Dare to be Aware - Chapter Five
Title: Dare to be Aware
Author: Sio & Maura
Rating: Hard NC-17
Length: 19,959
Spoilers: AU
Pairing: Santana/Quinn, past Brittany/Santana, Brittany/Artie mentions, Blaine/Sam, past Quinn/Finn, Quinn/Sam bearding, past Blaine/Kurt
Summary: What does it take to find your own identity? How much pain can you endure in the process?
Warnings (highlight to read): Gender Dysphoria, Violence against Trans, Trans Character, Explicit Sexual Content, Domestic Violence, Graphic Severe Violence, Hospitals, Transitioning, Rough Sex, Potentially dub-con/non-con situations, Abandonment
Authors' Note: Sorry I haven't been posting the last couple weeks, everyone. I've been super busy wrapping things up for Maura and my entry for the Glee Bang (which will be being posted on Apr 5 so keep a eye out! It's super long. :)) but I'm going to be posting every day (excluding the weekends when I'm online less) until I catch up to where she is on FF.net and go back to the once a week schedule.
Chapter 5
The club pulsed with the familiar beat as Quinn pushed into the room. He'd come solo this time - Sam and Blaine having decided they'd rather take advantage of Blaine's mom being out working to have some alone time instead. Looking around, Kelly was no where to be seen, so he just headed to the bar and got a drink. After shooting it back, there was still no Kelly so he steeled his nerves and prepared himself to head out on the dance floor to find someone to dance with.
It wasn't long until Santana spotted him. Smirking to herself and remembering how Kelly had been all over him when he'd arrived last time as if she'd been waiting for him, she'd set down her drink - something mixed, she wasn't sure what but it'd been free like the last five or maybe six. Taking Kelly's new boytoy would be the perfect way to forget that she couldn't be loved. Getting out of her booth, she'd sauntered out onto the dance floor to set her hands on the young man's hips and grind into his ass. "Now what's a stud like you doing in a gay bar like this?" she growled into his ear, making sure to press her breasts into his back so he'd know it wasn't one of the many gay men in the bar.
"Uh..." Quinn stammered recognizing the voice instantly, "Look, I'm just getting a drink so you might wanna just find someone else." he grumbled, his voice taking on a tone that was filled with the husk of one to many cigarettes.
"Um, no," she moaned into his ear, grinding into him, "I saw you with my girl Kelly yesterday and I want to see what all the fuss is about. She was pretty excited about you," she leaned up and nipped at his earlobe, "and damn you got her so wet too. I just want to get some of that hot action for myself." She reached around and cupped him through his pants, chuckling low in her throat. "I see you're already getting interested. You're not gay, are you?" she asked, rubbing him as she ground into his ass out on the dance floor.
It wouldn't make any sense if he was gay after what she'd seen him doing with Kelly, she told herself. And so what if she was a little drunk? It just made it easier to fuck a guy. But damn he smelled good, she thought to herself, breathing in the unique scent of cologne and underlying musk that was just shooting all kinds of happy signals to her core.
"Look..." Quinn said as he pulled away and pushed her off. "Just back the fuck off," he said curtly before he pushed her back and he grabbed his drink. "Don't talk about me and don't talk about her... You're a bitch and you shouldn't talk about her like that."
"Um, wow," Santana glared at him, "Bitch much? Is there something physically wrong with me that you don't like?" She growled, gesturing at herself, "Because maybe I'm totally clueless, but guys usually like it when girls like me throw themselves at them. Jesus, maybe you are gay." She shook her head, looking irritated, "I was actually going to let you fuck me, but if you're gay..."
"Says the girl in a gay bar," he rolled his eyes. "Not interested in being a lesbian's test drive," he looked at the girl he knew so well, almost amused that she hadn't realized who he was yet, "I like women, not sluts who grab my unit without asking."
