Paperweight [Skins; Emily/Naomi]
Title: Paperweight
Pairing: Emily/Naomi
Rating: R (for language)
Word Count: 4,069
Disclaimer: None of the Skins characters belong to me; I’m just borrowing them for a bit.
Summary: Set post S4-Ep8. They return home after their summer away in Goa, but Emily's still feeling a little uneasy about their future...
AN: This is pretty much unadulterated fluff and coming to you from 'writers' block wilderness' (tm lazarus_girl). So, apologies that it might not be up to normal standards - I just needed to try and write anything to find my missing ~groove.
//. And no need to worry. That's wasting time. And no need to wonder what's been on my mind. It's you.\\ - Paperweight - Schuyler Fisk & Joshua Radin.
It starts creeping in the day they arrive back in England.
The bright sun and warm temperature of Goa is long forgotten as soon as they step out of the plane and onto the runway, the cold, bitter British wind whipping around them like it’s been waiting there all along for their return.
Emily turns her head just in time to catch Naomi’s scowl, and rolls her eyes affectionately as Naomi wraps an arm around herself, cursing quietly under her breath.
“Fucking England,” Naomi grunts, stumbling closer to Emily and grappling for her hand as rain starts to fall down around them.
Emily offers a small smile in acknowledgement, giving Naomi’s hand a squeeze, and leads them onto the bus that’s waiting to carry them the final little stint back to the airport.
As much as she doesn’t regret a single second of their summer away together in Goa, Emily’s glad to be home, and as much as she would deny it if Naomi asked, she’s missed Bristol and everything that comes with it (including the shitty weather).
It was home after all.
-----
Naomi’s bad mood doesn’t let up as they wait around to collect their bags, and Emily finds herself smiling in amusement at the way Naomi’s bottom lip is ever so slightly protruding out, making her look like a bratty, petulant child but still making Emily want to kiss her all the same.
“Stop pouting,” Emily finally says through a smile. “We only have to get our bags and then we can head home. See your mum and Kieran, yeah?”
Naomi scowls even harder than before (if possible), growls, “I’m not pouting.”
Emily chuckles, then, and shakes her head. “You are, Naoms.”
As Naomi opens her mouth to respond, Emily lifts herself up onto her tiptoes and presses a kiss to the corner of Naomi’s mouth. When she pulls back, she raises her eyebrows challengingly and smirks victoriously as Naomi lets out a sigh and rolls her eyes, her lips twisting up into a lopsided smile.
"Fine," Naomi admits. "Maybe I was pouting. But it's fucking freezing in here and I'm tired and cold."
"Here," Emily breathes a little more irritably than she intended to, shrugging out of her hoodie and passing it to Naomi. "Put this on and quit being a baby, you're not the only one who's had enough of this now, you know."
Naomi blinks back at her, looking a little taken back by her sudden outburst but accepts the grey hoodie silently, shrugging into it before stepping closer to Emily and pulling the shorter girl into her body.
"We can share it," Naomi says, as she tugs at the side of the material and wraps it the best she can around them both, cocooning them safely inside of it. "You keep me warm and I'll keep you warm, Fitch, how's that for a plan?"
Emily can't stop herself from smiling in response and gratefully accepts the kiss Naomi drops down onto her lips as she tightens her hold around Naomi's back.
Naomi nuzzles their noses together and smiles down at her adoringly as their foreheads meet, and Emily lets her eyes flutter closed at the contact, tries to remind herself that she has nothing to worry about, not when Naomi's right there with her, holding her close and breathing steadily alongside her.
-----
Gina wraps them both into a hug as soon as they walk through the door, only pulling back for a few seconds to plant a kiss on their cheeks before squeezing them tightly again. She ushers them into the living room and serves them tea and biscuits before demanding to hear all about their time away.
And, it's nice that she cares so much, Emily thinks as Naomi yawns and plops down onto the couch, patting the space next to her invitingly. Nice, that Gina's always been so welcoming of her and of their relationship. Nice, that at least Gina isn't something she has to fret about.
Emily's half way through her third cup of tea, showing Gina some of the pictures she'd taken on her digital camera, when she feels Naomi's weight against her side increase, a warm, even breath puffing out gently against her neck.
"She's out cold," Gina explains, smiling fondly at Naomi before letting her eyes drift back to Emily's. "Such a lightweight, huh?"
Emily smiles, and sets her cup down on the side table, letting her hand fall onto the arm Naomi has wrapped around her waist and starts idly stroking her fingers softly against the warm skin she finds there. Naomi instinctively nuzzles further into neck at the caress and Emily can't stop herself from taking a moment just to watch her sleep.
"Glad to have you back, love," Gina says quietly, breaking the silence. "I hope my daughter's been looking after you all right this time; that you've been taking care of each other?"
She nods her head slightly, mindful not to wake Naomi, and says, "She's been great. Things with us are, well, pretty damn perfect at the minute. I couldn't ask for anymore."
