fic: Gravity Cannot Reach Us
GRAVITY CANNOT REACH US
Gerard/Ray, NC-17
4400 words
Gerard and Ray both get pretty handsy when they're drunk and things just happen.
Thanks to nokomis305 and evocatory for looking this over/listening to me over-think my way through the "plot".
Maybe it's weird that Gerard's so touchy-feely with a guy he's really only known in the eight months they've been playing together, but him and Ray both get pretty handsy when they're drunk and things just happen. It makes perfect sense to Gerard that they touch each other all the time, whether it's cuddling up on the middle seat of the van for a long overnight drive or practically sitting on each other's laps on a couch in a cramped dressing room backstage, instinctively reaching to touch whatever limb or body part is closest. It's not always deliberate or conscious-it definitely started as a more instinctive thing, reaching out for a point of contact to keep grounded when everything else is a blur. It's a comfort thing in a lot of ways, too, knowing that no matter how fucked he is in the head his body is still okay, still moving, still feeling. Plus there's something to be said for simple human contact, even when he's mired in a pit of antisocial apathy and the only things he wants are to play music and drink.
Ray's got really big hands and it feels really nice when they're touching Gerard, is the thing, and he's starting to worry that maybe he likes it too much. He finds himself leaning into passing touches, or coming up behind Ray just so he can reach around him to grab something, and before he really realizes it he's let himself get to the point where sometimes he puts his hands all over Ray just so Ray will touch him back, and he's starting to worry that maybe he's making it weird.
Objectively it isn't any weirder than it's always been, but he can't help but think the fact that he's doing it with intent rather than just letting it happen is kind of creepy on his part. He's starting to worry that whenever he touches Ray, it might establish some sort of psychic link between them that lets Ray see into Gerard's brain, where he won't be able to ignore all the giant flashing neon signs informing him that Gerard has a stupid crush on him.
That doesn't stop Gerard from taking advantage of it whenever he can, though. He lets himself blame it on being too drunk to know better, but he knows exactly what he's doing. He'll brush deliberately against Ray when he's walking past him in a hallway, grab hold of his shoulder when they're talking, or sit on his lap if it's the closest seat, even if there are actual seats available.
One night they're at a house party after a show on one of their very first tours, and Gerard is drunk and overwhelmed by all the people and the room is kind of spinning so he hides in the basement, huddled up on a couch. He's happy to just people-watch for a while; there's a movie on the TV in the corner and a bunch of people are watching (and heckling) it, and some other people are sitting around the couch across the room, and there are people drifting around in general, but he seems to have this couch to himself. And then someone sits down next to him, squeezing in between Gerard and the arm of the couch, and he's about to tell them off for invading his private couch when he looks over and sees that it's Ray.
"There you are," Ray says. His eyes are bright and his smile is wide and easy, and it's clear to Gerard that Ray is just as drunk as he is, but having a way better time of it.
Gerard smiles and leans in to slump against Ray's shoulder even as he's saying, "Hey, how's it going." The words come out slurred but Ray doesn't seem to mind, he just puts his arm around Gerard, his hand sliding along Gerard's waist to end up edging under the bottom hem of his t-shirt. His fingers are spread slightly and his palm is warm against Gerard's skin, like a single bright point anchoring him in his body even when his mind is fuzzy enough that he feels like he could float away easily enough if he just let go.
Gerard curls into him more and puts his hand on Ray's leg, by his knee at first but then he slowly starts sliding it up. He has no idea where he's getting this sudden burst of confidence, but he keeps going, a little giddy with his own daring. He stops when his hand gets to the top of Ray's thigh, over the pocket of his jeans, and he looks up at Ray, like he's asking if it's okay. He's not sure why he does it--he's never been in the habit of asking to touch his friends, not when he's drunk and especially not when it's Ray, who always just smiles easily at him and touches him back, his hand on Gerard's shoulder or arm or hip. But something about it now just feels different somehow, maybe because he's doing it on purpose and maybe because of how he's doing it, and it's suddenly desperately important that Gerard make sure that the things are still okay.
The way Ray is looking back at him... he looks strangely intense, almost like he's really looking at Gerard for the first time. Gerard is uncomfortable with the scrutiny at first, and he's about to look away when Ray licks his lips, his tongue darting out quickly, and Gerard suddenly can't move. Ray's lips are wet now, and the low light in the room around them makes them look soft and inviting. It would be an easy enough thing to move the last few inches to press his own lips to Ray, to touch Ray's mouth with his, but something catches at Gerard and holds him back, keeps him frozen in place.
They look at each other, just hanging right on the cusp of a kiss. The moment stretches on and on and then Gerard wimps out and turns away, tucking his face back down to hide it-but he moves even closer and presses his nose into Ray's chest, and he doesn't move his hand away from where it's still resting at the top of his thigh.
Things are awkward for a moment but then Ray shifts his hand, a little further up Gerard's side, and he says, "Hey. Gerard."
