[Winter; Ice Dancing] Requiem for a Dream 1.2
Previous
Despite the fourth-place finish at Skate Canada, they have spent the rest of the month preparing for NHK Trophy, their last major international competition for the first half of the season. It’s not like they’d qualify for the Grand Prix Final, but they’d like to keep their momentum going into the National Championships early next year.
They’re first to skate in the short dance this time. It’s not the draw they would have wanted-who wants to be the first to skate anyway-but at least they can relax for the rest of the competition. This also means having to perform better than they did at Skate Canada since they’re likely to receive lower PCS this time. Yixing and Soojung exchange fist bumps before doing their opening poses. Tchaikovsky’s Swan Lake plays and they manage to execute their opening spins perfectly. Their ice dance steps are in-sync with each other, and somehow Yixing smiles as he and Soojung catch each other’s eyes. Right now, they aren’t the lovers pursuing a dream, but they are the doomed lovers Odette and Prince Siegfried. Yixing barely hears the audience cheer as they perform their twizzles, mentally counting the rotations and making sure they stop at the same time. A beat too early or too late, and it’s over. He likes to think the level of difficulty in their lifts has increased since last season. For Soojung to allow him to lift her in life-threatening ways and not complain goes to show how much faith she has in his promise that he’ll never let her go.
By the time the music stops, they realize that all their elements have been perfect. Yixing lets out the breath he doesn’t realize he has been holding as he falls to his knees. He looks over to Soojung who smiles despite holding her head in her right hand. Yixing musters all the strength he has to pick himself off the ground and skate over to her. He takes her left hand as they bow to the audience as the announcer calls their names. Soojung’s smile drops the minute they step out of the rink. Yixing barely registers Coach Lowe’s praise and Coach Im’s laughter as Soojung whispers in Korean, “Woah...”
This catches the coaches’ attention as they all stop laughing at once. “Are you OK? You look a little out of it,” Coach Im whispers in Korean as they walk over to the Kiss and Cry. Yixing blinks, obviously the coaching team doesn’t want anyone else to know what’s happening yet.
“I’m fine, Coach,” Soojung answers, as they sit at the Kiss and Cry area. “Just a little tired…” A camera catches Yixing’s attention, so he nudges Soojung. They put on sweet smiles for the camera and indulge the cameramen by greeting family, friends, and teammates in Korea and China and their training mates in Canada.
Yixing and Soojung gasp as their score is announced-61.70-putting them into first place. Yixing barely tunes in to the rest of the competition until there is only one team left to skate after after Japan’s Kana Muramoto and Chris Reed end up in eighth place. Yixing and Soojung are still in second place behind the Shibutanis. According to Soojung, Canada’s Mitchell Islam accidentally dropped Alexandra Paul earlier, while Russia’s Ekaterina Bobrova tripped Dmitri Soloviev twice.
“We could actually be in podium contention,” Soojung whispers, as they watch the last team, USA’s Madison Hubbell and Zachary Donohue take the ice. Yixing turns to Soojung, whose grip on his is usually tight. Soojung is hardly this clingy, not even when they placed tenth at Worlds earlier this year. Soojung’s palms are unusually sweaty against his hands and she’s shivering, despite the thick Team Korea jackets they’re wearing.
“Body heat,” he whispers are he wraps an arm across her shoulders. Soojung doesn’t protest as she leans her head on his shoulder. Yixing blinks as he doesn’t hear a sound from Soojung after that. She’s not making as many comments as she was during the earlier performances. He looks at Soojung’s face and her eyes are slightly out of focus as Madison and Zachary get off the ice after a clean skate.
“That’s going to put them at least second,” he whispers to Soojung who barely stirs.
“At least we’re in a good spot after the short dance,” Soojung whispers as Madison and Zachary head to the Kiss and Cry area. “Now we’ll just have to go all out in the free dance and be perfect, then we’ve got this.”
True enough, USA’s Madison Hubbell and Zachary Donohue end up in second place; thus Soojung and Yixing are in third place after the short dance. They find themselves whisked over to a small conference room near the rink for a quick press conference. The last time Yixing and Soojung had ever experienced this was at Korean Nationals. This is possibly the highest they’ve finished in the short dance segment in international competitions.
“Given your strong performances at Skate Canada and the short dance earlier, do you think you will make it to the podium here at NHK Trophy?”
Yixing and Soojung exchange glances, asking which of them will answer the question. Yixing nods at Soojung who takes the microphone.
“We’d love to medal at any competition we’re in, but we are also competing against some of the best in the world,” Soojung says before pausing. “We… We’ll do our best to deliver a podium-worthy free dance.”
Yixing tunes out the rest of the press conference, as most of the questions are directed to the Shibutanis who are the leaders after the short dance. He can practically hear his stomach grumbling by the time the press conference is over. Soojung, Madison, and Maia sigh as Alex mentions wanting to go out for tonkatsu after the free dance competition tomorrow. Yixing and Zachary exchange smiles; apparently, he’s not the only one who’s hungry.
After posing for a few photos, finally, the press conference is over and they can all finally leave. Soojung is nearest the door, so she makes her way to the door first. Just as she takes a step forward, she lets out a slight scream lands face first to the ground before Yixing can catch up. “Are you OK?” he whispers as he pulls her up. “Careful, we can’t have anything happening before the free dance.” Yixing looks back at the table they were sitting at earlier. There was a tiny step that separated the elevated area where their table was from the rest of the floor, Yixing shakes his head with a smile.
Soojung nods as she stands up and brushes whatever dust got caught on her jacket. Yixing instinctively wraps an arm around her as everyone else crowds around them.
“Are you sure?” Maia asks, her eyebrows meeting at the center of her forehead. “That was a pretty loud scream earlier.”
“I’m fine. I’m still seeing some flashing lights,” she says chuckling. “I guess I’ve been on the ice too long that I’ve forgotten how to walk on solid ground.”
Yixing and Soojung are the next-to-last to skate at the free dance the following day. However, times flies fast as suddenly, they are already being instructed to enter the rink for the warm-up. As Yixing takes Soojung’s hands, they burn against his skin.
“Soojung,” he whispers as they practice their waltz steps. “You’re burning.”
Soojung’s glassy eyes look up at him. “What?”
“You’re warm… too warm… You’re not sick, are you?”
“No, I’m fine,” Soojung hisses as she misses a step in their step sequence. “I just… couldn’t sleep last night.”
“If you’re sure...” Yixing mutters as they position themselves for a spin. Soojung’s eyes aren’t focused like they usually are, and she’s also blinking a lot and squinting at the lights above them. As they perform an upright dance spin, Soojung barely manages to stay in position before suddenly going limp in Yixing arms. She doesn’t respond when he whispers her name. He barely remembers what happens as he shouts for help. He’s surrounded by people-his coaches, medics, other skaters, and the press-as he’s lead out of the rink. It’s a flurry of movement as the medics put Soojung on a stretcher and take her to the warm-up room.
Yixing has lost all track of time as he stares at Soojung, who has yet to regain consciousness. He barely understands what the medic says. All he gets is that Soojung’s fatigue probably resulted in the high fever, and her being anemic aggravated the situation, making her faint. At this point, Yixing doesn’t really care about the competition anymore. All he wants is to go home, so Soojung can rest. This is only one competition, and a medal isn’t worth risking his girlfriend’s life. But then, Soojung would probably kill him if he makes a decision without her. Yixing rubs his head as he watches his coaches talking among themselves.
Yixing blinks as Soojung tugs at his hand. He watches with bated breath as she opens her eyes, muttering, “Why is it so bright in here?”
“Good to see you’re awake,” Coach Im says as he rushes over to Soojung. “Why didn’t you tell us you have a fever?”
“I… do?” Soojung mutters, looking at Yixing for help.
“Apparently, you have a high fever… why didn’t you tell us you weren’t feeling well?” Coach Wing adds.
Yixing watches Soojung take in her surroundings for the first time. “What am I doing here?” she asks, looking at all three coaches and Changmin.
“You fainted during the warm-up,” Yixing answers. “Were you already feeling sick during the short dance yesterday?”
“Yes,” Soojung sighs as she takes in their worried and angry faces. “It was some time around after our short dance, and I… I didn’t want to make anyone worry since I thought I was just tired. But… I’m fine now. See, I can stand-”
Just as Soojung tries to get off the stretcher, Yixing rushes to catch her as her knees give way. “Ok, maybe not but I guess I can-”
Soojung crawls out of Yixing’s grip as she throws up at the nearest trash can. Yixing tears his eyes away as he rushes out the room to call the medics. He ignores the other skaters asking how Soojung’s doing as he runs back to the warm-up room.
Soojung’s screaming and crying as Coach Im informs them that they’re withdrawing from the competition. “I, no we, have to go out there, Coach Im!” Soojung says trying to make her shaky voice sound confident. She retches into the trash can next to her before continuing. “It’s not too late for us to back out yet! Besides, I’m not injured!”
“You’re not injured, but you have a high fever and nausea. We can’t risk it,” Coach Im says. “What if you pass out while competing? You don’t want that to happen, do you?”
If Yixing could have his way, they would be on the soonest flight to Seoul or Vancouver. He looks at Soojung, who stares right back at him. They understand each other, and to Yixing, Soojung’s well-being is his top priority, even if it means losing a medal.
“Fine,” Soojung mutters as she retches into the trash can some more. “I’m only agreeing because I know I’m on the losing side of the battle.”
To Yixing’s surprise, no reporters hound them about Soojung’s accident, save for asking if she has recovered from her fever. Changmin mutters something about KSU President Jung Yunho ordering a media blackout about the incident. But then, he’s certain that fans have seen the incident-whether in the flesh or through telecast-and have posted about it on social media. Both his and Soojung’s social media accounts are bombarded by concerned messages from fellow skaters.
They immediately rush Soojung to the hospital where she can get checked by the doctor who treated her head months ago. Yixing paces back and forth outside the doctor’s office as he wanted to speak with Soojung alone. It’s only a fever, right? Why do they need to do scans to her head? It’s not like she hit her head on the rink like she did a few months ago. She’s been fine ever since she got back to the ice until the free dance.
As the doctor walks out with a tearful Soojung, Yixing instinctively wraps Soojung in an embrace. He barely hears the words “post-concussion syndrome”, “sit out the rest of the season”, “or even retire if it gets worse” as Soojung’s sobs outweigh anything else in the room. Somehow, a part of Yixing’s heart shatters-because of the possibility that Soojung is in pain more than the possible end of his Olympic dream.
He ends up being the one to actually post the message Soojung has written in three different languages-English, Korean, and Mandarin-to all her social media accounts and his own.
