[multichapter] baby blue part 3 chapter 1
Title: Baby Blue: Part 3: Chapter 1
Pairing: JunDa
Rating: G
Word Count: 2131
Disclaimer: All people mentioned belong only to themselves...aside from JunDa who clearly belong to each other.
Summary: In the fairy tales they fall in love and live happily ever after...but this isn't a fairy tale. How are two people, madly in love, supposed to stay away from each other?
October 19th 2012
“Ueda, are you alright?” Maru asked, waving a hand in front of his face.
“Hm?” Ueda responded faintly, trying to drag his mind back to the present.
“I said are you alright? You’ve barely eaten anything...”
Ueda glanced down at his bowl of noodles, it was already cold and the noodles were starting to go soggy. “I’m not really hungry” he replied, putting down his chopsticks and pushing the bowl away.
Maru’s eyebrows knitted together in concern “Ueda...you’re always hungry...”
He tried to smile “Well I’ll just be twice as hungry later...”
“Well make sure you eat twice as much ok, you’re already too skinny.” Maru answered curtly.
“Yes Ojiisan” Ueda rolled his eyes.
There were a few more minutes of silence in which Maru picked at his food, glancing over the sports section of his newspaper.
“You should come over to my place later, we can hang out, play some video games or watch a movie or something...” Maru said suddenly.
Ueda was a little surprised, it had been a while since he’d spent time with Maru outside of work other than going for food. “Why?” he asked a little suspiciously.
“I just thought the company might be nice...I don’t have plans, and you probably aren’t used to spending so much time alone lately.”
He looked down at the table...that was certainly true. He hadn’t even really noticed just how much time he and Taguchi had spent together, and even if they weren’t physically together, they usually sent mails telling each other about their day. For the last week he’d felt almost cut off from the world.
“I didn’t mean to upset you” Maru continued “If you’d rather be alone then that’s alright...”
Ueda looked up finally, carefully rearranging his features into something more relaxed “No, thanks, maybe some company would be nice.”
Maru nodded, and Ueda couldn’t help but smile at the slightly relieved expression on his face “I’ve got filming until 6pm, so maybe come over around 7?”
Ueda nodded “Sure”
“I’d better get going now, I’ll see you later?” Ueda nodded but he got up aswell, putting some money on the table as they gathered their things and left, heading in separate directions.
He got back into his car, his head feeling a little light though strangely full of thoughts. Had he really been that obvious? He thought he was doing well to hide just how hard this break up was hitting him. He put great effort into smiling and laughing at work, going about his usual business as though everything wasn’t crumbling down around him.
It was only when he got back home, behind his safely locked door that he let down his facade. For the last few days he’d even been avoiding going home in an attempt to delay the misery he knew would overtake him. As a result he spent a lot more time out with the dogs on long runs, or at the gym, beating his anger and frustration out on the sandbags or his sparring partner. By the time he arrived home he was usually just exhausted enough to shower and crawl into bed where, for a short while, he gave in.
He wasn’t usually one to cry easily, but alone in his bed with no warmth pressed in along his back, no arms wrapped around him to keep his chest from tearing itself apart, the tears always came. His whole body ached, muscles tired from training, stomach cramped with hunger, but it all felt strangely detached, like his body was just a shell, a case to hold the erratically beating heart, a vessel for the hot fluid spilling down his cheeks. He didn’t know how he managed to drift to sleep, not with the way his head pounded and his whole body shook with his sobs, but sleep always came, deep, dark and dreamless.
Mornings were much easier, he would wake just as exhausted as he’d gone to bed, but it made it easier to go through the automated motions, get up, go to the bathroom, put on his track suit. He always started his day with a decent breakfast, no matter how much the idea of food nauseated him, he knew he needed the energy for his busy day, the last thing he needed was to make himself ill. Next he took care of the dogs, giving them a short walk and feeding them before going to shower. The shower did the most to wake him up, he let the hot water drain away the aches in his limbs and he always seemed to feel much fresher after washing his face and hair. He always took the time to dry and style his hair before applying a little concealer, just to take the edge off the dark rings under his eyes, and then after practicing his carefree smile a few times with his reflection he set out to work.