"Good. That's what I like to hear." Gina's eyes shift away from her and settle on Naomi's face when she adds, "Just make sure you don't let each other slip away again, Emily. You two just seem to... fit. And, well, that's rather lovely to see. Especially for my little girl, she's always been such a restless and lost soul."
Emily's eyes are drawn to Naomi's face then, and she can't help but reach up to brush the stray piece of hair away from Naomi's eyes, letting the back of her knuckles trail over Naomi's cheek, across her jaw and lightly down her neck, naturally memorising the lines and shapes of Naomi's face like she always has.
She knows that she doesn't need to say anything to Gina when their eyes meet a moment later, she's sure that Gina already understands that Naomi wasn't the only one who was lost back then, but Emily voices her thought anyway, says, "We found each other."
It might be cheesy and a little clichéd, but that doesn't make it any less true, and besides, Emily's willing to be as cheesy and clichéd as she can get if it means that she gets to keep what she and Naomi are lucky enough to have together.
-----
Naomi comes down with a bad cold a few days later, and takes to their bed with her blocked nose, sore throat and chesty cough.
She's blowing her nose into a tissue as Emily comes into the room, clutching a steaming mug of hot lemon.
"How are you feeling, babe?" Emily asks, settling the cup down on the bedside table nearest to Naomi and pressing the back of her hand to Naomi's forehead, frowning slightly at the heat she finds there.
"Fucking shit," Naomi mutters back, batting Emily's hand away. "Stupid England and its shitty, shitty, fucking cold weather and all of the people with their disgusting, contagious germs. We should have stayed in Goa; no one gets bloody colds out there."
Emily chuckles and crawls onto the bed next to Naomi. "Come on, Naomi, it's not that bad to be home. You've just come down with a bug, it's nothing fatal."
Naomi scoffs. "I could be dying here, you know."
"Feeling a bit melodramatic are we?" Emily asks, her eyebrows shooting up in amusement.
"I'm not being melodramatic," Naomi sulks. "You're just being a rubbish nurse, Ems. Not taking care of me properly is all."
Emily breaks out into a smile and nods her head. "Oh, I see, I'm the problem am I? Well, here," she pauses, reaching for the hot lemon and passing it into the hands of a rather reluctant Naomi. "Drink this and then I'll tuck you in and you can try and sleep it off, okay?"
"Fine," Naomi replies, rolling her eyes ineffectively. "But you better stay and cuddle with me."
Emily shakes her head. "No way, Naoms," She starts, her tone teasing. "You wouldn't want me to get sick too, would you? Not if you're dying and all."
"I told you I'd die for you and you're just going to save yourself, charming, that." Naomi laughs briefly as Emily sticks out her tongue, before spluttering into an unfortunate coughing fit.
And Emily knows, as she rubs her hand soothingly up and down Naomi's back, that it doesn't really matter what she says, because they both know she'll end up staying right where she is, running her fingers through Naomi's hair until she falls asleep in her arms.
-----
When Naomi's feeling better, Emily drags her round to the new Fitch household. It's nothing big or fancy like their old house, but it's not the caravan either, so Emily takes comfort in walking up several flights of stairs until they come to the right door.
James answers, his eyes bulging slightly out of his head in surprise before he tackles Emily into a tight hug.
"Hey, hey, what's this all about?" Emily laughs, ruffling James' hair. "You miss me or something?"
James pulls back, his face contorting into fake disgust. "No way bitch," he says, grinning over her shoulder at Naomi. "Just missed staring at your girlfriend's tits."
Emily whacks him around the head playfully and rolls her eyes, says, "Fuck off worm."
He flips her off and runs off into the flat leaving Emily and Naomi to let themselves in further.
"Who was at the door, James?" A voice calls through the narrow hallway and Emily reaches back for Naomi's hand, feeling as Naomi squeezes back supportively before replying, "It's me, Mum, Emily."
Jenna rounds the corner then, looking equally as surprised as James, a tea-towel hanging loosely in her hands.
"Hey Mum," Emily says a tad nervously, offering her a small smile.
Things between them have been a little better since the disastrous barbecue but they still aren't perfect, and Emily's well aware of how disapproving her mum had been about her going away with Naomi for the summer after all that had happened between them that year.
"Hi Mrs. Fitch," Naomi adds after a beat. "You look well."
Emily feels her heart swell, then, and turns to give Naomi a smile, appreciative that Naomi's being daring enough to at least try sincerely with her mother. She knows it's not easy on any of them but she needs for them all to start attempting to deal with the situation if things are ever to get better. It was her life and happiness at stake after all.
She watches as her mum's lips tighten ever so slightly before she breathes deeply out of her nose and nods her head in Naomi's direction, her voice soft when she says, "Thank you, Naomi. You do too." Her eyes fall to Emily then and she smiles genuinely, adds, "You both do. Now, come here and give your mother a hug. I've missed you sweetheart."
Emily makes sure to brush her thumb along the back of Naomi's hand, just once, a conversation spoken between them without words, as she lets go and steps into her mum's arms, and lets herself be wrapped up in the embrace she's been longing for.