Gerard looks up, and his heart is in his mouth and he can't quite get his eyes to entirely focus. Ray is looking at him, a strange expression on his face, and Gerard has a moment of panic where he's sure that Ray is going to tell him off, he's going to let him down easy and push him away gentlyand fuck, this is all going to be over and he's going to be so embarrassed he'll never be able to look at Ray ever again and his life will be over and the band will be over-
And then Ray kisses him. It's kind of sloppy because they're both drunk, their mouths not quite meeting straight on when they don't get the angle right at first. But then Ray shifts so he can get his other arm around Gerard too and then they're lined up better, even though Gerard still has to tip his face up a bit to reach all the way. Ray pulls Gerard a little further up onto himself, then slides one of his hands into Gerard's back pocket.
Gerard flails a bit as he gets knocked off balance but he stays caught neatly between Ray's strong arms. His hand skids up off Ray's leg and ends up spread across Ray's stomach, right against the warm skin between the top of his jeans and where his t-shirt is already riding up from the awkward way he's sprawled on the couch. He's touched Ray's skin a hundred times before but right now the feel of it comes almost as a shock-the sensation is totally transformed by the fact that they're kissing at the same time, and it's a hundred times better than it's ever been before.
Ray's hand slides up Gerard's back, pulling his shirt with it, and it settles between his shoulder blades. Gerard can feel all of Ray's fingers where they're pressing against his skin and it makes him feel really warm all over, flashing almost-too-hot every time Ray shifts and touches new skin.
And then Gerard remembers he has another hand so he puts it on Ray's hip and gets a finger hooked through an empty belt loop. He can feel and hear it when Ray hisses in a sharp breath and he notices for the first time that Ray is half-hard; he can feel it against the heel of his hand. Gerard shifts his hand slightly, not deliberately trying to brush up against Ray but more to get a feel for the- the situation. To make sure he isn't imagining it. But he's definitely not.
They're still kissing, soft slow touches of their lips together. It's not quite making out-they're a little too blurry for that kind of intensity-but it's still a steady thing. Ray's breath huffs out gently against Gerard's neck and jaw, his hair tickling Gerard's skin. It feels right to Gerard, warm and comforting like the natural next step from just touching.
There's enough noise around them to cover the little wet noises when their mouths pull apart, the sound of their heavy breathing, the way there's just a hint of vocalization to it every time Gerard breathes. His ears are full of the muddle of voices around them and the muted thumping of the stereo upstairs, and it's just barely enough to keep Gerard grounded in the fact that wait, yeah, they're still at a party, there are people around, but he doesn't know any of them and he doesn't care about them. He's wrapped up in the feel of Ray's body, warm and solid underneath his.
Gerard groans when Ray's mouth slides off his own to press against the line of his jaw. Ray's stubble is scratching at the sensitive skin under Gerard's ear and he can't help the way he tips his head back to give Ray more room to touch him. Every warm touch of Ray's mouth against his skin sends a tiny shiver down his spine and he can't help but wonder why it took them so long to do this.
Ray's not perfectly co-ordinated but it doesn't matter, not with the way he's breathing hot on Gerard's neck, pressing open-mouthed kisses against his skin. His tongue flicks against Gerard's earlobe and Gerard just shudders and presses himself even closer to Ray. He's feeling boneless and warm all over like he could just sprawl out and stay that way forever, fuzzy-headed and happy.
Then Ray's hand in his back pocket squeezes, gently at first and then more firmly, and Gerard shifts, pressing up into it before dropping his hips again. He turns his head and feels a huff of warm breath against the other side of his face before he presses his lips back against Ray's. It's warm and wet, and combined with the feel of Ray's hands on his back and in his pocket, he's starting to get a little overwhelmed. It's like all the good he's feeling is starting to overload his brain, and he thinks that if they stay like this forever he could die happy.
His own hand is starting to tingle as it loses feeling where it's trapped between their bodies, so he lifts his hips again to give it room. He realizes that he now has the room to move his hands, so he sweeps his fingers tentatively over the swell of Ray's dick. Ray groans into his mouth, presses himself up against Gerard's hand. Gerard freezes, suddenly unsure of himself, and as his hand rests there all he can feel is the heat radiating through the denim of Ray's jeans. He takes a breath and tentatively brushes his fingers against the button at the top of Ray's fly, and he only hesitates for a moment before sliding his fingers against it to fumble it open. Ray's breath hitches and Gerard feels it as much as hears it, and it gives him the last push he needs to tug Ray's fly down.
It's just the thin cotton of Ray's boxers now between Gerard's hand and Ray's dick, and maybe Gerard couldn't explain exactly why it's so important that he be touching Ray there, that he get his hand on his dick, but it just seems like a natural extension of the way they've been touching each other until now, not just tonight but all the past months, and it feels right. It's that simple. He slips two fingers through the gap in Ray's boxers just so he can touch hot skin and he feels Ray shudder underneath him. Ray breathes out heavily against Gerard's mouth and then kisses him again, his lips glancing off Gerard's before coming back. Gerard kisses back, closing his eyes and getting totally lost in the feel of Ray's hands on his body, Ray's body under his.