“As many of you may have heard, I had a concussion (traumatic brain injury) from an accident that happened in training during the off-season. I have been experiencing balance and focus issues since then, along with fatigue, which are apparently symptoms of post-concussion syndrome. Now my fever has subsided, my body is perfectly fine. The doctors are of course very optimistic about my situation, as nothing life-threatening has been seen on the X-rays and my symptoms slowly wear off. But the brain is a mysterious organ that needs time to fully recover, and I can’t be sure when that happens. As such, I was instructed to stay off the ice for a while and rest to avoid complications of any symptoms.
Thanks for all your messages and I can’t wait to get back on the ice.
Soojung”
They opt to fly back to Korea where Soojung can rest at her parents’ house, while Yixing trains at Taereung with the rest of the national team. As what they did when Soojung first hit her head, Yixing still goes to the rink to train every day. When training ends, he visits Soojung, who complains about being so bored at home since her parents are out and all she does is catch up on the school work she’s missed. “I need to get back on the ice soon,” she tells him daily. Yixing has no idea what to say at times like this. He wants her back on the rink with him more than anything else, but her full recovery is more important to him.
As he is about to tie his skates at the rink side, he sees a figure with long hair already sitting there. She isn’t supposed to be here. She’s supposed to be at home, resting. He doesn’t recall the doctors saying that she can go back to the ice.
“What are you doing here?” He winces at the sound of his own voice; it’s sharper than he intended for it to sound.
“I couldn’t stand not being on the ice anymore, Yixing,” Soojung says, her voice sounding desperate.
“But the doctors have to check up on you,” he says, trying to sound as patient as possible without coming across as patronizing. The last thing he wants is for Soojung to think he treats her like a child.
“I’m fine, Yixing,” she says as she stops over to the rink. She removes her skate guards before she steps on the ice. “Wheee,” she squeals as she skates for the first time in several weeks. Yixing would chuckle at the sight if fear isn’t creeping into every bone in his body.
“Damn it,” Yixing curses as he ties his skates as fast as he can. He needs to get Soojung off the rink before any of their coaches see her there. She’s going to be in big trouble with them and he’d rather spare her from that.
“Hey!” he shouts as he skates into the rink with her. “Get off before someone catches you in here and throws you out!”
Soojung stops and her gaze goes cold. “Before someone catches me in here and throws me out? Yixing, I may be injured but I have as much right as you do to be in this rink. Are you just so guilty about what happened that’s why you don’t want me in the rink?”
“It’s not that… but you have to rest…” His words are beginning to sound repetitive.
“Besides, if I don’t start training now, when? Nationals are coming up soon and if I don’t get back in shape on time, we might lose our chance to go to Worlds.”
Yixing sighs as he opens his mouth to reply, but Soojung puts a hand up before he can say anything.
“Besides, head injuries and its side effects always happen. It’s part of being an athlete, in case you forgot. It was a simple technical mistake. None of us wanted it to happen,” she snaps at him.”
His hands are shaking and all he sees is red. Soojung is being stubborn. All he wants is for her to recover yet she’s doing things against the doctors’ orders. “A mistake that almost cost us YOUR LIFE!” Yixing shouts before he can stop himself.
“Exactly, it’s MY LIFE! I’d rather DIE knowing that I tried rather than living and asking what if,” Soojung screams.
“I’m sorry that I’d rather lose my Olympic dream than lose you, Soojung!”
Yixing barely realizes what he said as Soojung skates out the rink, takes off her skates, and storms out the rink. Yixing instinctively skates to catch up, but she’s already walked out the door before he can even put on his skate guards. He sighs as he sits on one of the benches, their argument ringing in his head.
It’s been two weeks since their last fight, yet Yixing doesn’t hear from Soojung. She hasn’t been replying to his calls and messages. No one among their coaches have heard from her either. Yixing sighs as he puts his head in his hands. This is the longest time they’ve gone without speaking to each other. Has he gone too far with what he said?
He’s having dinner with the rest of Team Korea after a long day of training. He has told Jinseo everything that has happened. Once Jinseo knows, the rest of the team isn’t far behind.
“Soojung… please pick up,” he whispers as his message goes straight to voicemail.
“Have you tried visiting her at home?” Soyoun asks as Yixing puts the phone down.
“He already has, and her father chased him out,” Jinseo snorts from beside Junehyoung. “It was quite a sight to see Yixing shaking like a leaf in front of Soojung’s father!”
Yixing rolls his eyes. “No, I was not chased out of the house,” he grunts at Jinseo. “And I was not shaking like a leaf. Stop making up stuff.”
“I don’t know what happened, but she’s been ignoring everyone lately,” Hojung says, nodding. “We go to the same school and she’s acts as if she doesn’t see me.”
“True,” Haejin chimes in while Rebeka and Soyoun nod. “She hasn’t been replying to our messages on KakaoTalk either.”
“Really?” Yixing frowns at Haejin’s words. Soojung has always been friendly with the ladies of Team Korea. Now, he isn’t certain whether he is relieved that he isn’t the only one being ignored or aggravated since he has no idea what his girlfriend is thinking or doing.
Rebeka nods. “Whatever it is you said must have really gotten to her,” she says with a sigh.
Yixing sighs as he accepts the glass of water Kirill offers him. Not that drinking the water helped calm his nerves.
“I will shoot myself for this later, but what you two have is too strong and too worth it to be ruined by something like this,” Jinseo says, patting Yixing’s back. “ You two love each other too much just to give up like that...She’ll come around eventually.”
“Now, what do I do?” he asks, feeling completely helpless.
Soyoun purses her lips before answering, “Give her some time to think,” she says.
It’s easier said than done, as Yixing finds himself sitting outside Soojung’s house a few days after the dinner with the rest of Team Korea. It’s not like he can get any sleep, so he might as well try his luck in getting Soojung to speak to him again.
His heart pounds as he rings the doorbell. What if she’s not home? What if her father decides to ban him from the premises? He sighs as he listens to the footsteps approach the door.
The door opens and Yixing can’t help the gasp he lets out. Soojung is standing on the other side of the door, with her hair disheveled and her eyes are red. She’s wearing her pajamas and she’s holding onto a pillow.
“What are you doing here?” Soojung asks, her eyes widening once she sees who it is.
“I wanted to see you, Soojung,” Yixing answers as Soojung sighs and lets him in.
Soojung bites her lip and sighs. “Fine, have a seat,” she says, pointing to the couch. “I’ll get you something to drink.”
Once Soojung returns with a pitcher of juice and glasses, Yixing says, “I missed you. What happened?”
“Yixing… I’m sorry… I shouldn’t have said any of those things to you,” Soojung says. “I… I was upset.”
Yixing nods. “I may have gone too far with what I said,” he says. “But I just wanted to keep you safe.”
Soojung sighs. “I know that, that’s why I realized I was being unfair to you.”
“But why weren’t you talking to any of us?” he asks, holding Soojung’s hand. “I wasn’t the only one worried about you, you know.”
Soojung slouches against the couch and sighs. “I decided to follow what the doctor ordered and stayed away from everything that had to do with training,” she explains. “And I decided to use this time to really think about things… and I knew I couldn’t make a good decision if I saw anything that had to do with the team… or even you…”
“But-” Yixing says as Soojung lifts up a hand. Yixing can only sigh and stare straight into Soojung’s empty-looking eyes. The hollowness sends shivers up Yixing’s spine, and he isn’t sure he likes what Soojung is about to say.
“The doctors say I will recover soon, but it’s taking slower than usual... “ Soojung’s voice begins to get softer. “I’m just scared of everything. What if I never recover? What if the incident in Japan happens again? Or something even worse?”
This is the first time they’ve ever talked about this in detail ever since that night in the hospital. Soojung is more affected about this than Yixing has imagined. All he wants is for Soojung to be happy and fully recovered.
“Soojung, no one can tell what will happen in the future,” he whispers, hoping his words can get through to her. “But I have faith that you will recover from this.”
Soojung returns to training two days after their conversation, the doctors having cleared her to resume training. It’s not as intense as it used to be, since Soojung is still recuperating. They also skate earlier than usual to avoid crowds and loud noises, especially after Soojung nearly snapped at the other novices under Coach Shin for being too loud. They manage to win Korean Nationals and are chosen to represent the country at the Four Continents Championships in Taiwan and the World Championships in Boston. At Four Continents, they finish in fourth place, suddenly making them a team to watch out for at the World Championships.
Before they know it, they are getting ready to skate at the gala of the World Championships in Boston. An eighth-place finish at the competition isn’t a bad way to end their season, especially with new personal best scores. Yixing sighs as he watches Soojung laughing with Soyoun, the bronze medalist for ladies singles. It’s been so long since he’s seen her smiling and joking around with others. Soojung catches his gaze, and Yixing’s heart skips a beat when she smiles at him.
The program they’re skating to isn’t the one they’ve done at the other galas they’ve been invited to this season. It’s not a popular song choice for a gala, and not everyone will be able to understand, but he can’t help but smile as the opening notes begin to play.
Your soft skin that shyly trembles
Your hair that is tangled with sweat
The day he first met Soojung is possibly both the best and worst day of his life. After Coach Im introduces Soojung to him, he bows before he looks up to see a hand being offered to him. Frowning, he takes and shakes her hand, which is soft against his own sweaty ones. He mentally cringes as she raises an eyebrow at him.
“Jung Soojung,” she says, her face still impassive.
“Zhang Yixing,” he replies. He looks at Coach Im for help, who simply laughs.
The words he wants to say die on his lips as the girl, Soojung sits on the bleachers, without looking at anyone. Yixing has always known he’s on the weird side of the spectrum, but he’s never considered himself to be socially challenged until today. It’s not like he has a crush on her, after all, they’ve just met. He isn’t going to deny that despite her messy ponytail and sweaty forehead, Soojung is beautiful. Anyone with eyes can see that. Yixing has never had problems dealing with people, but this girl he just met is making him forget what he wants to say. What makes it worse is that her serial killer stare makes it difficult for him to figure out what she’s thinking, without assuming that she wants him dead, or at least, out of her sight.
“I hope we can work well together,” he whispers, as Soojung stares at him from where she’s sitting.
It seems like you’re shy but you’re not shaking
Your eyes that look at me, your confidence
Yixing and Soojung blink at each other as Coach Lowe pushes them into the rink. Soojung’s serial killer stare disappears in favor of a confused look that matches Yixing’s own.
“Crossovers,” Coach Lowe instructs.
Yixing and Soojung shrug at each other and do as they’re told. It’s only been five minutes, yet unlike Yixing’s previous partner tryouts, he and Soojung are in sync as they move. For the first time that day, she smiles at him. If he’ll be honest with himself, Soojung is a thousand times prettier when she smiles, that he finds himself smiling back at her.
“Let’s see twizzles,” Coach Lowe instructs from outside the rink.
