Scratch 2/? - Chapter Two (Part Two)
Scratch - Chapter One
Scratch - Chapter Two (Part One)
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The rest of the afternoon passed between them quickly. The sun was shining brightly and the parts of the garden that Renée pointed out to be her favourites were absolutely beautiful. They’d talked and laughed, teasing each other whenever they got the chance. Renée had been taking pictures as they walked around, and promised to show Erica them once they were developed.
They were sitting back on the blanket when Erica heard the unexpected click of the camera again. She hastily turned to face Renée who was suspiciously acting as though she was looking off into the distance, “Please tell me that you did not just take my picture again?”
Renée turned towards her with a sheepish expression, “Of course not, you’ve been telling me off all day for taking shots of you, why would I want to anger you more.”
Erica rolled her eyes, “I swear you’ve been photographing me all day. Whenever I turn to look at something I hear that little click of your camera.”
Renée shrugged, “I can’t help it; you’re beautiful.”
Erica blushed and let out a little laugh, “You can keep saying that but it doesn’t mean you’re any closer to sleeping with me.”
Renée shook her head, a serious look falling over her features, “I mean it Erica, you’re really beautiful,” Erica felt a lump form in her throat as Renée’s intense eyes held hers, “You look sad sometimes, when you think I’m not looking, and I can’t help but wonder just exactly what went on with that girl in Seattle... I mean she clearly hurt you enough to make that glimmer of sadness settle into your eyes and well,” she shrugged, “I guess I just wanted to remind you that people like her aren’t worth the pain, they’re not worth letting you feel less beautiful than you are, and they’re definitely not worth being broken up over.”
Erica felt anger rise in her chest and scowled, “You don’t know anything about me, you have no right to tell me what I should and should not be feeling.”
Renée shook her head, “I’m not trying to tell you how to feel, I just think that whatever went on with that woman is holding you back a little, I mean you’ve laughed with me today and you’ve talked to me but you still look like you’re holding back.”
“Holding me back?” Erica growled, “From what? You?” Renée frowned a little and opened her mouth to speak, “We barely know each other, so maybe that’s why I’m holding back-”
“No you’re holding back because you got hurt and you don’t want to risk it again.”
Erica scoffed and stood from the blanket, “I take risks, but just because I don’t jump in head first like you doesn’t mean I’m holding back.”
Renée looked up at her, “Why don’t you tell me about her then? Take a risk and trust, let me in on that part of your life,” Erica looked away from her, biting the inside of her cheek to stop herself from saying something she might regret. Renée stood from the blanket and tentatively touched her arm, “Come on Erica; don’t be so closed off. Maybe I can help you let her go.”
Erica snatched her arm away and glared back at grey eyes, “Look my past is my business, it’s nothing to do with you and you have no right to demand that I trust you. What happened between me and Callie is history that doesn’t need to be dissected.”
Renée swiped her tongue across her bottom lip and nodded, “Callie? That was her name then? Was she beautiful?”
“I said leave it alone, why are you pushing this?”
“Because I want to know why, after forty years of thinking you were straight that this woman, Callie, could make you forget all of that in a heartbeat. I want to know what she looked like, how she made you feel, what your first time together was like, why it went wrong, why she went back to sleeping with-”
“Would you shut the fuck up and mind your own fucking business,” Erica shook her head angrily, “I told you I wanted to leave it alone Renée, I don’t want to trust you with it, I don’t want your ‘I’ve been a lesbian forever’ advice and knowledge and I definitely don’t want your judgement on why my last relationship didn’t work out.”
“I’m just trying to help, I want us to be friends.”
“I told you, I don’t want your help,” she held Renée’s eyes to see if she would back down but the intention in her grey eyes told the blonde that this curiosity she had about her past wasn’t going away any time soon, “You know what, I can’t do this, I don’t know what I was thinking when I agreed to come out with you, you’re a total stranger,” she shrugged, “ I don’t think I want your friendship at all.”
Erica turned on her heel and snatched her purse up off of the blanket, she couldn’t do this; she couldn’t handle becoming so entwined with somebody again, not so soon after what had happened in Seattle. Renée was right, it was a risk, but it was one she wasn’t ready to take just yet, not while she was still healing.