Ray's hand in Gerard's back pocket slides out then, and Gerard feels the absence keenly for a moment before it comes back, sliding under the baggy waist of his jeans to cup his ass through his boxers, his thumb hooked under the elastic waist and a hot point against Gerard's skin.
Gerard moans and shifts against Ray again, and he moves his hand to get his thumb in through the front of Ray's boxers too, and he wraps his fingers and thumb around Ray's dick and squeezes briefly before he tugs experimentally, sliding his fingers down until they catch at the ridge of the head.
Ray grunts and presses his hips up at Gerard. Their mouths slide apart and Ray's lips hover by Gerard's ear again, but he's not doing anything this time but breathing hard. The little gusts of warm air almost tickle, both where they brush past Gerard's ear and when they move his hair ever so slightly against the side of his neck. Gerard slides his fingers back down and does it again, and this time Ray gasps softly, a breathy, drawn-out curse following close behind.
Gerard can feel Ray's arms getting tense around him, pulling Gerard even closer. Gerard's nose squishes against Ray's neck-he smells like sweat, beer, their van-and his eyes flutter shut on their own as he just focuses on the feel of Ray's dick in his fingers. It's a familiar feeling in the sense that it's not so different from when he jerks himself off, but the feel of another body beneath his own, the hot breath against his throat, the hands on his body, that's all different. And then there's the way the fly of Ray's boxers chafes against his knuckles as he moves his hand, limiting how much he can even move it at all.
Gerard turns his face just enough to glance furtively at the room around them. There are still people around, drinking from red plastic cups and smoking fat joints, but nobody seems to be paying any attention to the couple piled on top of each other on the couch. He's pretty sure that the angle of his body is blocking anyone's view of anything incriminating anyway, but he shifts over a bit just to be sure, and then lets go of Ray's dick and pulls his hand free. He slides his fingers under the elastic waistband of Ray's boxers and tugs them down as best he can, given the bad angle and the fact that Ray is still sitting on them.
It takes a second but when Ray realizes what's going on, he lifts his hips and pulls his hands free from where they're tangled in Gerard's clothes to pull at his own boxers, pushing the waistband down his hips just far enough to get his dick out. The elastic is stretched tight around the tops of his thighs but he doesn't seem to mind. He pulls Gerard back in close and slides his hands back under his clothes. His palms feel like they're radiating even more heat than they were just seconds before.
Gerard buries his face in Ray's neck right where it turns into shoulder and takes a deep breath before taking hold of Ray's dick again. This time he's able to wrap his whole hand around it, and it's warm and weighty against his palm. The head is wet where it nudges against the skin of Gerard's stomach, exposed where his shirt has gotten rucked up, and Gerard swipes his thumb through the pre-come and slicks it down the side. He keeps running his hand along Ray's dick and he likes the easy rhythm of it, the way Ray lets out a ragged breath every time Gerard curls his palm over the head and squeezes.
Gerard's own dick is hard in his jeans but right now he's content enough to just rub himself against Ray's thigh, shifting his weight gently back and forth between the bite of his fly against his dick and the feel of Ray's hand, warm and still gently squeezing his ass. Ray is mumbling in Gerard's ear, soft curses punctuated by wordless vocalizations and sometimes Gerard's name, and it sends little spark shooting towards Gerard's stomach where they're piling up, golden and warm.
Gerard pulls his hand free just long enough to spit in his palm, and then he grabs Ray's dick again, holding it tighter than before, squeezing around the head before letting his hand fall, then tightening his grip around the base before tugging up the length to squeeze the head again. He feels like he could keep doing this forever, especially with the way Ray is breathing harder now. Ray starts rocking his hips up to meet Gerard's hand, pushing his dick through Gerard's slick fingers. Gerard sighs as the sparks in his stomach start to tingle, and he rubs himself against Ray a little more firmly. Ray holds him tighter, fingers flexing on his ass, and he moans happily into Ray's neck. Everything around them seems to have disappeared; all Gerard is aware of anymore is the heat of Ray's body underneath him, in his hand, against his skin, and the ever-increasing glow in his stomach that's starting to spread down into his legs. He's getting close now, and if the sounds Ray's making into his ear are anything to go by, he must be getting there too.
Then Ray groans long and low against Gerard's ear and his dick twitches in Gerard's hand, once, twice, and then he's coming, shooting onto Gerard's hand and his stomach and both of their shirts. He's tense for a moment before he sinks back into the cushions, and he presses a quick kiss to the side of Gerard's face.
Gerard doesn't let go of Ray's dick right away, just lets it rest there in his hand as he tries to collect his thoughts and figure out what's supposed to happen next. He was so caught up in the moment, the feeling, that he's slow in adjusting to the fact that it's over. Ray shifts under him then, rubbing against Gerard's dick with his thigh, and oh, right. He lets go of Ray's dick to put his hands on Ray's hips, his fingers splayed wide over the skin of Ray's stomach, and he presses himself down, rocking his hips harder than he had before. He feels like maybe he should be more frantic, more hurried, but right now he can't quite imagine anything more than what he's feeling already, just the slow and steady friction against his dick through his jeans. The feeling building in his stomach is warm and sweet and he knows he's getting close.