"Missed you too, Mum," Emily murmurs into her shoulder, and when she feels her mum's grip tighten on her briefly, she knows the double meaning of her words haven't been lost on her.
"Right," Jenna says, letting her go with a final kiss to her temple. "You've got to stay for some food, Emsy, your dad and Katie will be home soon and I know they'll want to see you." Emily hesitates slightly, glancing back at Naomi before Jenna adds, "You too, Naomi. I won't take no for an answer. Now, come sit down and tell me all about this trip of yours."
Emily doesn't move then, is frozen in place by her mum's unexpected offer, and it isn't until Naomi steps forward and reclaims Emily's hand in her own and smiles at Jenna, says, "We'd love to, wouldn't we, Em?" that Emily snaps out of her haze and nods her head happily; feeling the most content and complete she has in a long.
It's the new start she's been waiting for.
-----
She catches Naomi flipping through a travel brochure the following night and irrational fear flares up inside of her chest out of nowhere.
Emily swallows hard and settles down at the kitchen table next to her, her head nodding in the direction of the brochure when Naomi lifts her eyes up to meet hers. "What's this?"
Naomi smirks back at her playfully. "A brochure, Ems."
"I know that, you twat." She rolls her eyes in response, shaking her head in mock reprimand. "Planning on fucking off somewhere, are you?" Emily asks, trying to keep her tone teasing despite the knot that's developed in her stomach.
"Well," Naomi starts, and suddenly Emily's aware of the seriousness creeping over her face. "I was kind of thinking that, maybe, we could... I don't know, finally go and explore Mexico like you always wanted?"
"But we only just got back from Goa," Emily retorts automatically, feeling a little unsettled by the suggestion.
Naomi does smile then, although it doesn't put Emily at ease the way that it should, and says, "I know that, Em. But, our summer was amazing, I mean, really amazing. And I'm not sure I want that to end yet, you know? Just you and me - us - alone together for awhile longer."
Emily opens and closes her mouth wordlessly a few times, fighting against the unexpected dryness she finds there, and manages to say, "But what about university, Naoms? You're supposed to be going to Goldsmiths in a couple of weeks."
"I already called them," Naomi explains, smiling brightly. "I postponed my acceptance until next year. I thought that since you didn't apply, we could have these next few months as our gap year and then, well, we can decide to apply somewhere together, yeah?"
"Naomi..." Emily murmurs unsurely. "You've practically been dying to go to university since the start of college. And I know you were looking forward to going to Goldsmiths - their political program is one of the best and you're too clever to just throw that away. I can't let you."
Naomi shakes her head and reaches to cover Emily's hand with her own. "Babe, I'm not throwing it away. I'm just putting it off a little."
"Naoms--"
"Em," Naomi cuts in, smiling softly, and bringing Emily's hand up to her lips to kiss. "I just want to be with you, okay?"
Emily purses her lips together, still shaking her head in uncertainty. "We would have made it work, Naomi. We'd have figured it all out. You didn't have to give your dream up; you still would have been with me."
"Ems, this," Naomi says, tapping the brochure and squeezing Emily's hand simultaneously. "You, me, Mexico. That's my dream, okay? That's what I want right now. There's plenty of time for me to go off and become more of an arrogant, political twat, all right?"
Naomi leans across the gap left between them, then, and kisses her sweetly and slowly like they have all the time in the world, and Emily wishes it was only all that simple.
"Okay?" Naomi murmurs when they break apart, and Emily finds herself nodding her head, just once in agreement, even though her stomach is twisting in on itself uncomfortably, and the niggling voice in the back of her head is telling her that time is precious, not something to be wasted away on dreams that can't possibly last forever.
-----
She spends the next few days trying to put her doubts to the back of her mind, and be excited about the adventure they're about to share.
(It doesn't work.)
-----
Emily can see Katie's mouth moving, chattering away over their coffee date, and yet she isn't paying her sister a single bit of attention, her mind still wondering back to the previous morning when Naomi had excitedly presented her with two plane tickets to Mexico.
"Ems... Ems, are you even listening to me?" Katie asks, pulling Emily from her thoughts.
Emily inhales deeply and rubs tiredly at her face. "Sorry, Kay. I'm listening now, I promise," She says. "You've got my full attention."
Katie purses her lips together, studying Emily for a full minute before saying, "What's going on, Ems?"
"Nothing." Emily shakes her head and forces a smile. "Everything's fine. Now, come on, we're talking about you, not me."
"Emily..." Katie sighs pointedly. "I can always see straight through you remember, so, like, cut the crap and tell me what's the matter, yeah?"
Emily bites at her bottom lip for second, conflicted, and then says, "Naomi's bought us tickets to go to Mexico. We leave in a couple of weeks."
Katie stares back at her blinking for a long moment and then quirks her shoulder up in a slight shrug. "Well, that's good, right? That's she's not being a flaming cunt for once in her life. You're lucky that she wants to get you away from this shithole, yeah?"
"Right," Emily echoes unconvincingly, turning her head to look out of the window, staring at all of the people passing by. "Lucky."