She began heading out of the park when she heard Renée call after her, she turned to face her and watched as the brunette slid to a stop, “Look I didn’t mean to offend you Erica, and I’m not trying to insult you in any way, I just...” she sucked in a deep breath, “I really like you and I want to know you, I want you to feel like you can talk to me,” Erica crossed her arms over her chest and continued to glare angrily at the woman in front of her, “I know what it’s like to be there, in that beginning stage where all of the feelings you’re having are new and confusing, and I definitely know what it’s like to be heartbroken by a woman you thought was your best friend,” Renée shrugged her shoulders and smiled sadly, “I know how hard it can be to open up and trust someone after you’ve been let down, but I want you to know that you can talk to me about this, about anything... if you want too of course. No judgement I promise, and I’ll even keep my cockiness in check,” she offered the blonde a smile, “So stay? We’ll go back to having fun, I’ll leave it alone I promise.”
Erica shook her head, “I’m going home,” she turned her back to the brunette and began walking away, calling, “Don’t try and call me either, I don’t want to see you again,” over her shoulder as she headed back towards the street to find a cab.
So much for starting over without looking back, apparently starting over from scratch wasn’t as easy as she had hoped it would be.
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It had been two days since her date with Renée had completely blown up in her face, and yet she couldn’t shake the anger that had settled into her at the brunette’s interfering nature. She’d come to Denver to escape all ties with Seattle and Callie Torres, and having Renée, the first person who had given her a glimpse of hope that not all was lost in the last few weeks of her life, had suddenly and very irritating snatched it back.
Erica flipped her phone open to see several missed calls from Renée; she’d be actively avoiding her ever since they’d gotten into their argument. The blonde grabbed the remote to her stereo and switched it on, enjoying the easy music that swiftly filled the apartment and let her mind drift back to the heated words that had been passed between them.
She entered her kitchen and eagerly filled a glass with wine, taking several large sips before running her fingers through her hair. Why was it that disaster seemed to follow her wherever she went? All she wanted was a clean break, a chance to forget her past and look to the future without lingering in her mistakes and regrets.
How was it possible that she’d moved to a state where she knew nobody and the first person that she did actually spend time getting to know shoved that idea right out of the picture and wanted Erica to rebuild her past before her very eyes just so she could understand how the blonde had gotten to this awful place in her life.
She’d tried so hard to make things different, to let go of all that had held her back in Seattle and yet here she was, being caught up from all that she’d tried to escape only to be pulled back into the centre of the disaster zone. Erica snatched her phone up from her coffee table and allowed her fingers to flurry over the keypad, “fuck you” appeared on the screen and she had to resist the urge to send the message to Callie and to Renée.
Whoever thought that women were easier to be with than men was an all out liar. Women were ten times more complex. You always think that being in a relationship with another woman will be easier than being with a man because woman like talking about their feelings, they like opening up and sharing that side of themselves, and when Erica had finally taken that risk and allowed someone in, Callie had thrown it right back in her face, and now Renée wanted her to open up and share with her and she couldn’t, she physically couldn’t. It was as if her heart had gotten hold of some strong materials and enclosed itself away from everyone just to protect itself from another attack of hurt and disappointment.
Fuck it, all this over analysing and over thinking was making her head spin more than it already was, she needed some air and she needed some damn coffee... no more wine. Erica hastily snatched up her purse and jacket, flipping off her stereo before heading for the door. She stopped at once as she caught sight of a large brown envelope leaning against the wall opposite her door in the corridor.
Erica bent down and picked it up, her eyes immediately drawn to the obnoxious bright pink sticky note tacked to the front of it. Her eyes scanned over the unfamiliar writing and she felt her chest clench at the sight of Renée’s name written neatly at the bottom.
Retreating back in to her apartment with the unexpected package, she tossed her purse and jacket onto the nearest chair and flopped down onto the couch, placing the envelope face down on her coffee table so that the note was hidden from her view.
She leaned her head against the back of the couch and closed her eyes as she breathed in several deep breathes; letting her mind wonder to what could be contained inside the large paper envelope. Erica dropped her gaze down to where it rested on her coffee table and slowly pushed herself up until she was sitting on the edge of the couch, her elbows resting on her knees and her hands clasped together in front of her mouth.