Ray moves his hand on Gerard's back down and out from under his shirt, and Gerard opens his mouth to protest but then he feels Ray's fingers tracing down the front of his jeans, teasing lines across the worn denim by his fly. He bites his lip and rocks into the touch. Ray squeezes him through his jeans and it sends a warm flutter up to his stomach, and his toes curl as he starts to get tense all over. The warmth in his stomach has grown and spread into the all-over heat washing over his body and it's starting to get hard to breathe, like the air is too thin and he can't get enough into his lungs.
And then Ray slides his fingers down Gerard's stomach and under the waist of his jeans, into his boxers, and that's what does it-the touch of skin on skin sets him off. The breath he sucks in when he comes smells like Ray, and he feels Ray's arms wrap gently around him as he starts to shake. It doesn't last long and then he stills, sprawled on Ray's chest, and his heart is beating too fast in his chest when he feels Ray's hands settle on his back again, but this time on top of his shirt.
He could fall asleep like this, he thinks, on a grody old couch in some basement somewhere in Ohio. Ray doesn't seem to be in any hurry to move either, and Gerard is content to stay wrapped up together for as long as they can get away with before they have to pile back into the van. In so many ways it feels like nothing's changed and everything is the same as always, but the sticky mess drying in his pants begs to differ. He suddenly can't help but worry that he's gone and fucked it all up by forcing himself onto Ray like that.
Ray mumbles something then, and Gerard isn't quite paying enough attention to catch it in time. "Huh?" he asks.
"I said, I was wondering when that was going to happen." Ray is quiet, almost hesitant as he repeats himself.
Okay, Gerard thinks as he starts to quietly freak out just a little, Ray definitely picked up on his weirdness and he must have been just waiting for Gerard to do something like that. So why isn't he pushing Gerard off of him, dumping his ass on the floor where it belongs? Gerard bites his lip and doesn't say anything because he doesn't know how to respond. He can't quite figure out what Ray is getting at-did he want it to happen? Or has Gerard been less subtle than he'd thought and Ray was just waiting for him to do something like this?
Ray must eventually realize that Gerard isn't going to answer, because when he says, "Maybe we won't wait so long for next time?", it sounds like he's trying to coax some kind of response out of Gerard. He starts drawing light circles on Gerard's back with his thumbs, and Gerard is starting to feel really guilty for being so creepy when Ray is going on like nothing changed between them.
And then the words filter through the fog in Gerard's head and realizes with a jolt that maybe it is mutual, but only just enough that Ray wants some kind of friends with benefits arrangement or something. And Gerard would be fine with that, he really would, but he can't help but think he'll end up miserable, knowing that he wants Ray way more than Ray wants him. He keeps his chin tucked down to avoid meeting Ray's eyes, which has the added bonus of pressing his face into the valley between Ray's chest and arm. He'd really like to stop time now and just stay like this for a while, enjoy it while he can before it gets too weird or too complicated and Ray stops wanting to have anything to do with him.
Ray lifts a hand from Gerard's back then, and Gerard freezes, bracing himself for Ray to push him away and accuse him of all sorts of inapprorpriate things, but Ray just cups Gerard's chin and tips his head up, forcing him to meet his eyes. "What?" Ray asks gently, and when Gerard doesn't answer and doesn't answer, Ray sighs and says, "Am I reading this wrong?"
Gerard wants to know how Ray is reading it in the first place. He's never gotten the impression that Ray wants anything more than friendship from him, anything more than the very platonic (if especially over-touchy) relationship they've had since they started playing together. He doesn't want to shatter Ray's illusions about him in the very likely case that he doesn't want more than that. He wonders if he can get away with dodging this question too, but Ray is looking at him expectantly and Gerard can't just leave him hanging like that. He opens his mouth to answer and it takes him a few tries to get words to come out, but he finally croaks, "I don't know, how are you reading this?", and then kicks himself for being the least smooth dude ever.
But then Ray is looking at him again and he's got a strange expression on his face as he says, "I thought... I mean, this is something, right?" And then he leans slowly in to kiss Gerard, like he's giving him plenty of time to escape.
Gerard is confused for a moment about why Ray would think that he would want to escape when it hits him. Ray does want something more than friendship-it's mutual after all. Gerard can't believe this is happening, not to him, and he would wonder if he maybe just hallucinated it but Ray's face is still right there, right in front of his, his mouth open slightly as he waits for Gerard to close the space between them and kiss him already.
Gerard's heart leaps in his chest and he nods, suddenly tongue-tied. He can't quite seem to get his words working, so he just leans in and touches his mouth to Ray's. Their lips brush gently together before Ray pulls him in tight and kisses him firmly. Gerard is so caught up in the flutter of happy surprise that it takes him a few beats to remember that he needs to kiss Ray back. When he does, Ray moans happily and nips at Gerard's bottom lip, one of his hands dropping down to grab Gerard's ass.
Before Gerard stops thinking entirely, he wonders if maybe an accidental psychic connection wouldn't be a terrible thing after all. It looks like they might need it.