They do as instructed, and Yixing almost expects to hear Coach Im’s dismay. He has flown all the way from China for a tryout and he knows he should be shaking in his boots. What if this doesn’t work out? What if he’s just wasting his time? Will he be put back in the Chinese Skating Association’s dungeons? He musters the courage to look her way, only to see her smiling serenely at him.
Skating with Soojung is almost so easy, despite having just met her today. There’s a natural grace to her skating that he didn’t see in any of his previous partners. Which of them is the real Soojung? The girl with the killer stare who greeted him earlier, or the delicate creature skating with him on the rink?
“Try a lift,” Coach Wing instructs.
It’s almost unnerving for Yixing at how Soojung simply doesn’t bat an eyelash as they make eye contact. Her eyes don’t have the fear he’s seen from other partners trying out as he throws her body across his shoulders. Soojung simply changes positions as he spins, making him adjust accordingly in order not to drop her as she goes down from the lift.
“Ok. Stop!” Coach Wing shouts from outside the rink. “We’ve seen everything we need to see.”
“Well?” Yixing and Soojung chorus. They look at each other and laugh.
“What do you think, Soojung?”
“I… I think we can work together,” Soojung says. There’s still a wall between them, Yixing can feel that, but he hears none of the usual doubt that was laced in the voices of his partners during previous tryouts. Either Soojung is desperate for a partner or she means what she says. “I had fun skating with him, though we barely spoke with each other.” Yixing smiles as he watches Soojung shrug. Maybe this can work out after all.
“You, Yixing?”
“She wasn’t scared of me, although we didn’t meet before,” Yixing admits. “I think that’s a lot better than some of my previous try outs. We don’t know each other, but I felt like she trusted me enough not to be an idiot?”
“Let’s see how this works out.” Coach Im says as they move to the benches.
He catches Soojung’s gaze again. The murderous gaze is gone, but there’s something else. It’s the same look in her eyes when she was about to go up for a lift. She trusted him enough not to drop her although they’re strangers. Thinking back, he also trusted her not to let him go or to leave him behind.
Maybe, this can actually work.
It looks perfect
Despite an almost chaotic international debut season, Yixing still can’t believe he and Soojung are actually representing Korea at the World Junior Championships. They are in twentieth place, coming into the free dance, but Yixing can hardly bring himself to care. At least they actually qualified. He lets out a breath and pinches his hands as the announcer calls his and Soojung’s names.
“Ouch!” Soojung hisses as they skate to the center of the rink. “That was my hand!”
“Sorry,” Yixing says, smiling at her, knowing that she can’t smack his arm now they’re about to skate. “You can hit me later.”
“You bet I will,” Soojung says as they go into their opening pose as they wait for their music to play. Yixing blinks as Phantom of the Opera plays. “This isn’t our music,” he hisses to Soojung who frowns back at him.
They exchange glances before they skate over to the technical controller, as they say it’s the wrong music. The man in the booth looks confused as he holds up an unfamiliar flash drive. “Don’t these people read?” Soojung mutters in his ear as Yixing points to the blue one he and Soojung gave the night before. “That’s the one,” he says before he and Soojung skate back to the middle of the rink.
Finally, The Nutcracker plays and their performance is as clean as it can get. It’s not as good as they would have liked it to be, as that technical problem from earlier affected their skate, whether they will admit it or not. More experienced skaters have been thrown off by that, but what more two junior-level rookies?
Regardless, it’s a relaxed mood at the Kiss and Cry, at least none of them fell or messed up ay of their elements. It’s a better World Junior Championships debut than they expected. Not bad for a team who’s only been together for several months.
They end up with a total score of 101.94 into fourth place. As they exchange hugs and high-fives with their coaches, Yixing can’t help but notice a slight jolt of electricity that passes through his fingers. As he reaches out to Soojung for another embrace, he feels something soft on the corner of his lips. Soojung stares at him with wide eyes before taking a step back.
“Uh.. yeah…” Soojung mutters, blushing a little bit. “We… we make a good team.”
As Yixing touches that spot where Soojung’s lips were later that evening, that’s when he realizes what that feeling at the Kiss and Cry was.
Sparks.
Keep whispering love.
Keep whispering
Yixing heart pounds as Soojung walks into the rink. It’s her first day back in training after the doctors say she’s rested enough. Their practice starts earlier than before, as Soojung is sensitive to loud noises. They also have to end practice early, because she still needs to rest despite her recovery.
“Are you sure about this, Soojung?” Yixing asks as they warm up in the rink.
“Yes, I am,” she replies as she skates in circles around him. “We lost at least two weeks of training before Nationals. We need to catch up!”
No matter how many times Soojung says the injury isn’t his fault, there’s always going to be a small part of himself that wonders what he could have done to avoid it. His hands shake as he and Soojung prepare for a lift.
Yixing sighs as his hands almost slip from Soojung’s leg as he prepares for a rotational lift.
“What’s wrong?” Soojung asks as the music stops.
“I’m… just... “ Yixing mutters. “I’m just terrified.”
“Of what?”
“I might drop you again, or do something even worse,” he sighs.
The look on Soojung’s face changes from exhausted to grim. “We’ve practiced several times after the accident, and I’ve been fine… Aside from what’s happened of course.”
“But… what if I get careless again?” he sighs. He shouldn’t be thinking this way, especially since Soojung has put so much faith in him. “I know you have faith in me, but I’m just afraid I’ll let you down again.”
“Yixing, listen to me,” Soojung says, looking straight into his eyes. “You once told me that we can’t tell what’s going to happen in the future. But I also know that you will never do anything to intentionally hurt me.”
Yixing sighs. “That’s the point. I don’t want to break that promise!”
Soojung says, “I believe in you, and I trust that you will look out for me. We’re a team here. You’ve looked out for me all this time. Now it’s my turn to look out for you.”
Yixing nods as he stares blankly at the rink. Soojung is here, skating in front of him, yet part of his mind refuses to believe it. Yixing lets out a breath he doesn’t realize he has been holding.
Your song that you whisper to me quietly
Your scent that is more alluring than anything else in the world
Yixing almost finds it amusing that this is his and Soojung’s first National title, despite all that they have been through this season. They’re standing in the middle of the rink with Rebeka and Kirill, as they have just been announced as the ice dance teams representing Korea at the World Championships in Boston
“My head’s aching,” Yixing hears her groan as the cameras flash at them. Soojung’s grip on his hand tightens, almost as if it’s the only thing that’s keeping her from sitting down in the middle of the rink.
“Since when?” Yixing whispers once Soyoun and Haejin skate to the center of the rink as the Ladies going to Worlds. Soojung lets go of his hand to embrace the ladies who have just joined them at the rink. Once that’s done, Yixing instinctively wraps an arm around Soojung. “Just now, really,” Soojung mutters. “Just when they decided to shine the spotlight right in our faces.”
Jinseo and Junehyoung finally join the rest of them at the rink, and the entire Team Korea obliges the press with photos. Just as they’re making a few funny faces-with everyone planning to put horns behind newly-appointed World Team Trophy team captain Jinseo-Soojung’s grip on Yixing’s arm suddenly goes lax and her knees buckle as they move.
“Help,” Soojung mutters as Yixing catches her before she hits the ice.
To Yixing’s surprise, there’s no mention of the incident in any of the official new sites, but he’s certain that it’s all over social media. No one else talks to them about the incident, but Yixing knows he isn’t the only one glancing at Soojung every five seconds just to make sure she’s still standing.
“We need to talk,” Soojung says as he walks her home from their Team Korea dinner.
“That sounds like the start of a break up scene... “ Yixing jokes, but the minute he sees that Soojung isn’t in the mood for it, he sighs. “I’m sorry. That was a bad joke… Continue?”
Soojung looks at him straight in the eye and let’s out a breath before saying, “I need you to do something for me...”
“Anything, Soojung,” Yixing says almost at once.
“Let’s skate together at Worlds, for one last time.”
Yixing’s mind stops in its tracks at Soojung’s words. He gapes at her as he repeats the only word that rings in his head. “Last?”
Soojung nods as she stares at Yixing. “I want to retire,” she says.
“Why now?” Yixing asks. “You’re on the way to recovery, aren’t you?”
“You know about the weird headaches and dizziness. You remember how I was complaining about the spotlight in my eyes before I passed out... And then, there’s the insomnia. I… I feel like I’m getting worse instead of better.”
“But Soojung-” Yixing protests, but Soojung is clearly not done yet.
“You can’t just lose your dream because of me, “ Soojung says, trying to keep her voice steady. “You deserve better than this. You should be going out there, showing that Team Korea is a force to look out for by the Olympics! But I’m still your girlfriend, of course~”
“Why don’t I have a say in this?” Yixing asks, trying not to get angry. How can Soojung joke about things like that? She has a point, but it doesn’t mean he likes it. “We’re partners. We’re supposed to make this decision TOGETHER!”
Instead of flaring up like she did the last time Yixing got angry, Soojung sighs. “You think it was an easy decision for me to make?” she asks, looking straight at him.
Yixing says nothing as he looks at Soojung’s face. It couldn’t have been an easy decision. All season long, Soojung has pushed herself to compete despite this head injury. He can’t imagine life without her on the ice with him. But he knows he has to keep Soojung alive before anything else.
“Are you sure about this, Soojung?” Yixing finally speaks, looking straight into her eyes.
It makes me want to forget yesterday, today and tomorrow
Makes me want to forget
"It's a fact that I suffered a concussion earlier this season," Soojung says in English during a press conference after the World Championships before the gala performances. "Although the doctors say I’ve recovered, there are instances where the symptoms of a post-concussion syndrome come back-sometimes, worse than they were before."
Soojung reaches for Yixing’s hand as the cameras flash in their direction. She’s squinting her eyes again. Yixing hands hands her the water bottle in front of them. “Thanks,” Soojung whispers as she accepts the bottle. Yixing can tell Soojung is doing all she can just to not put the bottle on top of her eyes.
“Despite our results in competitions, this season has been a very difficult one,” Soojung continues. “I’ve been in and out of the hospital just to make sure my concussion wasn’t aggravated by the intense training we do. Unfortunately, I’ve been getting tired too easily, so training has to be cut shorter than usual. We’ve lost too much time to train because of this. I figured it’s unfair to Yixing, since I’m the only one who’s injured and he has to deal with these setbacks.”
“What happens to you now, Mr. Zhang?” a reporter asks in English. “Will you still skate for Korea or are you considering skating for China?”
Yixing smiles as he leans over to the microphone to answer. “I intend to represent Korea. I found my first partner there, so I might be lucky again,” he says in English before he looks at Changmin, indicating he wants to continue in Chinese. Changmin steps up by their side before he continues.
