder of Ueda.
“Hey, it’s my birthday...why are you the one that’s sloshed...” Koki asked as he made his way over to Taguchi’s stool on slightly wobbly legs. “I hope you’re not planning on getting drunk enough to crawl into my bed now Ueda’s has gone cold...” Koki laughed.
Taguchi downed the drink in front of him and slammed the glass back to the bar, a little harder than necessary. He then turned his gaze to Koki, glaring at him. “You don’t even know what you’re talking about...”
Koki raised his hands in surrender “Calm down man, I was only joking...here have another drink on me.”
His head was swimming too much to stay angry so he turned back to the bar, sliding his glass towards the bar-tender “Again, make it a double.”
Koki sat down beside him, looking at him with mild concern as he picked up the glass drinking it down in one go. “How much have you had?”
“Not enough” Taguchi replied putting down the glass and sliding it back to the bar-tender again.
Koki reached out a hand and caught it “Ok, I’m cutting you off now, I think we should go home.”
Taguchi tried to wrestle the glass from his hand “What’s your problem? One minute you’re buying me drinks and the next you’re telling me I’ve had too much...”
“I didn’t know you were knocking them back that easily when I said it...I’m your friend, I’m allowed to worry about you.” Koki snapped as he managed to pull the glass away.
“Koki, I’m fine.” Taguchi protested.
“Yeah sure, keep telling yourself that and maybe soon even you’ll start to believe it” Koki retorted with a raised eyebrow, but then his face softened as he continued “Look, ever since...that thing...we’ve been worried about you.”
“Well don’t, I’m fine” and he stood up, desperate to get out of this conversation before it even began. He stumbled a little, but then righted himself on Koki’s shoulder, before patting it “I’m going home now. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Hey, wait up” Koki called after him, stumbling to catch up “I don’t trust you to get home safely like this, we’ll go together”
He didn’t remember much that happened next, until he found himself in what appeared to be an elevator, a warm body pressed close to him.
“Tatsuya?” he asked hopefully as he turned his head to the side, nuzzling into the soft dark hair.
“Stop that” came Koki’s gruff voice, pushing his head away. “You’re an Idiot, but at least you’re awake now, do you have any idea how heavy you are?”
Taguchi just chuckled, but it turned towards a whine at the end, with the realisation that it wasn’t Ueda, they weren’t together. His body felt suddenly too heavy, weighed down by the feelings pressing in on him, and possibly the large quantity of alcohol in his system. He slumped to the floor, head between his knees and fingers winding tightly into his hair as though it might stop the painful memories.
The elevator stopped and Koki tugged on his arm. He shook his head “Just leave me here.”
“Don’t be so stupid, now get up.” Koki snapped but he just shook his head again, he just wanted to stay right where he was, curled in his little ball away from the rest of the world, hoping to be swallowed up. “Taguchi Junnosuke, get the hell up now, or I swear to God I will drag you out of this elevator by your hair.”
He expected it to be an empty threat but soon enough more fingers grasped his hair pulling him over so that he lay on the floor knees still tucked up almost comically. He felt the tug again on his hair and finally shouted out “Ok, ok, damn it Koki!” and he scrambled to his feet pushing past Koki and along the corridor of, what he now realised, was his apartment building.
He waited by his door until Koki came to unlock it, and then he barged in only to fall over his shoes and onto the floor.
“Come on you idiot” Koki reprimanded him again as he pulled him up and helped him to the couch, “now stay there until I get you something to drink ok?” He waited in silence until Koki returned carrying two mugs of oolong tea and a glass of water.
His heart skipped a beat as the scent of the tea wafted towards him, he hadn’t even taken it out of the cupboard since Ueda was last there, not because he didn’t like it, but because it reminded him too much of the other man. He reached out to pick up the mug but Koki slapped his hand away saying “Water first, I’m not letting you pick that up on your own until I know you can drink water without spilling it.”
He rolled his eyes but did as Koki asked, before picking up the mug of tea and resting back against the sofa, holding it just below his nose so that he could smell it better. It surprised him just how many different memories one smell could dredge up. Early mornings after nights of passion, or late evenings sat on this very sofa watching some program or another. He could recall in minute detail the way Ueda would curl up to him, legs tucked up, a blanket wrapped around them both, mug of tea gripped in both hands to warm them. The way he way he would blow so softly onto the surface, he could remember the exact shape of his lips, how smooth they looked, how soft his features were in the dim light as he focused his attention on the television screen. Taguchi wondered briefly how long he must have spent like that, just looking at Ueda, taking in every detail of his face as he combed his fingers lightly through Ueda’s hair just to feel that small shudder through the older man’s body when it felt good. Surely he must have known, even then, how much he loved Ueda.