"Fuck you, you self-righteous prick!" she yelled, his words snapping a switch over to anger inside her, her hand lashing out to slap him hard across the face. "Don't label me! Who the hell cares if I like to fuck a girl sometimes? I've been with plenty of guys and just because you're too damn stupid or gay doesn't mean I'm looking for a...a goddamn test drive!"
"Hit me again," he growled as he grabbed her wrist tightly, "and you'll be sorry." He threw her hand down and moved back his drink.
"I doubt it," she sneered, "you're barely even a man. Any other straight or bi guy in this place would tap me if I gave them half a chance but you probably can't even get it up. Need Kelly to fuck you up the ass to have sex with a girl? Is that what you were doing in the car? Getting pegged? Fuck, you probably wouldn't know what to do with me if you did try to fuck me."
Quinn grabbed her arm tightly before pushing her into the wall across from the bar. "Shut the fuck up." he said with a growl as she pressed his body into her. "You wanna fuck me? I'll fuck the shit out of you."
"You wouldn't even know how," Santana growled back, trying to ignore how hard the look in his eyes was making her nipples. She didn't have a clue why she was reacting like she did when she fought like the bitch Fabray at school, but it was definitely turning her on. "I bet I'd have to give you a fucking road map and GPS just to find my pussy. Even if I did, no way a limp wristed bitch like you could make me come."
"Call me a bitch again and you'll be sorry," he hissed.
"Maybe I already am for thinking a gay boy like you could handle me," Santana sneered, "you probably couldn't even get it up enough to actually call it sex. Hell that idiot Finn Hudson could probably keep a hard on longer than you."
Quinn snapped in a blind rage. He held her against the wall and brought his hand down to quickly push her panties aside and shove two fingers deep into his rival. "Shut up."
Santana tensed at the first rough penetration but soon smirked. "You think that's enough?" She laughed, her walls fluttering against Quinn's fingers. "I thought you were a man or are you just a boy?"
Suddenly there was a tap on Quinn's shoulder as one of the bar's bouncers stepped up behind him. "Sorry, but we don't allow that in here. Take it out of the bar and now or you won't be welcome back, got it?"
"Yeah... My bad," Quinn grumbled before hastily removing his fingers then dragging Santana out of the building. "Where's your car? I'll show you how much of a man I am. More man then any if those high school boys you fuck."
Santana just smirked and hit the unlock on the remote on her keys. Back in the far corner of the lot where no one was likely to go, a big black Escalade chirped, flashing it's lights. "I doubt it. Guys like you wouldn't know what to do with a chick if they could get one." She shook her head, leading the way to the SUV and trying to ignore the trickle of arousal sliding down her thigh.
As they walked, Santana glanced up and noticed the last camera with a smirk before she started peeling off her top. She glanced slyly back at Quinn before turning around and walking backwards as she reached behind her to unfasten her bra and pull it off. Her nipples were hard peaks, straining towards Quinn in the dim light. "Like what you see? Hell, would you even know what to do with these?" she asked, fondling herself as she watched Quinn, her thumbs flicking over her stiff peaks over and over as she walked.
Once they reached the SUV, she yanked open a door and threw in her top and bra before stripping out of her short skirt and soaked panties, too drunk to care who saw or about the chill in the air. She stood there for a moment in front of him with her arms spread, completely naked except for her high heels and hairless from her neck down. "Get a good look. This is what you tried to turn down, gay boy. Damn little gay bitch like you wouldn't even know what to do with all this."
Quinn let his hand fondle his dick through his pants as he watched Santana strip, heat building low in his body at the sight of her body even through his anger. "Get in the car on your knees, slut," he ordered as he moved closer and ran his hand over her stomach. "I'm gonna teach you how shut the fuck up by fucking you until you can't remember your own fucking name, Lopez. Right in the rack of your daddy's car."
Her eyes narrowed as she stared at him for a second. "How the fuck do you know my name? Like you could even get it out of your pants to get it in." Finally she shrugged, "Whatever."