“After all, I promised Soojung that I’ll keep on skating for both of us. I want to make it to Pyeongchang, not just to fulfill my childhood dream, but because now, I have someone to do this for besides myself. Even if Soojung isn’t going to be skating with me anymore, every move I’ll make on the rink is dedicated to her.”
It becomes perfect
The softness of your finger touching my body
The breaths that flow in between your lips
When Yixing comes to, he and Soojung have already struck their final pose. After an emotional and grueling skate, Yixing always feels like he wants to die and never get up. It is usually because of fatigue. This time, there’s a certain heaviness in his chest as the audience’s applause and screams ring in his ears. “It’s really over now,” he whispers to himself as Soojung skates toward him.
Yixing holds her hand as they make their last bow as a pair. He feels the tears in his eyes starting to form as he presents Soojung to the audience for one last time. Even Soojung’s smile is different. It’s not the usual victorious, yet slightly tired smile he’s gotten used to seeing. The physical and metal exhaustion involved in what has happened this year has finally caught up to Soojung, and Yixing feel it seeping through his bones as he holds Soojung in his arms.
“Thank you,” Soojung whispers as they skate out of the rink. “For agreeing to do this with me.”
“I promised you,” Yixing whispers. “That I am willing to do anything for you.”
Your heart that is hidden under your breasts
Your thin and beautiful line that curves like an arrow
It looks perfect
Yixing takes Soojung’s hand as the newly minted men’s singles World Champion Denis Ten beckons everyone to come and join him in the rink for their final number. They laugh as they follow the Shibutani siblings to the middle of the rink. Yixing hoists Soojung on his shoulders as they join the other ice dancers in gliding across the ice. As he puts her down, he makes sure she’s busy laughing with Kanako and Zijun before he nods to World bronze medalist Soyoun. He watches as Soyoun whispers something to Denis, who smiles as he skates over to where Soojung is.
As the crowd parts for Denis and Soojung, Yixing starts clapping and everyone follows suit. Despite the slight sting in his eyes, he smiles as Denis skates backward and claps at Soojung’s direction. As Soojung wipes her eyes and bows to the audience, Yixing finds himself wiping his own eyes too. He can’t believe this is the last time he’ll ever see Soojung inside a rink. He comes to his senses when Jinseo nudges him, holding out a bouquet of forget-me-nots and sweet peas. Yixing skates over to her, followed by everyone else, as he hands her the flowers. Soojung looks up at him, raising an eyebrow. Yixing shrugs before embracing her, and everyone else joins in to make it a tangled mess of arms and legs instead of a proper group hug.
As they break apart, Yixing raises Soojung’s hand that’s not holding the flowers. It almost feels as if it’s Yixing’s heart being ripped in two as Alex and Guillaume lift Soojung in the air as a final goodbye. He almost laughs at Soojung’s shocked face when Jinseo starts chanting“Jung Soojung!” but he finds himself joining in, possibly chanting louder than anyone else.
Once Soojung is let down, Yixing skates over to her and embraces her. “I’ll miss you, you know?” he whispers in her ear.
Soojung swats him on the arm. “Don’t be dramatic. You’ll still see me around!”
“It’s going to be different, though.”
“It’ll be OK,” Soojung whispers. As Yixing tucks a strand of Soojung’s hair behind her ear, he swears he hears someone, most likely Jinseo, shouting “Kiss!”
While Yixing would normally roll his eyes and ignore Jinseo, the look in Soojung’s eyes is a bit different from usual. “What are you thinking?” he asks, smiling at her.
Soojung looks at him and chuckles. “It’s the last time we’ll ever get to do it like this?”
“If you say so,” Yixing shrugs as he closes the gap between their faces, ignoring everything else around them.
Keep whispering love.
The music stops and suddenly it’s over. Yixing’s eyes brim with tears as he tries to catch his breath. The rink is suddenly flooded with flowers and plushie toys. One of them almost hits him in the face as he skates to the middle of the rink. They’re in tenth place after the short dance, and there’s no way they’ll be able to get on the podium despite this performance, given who they’re up against. Then again, being in the upper half of the standings isn’t so bad for one of Korea’s first ice dance teams in the Olympics.
“We did it, Soojung,” he whispers as they join hands and bow to the crowd.
Coach Im held tryouts for ice dancers who could possibly become Yixing’s new partner. Lucky for them, they found skater Kang Seulgi, who was recovering from a knee injury and couldn’t perform jumps but had wonderful edges. They teamed up on May 2016 and have had a successful debut as a team at Ice Challenge, where they placed fifth. They competed in several B-level competitions, and won at Korean Nationals. They also made it to the Four Continents and the World teams. At Worlds, they made it to fifth place, while Rebekah and Kirill ended up in tenth, giving them two spots at the Olympics. This season, Yixing and Seulgi competed at Skate America and Rostelecom Cup, where they placed fourth in both competitions. Then they won Korean Nationals and skipped the Four Continents Championships to focus on Olympic preparations.
“I’m not Soojung, but whatever,” Seulgi snorts in between breaths. She hits Yixing on the arm as they accept the gifts from the rink girls. “I know what you meant. No matter what place we end up in, I’m sure Soojung’s proud of you.”
After her retirement, Soojung took the college entrance exams and ended up majoring in Journalism at Sungkyunkwan University, while learning fashion design from her sister. (“Someone needs to educate these sports writers on figure skating!” Soojung explained her choice of major to an amused Yixing. “And I need to do my part in getting rid of boobskirts in the skating world.”) Although she promised not to be a stage girlfriend to Yixing in terms of his career, she always makes time to visit the rink whenever Yixing and Seulgi are in town. During Korean Nationals (or every major competition held in Seoul), Soojung comes bearing what is probably the most obnoxiously sized support banner for Yixing and Seulgi-using the derpiest photos she has of them. He also isn’t sure if he wants to shrivel up and die or beam with pride whenever he sees her and her camera with the telescopic lenses at the stands. (“If I can’t skate with you, I might as well become Team Korea’s fansite noona!” she said the first time she did it.) Jealousy has never been an issue between them, as Seulgi and Soojung quickly became friends when Yixing introduced them. Besides, Seulgi’s boyfriend Jongin is a shy ballet dancer interning under Coach Im as a choreographer. The only downside to all this is that they have one common hobby-ganging up on Yixing and making his life hell.
Yixing tries to catch his breath as he and Seulgi exit the ice, exchanging high-fives with Maia and Alex, who are set to skate after them. Coach Lowe hugs Yixing, while Coach Wing has Seulgi trapped in her arms. At the corner of his eye, Yixing catches Coach Im looking as if she’s trying not to cry, while Changmin is grinning from ear to ear. It’s a struggle to put on his skate guards while the cameras are flashing at them, but he manages to get it done.
His breathing steadies by the time they sit at the Kiss and Cry area. He’s still trying to wrap his head around it all. Coach Im once told him that one in a hundred athletes get to compete in the Olympics. He’s finally fulfilled a life-long dream that’s taken him miles away from home. He fulfilled his promise to skate at the Olympics for both Soojung and for himself.
“That was possibly the best skate I’ve seen from both of you,” Yixing hears Coach Im say. “You two have truly worked and grown as a team.”
“Really?”
“Your sense of teamwork has improved a lot, and… how do I put this?” Coach Lowe adds. “And the best part is that, you two poured your hearts into this program.” Yixing almost chuckles at the inside joke in Coach Lowe’s words.
“Of course we did,” Seulgi smiles as she waves at the camera using a Pringles stuffed toy she picked up at the rink. “Everything in this program is a labor of love. Isn’t it, Yixing?”
Yixing nods, still trying to take everything in. The free dance was choreographed by Coach Im, with input from Jongin. (“I‘ve been working on this for a while, and I meant for you and Soojung to skate to it should you two make it to the Olympics, but we know what happened,” she said when they first planned on program music. “I guess with a little modifications, we can make it work.”) The minute Soojung found out what their music was, she offered to help design their costumes.
“I just imagined I was with Soojung instead of you though,” Yixing jokes as he pokes Seulgi’s ribs.
“If only Jongin decided he preferred skating to ballet, I’d have had him for a partner and where would you be?” Seulgi snorts as she accepts a water bottle from Coach Lowe.
Yixing chuckles and shrugs as they wait for their scores to be announced. They’ve joked about this topic too many times for any of them to be offended. Yixing truly can’t help but wonder things would have turned out if Soojung hadn’t gotten injured. He tells her these thoughts, and she always tells him there’s no use dwelling in what ifs. “They just hurt you more,” she has told him more than once. He comes to just as he hears the announcer’s voice.
When the free dance score is announced, 99.12, Yixing’s eyes grow wider than he thought was possible. It’s two points above his and Seulgi’s current personal best. Combined with their short dance score at 65.46, they get a total of 164.68 into first place. Yixing can barely let out a shocked shout as finds himself in a many-armed hug involving Seulgi, Coach Im, Coach Lowe, Coach Wing, and Changmin. There are five more skaters to go, but the crowd roars as if they have already won the Olympics. Maybe, they already have won in a way. It’s not a medal, but he and Seulgi have won the hearts of their countrymen. There are only five teams left to skate, and the worse that can happen is they end up in sixth place. It’s not bad for one of Korea’s first ice dance teams in the Olympics.
Now that the dream to skate at the Olympics has been fulfilled, Yixing almost wonders what else he has to give to the sport he has come to love. Soojung’s retirement has pushed him to consider what he wants to do once his competitive career is over. All he knows is that he wants to help young athletes fulfill their dreams the way Coach Im has done that for him and more. If one child who watches his performance is inspired to go after his or her dream, then that is enough for Yixing.
Every time he brings this up, Soojung throws him a playful glare. “Don’t think about retiring until you have to,” she hisses. “You’re not yet an uncle. You and Seulgi still have a long future ahead of you. You haven’t even won a World medal!” Yixing laughs as his new goal comes to mind. He won’t retire until he gets at least one medal from each Grand Prix competition, the Grand Prix Final, Four Continents, Worlds, and of course, the Olympics. It’s even crazier than his childhood dream, but he’s already here, so he might as well go all the way.
As they walk out of the Kiss and Cry area, Yixing looks over at the audience, where Soojung sits with the rest of Team Korea. He smiles blows her a kiss as she waves her embarrassing banner at him. Ever since they met, Soojung was the only thing constant in this whirlwind life. Training, competitions, traveling, and languages become a blur in his mind, but Soojung has always been there to hold his hand. Tonight’s skate isn’t for himself or for his country, but he has fulfilled both his and Soojung’s dream of skating in the Olympics. Yixing will never admit this to anyone else, but Soojung was with him on the ice that night. Not just because she made his costume, but somehow, he felt as if she was in the rink, skating with him.
“Thank you,” Soojung whispers once she catches his gaze.