Gerard/Ray, NC-17
4400 words
Gerard and Ray both get pretty handsy when they're drunk and things just happen.
Thanks to nokomis305 and evocatory for looking this over/listening to me over-think my way through the "plot".
Maybe it's weird that Gerard's so touchy-feely with a guy he's really only known in the eight months they've been playing together, but him and Ray both get pretty handsy when they're drunk and things just happen. It makes perfect sense to Gerard that they touch each other all the time, whether it's cuddling up on the middle seat of the van for a long overnight drive or practically sitting on each other's laps on a couch in a cramped dressing room backstage, instinctively reaching to touch whatever limb or body part is closest. It's not always deliberate or conscious-it definitely started as a more instinctive thing, reaching out for a point of contact to keep grounded when everything else is a blur. It's a comfort thing in a lot of ways, too, knowing that no matter how fucked he is in the head his body is still okay, still moving, still feeling. Plus there's something to be said for simple human contact, even when he's mired in a pit of antisocial apathy and the only things he wants are to play music and drink.
Ray's got really big hands and it feels really nice when they're touching Gerard, is the thing, and he's starting to worry that maybe he likes it too much. He finds himself leaning into passing touches, or coming up behind Ray just so he can reach around him to grab something, and before he really realizes it he's let himself get to the point where sometimes he puts his hands all over Ray just so Ray will touch him back, and he's starting to worry that maybe he's making it weird.
Objectively it isn't any weirder than it's always been, but he can't help but think the fact that he's doing it with intent rather than just letting it happen is kind of creepy on his part. He's starting to worry that whenever he touches Ray, it might establish some sort of psychic link between them that lets Ray see into Gerard's brain, where he won't be able to ignore all the giant flashing neon signs informing him that Gerard has a stupid crush on him.
That doesn't stop Gerard from taking advantage of it whenever he can, though. He lets himself blame it on being too drunk to know better, but he knows exactly what he's doing. He'll brush deliberately against Ray when he's walking past him in a hallway, grab hold of his shoulder when they're talking, or sit on his lap if it's the closest seat, even if there are actual seats available.
One night they're at a house party after a show on one of their very first tours, and Gerard is drunk and overwhelmed by all the people and the room is kind of spinning so he hides in the basement, huddled up on a couch. He's happy to just people-watch for a while; there's a movie on the TV in the corner and a bunch of people are watching (and heckling) it, and some other people are sitting around the couch across the room, and there are people drifting around in general, but he seems to have this couch to himself. And then someone sits down next to him, squeezing in between Gerard and the arm of the couch, and he's about to tell them off for invading his private couch when he looks over and sees that it's Ray.
"There you are," Ray says. His eyes are bright and his smile is wide and easy, and it's clear to Gerard that Ray is just as drunk as he is, but having a way better time of it.
Gerard smiles and leans in to slump against Ray's shoulder even as he's saying, "Hey, how's it going." The words come out slurred but Ray doesn't seem to mind, he just puts his arm around Gerard, his hand sliding along Gerard's waist to end up edging under the bottom hem of his t-shirt. His fingers are spread slightly and his palm is warm against Gerard's skin, like a single bright point anchoring him in his body even when his mind is fuzzy enough that he feels like he could float away easily enough if he just let go.
Gerard curls into him more and puts his hand on Ray's leg, by his knee at first but then he slowly starts sliding it up. He has no idea where he's getting this sudden burst of confidence, but he keeps going, a little giddy with his own daring. He stops when his hand gets to the top of Ray's thigh, over the pocket of his jeans, and he looks up at Ray, like he's asking if it's okay. He's not sure why he does it--he's never been in the habit of asking to touch his friends, not when he's drunk and especially not when it's Ray, who always just smiles easily at him and touches him back, his hand on Gerard's shoulder or arm or hip. But something about it now just feels different somehow, maybe because he's doing it on purpose and maybe because of how he's doing it, and it's suddenly desperately important that Gerard make sure that the things are still okay.
The way Ray is looking back at him... he looks strangely intense, almost like he's really looking at Gerard for the first time. Gerard is uncomfortable with the scrutiny at first, and he's about to look away when Ray licks his lips, his tongue darting out quickly, and Gerard suddenly can't move. Ray's lips are wet now, and the low light in the room around them makes them look soft and inviting. It would be an easy enough thing to move the last few inches to press his own lips to Ray, to touch Ray's mouth with his, but something catches at Gerard and holds him back, keeps him frozen in place.
They look at each other, just hanging right on the cusp of a kiss. The moment stretches on and on and then Gerard wimps out and turns away, tucking his face back down to hide it-but he moves even closer and presses his nose into Ray's chest, and he doesn't move his hand away from where it's still resting at the top of his thigh.
Things are awkward for a moment but then Ray shifts his hand, a little further up Gerard's side, and he says, "Hey. Gerard."