Crawling into the backseat, she waved her ass at him and watched him over the shoulder. "Okay, gay boy, let's see if you can live up to anything. Pick a fucking hole and let's do this. Lord knows it won't take long, but hurry up before I get bored and fall asleep waiting for your sorry bitch ass. Come on, bitch, fucking fuck me already!"
Quinn grabbed her hair with one hand and pushed her down as he crawled in behind her, shutting the door. He grabbed a condom out of his pocket and tore it open with his teeth before freeing his cock from his jeans and sheathing it with the protective cover. He pushed Santana's head down into the seat as he lined himself up with her entrance and forcefully penetrated the girl's pussy without even checking to see if she was ready for him. He buried to the hilt then pulled out and slammed in again.
"You think that's enough?" Santana gritted out, trying to keep from crying out at the sensations starting to push through her from the friction in her core. She fought to push back up off of the seat, "I've been fucked by effeminate queers hung better than you!" She grunted as the roughness sent fingers of electric fire coursing through her, but she needed more, "Jesus, bitch, I know fucking lesbians with bigger fingers!"
That granted Santana several more harsh, uncoordinated thrusts as Quinn gripped onto the girl's hips and thighs, digging his fingers roughly into her soft skin. "You think any girl or boy could fuck you better? You've fucked the whole town so maybe you know." Quinn grabbed a handful of breast as he kept pounding her, his breath coming in harsh pants as he fought to punish her with his pace.
"Better," she grunted, "than your mosquito sting?" She finally got her arms up under her and shoved back up. "Even Hudson was better than you," she hissed, leaning back up on her knees to sink him deeper into her dripping wet core, her back pressing against his chest and her breasts arching towards the other door, bulging out between his fingers from how tightly he was gripping her.
Quinn gripped onto the girl with brushing force. "Maybe it's cause you're a dyke that men don't do it for you," he growled into her ear as he laid sever thrusts deep into her in rapid succession, bottoming out against her cervix with each thrust, dragging grunts of pleasure from the girl in his arms with each thrust. "And if I was Finn I'd have blow my load over your plastic filled tits ages ago."
"Fuck you! Just cause that bitch Fabray wants to tell everyone bullshit about my getting implants doesn't mean I did!" She ground down against him, denying to herself over and over that she was teetering on the brink of orgasm.
At the mention of his name, Santana received a hard smack on her ass, a red welt the shape of Quinn's hand quickly rising near her hip from the force of the slap. Quinn pulled nearly all the way out before grabbing Santana hair and twisting her head back. "Still not good enough for you?"
Santana was gasping from the sting of the slap but was far too angry and turned on to stop fighting. "You'll never fuck me senseless. You're just as," she gasped, pulling against the hand fisted tightly in her hair, "big a bitch as Quinn Fabray! Neither one of you could handle me! Neither of you are better than me!"
She fought against the hand in her hair, pulling a few strands loose. "You all think you're so great but you're no better than me! None of you!"
"Shut up, Lopez," Quinn grunted as she thrust in again and rode the sopping girl hard. "You wanna come," Quinn tweaked a nipple between her fingers, pinching and tugging the pebbled flesh roughly, "then come around my dick."
"Fuck you," Santana sobbed, her anger burning away under the bleariness of the alcohol turning her into a weepy drunk even as Quinn drove her closer and closer to the edge. "I wouldn't need you if Brittany wasn't off fucking the goddamn cripple! Not even fucking Puck or Quinn wants me so I gotta get fucked by your bitch ass if I wanna feel something so fuck you!"
Quinn faltered for a moment, his anger dying before just barely managing to keep his pace. "Let go, Santana," he whispered softly as he slid his hand down and fingered her clit, awkwardly trying to give her release, "just let go."
"I wish you were at least Quinn," Santana whispered softly, finally letting herself slip over the edge. Her body tensed around Quinn's member, trembling and shaking as she let her long withheld release flow through her. She collapsed on the seat after she was done, sliding off him and curling up in a sad little ball. "Go away," she mumbled. "You got what you want, now go away like everyone else."