Yixing smiles before he replies with, “I love you.”
Despite the fourth-place finish at Skate Canada, they have spent the rest of the month preparing for NHK Trophy, their last major international competition for the first half of the season. It’s not like they’d qualify for the Grand Prix Final, but they’d like to keep their momentum going into the National Championships early next year.
They’re first to skate in the short dance this time. It’s not the draw they would have wanted-who wants to be the first to skate anyway-but at least they can relax for the rest of the competition. This also means having to perform better than they did at Skate Canada since they’re likely to receive lower PCS this time. Yixing and Soojung exchange fist bumps before doing their opening poses. Tchaikovsky’s Swan Lake plays and they manage to execute their opening spins perfectly. Their ice dance steps are in-sync with each other, and somehow Yixing smiles as he and Soojung catch each other’s eyes. Right now, they aren’t the lovers pursuing a dream, but they are the doomed lovers Odette and Prince Siegfried. Yixing barely hears the audience cheer as they perform their twizzles, mentally counting the rotations and making sure they stop at the same time. A beat too early or too late, and it’s over. He likes to think the level of difficulty in their lifts has increased since last season. For Soojung to allow him to lift her in life-threatening ways and not complain goes to show how much faith she has in his promise that he’ll never let her go.
By the time the music stops, they realize that all their elements have been perfect. Yixing lets out the breath he doesn’t realize he has been holding as he falls to his knees. He looks over to Soojung who smiles despite holding her head in her right hand. Yixing musters all the strength he has to pick himself off the ground and skate over to her. He takes her left hand as they bow to the audience as the announcer calls their names. Soojung’s smile drops the minute they step out of the rink. Yixing barely registers Coach Lowe’s praise and Coach Im’s laughter as Soojung whispers in Korean, “Woah...”
This catches the coaches’ attention as they all stop laughing at once. “Are you OK? You look a little out of it,” Coach Im whispers in Korean as they walk over to the Kiss and Cry. Yixing blinks, obviously the coaching team doesn’t want anyone else to know what’s happening yet.
“I’m fine, Coach,” Soojung answers, as they sit at the Kiss and Cry area. “Just a little tired…” A camera catches Yixing’s attention, so he nudges Soojung. They put on sweet smiles for the camera and indulge the cameramen by greeting family, friends, and teammates in Korea and China and their training mates in Canada.
Yixing and Soojung gasp as their score is announced-61.70-putting them into first place. Yixing barely tunes in to the rest of the competition until there is only one team left to skate after after Japan’s Kana Muramoto and Chris Reed end up in eighth place. Yixing and Soojung are still in second place behind the Shibutanis. According to Soojung, Canada’s Mitchell Islam accidentally dropped Alexandra Paul earlier, while Russia’s Ekaterina Bobrova tripped Dmitri Soloviev twice.
“We could actually be in podium contention,” Soojung whispers, as they watch the last team, USA’s Madison Hubbell and Zachary Donohue take the ice. Yixing turns to Soojung, whose grip on his is usually tight. Soojung is hardly this clingy, not even when they placed tenth at Worlds earlier this year. Soojung’s palms are unusually sweaty against his hands and she’s shivering, despite the thick Team Korea jackets they’re wearing.
“Body heat,” he whispers are he wraps an arm across her shoulders. Soojung doesn’t protest as she leans her head on his shoulder. Yixing blinks as he doesn’t hear a sound from Soojung after that. She’s not making as many comments as she was during the earlier performances. He looks at Soojung’s face and her eyes are slightly out of focus as Madison and Zachary get off the ice after a clean skate.
“That’s going to put them at least second,” he whispers to Soojung who barely stirs.
“At least we’re in a good spot after the short dance,” Soojung whispers as Madison and Zachary head to the Kiss and Cry area. “Now we’ll just have to go all out in the free dance and be perfect, then we’ve got this.”
True enough, USA’s Madison Hubbell and Zachary Donohue end up in second place; thus Soojung and Yixing are in third place after the short dance. They find themselves whisked over to a small conference room near the rink for a quick press conference. The last time Yixing and Soojung had ever experienced this was at Korean Nationals. This is possibly the highest they’ve finished in the short dance segment in international competitions.
“Given your strong performances at Skate Canada and the short dance earlier, do you think you will make it to the podium here at NHK Trophy?”
Yixing and Soojung exchange glances, asking which of them will answer the question. Yixing nods at Soojung who takes the microphone.
“We’d love to medal at any competition we’re in, but we are also competing against some of the best in the world,” Soojung says before pausing. “We… We’ll do our best to deliver a podium-worthy free dance.”
Yixing tunes out the rest of the press conference, as most of the questions are directed to the Shibutanis who are the leaders after the short dance. He can practically hear his stomach grumbling by the time the press conference is over. Soojung, Madison, and Maia sigh as Alex mentions wanting to go out for tonkatsu after the free dance competition tomorrow. Yixing and Zachary exchange smiles; apparently, he’s not the only one who’s hungry.
After posing for a few photos, finally, the press conference is over and they can all finally leave. Soojung is nearest the door, so she makes her way to the door first. Just as she takes a step forward, she lets out a slight scream lands face first to the ground before Yixing can catch up. “Are you OK?” he whispers as he pulls her up. “Careful, we can’t have anything happening before the free dance.” Yixing looks back at the table they were sitting at earlier. There was a tiny step that separated the elevated area where their table was from the rest of the floor, Yixing shakes his head with a smile.
Soojung nods as she stands up and brushes whatever dust got caught on her jacket. Yixing instinctively wraps an arm around her as everyone else crowds around them.
“Are you sure?” Maia asks, her eyebrows meeting at the center of her forehead. “That was a pretty loud scream earlier.”
“I’m fine. I’m still seeing some flashing lights,” she says chuckling. “I guess I’ve been on the ice too long that I’ve forgotten how to walk on solid ground.”
Yixing and Soojung are the next-to-last to skate at the free dance the following day. However, times flies fast as suddenly, they are already being instructed to enter the rink for the warm-up. As Yixing takes Soojung’s hands, they burn against his skin.
“Soojung,” he whispers as they practice their waltz steps. “You’re burning.”
Soojung’s glassy eyes look up at him. “What?”
“You’re warm… too warm… You’re not sick, are you?”
“No, I’m fine,” Soojung hisses as she misses a step in their step sequence. “I just… couldn’t sleep last night.”
“If you’re sure...” Yixing mutters as they position themselves for a spin. Soojung’s eyes aren’t focused like they usually are, and she’s also blinking a lot and squinting at the lights above them. As they perform an upright dance spin, Soojung barely manages to stay in position before suddenly going limp in Yixing arms. She doesn’t respond when he whispers her name. He barely remembers what happens as he shouts for help. He’s surrounded by people-his coaches, medics, other skaters, and the press-as he’s lead out of the rink. It’s a flurry of movement as the medics put Soojung on a stretcher and take her to the warm-up room.
Yixing has lost all track of time as he stares at Soojung, who has yet to regain consciousness. He barely understands what the medic says. All he gets is that Soojung’s fatigue probably resulted in the high fever, and her being anemic aggravated the situation, making her faint. At this point, Yixing doesn’t really care about the competition anymore. All he wants is to go home, so Soojung can rest. This is only one competition, and a medal isn’t worth risking his girlfriend’s life. But then, Soojung would probably kill him if he makes a decision without her. Yixing rubs his head as he watches his coaches talking among themselves.
Yixing blinks as Soojung tugs at his hand. He watches with bated breath as she opens her eyes, muttering, “Why is it so bright in here?”
“Good to see you’re awake,” Coach Im says as he rushes over to Soojung. “Why didn’t you tell us you have a fever?”
“I… do?” Soojung mutters, looking at Yixing for help.
“Apparently, you have a high fever… why didn’t you tell us you weren’t feeling well?” Coach Wing adds.
Yixing watches Soojung take in her surroundings for the first time. “What am I doing here?” she asks, looking at all three coaches and Changmin.
“You fainted during the warm-up,” Yixing answers. “Were you already feeling sick during the short dance yesterday?”
“Yes,” Soojung sighs as she takes in their worried and angry faces. “It was some time around after our short dance, and I… I didn’t want to make anyone worry since I thought I was just tired. But… I’m fine now. See, I can stand-”
Just as Soojung tries to get off the stretcher, Yixing rushes to catch her as her knees give way. “Ok, maybe not but I guess I can-”
Soojung crawls out of Yixing’s grip as she throws up at the nearest trash can. Yixing tears his eyes away as he rushes out the room to call the medics. He ignores the other skaters asking how Soojung’s doing as he runs back to the warm-up room.
Soojung’s screaming and crying as Coach Im informs them that they’re withdrawing from the competition. “I, no we, have to go out there, Coach Im!” Soojung says trying to make her shaky voice sound confident. She retches into the trash can next to her before continuing. “It’s not too late for us to back out yet! Besides, I’m not injured!”
“You’re not injured, but you have a high fever and nausea. We can’t risk it,” Coach Im says. “What if you pass out while competing? You don’t want that to happen, do you?”
If Yixing could have his way, they would be on the soonest flight to Seoul or Vancouver. He looks at Soojung, who stares right back at him. They understand each other, and to Yixing, Soojung’s well-being is his top priority, even if it means losing a medal.
“Fine,” Soojung mutters as she retches into the trash can some more. “I’m only agreeing because I know I’m on the losing side of the battle.”
To Yixing’s surprise, no reporters hound them about Soojung’s accident, save for asking if she has recovered from her fever. Changmin mutters something about KSU President Jung Yunho ordering a media blackout about the incident. But then, he’s certain that fans have seen the incident-whether in the flesh or through telecast-and have posted about it on social media. Both his and Soojung’s social media accounts are bombarded by concerned messages from fellow skaters.
They immediately rush Soojung to the hospital where she can get checked by the doctor who treated her head months ago. Yixing paces back and forth outside the doctor’s office as he wanted to speak with Soojung alone. It’s only a fever, right? Why do they need to do scans to her head? It’s not like she hit her head on the rink like she did a few months ago. She’s been fine ever since she got back to the ice until the free dance.
As the doctor walks out with a tearful Soojung, Yixing instinctively wraps Soojung in an embrace. He barely hears the words “post-concussion syndrome”, “sit out the rest of the season”, “or even retire if it gets worse” as Soojung’s sobs outweigh anything else in the room. Somehow, a part of Yixing’s heart shatters-because of the possibility that Soojung is in pain more than the possible end of his Olympic dream.
He ends up being the one to actually post the message Soojung has written in three different languages-English, Korean, and Mandarin-to all her social media accounts and his own.