Gerard looks up, and his heart is in his mouth and he can't quite get his eyes to entirely focus. Ray is looking at him, a strange expression on his face, and Gerard has a moment of panic where he's sure that Ray is going to tell him off, he's going to let him down easy and push him away gentlyand fuck, this is all going to be over and he's going to be so embarrassed he'll never be able to look at Ray ever again and his life will be over and the band will be over-
And then Ray kisses him. It's kind of sloppy because they're both drunk, their mouths not quite meeting straight on when they don't get the angle right at first. But then Ray shifts so he can get his other arm around Gerard too and then they're lined up better, even though Gerard still has to tip his face up a bit to reach all the way. Ray pulls Gerard a little further up onto himself, then slides one of his hands into Gerard's back pocket.
Gerard flails a bit as he gets knocked off balance but he stays caught neatly between Ray's strong arms. His hand skids up off Ray's leg and ends up spread across Ray's stomach, right against the warm skin between the top of his jeans and where his t-shirt is already riding up from the awkward way he's sprawled on the couch. He's touched Ray's skin a hundred times before but right now the feel of it comes almost as a shock-the sensation is totally transformed by the fact that they're kissing at the same time, and it's a hundred times better than it's ever been before.
Ray's hand slides up Gerard's back, pulling his shirt with it, and it settles between his shoulder blades. Gerard can feel all of Ray's fingers where they're pressing against his skin and it makes him feel really warm all over, flashing almost-too-hot every time Ray shifts and touches new skin.
And then Gerard remembers he has another hand so he puts it on Ray's hip and gets a finger hooked through an empty belt loop. He can feel and hear it when Ray hisses in a sharp breath and he notices for the first time that Ray is half-hard; he can feel it against the heel of his hand. Gerard shifts his hand slightly, not deliberately trying to brush up against Ray but more to get a feel for the- the situation. To make sure he isn't imagining it. But he's definitely not.
They're still kissing, soft slow touches of their lips together. It's not quite making out-they're a little too blurry for that kind of intensity-but it's still a steady thing. Ray's breath huffs out gently against Gerard's neck and jaw, his hair tickling Gerard's skin. It feels right to Gerard, warm and comforting like the natural next step from just touching.
There's enough noise around them to cover the little wet noises when their mouths pull apart, the sound of their heavy breathing, the way there's just a hint of vocalization to it every time Gerard breathes. His ears are full of the muddle of voices around them and the muted thumping of the stereo upstairs, and it's just barely enough to keep Gerard grounded in the fact that wait, yeah, they're still at a party, there are people around, but he doesn't know any of them and he doesn't care about them. He's wrapped up in the feel of Ray's body, warm and solid underneath his.
Gerard groans when Ray's mouth slides off his own to press against the line of his jaw. Ray's stubble is scratching at the sensitive skin under Gerard's ear and he can't help the way he tips his head back to give Ray more room to touch him. Every warm touch of Ray's mouth against his skin sends a tiny shiver down his spine and he can't help but wonder why it took them so long to do this.
Ray's not perfectly co-ordinated but it doesn't matter, not with the way he's breathing hot on Gerard's neck, pressing open-mouthed kisses against his skin. His tongue flicks against Gerard's earlobe and Gerard just shudders and presses himself even closer to Ray. He's feeling boneless and warm all over like he could just sprawl out and stay that way forever, fuzzy-headed and happy.
Then Ray's hand in his back pocket squeezes, gently at first and then more firmly, and Gerard shifts, pressing up into it before dropping his hips again. He turns his head and feels a huff of warm breath against the other side of his face before he presses his lips back against Ray's. It's warm and wet, and combined with the feel of Ray's hands on his back and in his pocket, he's starting to get a little overwhelmed. It's like all the good he's feeling is starting to overload his brain, and he thinks that if they stay like this forever he could die happy.
His own hand is starting to tingle as it loses feeling where it's trapped between their bodies, so he lifts his hips again to give it room. He realizes that he now has the room to move his hands, so he sweeps his fingers tentatively over the swell of Ray's dick. Ray groans into his mouth, presses himself up against Gerard's hand. Gerard freezes, suddenly unsure of himself, and as his hand rests there all he can feel is the heat radiating through the denim of Ray's jeans. He takes a breath and tentatively brushes his fingers against the button at the top of Ray's fly, and he only hesitates for a moment before sliding his fingers against it to fumble it open. Ray's breath hitches and Gerard feels it as much as hears it, and it gives him the last push he needs to tug Ray's fly down.
It's just the thin cotton of Ray's boxers now between Gerard's hand and Ray's dick, and maybe Gerard couldn't explain exactly why it's so important that he be touching Ray there, that he get his hand on his dick, but it just seems like a natural extension of the way they've been touching each other until now, not just tonight but all the past months, and it feels right. It's that simple. He slips two fingers through the gap in Ray's boxers just so he can touch hot skin and he feels Ray shudder underneath him. Ray breathes out heavily against Gerard's mouth and then kisses him again, his lips glancing off Gerard's before coming back. Gerard kisses back, closing his eyes and getting totally lost in the feel of Ray's hands on his body, Ray's body under his.