She doesn't sound it or feel it though, and if Katie notices she doesn't say anything, instead Emily drinks the rest of her coffee in silence while Katie babbles on about some shoes she saw in Topshop.
It's as good enough a distraction as any other.
-----
Emily doesn't mean to worry as much as she does, but she's always been the kind of person who cares just a little but too much, it's build into her brain and there isn't a way for her to shut it off.
Even when she was little, it was her that got anxious about their first day of school while Katie just brushed it off, and it was her who cried when she didn't do as well on one of her GCSE's as she expected to (even though her parent's had still been proud of what she'd managed to achieve).
And it's not that Emily's still stuck in the past - she's let go of the wrongs they both committed - and it's not that she doubts Naomi, she can't possibly, not after the summer they've just shared together.
It's everything else that she's worried about - the world around them and it's tendency to throw the unexpected in her direction at any given minute; knocking her off balance and throwing her harshly down to the ground.
Emily knows that running away is the easiest option - that going to Mexico with Naomi is the easiest option - escaping everyday life and living in their impenetrable bubble, but it's not realistic.
(It's not what she thinks she wants.)
And she's not sure why or when she started to feel so afraid of the future, but she is, and her fear only amplifies every time that Naomi makes some off-handed comment about how she can't wait for them to get away from it all again.
They're young, happy and in love. Free, Emily thinks, just like she always wanted them to be.
(It doesn't make sense that now, all she wants is for them to be trapped.)
-----
The suns already starting to set, taking away its warmth from the day and leaving behind a cool breeze, by the time she hears footsteps coming from behind her. Emily doesn't need to look to know who it is; she's only ever shown the lake to one other person in her life.
Naomi settles down next to her at the water's edge, and stares out over the lake rather than looking at her, and it's all very peaceful and lovely and Emily wishes that everything could be this uncomplicated.
"Knew I'd find you here," Naomi breathes after a few long moments of silence, turning her head to regard Emily carefully. "So... Katie called me."
"Oh?" Emily replies, averting Naomi's gaze, a sense of dread creeping into her chest.
"Yeah," Naomi starts, pausing only to pull Emily's hand onto her lap. "Ems, babe, look at me." Emily does as she's asked, letting her eyes flit up to Naomi and tries to blink away the tears stinging at her eyes. "Hey, don't," Naomi whispers, reaching out to brush a stray tear off of Emily's cheek.
Emily sniffs, and covers the hand Naomi has on her cheek. "I'm sorry."
"Don't be sorry, Em," Naomi replies, her eyes full of concern. "Just tell me what's wrong, all right? I can't fix it if you don't let me."
"It's nothing," Emily says quietly.
"It didn't seem like nothing to Katie, she sounded worried about you, and to be honest, I am too. You haven't been yourself in days, Em," Naomi says, turning her body in more towards Emily. "Look, if this has something to do with us going to Mexico so soon after Goa, I can change the tickets. We can go next month instead, it's okay."
"It's not that," Emily explains, shaking her head, and feeling the burn from Naomi's gaze on her face. "I do want to go to Mexico, I just..."
"Just what?" Naomi prompts, urging her to continue.
Emily looks away from her again and releases a deep, shuddery breath, her eyes trained on the water as she says, "I don't want you to need us to go, Naomi."
Naomi's forehead scrunches up in realisation and she chuckles softly. "Ems--"
"You don't get it," Emily retorts, her chest constricting tightly at what she's about to say. "I want us to be okay here, in the real world, Naoms. I want you to be okay with us living our ordinary, everyday lives and not always be planning somewhere we can escape to. And I--"
"Emily," Naomi cuts in, forcefully, her eyes glimmering beautifully and an adoring smile on her lips. "Is that what you really think? That I need for us to go away to be happy, for us to really be together?" Emily lowers her eyes sadly and Naomi releases a breath of relief, titling Emily's face back up to hers with her fingers. "Babe, I don't need any of that. I just want to be with you, I don't care whereabouts in the world we are."
"But you put off uni..." Emily murmurs.
Naomi rolls her eyes affectionately and smiles softly. "Ems, I just thought Mexico would be the perfect way to end our year, you know? To make up for all the time we lost. I'm not trying to run away from you or from us, those days are well and truly over, okay? I love you."
"Yeah?" Emily asks, the corners of her lips beginning to quirk up at Naomi's confession, and when Naomi nods her head in confirmation, she can't help but say it back. "I love you too."
"I know," Naomi says and leans in to brush her nose against Emily's in an Eskimo kiss. "And, despite how crazy you are sometimes, and how stupid I can be, I want to share a life with you... if you'll have me of course."
Emily smiles, sniffling through her tears - feeling a little stupid but a lot relieved - not needing to think about it when she says, "Yes, please."
"Good," Naomi replies, capturing Emily's lips in a series of gentle kisses. "Because I wasn't going to take no for an answer, Fitch. You're stuck with me forever, understood?"
Emily doesn't need to reply, then, just threads her fingers into the soft hair at the nape of Naomi's neck and holds on as Naomi presses her down onto the ground and makes love to her tenderly and achingly slow - they have all the time in the world after all - right back where it all started.