It wasn’t Koki that startled him from his thoughts, it was the tiny splash of a tear landing on his wrist. He hadn’t even noticed his eyes were turning blurry as he stared at the floor, looking back into his happier times.
More tears followed and he reached out to put down the mug with shaky hands before glancing at Koki. “Sorry” he murmured, but Koki’s face was not asking for an apology, instead it displayed understanding, almost as if he’d been expecting this, waiting for it even.
Koki reached out an arm, pulling him closer to lean against his chest “Come on, let it all out...”
He didn’t think he could have stopped anyway, he buried his face into Koki’s collar and cried his heart out. He’d been so careful not to show any weakness, not to his friends at work and certainly not to himself. He’d refused to cry, forcing his trademark smile to present itself constantly, even when there was no-one to see it. It was his way of blocking it out, nothing could hurt him so long as he kept smiling, or so he had been telling himself.
Koki’s other hand came up to rub the back of his head as he placed a gentle kiss into his hair.
“Koki?” he croaked out through sobs “how do I make it stop? Every breath hurts and I just want it to stop...” but it seemed Koki had no solution, instead the older man just leant down to kiss his head again.
He couldn’t say how long they had sat that way, but eventually he pulled himself together. He sat himself back up in silence, and Koki handed his mug of tea to him.
“Come on, have something to hydrate yourself and then we’ll get you to bed.” He just nodded and took the mug, drinking it down immediately. His throat felt raw and coarse but the tea managed to soothe it a little, it did nothing for the pounding in his head though and he felt as though his skull could collapse on itself any minute.
Koki helped him from the sofa and into his bedroom where he stripped, with Koki’s help, to his boxers before climbing under the covers. “Thank you Koki” he almost whispered once Koki had tucked him in.
“Get some sleep ok? I’ll bring a bucket through in case you feel sick” Koki whispered back, but his eyes were closed before Koki even left the room, and he didn’t even see the other man come back in.
He suffered for his drinking spree the next morning, he rolled over instinctively to vomit over the side of his bed, truly thankful that Koki had indeed brought a bucket through, and miraculously placed it in the perfect spot.
Once his stomach had stopped twisting, he dragged himself out of bed and to the bathroom. He washed out the bucket and then brushed his teeth to get rid of the taste before showering as quickly as he could. He wrapped himself tightly in his bathrobe before heading to the kitchen to make some strong coffee.
Koki stirred from his makeshift bed on the sofa as he entered the living room. He nodded good morning and then disappeared into the kitchen, returning shortly with a mug of coffee for them both.
“Koki...” he started, clearing his throat “Last night...if I...” he cleared his throat again “I was really drunk...so if I said or did anything...”
Koki shook his head “If anyone should apologise it should be me...” Taguchi looked at him in confusion “I tried to get you drunk on purpose...and then to goad you a little about Ueda...”
He felt almost like he’d been kicked in the stomach “Why? You just wanted to hurt me?”
“I didn’t, not at all, I swear...” Koki answered quickly “Well, I mean technically I did...but not because I wanted you to feel hurt...” Taguchi narrowed his eyes, Koki wasn’t making sense and it was making him feel stupid and like he’d been played. “Kame and Yuichi were in on it too...ever since...you know...”
“No, I don’t...I don’t understand what you’re trying to say...” he snapped a little.
“Since you and Ueda broke up...or whatever it was you did...you just...you’ve been strange...like acting too happy, as though you’re over-compensating for something...”
“I’m sorry...I didn’t know that being all depressed would make me a more productive idol...” he said with sarcasm.
“It’s not about that...it’s about you. We’re worried...we know you’re hurting and it’s scaring us how badly you’re trying not to show it...we thought if we could just get you to open up a little...”
“I don’t want to talk about it Koki...I don’t need to, I’m doing fine...”
“That’s not how it looked last night...”
“Last night I was...”
“Drunk?” Koki cut in “Yeah, maybe you were, but it’s the most honest you’ve been in weeks...”
He didn’t know how to react. “What is it that you want from me?”
“Just let us in every once in a while...I get it that you have your own way of dealing with stuff...”
“I do...I smile...I keep smiling and I don’t let it get to me, that’s just how I am you should know that by now...I’ll talk when I ready to ok?”
Koki sighed but it sounded defeated “Ok...well if you change your mind...or when you’re ready...you know you have a group of friends that really care about you.”
“I know” he replied, he did too. He knew he could trust them and talk to them but he just couldn’t face it right now. He needed time for the wounds to heal first.
Chapter 1 | Chapter 3
------------------------------------------------------
It seems a lot of people are anxious to know how Junno is coping with things...so here we go - not too well really. As some of you guys picked up on, Junno seems stronger that Ueda in way, at least he's a lot better at covering up how he's feeling than Ueda is, but really, he's just as heartbroken :( Sorry again for all the angst!!