Ray's hand in Gerard's back pocket slides out then, and Gerard feels the absence keenly for a moment before it comes back, sliding under the baggy waist of his jeans to cup his ass through his boxers, his thumb hooked under the elastic waist and a hot point against Gerard's skin.
Gerard moans and shifts against Ray again, and he moves his hand to get his thumb in through the front of Ray's boxers too, and he wraps his fingers and thumb around Ray's dick and squeezes briefly before he tugs experimentally, sliding his fingers down until they catch at the ridge of the head.
Ray grunts and presses his hips up at Gerard. Their mouths slide apart and Ray's lips hover by Gerard's ear again, but he's not doing anything this time but breathing hard. The little gusts of warm air almost tickle, both where they brush past Gerard's ear and when they move his hair ever so slightly against the side of his neck. Gerard slides his fingers back down and does it again, and this time Ray gasps softly, a breathy, drawn-out curse following close behind.
Gerard can feel Ray's arms getting tense around him, pulling Gerard even closer. Gerard's nose squishes against Ray's neck-he smells like sweat, beer, their van-and his eyes flutter shut on their own as he just focuses on the feel of Ray's dick in his fingers. It's a familiar feeling in the sense that it's not so different from when he jerks himself off, but the feel of another body beneath his own, the hot breath against his throat, the hands on his body, that's all different. And then there's the way the fly of Ray's boxers chafes against his knuckles as he moves his hand, limiting how much he can even move it at all.
Gerard turns his face just enough to glance furtively at the room around them. There are still people around, drinking from red plastic cups and smoking fat joints, but nobody seems to be paying any attention to the couple piled on top of each other on the couch. He's pretty sure that the angle of his body is blocking anyone's view of anything incriminating anyway, but he shifts over a bit just to be sure, and then lets go of Ray's dick and pulls his hand free. He slides his fingers under the elastic waistband of Ray's boxers and tugs them down as best he can, given the bad angle and the fact that Ray is still sitting on them.
It takes a second but when Ray realizes what's going on, he lifts his hips and pulls his hands free from where they're tangled in Gerard's clothes to pull at his own boxers, pushing the waistband down his hips just far enough to get his dick out. The elastic is stretched tight around the tops of his thighs but he doesn't seem to mind. He pulls Gerard back in close and slides his hands back under his clothes. His palms feel like they're radiating even more heat than they were just seconds before.
Gerard buries his face in Ray's neck right where it turns into shoulder and takes a deep breath before taking hold of Ray's dick again. This time he's able to wrap his whole hand around it, and it's warm and weighty against his palm. The head is wet where it nudges against the skin of Gerard's stomach, exposed where his shirt has gotten rucked up, and Gerard swipes his thumb through the pre-come and slicks it down the side. He keeps running his hand along Ray's dick and he likes the easy rhythm of it, the way Ray lets out a ragged breath every time Gerard curls his palm over the head and squeezes.
Gerard's own dick is hard in his jeans but right now he's content enough to just rub himself against Ray's thigh, shifting his weight gently back and forth between the bite of his fly against his dick and the feel of Ray's hand, warm and still gently squeezing his ass. Ray is mumbling in Gerard's ear, soft curses punctuated by wordless vocalizations and sometimes Gerard's name, and it sends little spark shooting towards Gerard's stomach where they're piling up, golden and warm.
Gerard pulls his hand free just long enough to spit in his palm, and then he grabs Ray's dick again, holding it tighter than before, squeezing around the head before letting his hand fall, then tightening his grip around the base before tugging up the length to squeeze the head again. He feels like he could keep doing this forever, especially with the way Ray is breathing harder now. Ray starts rocking his hips up to meet Gerard's hand, pushing his dick through Gerard's slick fingers. Gerard sighs as the sparks in his stomach start to tingle, and he rubs himself against Ray a little more firmly. Ray holds him tighter, fingers flexing on his ass, and he moans happily into Ray's neck. Everything around them seems to have disappeared; all Gerard is aware of anymore is the heat of Ray's body underneath him, in his hand, against his skin, and the ever-increasing glow in his stomach that's starting to spread down into his legs. He's getting close now, and if the sounds Ray's making into his ear are anything to go by, he must be getting there too.
Then Ray groans long and low against Gerard's ear and his dick twitches in Gerard's hand, once, twice, and then he's coming, shooting onto Gerard's hand and his stomach and both of their shirts. He's tense for a moment before he sinks back into the cushions, and he presses a quick kiss to the side of Gerard's face.
Gerard doesn't let go of Ray's dick right away, just lets it rest there in his hand as he tries to collect his thoughts and figure out what's supposed to happen next. He was so caught up in the moment, the feeling, that he's slow in adjusting to the fact that it's over. Ray shifts under him then, rubbing against Gerard's dick with his thigh, and oh, right. He lets go of Ray's dick to put his hands on Ray's hips, his fingers splayed wide over the skin of Ray's stomach, and he presses himself down, rocking his hips harder than he had before. He feels like maybe he should be more frantic, more hurried, but right now he can't quite imagine anything more than what he's feeling already, just the slow and steady friction against his dick through his jeans. The feeling building in his stomach is warm and sweet and he knows he's getting close.