Pairing: Emily/Naomi
Rating: R (for language)
Word Count: 4,069
Disclaimer: None of the Skins characters belong to me; I’m just borrowing them for a bit.
Summary: Set post S4-Ep8. They return home after their summer away in Goa, but Emily's still feeling a little uneasy about their future...
AN: This is pretty much unadulterated fluff and coming to you from 'writers' block wilderness' (tm lazarus_girl). So, apologies that it might not be up to normal standards - I just needed to try and write anything to find my missing ~groove.
//. And no need to worry. That's wasting time. And no need to wonder what's been on my mind. It's you.\\ - Paperweight - Schuyler Fisk & Joshua Radin.
It starts creeping in the day they arrive back in England.
The bright sun and warm temperature of Goa is long forgotten as soon as they step out of the plane and onto the runway, the cold, bitter British wind whipping around them like it’s been waiting there all along for their return.
Emily turns her head just in time to catch Naomi’s scowl, and rolls her eyes affectionately as Naomi wraps an arm around herself, cursing quietly under her breath.
“Fucking England,” Naomi grunts, stumbling closer to Emily and grappling for her hand as rain starts to fall down around them.
Emily offers a small smile in acknowledgement, giving Naomi’s hand a squeeze, and leads them onto the bus that’s waiting to carry them the final little stint back to the airport.
As much as she doesn’t regret a single second of their summer away together in Goa, Emily’s glad to be home, and as much as she would deny it if Naomi asked, she’s missed Bristol and everything that comes with it (including the shitty weather).
It was home after all.
-----
Naomi’s bad mood doesn’t let up as they wait around to collect their bags, and Emily finds herself smiling in amusement at the way Naomi’s bottom lip is ever so slightly protruding out, making her look like a bratty, petulant child but still making Emily want to kiss her all the same.
“Stop pouting,” Emily finally says through a smile. “We only have to get our bags and then we can head home. See your mum and Kieran, yeah?”
Naomi scowls even harder than before (if possible), growls, “I’m not pouting.”
Emily chuckles, then, and shakes her head. “You are, Naoms.”
As Naomi opens her mouth to respond, Emily lifts herself up onto her tiptoes and presses a kiss to the corner of Naomi’s mouth. When she pulls back, she raises her eyebrows challengingly and smirks victoriously as Naomi lets out a sigh and rolls her eyes, her lips twisting up into a lopsided smile.
"Fine," Naomi admits. "Maybe I was pouting. But it's fucking freezing in here and I'm tired and cold."
"Here," Emily breathes a little more irritably than she intended to, shrugging out of her hoodie and passing it to Naomi. "Put this on and quit being a baby, you're not the only one who's had enough of this now, you know."
Naomi blinks back at her, looking a little taken back by her sudden outburst but accepts the grey hoodie silently, shrugging into it before stepping closer to Emily and pulling the shorter girl into her body.
"We can share it," Naomi says, as she tugs at the side of the material and wraps it the best she can around them both, cocooning them safely inside of it. "You keep me warm and I'll keep you warm, Fitch, how's that for a plan?"
Emily can't stop herself from smiling in response and gratefully accepts the kiss Naomi drops down onto her lips as she tightens her hold around Naomi's back.
Naomi nuzzles their noses together and smiles down at her adoringly as their foreheads meet, and Emily lets her eyes flutter closed at the contact, tries to remind herself that she has nothing to worry about, not when Naomi's right there with her, holding her close and breathing steadily alongside her.
-----
Gina wraps them both into a hug as soon as they walk through the door, only pulling back for a few seconds to plant a kiss on their cheeks before squeezing them tightly again. She ushers them into the living room and serves them tea and biscuits before demanding to hear all about their time away.
And, it's nice that she cares so much, Emily thinks as Naomi yawns and plops down onto the couch, patting the space next to her invitingly. Nice, that Gina's always been so welcoming of her and of their relationship. Nice, that at least Gina isn't something she has to fret about.
Emily's half way through her third cup of tea, showing Gina some of the pictures she'd taken on her digital camera, when she feels Naomi's weight against her side increase, a warm, even breath puffing out gently against her neck.
"She's out cold," Gina explains, smiling fondly at Naomi before letting her eyes drift back to Emily's. "Such a lightweight, huh?"
Emily smiles, and sets her cup down on the side table, letting her hand fall onto the arm Naomi has wrapped around her waist and starts idly stroking her fingers softly against the warm skin she finds there. Naomi instinctively nuzzles further into neck at the caress and Emily can't stop herself from taking a moment just to watch her sleep.
"Glad to have you back, love," Gina says quietly, breaking the silence. "I hope my daughter's been looking after you all right this time; that you've been taking care of each other?"
She nods her head slightly, mindful not to wake Naomi, and says, "She's been great. Things with us are, well, pretty damn perfect at the minute. I couldn't ask for anymore."
"Good. That's what I like to hear." Gina's eyes shift away from her and settle on Naomi's face when she adds, "Just make sure you don't let each other slip away again, Emily. You two just seem to... fit. And, well, that's rather lovely to see. Especially for my little girl, she's always been such a restless and lost soul."