As agreed he pulled into the parking lot of Maru’s building, just after 7pm. He waited to be let in and then went up to Maru’s flat.
“Hey, come in, I just got back so I need to go shower but feel free to put the TV on or look through games and stuff.” Maru greeted him.
“Thanks” Ueda responded before heading into the familiar apartment and going straight for the couch. He amused himself flicking through the TV channels for a while, but there was nothing on, so instead he started raking through the games, feeling a small pang of sadness when he came across the fighting game he’d played with Taguchi, Maru and Koki, what felt like a lifetime ago.
“You ok?” Maru’s voice snapped him from his daze, he turned to see Maru dressed in sweatpants, rubbing at his wet hair with a towel. He looked back down and noticed he was still holding the game. “You want to play it?” Maru nodded towards the box in his hands.
“I’m not very good at it, I played it a few times with Taguchi but he always got frustrated with me.” He smiled but there was a bitter edge to it.
“That time when me and Koki were there...it kind of makes sense now, but...you weren’t there to play video games were you?”
He laughed aloud “Sorry, I wasn’t...but damn it, I thought you’d never get out”
Maru laughed back “That’s kind of messed up you know?”
“Hey, we’d already made plans before you and Koki invited yourselves over.” Ueda replied defensively. But then he was distracted by the box in his hands again, memories flooding his mind of their lazy afternoons screaming light-heartedly at each other as Taguchi beat him effortlessly at whatever game they played. The way he would get annoyed and pout until Taguchi felt sorry for him and put down the controller, kissing the pout from his lips. He could feel a lump rising in his throat and shook his head to dispel the images, he wouldn’t lose it, not now. “I don’t want to play this one” his voice sounded too thick to his own ears so he coughed to clear his throat as he placed the box back on the pile. “Let’s just watch a movie or something...” he got up and went back over to the sofa.
He knew Maru was watching him, had noticed his little mental breakdown so he just stared pointedly in the direction of the TV.”Ok, you pick something out, I’ll go get the table and a pot for nabe.”
He nodded, not finding the strength right now to argue, and so he flicked through the channels again before raiding Maru’s DVD collection. He eventually decided on Rambo, he knew it was one of Maru’s favourites so it would at least keep him distracted, also there was a convenient lack of any kind of love story to upset him, and he did quite like the film after all.
The gore and action kept him distracted enough from his inner turmoil to manage to eat a decent portion of the nabe that Maru was tending too, but once the credits started rolling the other man switched off the TV and pushed away the table before turning his full attention onto Ueda.
“What?” he asked, suddenly anxious from the scrutiny.
“So, what’s the deal with you and Taguchi now?” Maru asked, almost sounding as though he was attempting nonchalance.
“What do you mean? There isn’t any deal...we ended it and that’s it...” he felt his palms turning sweaty, he didn’t know if he could do this, not yet, not without breaking down.
“Why did you end it?” Maru pushed.
“We told you...”
“You said that things were getting too serious...” Maru cut him off, Ueda nodded and waited for Maru to continue “Ueda...are you in love with him?”
He didn’t know what to say, he suspected that Maru knew...probably knew long before he did, but it seemed such a pointless question to ask once everything was over.
Maru must have felt how uncomfortable the pause was too, and he rushed to continue “I didn’t mean...I’m not accusing you or anything, I just...what I said in Hokkaido...it was stupid, and insensitive and I really didn’t mean to try and push you into sleeping with that girl, I was just...I was jealous of how close the two of you were getting...I don’t mean...I mean, I don’t like you that way, but I think of you as my best friend...and I didn’t like ”
He couldn’t help but smile a little at Maru’s confession “Even though I was spending more time with him, I didn’t spend any less time with you than I usually would.”
“I know...it was stupid really...and I should have been happy for you, but I was just kind of scared that he was going to take my best friend away from me...” Maru admitted, blushing a little.
“Baka...” Ueda scolded, hitting Maru’s head softly “My feelings for him don’t change anything between us...”
Maru nodded solemnly “So, you are then...you know...in love...”
Ueda scolded himself internally, there was that tightness in his chest again, just at the mention of the word. “Yeah...”
“I’m sorry” Maru replied, surprising Ueda a little “It sucks how things turned out...”
