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I was driving somewhere today, and I saw some large animals with one horn.
I freaked out. "You mean, unicorns are REAL???" 
... I kept driving and saw that they really had two horns. 
They were cows.
I felt dumb.

Pepperjack, you are a sneaky, sneaky cheese.

"my girlfriend broke up with me. and my friends were like 'it could have been worse' and i'm like the only way it could have been worse is if i walked in while it was happening. and the guy punched me in the face. and then i walk outside and i get a ticket. and then i start the car, and creed is on. bad ( Read more... )

Dude.
Why are all my friends getting pregnant??

I feel like an old maid.
I'm glad I'm not a sexasaurous. No babies for me yet.

Est-ce que je peux venir maintenant?
non, attends.
Trop tard. Désolé pour ta robe.

Oh, les Français sont les lutins drôles, oh, oui, oui ils sont.

Je vais aller montre Futurama maintenant.

Oui.

Hahaha I just saw a thing that says "Welcome to New York"... then it has the picture of a gun. Then it says "Duck ( Read more... )

WOOT!

I know for sure now that I passed my cosmo exam!

After paying 32 bucks or something, I will be a licensed cosmetologist
*does happy dance*

Oxygen Network sent me a pair of undewear with "Oh!" written on the back.
And they spelled my name "Karytn".

Why am I getting mail from Oxygen Network?

I've recently rediscovered the joy of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.

They're awesome.