Ray moves his hand on Gerard's back down and out from under his shirt, and Gerard opens his mouth to protest but then he feels Ray's fingers tracing down the front of his jeans, teasing lines across the worn denim by his fly. He bites his lip and rocks into the touch. Ray squeezes him through his jeans and it sends a warm flutter up to his stomach, and his toes curl as he starts to get tense all over. The warmth in his stomach has grown and spread into the all-over heat washing over his body and it's starting to get hard to breathe, like the air is too thin and he can't get enough into his lungs.
And then Ray slides his fingers down Gerard's stomach and under the waist of his jeans, into his boxers, and that's what does it-the touch of skin on skin sets him off. The breath he sucks in when he comes smells like Ray, and he feels Ray's arms wrap gently around him as he starts to shake. It doesn't last long and then he stills, sprawled on Ray's chest, and his heart is beating too fast in his chest when he feels Ray's hands settle on his back again, but this time on top of his shirt.
He could fall asleep like this, he thinks, on a grody old couch in some basement somewhere in Ohio. Ray doesn't seem to be in any hurry to move either, and Gerard is content to stay wrapped up together for as long as they can get away with before they have to pile back into the van. In so many ways it feels like nothing's changed and everything is the same as always, but the sticky mess drying in his pants begs to differ. He suddenly can't help but worry that he's gone and fucked it all up by forcing himself onto Ray like that.
Ray mumbles something then, and Gerard isn't quite paying enough attention to catch it in time. "Huh?" he asks.
"I said, I was wondering when that was going to happen." Ray is quiet, almost hesitant as he repeats himself.
Okay, Gerard thinks as he starts to quietly freak out just a little, Ray definitely picked up on his weirdness and he must have been just waiting for Gerard to do something like that. So why isn't he pushing Gerard off of him, dumping his ass on the floor where it belongs? Gerard bites his lip and doesn't say anything because he doesn't know how to respond. He can't quite figure out what Ray is getting at-did he want it to happen? Or has Gerard been less subtle than he'd thought and Ray was just waiting for him to do something like this?
Ray must eventually realize that Gerard isn't going to answer, because when he says, "Maybe we won't wait so long for next time?", it sounds like he's trying to coax some kind of response out of Gerard. He starts drawing light circles on Gerard's back with his thumbs, and Gerard is starting to feel really guilty for being so creepy when Ray is going on like nothing changed between them.
And then the words filter through the fog in Gerard's head and realizes with a jolt that maybe it is mutual, but only just enough that Ray wants some kind of friends with benefits arrangement or something. And Gerard would be fine with that, he really would, but he can't help but think he'll end up miserable, knowing that he wants Ray way more than Ray wants him. He keeps his chin tucked down to avoid meeting Ray's eyes, which has the added bonus of pressing his face into the valley between Ray's chest and arm. He'd really like to stop time now and just stay like this for a while, enjoy it while he can before it gets too weird or too complicated and Ray stops wanting to have anything to do with him.
Ray lifts a hand from Gerard's back then, and Gerard freezes, bracing himself for Ray to push him away and accuse him of all sorts of inapprorpriate things, but Ray just cups Gerard's chin and tips his head up, forcing him to meet his eyes. "What?" Ray asks gently, and when Gerard doesn't answer and doesn't answer, Ray sighs and says, "Am I reading this wrong?"
Gerard wants to know how Ray is reading it in the first place. He's never gotten the impression that Ray wants anything more than friendship from him, anything more than the very platonic (if especially over-touchy) relationship they've had since they started playing together. He doesn't want to shatter Ray's illusions about him in the very likely case that he doesn't want more than that. He wonders if he can get away with dodging this question too, but Ray is looking at him expectantly and Gerard can't just leave him hanging like that. He opens his mouth to answer and it takes him a few tries to get words to come out, but he finally croaks, "I don't know, how are you reading this?", and then kicks himself for being the least smooth dude ever.
But then Ray is looking at him again and he's got a strange expression on his face as he says, "I thought... I mean, this is something, right?" And then he leans slowly in to kiss Gerard, like he's giving him plenty of time to escape.
Gerard is confused for a moment about why Ray would think that he would want to escape when it hits him. Ray does want something more than friendship-it's mutual after all. Gerard can't believe this is happening, not to him, and he would wonder if he maybe just hallucinated it but Ray's face is still right there, right in front of his, his mouth open slightly as he waits for Gerard to close the space between them and kiss him already.
Gerard's heart leaps in his chest and he nods, suddenly tongue-tied. He can't quite seem to get his words working, so he just leans in and touches his mouth to Ray's. Their lips brush gently together before Ray pulls him in tight and kisses him firmly. Gerard is so caught up in the flutter of happy surprise that it takes him a few beats to remember that he needs to kiss Ray back. When he does, Ray moans happily and nips at Gerard's bottom lip, one of his hands dropping down to grab Gerard's ass.
Before Gerard stops thinking entirely, he wonders if maybe an accidental psychic connection wouldn't be a terrible thing after all. It looks like they might need it.