“Yeah” Ueda repeated, looking down into his lap, he could feel as the knot in his chest made it’s way up his throat, choking his voice a little.
“Are you going to be ok?” Ueda just looked up at him, appreciating the compassion in his voice “I can see that it’s hard for you, both of you, but I know you must be trying really hard not to let it get in the way of work.” Ueda just nodded, not even knowing which part he was agreeing to, but knowing it was the best answer he could give without risking his voice betraying him. “It’s ok to be upset in front of me...I won’t judge you”.
Ueda nodded again but he knew it was too late, there was no way to stop the surge of moisture that was building behind his eyes. He clenched his eyes shut, letting out a shaky breath as he tried to gather himself. “I’m sorry...”
“Ueda...come here” and before he knew what was happening he was wrapped in his friends arms. “I didn’t know it was quite this bad...”
Ueda laughed despite himself as he pulled away, trying to mop away the tears with the back of his hand “I’m sorry Maru, I’m such a baby...”
“No you’re not, you’re hurting...there’s no reason to be embarrassed.” Maru replied softly as he handed Ueda some tissues.
“It’s just silly...there’s nothing to get upset about right? I still see him nearly everyday...” he searched Maru’s eyes for confirmation but all he found was sympathy. “It’s just going to take some getting used to...you know...I was so used to him being there all the time and now he’s not and it just...” he couldn’t help the tears falling again “I just feel incredibly lonely...even if I’m with other people, it’s like there’s still this part missing...and even when he’s there, it’s still...it’s like that hole inside burns...and...”
“I know it hurts” Maru tried to comfort him “It will get better though...time has a strange way of healing things, you’ve just got to keep yourself busy and trust in your friends to cheer you up”
Ueda nodded though he didn’t think it would be that simple “Thanks Maru...I think...in time, I’ll be ok...”
Maru let out a breath of relief “Good, you know I’m here for you right? If you want to talk, or watch movies...and especially if you want to eat...you need to watch that, ok?” and when Ueda nodded he pulled him in for another quick hug.
Chapter 2
-----------------------------------------------------------
The angst-fest begins *hides*
Pairing: JunDa
Rating: G
Word Count: 2131
Disclaimer: All people mentioned belong only to themselves...aside from JunDa who clearly belong to each other.
Summary: In the fairy tales they fall in love and live happily ever after...but this isn't a fairy tale. How are two people, madly in love, supposed to stay away from each other?
October 19th 2012
“Ueda, are you alright?” Maru asked, waving a hand in front of his face.
“Hm?” Ueda responded faintly, trying to drag his mind back to the present.
“I said are you alright? You’ve barely eaten anything...”
Ueda glanced down at his bowl of noodles, it was already cold and the noodles were starting to go soggy. “I’m not really hungry” he replied, putting down his chopsticks and pushing the bowl away.
Maru’s eyebrows knitted together in concern “Ueda...you’re always hungry...”
He tried to smile “Well I’ll just be twice as hungry later...”
“Well make sure you eat twice as much ok, you’re already too skinny.” Maru answered curtly.
“Yes Ojiisan” Ueda rolled his eyes.
There were a few more minutes of silence in which Maru picked at his food, glancing over the sports section of his newspaper.
“You should come over to my place later, we can hang out, play some video games or watch a movie or something...” Maru said suddenly.
Ueda was a little surprised, it had been a while since he’d spent time with Maru outside of work other than going for food. “Why?” he asked a little suspiciously.
“I just thought the company might be nice...I don’t have plans, and you probably aren’t used to spending so much time alone lately.”
He looked down at the table...that was certainly true. He hadn’t even really noticed just how much time he and Taguchi had spent together, and even if they weren’t physically together, they usually sent mails telling each other about their day. For the last week he’d felt almost cut off from the world.
“I didn’t mean to upset you” Maru continued “If you’d rather be alone then that’s alright...”
Ueda looked up finally, carefully rearranging his features into something more relaxed “No, thanks, maybe some company would be nice.”
Maru nodded, and Ueda couldn’t help but smile at the slightly relieved expression on his face “I’ve got filming until 6pm, so maybe come over around 7?”