“As many of you may have heard, I had a concussion (traumatic brain injury) from an accident that happened in training during the off-season. I have been experiencing balance and focus issues since then, along with fatigue, which are apparently symptoms of post-concussion syndrome. Now my fever has subsided, my body is perfectly fine. The doctors are of course very optimistic about my situation, as nothing life-threatening has been seen on the X-rays and my symptoms slowly wear off. But the brain is a mysterious organ that needs time to fully recover, and I can’t be sure when that happens. As such, I was instructed to stay off the ice for a while and rest to avoid complications of any symptoms.
Thanks for all your messages and I can’t wait to get back on the ice.
Soojung”
They opt to fly back to Korea where Soojung can rest at her parents’ house, while Yixing trains at Taereung with the rest of the national team. As what they did when Soojung first hit her head, Yixing still goes to the rink to train every day. When training ends, he visits Soojung, who complains about being so bored at home since her parents are out and all she does is catch up on the school work she’s missed. “I need to get back on the ice soon,” she tells him daily. Yixing has no idea what to say at times like this. He wants her back on the rink with him more than anything else, but her full recovery is more important to him.
As he is about to tie his skates at the rink side, he sees a figure with long hair already sitting there. She isn’t supposed to be here. She’s supposed to be at home, resting. He doesn’t recall the doctors saying that she can go back to the ice.
“What are you doing here?” He winces at the sound of his own voice; it’s sharper than he intended for it to sound.
“I couldn’t stand not being on the ice anymore, Yixing,” Soojung says, her voice sounding desperate.
“But the doctors have to check up on you,” he says, trying to sound as patient as possible without coming across as patronizing. The last thing he wants is for Soojung to think he treats her like a child.
“I’m fine, Yixing,” she says as she stops over to the rink. She removes her skate guards before she steps on the ice. “Wheee,” she squeals as she skates for the first time in several weeks. Yixing would chuckle at the sight if fear isn’t creeping into every bone in his body.
“Damn it,” Yixing curses as he ties his skates as fast as he can. He needs to get Soojung off the rink before any of their coaches see her there. She’s going to be in big trouble with them and he’d rather spare her from that.
“Hey!” he shouts as he skates into the rink with her. “Get off before someone catches you in here and throws you out!”
Soojung stops and her gaze goes cold. “Before someone catches me in here and throws me out? Yixing, I may be injured but I have as much right as you do to be in this rink. Are you just so guilty about what happened that’s why you don’t want me in the rink?”
“It’s not that… but you have to rest…” His words are beginning to sound repetitive.
“Besides, if I don’t start training now, when? Nationals are coming up soon and if I don’t get back in shape on time, we might lose our chance to go to Worlds.”
Yixing sighs as he opens his mouth to reply, but Soojung puts a hand up before he can say anything.
“Besides, head injuries and its side effects always happen. It’s part of being an athlete, in case you forgot. It was a simple technical mistake. None of us wanted it to happen,” she snaps at him.”
His hands are shaking and all he sees is red. Soojung is being stubborn. All he wants is for her to recover yet she’s doing things against the doctors’ orders. “A mistake that almost cost us YOUR LIFE!” Yixing shouts before he can stop himself.
“Exactly, it’s MY LIFE! I’d rather DIE knowing that I tried rather than living and asking what if,” Soojung screams.
“I’m sorry that I’d rather lose my Olympic dream than lose you, Soojung!”
Yixing barely realizes what he said as Soojung skates out the rink, takes off her skates, and storms out the rink. Yixing instinctively skates to catch up, but she’s already walked out the door before he can even put on his skate guards. He sighs as he sits on one of the benches, their argument ringing in his head.
It’s been two weeks since their last fight, yet Yixing doesn’t hear from Soojung. She hasn’t been replying to his calls and messages. No one among their coaches have heard from her either. Yixing sighs as he puts his head in his hands. This is the longest time they’ve gone without speaking to each other. Has he gone too far with what he said?
He’s having dinner with the rest of Team Korea after a long day of training. He has told Jinseo everything that has happened. Once Jinseo knows, the rest of the team isn’t far behind.
“Soojung… please pick up,” he whispers as his message goes straight to voicemail.
“Have you tried visiting her at home?” Soyoun asks as Yixing puts the phone down.
“He already has, and her father chased him out,” Jinseo snorts from beside Junehyoung. “It was quite a sight to see Yixing shaking like a leaf in front of Soojung’s father!”
Yixing rolls his eyes. “No, I was not chased out of the house,” he grunts at Jinseo. “And I was not shaking like a leaf. Stop making up stuff.”
“I don’t know what happened, but she’s been ignoring everyone lately,” Hojung says, nodding. “We go to the same school and she’s acts as if she doesn’t see me.”
“True,” Haejin chimes in while Rebeka and Soyoun nod. “She hasn’t been replying to our messages on KakaoTalk either.”
“Really?” Yixing frowns at Haejin’s words. Soojung has always been friendly with the ladies of Team Korea. Now, he isn’t certain whether he is relieved that he isn’t the only one being ignored or aggravated since he has no idea what his girlfriend is thinking or doing.
Rebeka nods. “Whatever it is you said must have really gotten to her,” she says with a sigh.
Yixing sighs as he accepts the glass of water Kirill offers him. Not that drinking the water helped calm his nerves.
“I will shoot myself for this later, but what you two have is too strong and too worth it to be ruined by something like this,” Jinseo says, patting Yixing’s back. “ You two love each other too much just to give up like that...She’ll come around eventually.”
“Now, what do I do?” he asks, feeling completely helpless.
Soyoun purses her lips before answering, “Give her some time to think,” she says.
It’s easier said than done, as Yixing finds himself sitting outside Soojung’s house a few days after the dinner with the rest of Team Korea. It’s not like he can get any sleep, so he might as well try his luck in getting Soojung to speak to him again.
His heart pounds as he rings the doorbell. What if she’s not home? What if her father decides to ban him from the premises? He sighs as he listens to the footsteps approach the door.
The door opens and Yixing can’t help the gasp he lets out. Soojung is standing on the other side of the door, with her hair disheveled and her eyes are red. She’s wearing her pajamas and she’s holding onto a pillow.
“What are you doing here?” Soojung asks, her eyes widening once she sees who it is.
“I wanted to see you, Soojung,” Yixing answers as Soojung sighs and lets him in.
Soojung bites her lip and sighs. “Fine, have a seat,” she says, pointing to the couch. “I’ll get you something to drink.”
Once Soojung returns with a pitcher of juice and glasses, Yixing says, “I missed you. What happened?”
“Yixing… I’m sorry… I shouldn’t have said any of those things to you,” Soojung says. “I… I was upset.”
Yixing nods. “I may have gone too far with what I said,” he says. “But I just wanted to keep you safe.”
Soojung sighs. “I know that, that’s why I realized I was being unfair to you.”
“But why weren’t you talking to any of us?” he asks, holding Soojung’s hand. “I wasn’t the only one worried about you, you know.”
Soojung slouches against the couch and sighs. “I decided to follow what the doctor ordered and stayed away from everything that had to do with training,” she explains. “And I decided to use this time to really think about things… and I knew I couldn’t make a good decision if I saw anything that had to do with the team… or even you…”
“But-” Yixing says as Soojung lifts up a hand. Yixing can only sigh and stare straight into Soojung’s empty-looking eyes. The hollowness sends shivers up Yixing’s spine, and he isn’t sure he likes what Soojung is about to say.
“The doctors say I will recover soon, but it’s taking slower than usual... “ Soojung’s voice begins to get softer. “I’m just scared of everything. What if I never recover? What if the incident in Japan happens again? Or something even worse?”
This is the first time they’ve ever talked about this in detail ever since that night in the hospital. Soojung is more affected about this than Yixing has imagined. All he wants is for Soojung to be happy and fully recovered.
“Soojung, no one can tell what will happen in the future,” he whispers, hoping his words can get through to her. “But I have faith that you will recover from this.”
Soojung returns to training two days after their conversation, the doctors having cleared her to resume training. It’s not as intense as it used to be, since Soojung is still recuperating. They also skate earlier than usual to avoid crowds and loud noises, especially after Soojung nearly snapped at the other novices under Coach Shin for being too loud. They manage to win Korean Nationals and are chosen to represent the country at the Four Continents Championships in Taiwan and the World Championships in Boston. At Four Continents, they finish in fourth place, suddenly making them a team to watch out for at the World Championships.
Before they know it, they are getting ready to skate at the gala of the World Championships in Boston. An eighth-place finish at the competition isn’t a bad way to end their season, especially with new personal best scores. Yixing sighs as he watches Soojung laughing with Soyoun, the bronze medalist for ladies singles. It’s been so long since he’s seen her smiling and joking around with others. Soojung catches his gaze, and Yixing’s heart skips a beat when she smiles at him.
The program they’re skating to isn’t the one they’ve done at the other galas they’ve been invited to this season. It’s not a popular song choice for a gala, and not everyone will be able to understand, but he can’t help but smile as the opening notes begin to play.
Your soft skin that shyly trembles
Your hair that is tangled with sweat
The day he first met Soojung is possibly both the best and worst day of his life. After Coach Im introduces Soojung to him, he bows before he looks up to see a hand being offered to him. Frowning, he takes and shakes her hand, which is soft against his own sweaty ones. He mentally cringes as she raises an eyebrow at him.
“Jung Soojung,” she says, her face still impassive.
“Zhang Yixing,” he replies. He looks at Coach Im for help, who simply laughs.
The words he wants to say die on his lips as the girl, Soojung sits on the bleachers, without looking at anyone. Yixing has always known he’s on the weird side of the spectrum, but he’s never considered himself to be socially challenged until today. It’s not like he has a crush on her, after all, they’ve just met. He isn’t going to deny that despite her messy ponytail and sweaty forehead, Soojung is beautiful. Anyone with eyes can see that. Yixing has never had problems dealing with people, but this girl he just met is making him forget what he wants to say. What makes it worse is that her serial killer stare makes it difficult for him to figure out what she’s thinking, without assuming that she wants him dead, or at least, out of her sight.
“I hope we can work well together,” he whispers, as Soojung stares at him from where she’s sitting.
It seems like you’re shy but you’re not shaking
Your eyes that look at me, your confidence
Yixing and Soojung blink at each other as Coach Lowe pushes them into the rink. Soojung’s serial killer stare disappears in favor of a confused look that matches Yixing’s own.
“Crossovers,” Coach Lowe instructs.
Yixing and Soojung shrug at each other and do as they’re told. It’s only been five minutes, yet unlike Yixing’s previous partner tryouts, he and Soojung are in sync as they move. For the first time that day, she smiles at him. If he’ll be honest with himself, Soojung is a thousand times prettier when she smiles, that he finds himself smiling back at her.
“Let’s see twizzles,” Coach Lowe instructs from outside the rink.