Emily's eyes are drawn to Naomi's face then, and she can't help but reach up to brush the stray piece of hair away from Naomi's eyes, letting the back of her knuckles trail over Naomi's cheek, across her jaw and lightly down her neck, naturally memorising the lines and shapes of Naomi's face like she always has.
She knows that she doesn't need to say anything to Gina when their eyes meet a moment later, she's sure that Gina already understands that Naomi wasn't the only one who was lost back then, but Emily voices her thought anyway, says, "We found each other."
It might be cheesy and a little clichéd, but that doesn't make it any less true, and besides, Emily's willing to be as cheesy and clichéd as she can get if it means that she gets to keep what she and Naomi are lucky enough to have together.
-----
Naomi comes down with a bad cold a few days later, and takes to their bed with her blocked nose, sore throat and chesty cough.
She's blowing her nose into a tissue as Emily comes into the room, clutching a steaming mug of hot lemon.
"How are you feeling, babe?" Emily asks, settling the cup down on the bedside table nearest to Naomi and pressing the back of her hand to Naomi's forehead, frowning slightly at the heat she finds there.
"Fucking shit," Naomi mutters back, batting Emily's hand away. "Stupid England and its shitty, shitty, fucking cold weather and all of the people with their disgusting, contagious germs. We should have stayed in Goa; no one gets bloody colds out there."
Emily chuckles and crawls onto the bed next to Naomi. "Come on, Naomi, it's not that bad to be home. You've just come down with a bug, it's nothing fatal."
Naomi scoffs. "I could be dying here, you know."
"Feeling a bit melodramatic are we?" Emily asks, her eyebrows shooting up in amusement.
"I'm not being melodramatic," Naomi sulks. "You're just being a rubbish nurse, Ems. Not taking care of me properly is all."
Emily breaks out into a smile and nods her head. "Oh, I see, I'm the problem am I? Well, here," she pauses, reaching for the hot lemon and passing it into the hands of a rather reluctant Naomi. "Drink this and then I'll tuck you in and you can try and sleep it off, okay?"
"Fine," Naomi replies, rolling her eyes ineffectively. "But you better stay and cuddle with me."
Emily shakes her head. "No way, Naoms," She starts, her tone teasing. "You wouldn't want me to get sick too, would you? Not if you're dying and all."
"I told you I'd die for you and you're just going to save yourself, charming, that." Naomi laughs briefly as Emily sticks out her tongue, before spluttering into an unfortunate coughing fit.
And Emily knows, as she rubs her hand soothingly up and down Naomi's back, that it doesn't really matter what she says, because they both know she'll end up staying right where she is, running her fingers through Naomi's hair until she falls asleep in her arms.
-----
When Naomi's feeling better, Emily drags her round to the new Fitch household. It's nothing big or fancy like their old house, but it's not the caravan either, so Emily takes comfort in walking up several flights of stairs until they come to the right door.
James answers, his eyes bulging slightly out of his head in surprise before he tackles Emily into a tight hug.
"Hey, hey, what's this all about?" Emily laughs, ruffling James' hair. "You miss me or something?"
James pulls back, his face contorting into fake disgust. "No way bitch," he says, grinning over her shoulder at Naomi. "Just missed staring at your girlfriend's tits."
Emily whacks him around the head playfully and rolls her eyes, says, "Fuck off worm."
He flips her off and runs off into the flat leaving Emily and Naomi to let themselves in further.
"Who was at the door, James?" A voice calls through the narrow hallway and Emily reaches back for Naomi's hand, feeling as Naomi squeezes back supportively before replying, "It's me, Mum, Emily."
Jenna rounds the corner then, looking equally as surprised as James, a tea-towel hanging loosely in her hands.
"Hey Mum," Emily says a tad nervously, offering her a small smile.
Things between them have been a little better since the disastrous barbecue but they still aren't perfect, and Emily's well aware of how disapproving her mum had been about her going away with Naomi for the summer after all that had happened between them that year.
"Hi Mrs. Fitch," Naomi adds after a beat. "You look well."
Emily feels her heart swell, then, and turns to give Naomi a smile, appreciative that Naomi's being daring enough to at least try sincerely with her mother. She knows it's not easy on any of them but she needs for them all to start attempting to deal with the situation if things are ever to get better. It was her life and happiness at stake after all.
She watches as her mum's lips tighten ever so slightly before she breathes deeply out of her nose and nods her head in Naomi's direction, her voice soft when she says, "Thank you, Naomi. You do too." Her eyes fall to Emily then and she smiles genuinely, adds, "You both do. Now, come here and give your mother a hug. I've missed you sweetheart."
Emily makes sure to brush her thumb along the back of Naomi's hand, just once, a conversation spoken between them without words, as she lets go and steps into her mum's arms, and lets herself be wrapped up in the embrace she's been longing for.
"Missed you too, Mum," Emily murmurs into her shoulder, and when she feels her mum's grip tighten on her briefly, she knows the double meaning of her words haven't been lost on her.