Ueda nodded “Sure”
“I’d better get going now, I’ll see you later?” Ueda nodded but he got up aswell, putting some money on the table as they gathered their things and left, heading in separate directions.
He got back into his car, his head feeling a little light though strangely full of thoughts. Had he really been that obvious? He thought he was doing well to hide just how hard this break up was hitting him. He put great effort into smiling and laughing at work, going about his usual business as though everything wasn’t crumbling down around him.
It was only when he got back home, behind his safely locked door that he let down his facade. For the last few days he’d even been avoiding going home in an attempt to delay the misery he knew would overtake him. As a result he spent a lot more time out with the dogs on long runs, or at the gym, beating his anger and frustration out on the sandbags or his sparring partner. By the time he arrived home he was usually just exhausted enough to shower and crawl into bed where, for a short while, he gave in.
He wasn’t usually one to cry easily, but alone in his bed with no warmth pressed in along his back, no arms wrapped around him to keep his chest from tearing itself apart, the tears always came. His whole body ached, muscles tired from training, stomach cramped with hunger, but it all felt strangely detached, like his body was just a shell, a case to hold the erratically beating heart, a vessel for the hot fluid spilling down his cheeks. He didn’t know how he managed to drift to sleep, not with the way his head pounded and his whole body shook with his sobs, but sleep always came, deep, dark and dreamless.
Mornings were much easier, he would wake just as exhausted as he’d gone to bed, but it made it easier to go through the automated motions, get up, go to the bathroom, put on his track suit. He always started his day with a decent breakfast, no matter how much the idea of food nauseated him, he knew he needed the energy for his busy day, the last thing he needed was to make himself ill. Next he took care of the dogs, giving them a short walk and feeding them before going to shower. The shower did the most to wake him up, he let the hot water drain away the aches in his limbs and he always seemed to feel much fresher after washing his face and hair. He always took the time to dry and style his hair before applying a little concealer, just to take the edge off the dark rings under his eyes, and then after practicing his carefree smile a few times with his reflection he set out to work.
As agreed he pulled into the parking lot of Maru’s building, just after 7pm. He waited to be let in and then went up to Maru’s flat.
“Hey, come in, I just got back so I need to go shower but feel free to put the TV on or look through games and stuff.” Maru greeted him.
“Thanks” Ueda responded before heading into the familiar apartment and going straight for the couch. He amused himself flicking through the TV channels for a while, but there was nothing on, so instead he started raking through the games, feeling a small pang of sadness when he came across the fighting game he’d played with Taguchi, Maru and Koki, what felt like a lifetime ago.
“You ok?” Maru’s voice snapped him from his daze, he turned to see Maru dressed in sweatpants, rubbing at his wet hair with a towel. He looked back down and noticed he was still holding the game. “You want to play it?” Maru nodded towards the box in his hands.
“I’m not very good at it, I played it a few times with Taguchi but he always got frustrated with me.” He smiled but there was a bitter edge to it.
“That time when me and Koki were there...it kind of makes sense now, but...you weren’t there to play video games were you?”
He laughed aloud “Sorry, I wasn’t...but damn it, I thought you’d never get out”
Maru laughed back “That’s kind of messed up you know?”
“Hey, we’d already made plans before you and Koki invited yourselves over.” Ueda replied defensively. But then he was distracted by the box in his hands again, memories flooding his mind of their lazy afternoons screaming light-heartedly at each other as Taguchi beat him effortlessly at whatever game they played. The way he would get annoyed and pout until Taguchi felt sorry for him and put down the controller, kissing the pout from his lips. He could feel a lump rising in his throat and shook his head to dispel the images, he wouldn’t lose it, not now. “I don’t want to play this one” his voice sounded too thick to his own ears so he coughed to clear his throat as he placed the box back on the pile. “Let’s just watch a movie or something...” he got up and went back over to the sofa.
He knew Maru was watching him, had noticed his little mental breakdown so he just stared pointedly in the direction of the TV.”Ok, you pick something out, I’ll go get the table and a pot for nabe.”