They do as instructed, and Yixing almost expects to hear Coach Im’s dismay. He has flown all the way from China for a tryout and he knows he should be shaking in his boots. What if this doesn’t work out? What if he’s just wasting his time? Will he be put back in the Chinese Skating Association’s dungeons? He musters the courage to look her way, only to see her smiling serenely at him.
Skating with Soojung is almost so easy, despite having just met her today. There’s a natural grace to her skating that he didn’t see in any of his previous partners. Which of them is the real Soojung? The girl with the killer stare who greeted him earlier, or the delicate creature skating with him on the rink?
“Try a lift,” Coach Wing instructs.
It’s almost unnerving for Yixing at how Soojung simply doesn’t bat an eyelash as they make eye contact. Her eyes don’t have the fear he’s seen from other partners trying out as he throws her body across his shoulders. Soojung simply changes positions as he spins, making him adjust accordingly in order not to drop her as she goes down from the lift.
“Ok. Stop!” Coach Wing shouts from outside the rink. “We’ve seen everything we need to see.”
“Well?” Yixing and Soojung chorus. They look at each other and laugh.
“What do you think, Soojung?”
“I… I think we can work together,” Soojung says. There’s still a wall between them, Yixing can feel that, but he hears none of the usual doubt that was laced in the voices of his partners during previous tryouts. Either Soojung is desperate for a partner or she means what she says. “I had fun skating with him, though we barely spoke with each other.” Yixing smiles as he watches Soojung shrug. Maybe this can work out after all.
“You, Yixing?”
“She wasn’t scared of me, although we didn’t meet before,” Yixing admits. “I think that’s a lot better than some of my previous try outs. We don’t know each other, but I felt like she trusted me enough not to be an idiot?”
“Let’s see how this works out.” Coach Im says as they move to the benches.
He catches Soojung’s gaze again. The murderous gaze is gone, but there’s something else. It’s the same look in her eyes when she was about to go up for a lift. She trusted him enough not to drop her although they’re strangers. Thinking back, he also trusted her not to let him go or to leave him behind.
Maybe, this can actually work.
It looks perfect
Despite an almost chaotic international debut season, Yixing still can’t believe he and Soojung are actually representing Korea at the World Junior Championships. They are in twentieth place, coming into the free dance, but Yixing can hardly bring himself to care. At least they actually qualified. He lets out a breath and pinches his hands as the announcer calls his and Soojung’s names.
“Ouch!” Soojung hisses as they skate to the center of the rink. “That was my hand!”
“Sorry,” Yixing says, smiling at her, knowing that she can’t smack his arm now they’re about to skate. “You can hit me later.”
“You bet I will,” Soojung says as they go into their opening pose as they wait for their music to play. Yixing blinks as Phantom of the Opera plays. “This isn’t our music,” he hisses to Soojung who frowns back at him.
They exchange glances before they skate over to the technical controller, as they say it’s the wrong music. The man in the booth looks confused as he holds up an unfamiliar flash drive. “Don’t these people read?” Soojung mutters in his ear as Yixing points to the blue one he and Soojung gave the night before. “That’s the one,” he says before he and Soojung skate back to the middle of the rink.
Finally, The Nutcracker plays and their performance is as clean as it can get. It’s not as good as they would have liked it to be, as that technical problem from earlier affected their skate, whether they will admit it or not. More experienced skaters have been thrown off by that, but what more two junior-level rookies?
Regardless, it’s a relaxed mood at the Kiss and Cry, at least none of them fell or messed up ay of their elements. It’s a better World Junior Championships debut than they expected. Not bad for a team who’s only been together for several months.
They end up with a total score of 101.94 into fourth place. As they exchange hugs and high-fives with their coaches, Yixing can’t help but notice a slight jolt of electricity that passes through his fingers. As he reaches out to Soojung for another embrace, he feels something soft on the corner of his lips. Soojung stares at him with wide eyes before taking a step back.
“Uh.. yeah…” Soojung mutters, blushing a little bit. “We… we make a good team.”
As Yixing touches that spot where Soojung’s lips were later that evening, that’s when he realizes what that feeling at the Kiss and Cry was.
Sparks.
Keep whispering love.
Keep whispering
Yixing heart pounds as Soojung walks into the rink. It’s her first day back in training after the doctors say she’s rested enough. Their practice starts earlier than before, as Soojung is sensitive to loud noises. They also have to end practice early, because she still needs to rest despite her recovery.
“Are you sure about this, Soojung?” Yixing asks as they warm up in the rink.
“Yes, I am,” she replies as she skates in circles around him. “We lost at least two weeks of training before Nationals. We need to catch up!”
No matter how many times Soojung says the injury isn’t his fault, there’s always going to be a small part of himself that wonders what he could have done to avoid it. His hands shake as he and Soojung prepare for a lift.
Yixing sighs as his hands almost slip from Soojung’s leg as he prepares for a rotational lift.
“What’s wrong?” Soojung asks as the music stops.
“I’m… just... “ Yixing mutters. “I’m just terrified.”
“Of what?”
“I might drop you again, or do something even worse,” he sighs.
The look on Soojung’s face changes from exhausted to grim. “We’ve practiced several times after the accident, and I’ve been fine… Aside from what’s happened of course.”
“But… what if I get careless again?” he sighs. He shouldn’t be thinking this way, especially since Soojung has put so much faith in him. “I know you have faith in me, but I’m just afraid I’ll let you down again.”
“Yixing, listen to me,” Soojung says, looking straight into his eyes. “You once told me that we can’t tell what’s going to happen in the future. But I also know that you will never do anything to intentionally hurt me.”
Yixing sighs. “That’s the point. I don’t want to break that promise!”
Soojung says, “I believe in you, and I trust that you will look out for me. We’re a team here. You’ve looked out for me all this time. Now it’s my turn to look out for you.”
Yixing nods as he stares blankly at the rink. Soojung is here, skating in front of him, yet part of his mind refuses to believe it. Yixing lets out a breath he doesn’t realize he has been holding.
Your song that you whisper to me quietly
Your scent that is more alluring than anything else in the world
Yixing almost finds it amusing that this is his and Soojung’s first National title, despite all that they have been through this season. They’re standing in the middle of the rink with Rebeka and Kirill, as they have just been announced as the ice dance teams representing Korea at the World Championships in Boston
“My head’s aching,” Yixing hears her groan as the cameras flash at them. Soojung’s grip on his hand tightens, almost as if it’s the only thing that’s keeping her from sitting down in the middle of the rink.
“Since when?” Yixing whispers once Soyoun and Haejin skate to the center of the rink as the Ladies going to Worlds. Soojung lets go of his hand to embrace the ladies who have just joined them at the rink. Once that’s done, Yixing instinctively wraps an arm around Soojung. “Just now, really,” Soojung mutters. “Just when they decided to shine the spotlight right in our faces.”
Jinseo and Junehyoung finally join the rest of them at the rink, and the entire Team Korea obliges the press with photos. Just as they’re making a few funny faces-with everyone planning to put horns behind newly-appointed World Team Trophy team captain Jinseo-Soojung’s grip on Yixing’s arm suddenly goes lax and her knees buckle as they move.
“Help,” Soojung mutters as Yixing catches her before she hits the ice.
To Yixing’s surprise, there’s no mention of the incident in any of the official new sites, but he’s certain that it’s all over social media. No one else talks to them about the incident, but Yixing knows he isn’t the only one glancing at Soojung every five seconds just to make sure she’s still standing.
“We need to talk,” Soojung says as he walks her home from their Team Korea dinner.
“That sounds like the start of a break up scene... “ Yixing jokes, but the minute he sees that Soojung isn’t in the mood for it, he sighs. “I’m sorry. That was a bad joke… Continue?”
Soojung looks at him straight in the eye and let’s out a breath before saying, “I need you to do something for me...”
“Anything, Soojung,” Yixing says almost at once.
“Let’s skate together at Worlds, for one last time.”
Yixing’s mind stops in its tracks at Soojung’s words. He gapes at her as he repeats the only word that rings in his head. “Last?”
Soojung nods as she stares at Yixing. “I want to retire,” she says.
“Why now?” Yixing asks. “You’re on the way to recovery, aren’t you?”
“You know about the weird headaches and dizziness. You remember how I was complaining about the spotlight in my eyes before I passed out... And then, there’s the insomnia. I… I feel like I’m getting worse instead of better.”
“But Soojung-” Yixing protests, but Soojung is clearly not done yet.
“You can’t just lose your dream because of me, “ Soojung says, trying to keep her voice steady. “You deserve better than this. You should be going out there, showing that Team Korea is a force to look out for by the Olympics! But I’m still your girlfriend, of course~”
“Why don’t I have a say in this?” Yixing asks, trying not to get angry. How can Soojung joke about things like that? She has a point, but it doesn’t mean he likes it. “We’re partners. We’re supposed to make this decision TOGETHER!”
Instead of flaring up like she did the last time Yixing got angry, Soojung sighs. “You think it was an easy decision for me to make?” she asks, looking straight at him.
Yixing says nothing as he looks at Soojung’s face. It couldn’t have been an easy decision. All season long, Soojung has pushed herself to compete despite this head injury. He can’t imagine life without her on the ice with him. But he knows he has to keep Soojung alive before anything else.
“Are you sure about this, Soojung?” Yixing finally speaks, looking straight into her eyes.
It makes me want to forget yesterday, today and tomorrow
Makes me want to forget
"It's a fact that I suffered a concussion earlier this season," Soojung says in English during a press conference after the World Championships before the gala performances. "Although the doctors say I’ve recovered, there are instances where the symptoms of a post-concussion syndrome come back-sometimes, worse than they were before."
Soojung reaches for Yixing’s hand as the cameras flash in their direction. She’s squinting her eyes again. Yixing hands hands her the water bottle in front of them. “Thanks,” Soojung whispers as she accepts the bottle. Yixing can tell Soojung is doing all she can just to not put the bottle on top of her eyes.
“Despite our results in competitions, this season has been a very difficult one,” Soojung continues. “I’ve been in and out of the hospital just to make sure my concussion wasn’t aggravated by the intense training we do. Unfortunately, I’ve been getting tired too easily, so training has to be cut shorter than usual. We’ve lost too much time to train because of this. I figured it’s unfair to Yixing, since I’m the only one who’s injured and he has to deal with these setbacks.”
“What happens to you now, Mr. Zhang?” a reporter asks in English. “Will you still skate for Korea or are you considering skating for China?”
Yixing smiles as he leans over to the microphone to answer. “I intend to represent Korea. I found my first partner there, so I might be lucky again,” he says in English before he looks at Changmin, indicating he wants to continue in Chinese. Changmin steps up by their side before he continues.