Quinn carefully disposed of the condom and tucked himself away before grabbing the towel off the floor and gently trying to clean Santana off. He carefully wiped the fluid off her thighs and then picked up her shirt, "Sit up for me?" Quinn asked softly as he ran his hands across her back, "I'm not gonna leave you. I need to make sure you're safe and get home first."
"Fuck you," she grumbled grabbing her shirt away from him but otherwise only moving to get away from his touch. "I don't need your help or your pity so stop fucking touching me and just go away. I'm not your goddamn pity project. I'm just some stupid bitch who goaded you into fucking me cause I didn't like that Kelly was with you. So go brag to all your friends that you fucked Santana Lopez or whatever. I don't fucking care."
"San... I," Quinn sighed. "Let me drive you home since your obviously drunk and you can't get arrested." He climbed over the seat and grabbed the keys from where Santana always kept them when she went out. Glancing back, he turned the car over. "Put your skirt on."
"Stop calling me that. You don't know me." Santana groused, "Turn my damn car off and get the fuck out! I'll call the cops if you drive even a foot away from here!"
"I'm not letting you drive home drunk!" he replied. "So fucking sue me."
"I'm not stupid!" She yelled, sitting up and dragging her shirt over her head to hide that his continued attempts at caring for her were dragging tears from her eyes. "I'll just sleep back here and go home in the morning like I always do. Besides, I don't know why you even care! You got what everyone else wants from me so just leave already!"
"Fine," Quinn sighed and looked at her before turning the car off and getting out. He straightened out his pants and looked regretfully at the girl. "See you later," he whispered before walking over to his own car and getting in.
He carefully pulled off his shirt and pulled on a dress before working his jeans and boxers off and unhooking his harness. He put the dildo into a bag so he could clean it later and slipped on the panties and shoes she'd stashed in her glove box. She looked behind him at the dark form of Santana's car in the corner of the lot and sighed as she worked the tangles out of her hair.
In the other car, Santana leaned forward to trigger the locks closed on the doors and wiggled into her clothes, wincing at the soreness coming from her lower body. Reaching into the back, she pulled a blanket around her and curled up on seat, the towel Quinn had used to clean her carefully folded up to use as a pillow. She took in a careful breath trying to ignore the scent of sex under her head and looked up the stars barely visible through the tinted moonroof.
"I'm so stupid," she whispered to no one in particular before throwing her arm over her eyes and trying to sleep.
Quinn drove home, knowing that she had a 50/50 chance of running into her father being awake and drunk or sneaking home from one of his affairs when she got there. She pulled into the driveway, smiling when no lights were on so she carefully shoved everything into her bag and snuck in through the garage door.
"Out with Sam?" Came her father's low query as she quietly closed the door connecting the garage to the kitchen. The man was sitting at the kitchen table in the dark. An open bottle of Jack was half full sitting beside him. He took a sip from his glass, watching her quietly.
She jumped. "Yes, daddy," she whispered, scared that somehow he somehow knew what she'd been doing. "I'm sorry... I... I shouldn't have gone out, but mom was sleeping and you weren't home..."
Russell nods slowly, continuing to sip his drink. "Well, that's fine. But remember that you need to save yourself for marriage, Lucy. Sam's a fine young man and I'm sure he'll wait for you. Next time, leave a note at least." He nodded towards the stairs, "Go on to bed, sweetheart. We have church in the morning."
"Sam and I are not doing that!" she exclaimed as she pulled open the refrigerator door to grab a bottle of water. "I'll see you in the morning, daddy, I'm teaching Sunday school tomorrow." she smiled fakely at the man and kissed his forehead before heading up the stairs and letting out a sigh when she got in her room. She carefully hid her clothing from the club in her Cheerios duffel bag and changed into sweatpants and her tight sports bra before climbing into bed.
"Shit," she whispered, "I fucked Santana."