He nodded, not finding the strength right now to argue, and so he flicked through the channels again before raiding Maru’s DVD collection. He eventually decided on Rambo, he knew it was one of Maru’s favourites so it would at least keep him distracted, also there was a convenient lack of any kind of love story to upset him, and he did quite like the film after all.
The gore and action kept him distracted enough from his inner turmoil to manage to eat a decent portion of the nabe that Maru was tending too, but once the credits started rolling the other man switched off the TV and pushed away the table before turning his full attention onto Ueda.
“What?” he asked, suddenly anxious from the scrutiny.
“So, what’s the deal with you and Taguchi now?” Maru asked, almost sounding as though he was attempting nonchalance.
“What do you mean? There isn’t any deal...we ended it and that’s it...” he felt his palms turning sweaty, he didn’t know if he could do this, not yet, not without breaking down.
“Why did you end it?” Maru pushed.
“We told you...”
“You said that things were getting too serious...” Maru cut him off, Ueda nodded and waited for Maru to continue “Ueda...are you in love with him?”
He didn’t know what to say, he suspected that Maru knew...probably knew long before he did, but it seemed such a pointless question to ask once everything was over.
Maru must have felt how uncomfortable the pause was too, and he rushed to continue “I didn’t mean...I’m not accusing you or anything, I just...what I said in Hokkaido...it was stupid, and insensitive and I really didn’t mean to try and push you into sleeping with that girl, I was just...I was jealous of how close the two of you were getting...I don’t mean...I mean, I don’t like you that way, but I think of you as my best friend...and I didn’t like ”
He couldn’t help but smile a little at Maru’s confession “Even though I was spending more time with him, I didn’t spend any less time with you than I usually would.”
“I know...it was stupid really...and I should have been happy for you, but I was just kind of scared that he was going to take my best friend away from me...” Maru admitted, blushing a little.
“Baka...” Ueda scolded, hitting Maru’s head softly “My feelings for him don’t change anything between us...”
Maru nodded solemnly “So, you are then...you know...in love...”
Ueda scolded himself internally, there was that tightness in his chest again, just at the mention of the word. “Yeah...”
“I’m sorry” Maru replied, surprising Ueda a little “It sucks how things turned out...”
“Yeah” Ueda repeated, looking down into his lap, he could feel as the knot in his chest made it’s way up his throat, choking his voice a little.
“Are you going to be ok?” Ueda just looked up at him, appreciating the compassion in his voice “I can see that it’s hard for you, both of you, but I know you must be trying really hard not to let it get in the way of work.” Ueda just nodded, not even knowing which part he was agreeing to, but knowing it was the best answer he could give without risking his voice betraying him. “It’s ok to be upset in front of me...I won’t judge you”.
Ueda nodded again but he knew it was too late, there was no way to stop the surge of moisture that was building behind his eyes. He clenched his eyes shut, letting out a shaky breath as he tried to gather himself. “I’m sorry...”
“Ueda...come here” and before he knew what was happening he was wrapped in his friends arms. “I didn’t know it was quite this bad...”
Ueda laughed despite himself as he pulled away, trying to mop away the tears with the back of his hand “I’m sorry Maru, I’m such a baby...”
“No you’re not, you’re hurting...there’s no reason to be embarrassed.” Maru replied softly as he handed Ueda some tissues.
“It’s just silly...there’s nothing to get upset about right? I still see him nearly everyday...” he searched Maru’s eyes for confirmation but all he found was sympathy. “It’s just going to take some getting used to...you know...I was so used to him being there all the time and now he’s not and it just...” he couldn’t help the tears falling again “I just feel incredibly lonely...even if I’m with other people, it’s like there’s still this part missing...and even when he’s there, it’s still...it’s like that hole inside burns...and...”
“I know it hurts” Maru tried to comfort him “It will get better though...time has a strange way of healing things, you’ve just got to keep yourself busy and trust in your friends to cheer you up”
Ueda nodded though he didn’t think it would be that simple “Thanks Maru...I think...in time, I’ll be ok...”
Maru let out a breath of relief “Good, you know I’m here for you right? If you want to talk, or watch movies...and especially if you want to eat...you need to watch that, ok?” and when Ueda nodded he pulled him in for another quick hug.
Chapter 2
-----------------------------------------------------------
The angst-fest begins *hides*