“After all, I promised Soojung that I’ll keep on skating for both of us. I want to make it to Pyeongchang, not just to fulfill my childhood dream, but because now, I have someone to do this for besides myself. Even if Soojung isn’t going to be skating with me anymore, every move I’ll make on the rink is dedicated to her.”
It becomes perfect
The softness of your finger touching my body
The breaths that flow in between your lips
When Yixing comes to, he and Soojung have already struck their final pose. After an emotional and grueling skate, Yixing always feels like he wants to die and never get up. It is usually because of fatigue. This time, there’s a certain heaviness in his chest as the audience’s applause and screams ring in his ears. “It’s really over now,” he whispers to himself as Soojung skates toward him.
Yixing holds her hand as they make their last bow as a pair. He feels the tears in his eyes starting to form as he presents Soojung to the audience for one last time. Even Soojung’s smile is different. It’s not the usual victorious, yet slightly tired smile he’s gotten used to seeing. The physical and metal exhaustion involved in what has happened this year has finally caught up to Soojung, and Yixing feel it seeping through his bones as he holds Soojung in his arms.
“Thank you,” Soojung whispers as they skate out of the rink. “For agreeing to do this with me.”
“I promised you,” Yixing whispers. “That I am willing to do anything for you.”
Your heart that is hidden under your breasts
Your thin and beautiful line that curves like an arrow
It looks perfect
Yixing takes Soojung’s hand as the newly minted men’s singles World Champion Denis Ten beckons everyone to come and join him in the rink for their final number. They laugh as they follow the Shibutani siblings to the middle of the rink. Yixing hoists Soojung on his shoulders as they join the other ice dancers in gliding across the ice. As he puts her down, he makes sure she’s busy laughing with Kanako and Zijun before he nods to World bronze medalist Soyoun. He watches as Soyoun whispers something to Denis, who smiles as he skates over to where Soojung is.
As the crowd parts for Denis and Soojung, Yixing starts clapping and everyone follows suit. Despite the slight sting in his eyes, he smiles as Denis skates backward and claps at Soojung’s direction. As Soojung wipes her eyes and bows to the audience, Yixing finds himself wiping his own eyes too. He can’t believe this is the last time he’ll ever see Soojung inside a rink. He comes to his senses when Jinseo nudges him, holding out a bouquet of forget-me-nots and sweet peas. Yixing skates over to her, followed by everyone else, as he hands her the flowers. Soojung looks up at him, raising an eyebrow. Yixing shrugs before embracing her, and everyone else joins in to make it a tangled mess of arms and legs instead of a proper group hug.
As they break apart, Yixing raises Soojung’s hand that’s not holding the flowers. It almost feels as if it’s Yixing’s heart being ripped in two as Alex and Guillaume lift Soojung in the air as a final goodbye. He almost laughs at Soojung’s shocked face when Jinseo starts chanting“Jung Soojung!” but he finds himself joining in, possibly chanting louder than anyone else.
Once Soojung is let down, Yixing skates over to her and embraces her. “I’ll miss you, you know?” he whispers in her ear.
Soojung swats him on the arm. “Don’t be dramatic. You’ll still see me around!”
“It’s going to be different, though.”
“It’ll be OK,” Soojung whispers. As Yixing tucks a strand of Soojung’s hair behind her ear, he swears he hears someone, most likely Jinseo, shouting “Kiss!”
While Yixing would normally roll his eyes and ignore Jinseo, the look in Soojung’s eyes is a bit different from usual. “What are you thinking?” he asks, smiling at her.
Soojung looks at him and chuckles. “It’s the last time we’ll ever get to do it like this?”
“If you say so,” Yixing shrugs as he closes the gap between their faces, ignoring everything else around them.
Keep whispering love.
The music stops and suddenly it’s over. Yixing’s eyes brim with tears as he tries to catch his breath. The rink is suddenly flooded with flowers and plushie toys. One of them almost hits him in the face as he skates to the middle of the rink. They’re in tenth place after the short dance, and there’s no way they’ll be able to get on the podium despite this performance, given who they’re up against. Then again, being in the upper half of the standings isn’t so bad for one of Korea’s first ice dance teams in the Olympics.
“We did it, Soojung,” he whispers as they join hands and bow to the crowd.
Coach Im held tryouts for ice dancers who could possibly become Yixing’s new partner. Lucky for them, they found skater Kang Seulgi, who was recovering from a knee injury and couldn’t perform jumps but had wonderful edges. They teamed up on May 2016 and have had a successful debut as a team at Ice Challenge, where they placed fifth. They competed in several B-level competitions, and won at Korean Nationals. They also made it to the Four Continents and the World teams. At Worlds, they made it to fifth place, while Rebekah and Kirill ended up in tenth, giving them two spots at the Olympics. This season, Yixing and Seulgi competed at Skate America and Rostelecom Cup, where they placed fourth in both competitions. Then they won Korean Nationals and skipped the Four Continents Championships to focus on Olympic preparations.
“I’m not Soojung, but whatever,” Seulgi snorts in between breaths. She hits Yixing on the arm as they accept the gifts from the rink girls. “I know what you meant. No matter what place we end up in, I’m sure Soojung’s proud of you.”
After her retirement, Soojung took the college entrance exams and ended up majoring in Journalism at Sungkyunkwan University, while learning fashion design from her sister. (“Someone needs to educate these sports writers on figure skating!” Soojung explained her choice of major to an amused Yixing. “And I need to do my part in getting rid of boobskirts in the skating world.”) Although she promised not to be a stage girlfriend to Yixing in terms of his career, she always makes time to visit the rink whenever Yixing and Seulgi are in town. During Korean Nationals (or every major competition held in Seoul), Soojung comes bearing what is probably the most obnoxiously sized support banner for Yixing and Seulgi-using the derpiest photos she has of them. He also isn’t sure if he wants to shrivel up and die or beam with pride whenever he sees her and her camera with the telescopic lenses at the stands. (“If I can’t skate with you, I might as well become Team Korea’s fansite noona!” she said the first time she did it.) Jealousy has never been an issue between them, as Seulgi and Soojung quickly became friends when Yixing introduced them. Besides, Seulgi’s boyfriend Jongin is a shy ballet dancer interning under Coach Im as a choreographer. The only downside to all this is that they have one common hobby-ganging up on Yixing and making his life hell.
Yixing tries to catch his breath as he and Seulgi exit the ice, exchanging high-fives with Maia and Alex, who are set to skate after them. Coach Lowe hugs Yixing, while Coach Wing has Seulgi trapped in her arms. At the corner of his eye, Yixing catches Coach Im looking as if she’s trying not to cry, while Changmin is grinning from ear to ear. It’s a struggle to put on his skate guards while the cameras are flashing at them, but he manages to get it done.
His breathing steadies by the time they sit at the Kiss and Cry area. He’s still trying to wrap his head around it all. Coach Im once told him that one in a hundred athletes get to compete in the Olympics. He’s finally fulfilled a life-long dream that’s taken him miles away from home. He fulfilled his promise to skate at the Olympics for both Soojung and for himself.
“That was possibly the best skate I’ve seen from both of you,” Yixing hears Coach Im say. “You two have truly worked and grown as a team.”
“Really?”
“Your sense of teamwork has improved a lot, and… how do I put this?” Coach Lowe adds. “And the best part is that, you two poured your hearts into this program.” Yixing almost chuckles at the inside joke in Coach Lowe’s words.
“Of course we did,” Seulgi smiles as she waves at the camera using a Pringles stuffed toy she picked up at the rink. “Everything in this program is a labor of love. Isn’t it, Yixing?”
Yixing nods, still trying to take everything in. The free dance was choreographed by Coach Im, with input from Jongin. (“I‘ve been working on this for a while, and I meant for you and Soojung to skate to it should you two make it to the Olympics, but we know what happened,” she said when they first planned on program music. “I guess with a little modifications, we can make it work.”) The minute Soojung found out what their music was, she offered to help design their costumes.
“I just imagined I was with Soojung instead of you though,” Yixing jokes as he pokes Seulgi’s ribs.
“If only Jongin decided he preferred skating to ballet, I’d have had him for a partner and where would you be?” Seulgi snorts as she accepts a water bottle from Coach Lowe.
Yixing chuckles and shrugs as they wait for their scores to be announced. They’ve joked about this topic too many times for any of them to be offended. Yixing truly can’t help but wonder things would have turned out if Soojung hadn’t gotten injured. He tells her these thoughts, and she always tells him there’s no use dwelling in what ifs. “They just hurt you more,” she has told him more than once. He comes to just as he hears the announcer’s voice.
When the free dance score is announced, 99.12, Yixing’s eyes grow wider than he thought was possible. It’s two points above his and Seulgi’s current personal best. Combined with their short dance score at 65.46, they get a total of 164.68 into first place. Yixing can barely let out a shocked shout as finds himself in a many-armed hug involving Seulgi, Coach Im, Coach Lowe, Coach Wing, and Changmin. There are five more skaters to go, but the crowd roars as if they have already won the Olympics. Maybe, they already have won in a way. It’s not a medal, but he and Seulgi have won the hearts of their countrymen. There are only five teams left to skate, and the worse that can happen is they end up in sixth place. It’s not bad for one of Korea’s first ice dance teams in the Olympics.
Now that the dream to skate at the Olympics has been fulfilled, Yixing almost wonders what else he has to give to the sport he has come to love. Soojung’s retirement has pushed him to consider what he wants to do once his competitive career is over. All he knows is that he wants to help young athletes fulfill their dreams the way Coach Im has done that for him and more. If one child who watches his performance is inspired to go after his or her dream, then that is enough for Yixing.
Every time he brings this up, Soojung throws him a playful glare. “Don’t think about retiring until you have to,” she hisses. “You’re not yet an uncle. You and Seulgi still have a long future ahead of you. You haven’t even won a World medal!” Yixing laughs as his new goal comes to mind. He won’t retire until he gets at least one medal from each Grand Prix competition, the Grand Prix Final, Four Continents, Worlds, and of course, the Olympics. It’s even crazier than his childhood dream, but he’s already here, so he might as well go all the way.
As they walk out of the Kiss and Cry area, Yixing looks over at the audience, where Soojung sits with the rest of Team Korea. He smiles blows her a kiss as she waves her embarrassing banner at him. Ever since they met, Soojung was the only thing constant in this whirlwind life. Training, competitions, traveling, and languages become a blur in his mind, but Soojung has always been there to hold his hand. Tonight’s skate isn’t for himself or for his country, but he has fulfilled both his and Soojung’s dream of skating in the Olympics. Yixing will never admit this to anyone else, but Soojung was with him on the ice that night. Not just because she made his costume, but somehow, he felt as if she was in the rink, skating with him.
“Thank you,” Soojung whispers once she catches his gaze.
Yixing smiles before he replies with, “I love you.”