"Right," Jenna says, letting her go with a final kiss to her temple. "You've got to stay for some food, Emsy, your dad and Katie will be home soon and I know they'll want to see you." Emily hesitates slightly, glancing back at Naomi before Jenna adds, "You too, Naomi. I won't take no for an answer. Now, come sit down and tell me all about this trip of yours."
Emily doesn't move then, is frozen in place by her mum's unexpected offer, and it isn't until Naomi steps forward and reclaims Emily's hand in her own and smiles at Jenna, says, "We'd love to, wouldn't we, Em?" that Emily snaps out of her haze and nods her head happily; feeling the most content and complete she has in a long.
It's the new start she's been waiting for.
-----
She catches Naomi flipping through a travel brochure the following night and irrational fear flares up inside of her chest out of nowhere.
Emily swallows hard and settles down at the kitchen table next to her, her head nodding in the direction of the brochure when Naomi lifts her eyes up to meet hers. "What's this?"
Naomi smirks back at her playfully. "A brochure, Ems."
"I know that, you twat." She rolls her eyes in response, shaking her head in mock reprimand. "Planning on fucking off somewhere, are you?" Emily asks, trying to keep her tone teasing despite the knot that's developed in her stomach.
"Well," Naomi starts, and suddenly Emily's aware of the seriousness creeping over her face. "I was kind of thinking that, maybe, we could... I don't know, finally go and explore Mexico like you always wanted?"
"But we only just got back from Goa," Emily retorts automatically, feeling a little unsettled by the suggestion.
Naomi does smile then, although it doesn't put Emily at ease the way that it should, and says, "I know that, Em. But, our summer was amazing, I mean, really amazing. And I'm not sure I want that to end yet, you know? Just you and me - us - alone together for awhile longer."
Emily opens and closes her mouth wordlessly a few times, fighting against the unexpected dryness she finds there, and manages to say, "But what about university, Naoms? You're supposed to be going to Goldsmiths in a couple of weeks."
"I already called them," Naomi explains, smiling brightly. "I postponed my acceptance until next year. I thought that since you didn't apply, we could have these next few months as our gap year and then, well, we can decide to apply somewhere together, yeah?"
"Naomi..." Emily murmurs unsurely. "You've practically been dying to go to university since the start of college. And I know you were looking forward to going to Goldsmiths - their political program is one of the best and you're too clever to just throw that away. I can't let you."
Naomi shakes her head and reaches to cover Emily's hand with her own. "Babe, I'm not throwing it away. I'm just putting it off a little."
"Naoms--"
"Em," Naomi cuts in, smiling softly, and bringing Emily's hand up to her lips to kiss. "I just want to be with you, okay?"
Emily purses her lips together, still shaking her head in uncertainty. "We would have made it work, Naomi. We'd have figured it all out. You didn't have to give your dream up; you still would have been with me."
"Ems, this," Naomi says, tapping the brochure and squeezing Emily's hand simultaneously. "You, me, Mexico. That's my dream, okay? That's what I want right now. There's plenty of time for me to go off and become more of an arrogant, political twat, all right?"
Naomi leans across the gap left between them, then, and kisses her sweetly and slowly like they have all the time in the world, and Emily wishes it was only all that simple.
"Okay?" Naomi murmurs when they break apart, and Emily finds herself nodding her head, just once in agreement, even though her stomach is twisting in on itself uncomfortably, and the niggling voice in the back of her head is telling her that time is precious, not something to be wasted away on dreams that can't possibly last forever.
-----
She spends the next few days trying to put her doubts to the back of her mind, and be excited about the adventure they're about to share.
(It doesn't work.)
-----
Emily can see Katie's mouth moving, chattering away over their coffee date, and yet she isn't paying her sister a single bit of attention, her mind still wondering back to the previous morning when Naomi had excitedly presented her with two plane tickets to Mexico.
"Ems... Ems, are you even listening to me?" Katie asks, pulling Emily from her thoughts.
Emily inhales deeply and rubs tiredly at her face. "Sorry, Kay. I'm listening now, I promise," She says. "You've got my full attention."
Katie purses her lips together, studying Emily for a full minute before saying, "What's going on, Ems?"
"Nothing." Emily shakes her head and forces a smile. "Everything's fine. Now, come on, we're talking about you, not me."
"Emily..." Katie sighs pointedly. "I can always see straight through you remember, so, like, cut the crap and tell me what's the matter, yeah?"
Emily bites at her bottom lip for second, conflicted, and then says, "Naomi's bought us tickets to go to Mexico. We leave in a couple of weeks."
Katie stares back at her blinking for a long moment and then quirks her shoulder up in a slight shrug. "Well, that's good, right? That's she's not being a flaming cunt for once in her life. You're lucky that she wants to get you away from this shithole, yeah?"
"Right," Emily echoes unconvincingly, turning her head to look out of the window, staring at all of the people passing by. "Lucky."
She doesn't sound it or feel it though, and if Katie notices she doesn't say anything, instead Emily drinks the rest of her coffee in silence while Katie babbles on about some shoes she saw in Topshop.
It's as good enough a distraction as any other.
-----
Emily doesn't mean to worry as much as she does, but she's always been the kind of person who cares just a little but too much, it's build into her brain and there isn't a way for her to shut it off.
Even when she was little, it was her that got anxious about their first day of school while Katie just brushed it off, and it was her who cried when she didn't do as well on one of her GCSE's as she expected to (even though her parent's had still been proud of what she'd managed to achieve).
And it's not that Emily's still stuck in the past - she's let go of the wrongs they both committed - and it's not that she doubts Naomi, she can't possibly, not after the summer they've just shared together.
It's everything else that she's worried about - the world around them and it's tendency to throw the unexpected in her direction at any given minute; knocking her off balance and throwing her harshly down to the ground.
Emily knows that running away is the easiest option - that going to Mexico with Naomi is the easiest option - escaping everyday life and living in their impenetrable bubble, but it's not realistic.
(It's not what she thinks she wants.)
And she's not sure why or when she started to feel so afraid of the future, but she is, and her fear only amplifies every time that Naomi makes some off-handed comment about how she can't wait for them to get away from it all again.
They're young, happy and in love. Free, Emily thinks, just like she always wanted them to be.
(It doesn't make sense that now, all she wants is for them to be trapped.)
-----
The suns already starting to set, taking away its warmth from the day and leaving behind a cool breeze, by the time she hears footsteps coming from behind her. Emily doesn't need to look to know who it is; she's only ever shown the lake to one other person in her life.
Naomi settles down next to her at the water's edge, and stares out over the lake rather than looking at her, and it's all very peaceful and lovely and Emily wishes that everything could be this uncomplicated.
"Knew I'd find you here," Naomi breathes after a few long moments of silence, turning her head to regard Emily carefully. "So... Katie called me."
"Oh?" Emily replies, averting Naomi's gaze, a sense of dread creeping into her chest.
"Yeah," Naomi starts, pausing only to pull Emily's hand onto her lap. "Ems, babe, look at me." Emily does as she's asked, letting her eyes flit up to Naomi and tries to blink away the tears stinging at her eyes. "Hey, don't," Naomi whispers, reaching out to brush a stray tear off of Emily's cheek.
Emily sniffs, and covers the hand Naomi has on her cheek. "I'm sorry."
"Don't be sorry, Em," Naomi replies, her eyes full of concern. "Just tell me what's wrong, all right? I can't fix it if you don't let me."
"It's nothing," Emily says quietly.
"It didn't seem like nothing to Katie, she sounded worried about you, and to be honest, I am too. You haven't been yourself in days, Em," Naomi says, turning her body in more towards Emily. "Look, if this has something to do with us going to Mexico so soon after Goa, I can change the tickets. We can go next month instead, it's okay."
"It's not that," Emily explains, shaking her head, and feeling the burn from Naomi's gaze on her face. "I do want to go to Mexico, I just..."
"Just what?" Naomi prompts, urging her to continue.
Emily looks away from her again and releases a deep, shuddery breath, her eyes trained on the water as she says, "I don't want you to need us to go, Naomi."
Naomi's forehead scrunches up in realisation and she chuckles softly. "Ems--"
"You don't get it," Emily retorts, her chest constricting tightly at what she's about to say. "I want us to be okay here, in the real world, Naoms. I want you to be okay with us living our ordinary, everyday lives and not always be planning somewhere we can escape to. And I--"
"Emily," Naomi cuts in, forcefully, her eyes glimmering beautifully and an adoring smile on her lips. "Is that what you really think? That I need for us to go away to be happy, for us to really be together?" Emily lowers her eyes sadly and Naomi releases a breath of relief, titling Emily's face back up to hers with her fingers. "Babe, I don't need any of that. I just want to be with you, I don't care whereabouts in the world we are."
"But you put off uni..." Emily murmurs.
Naomi rolls her eyes affectionately and smiles softly. "Ems, I just thought Mexico would be the perfect way to end our year, you know? To make up for all the time we lost. I'm not trying to run away from you or from us, those days are well and truly over, okay? I love you."
"Yeah?" Emily asks, the corners of her lips beginning to quirk up at Naomi's confession, and when Naomi nods her head in confirmation, she can't help but say it back. "I love you too."
"I know," Naomi says and leans in to brush her nose against Emily's in an Eskimo kiss. "And, despite how crazy you are sometimes, and how stupid I can be, I want to share a life with you... if you'll have me of course."
Emily smiles, sniffling through her tears - feeling a little stupid but a lot relieved - not needing to think about it when she says, "Yes, please."
"Good," Naomi replies, capturing Emily's lips in a series of gentle kisses. "Because I wasn't going to take no for an answer, Fitch. You're stuck with me forever, understood?"
Emily doesn't need to reply, then, just threads her fingers into the soft hair at the nape of Naomi's neck and holds on as Naomi presses her down onto the ground and makes love to her tenderly and achingly slow - they have all the time in the world after all - right back where it all started.