She wondered briefly, why Renée hadn’t knocked on the door and given this to her personally and then scolded herself for being an idiot when she realised she’d made her feelings pretty clear about where the brunette remained in her life.
Erica reached out tentatively and traced the tip of her finger across the outline of the envelope before curling her fingers around it and turning it over. Her blue eyes were instantly drawn back to the bright pink sticky note and without thinking any further she plucked it from the envelope and held it close enough to her eyes that she could read the note that had been written across it.
‘Blondie,
I know you’re probably thinking it’s a little stalkerish that I’ve not only been calling you constantly but also that I’ve now hunted down where you live, but I swear I’m not a creep.
We both know what an overconfident, cocky, and (your personal favourite) annoying person I am, and I completely admit defeat this time, you were completely right in everything that you said to me. I take the blame and the anger you directed at me, knowing that this entire thing is my fault wholeheartedly.
I just want you to know that I’m deeply sorry for pushing past that invisible line of what can and can’t be prodded at, it’s a terrible habit I have and I should really get it sorted (with your help I think I’m already a step closer to learning to mind my own business).
Inside the envelope is... well you’ll see what it is and I hope that maybe you can forgive me enough to understand that I only wanted to show you how beautiful the world can be through new eyes if you could just learn to trust me enough to show you that starting over can be incredible.
I hope you can forgive me, because as strange as it may sound, I miss you already.
Renée.’
Erica read through the note several times before lowering it from her eyes and placing it back down onto the table. She leaned forward and grabbed the envelope, curious to find out what was inside. She carefully pulled open the seal and reached inside, pulling out the contents of Renée’s gift.
Her blue eyes drank in the sight of the selection of beautiful black and white photos that had clearly been taken on the day of her date with Renée. There were several pictures of the garden’s Renée had shown her, each stunning in the way the light and shadows fell across them. As she came to the last one she found another post it note tacked to it, ‘Trying to actively get into your pants is withheld for the time being, but this is my favourite shot from the day - I really meant it when I told you that you were beautiful’. Erica peeled the post it note off of the photograph and instantly felt the corner of her lips tug up into a small smile; it was a picture of her looking off at something over in the distance, the sun shining down on her and making her skin look glowing as a few pieces of hair were carelessly blown across her face, an unaware smile on her lips.
She knew that Renée had been snapping off shots right, left and centre with her camera, and she was even pretty sure that she had been the focus of a few of the shots, she was just surprised to find beauty in the way Renée had captured her. Erica hated having her photo taken at all times, but there was something about knowing that Renée had willingly thought her worthy of being the object of her attention for even a moment on such a glorious day, in such a gorgeous place that was beyond her comprehension.
Erica sighed and rubbed a hand over her face, how could she have been so stupid as to let one slightly off-handed, pushy comment turn her into the type of person who flies off of the handle and yells in a fit of blind rage. She’d even been bitchy enough to reject Renée’s attempt at an apology and still the brunette had gone through the effort to make up for what she had said.
The blonde grabbed her phone and dialled Renée’s number, pressing it tightly to her ear in hope that the other woman would answer. After several rings the phone went straight to voice-mail and Erica simply hit the disconnect button; she didn’t want to make up over a voice-mail message, and if she couldn’t speak to Renée over the phone, then she’d damn well go out looking for her so that she could speak to her face to face.
Erica grabbed her purse, jacket and car keys and headed out of her apartment, she had the perfect idea of where Renée just might be.
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Erica pulled her car to a stop outside of Sky’s and slowly entered the bar, making one last desperate attempt to search out Renée. Her eyes drank in all of the people and she caught no sign of the brunette at all. A frown settled onto her face and she headed towards the bar and slipped up onto one of the bar stools in defeat.
She’d gone straight from her apartment to the Denver Botanic Gardens where Renée had taken her for their date; she searched the entire place and found no trace of the other woman. Afterwards she’d headed straight to Renée’s studio and found herself even more knocked back when her eyes caught sight of the closed sign hanging in the door. She’d even used the phone book to find Renée’s apartment and waited ten minutes outside of her door without an answer; luckily one of Renée’s neighbours had passed the blonde and informed her that Renée had left earlier that morning to do some jobs, what jobs exactly had unfortunately not been discussed in neighbourly passing.
“You look like you could use this,” Erica looked up from her thoughts to see Karl sliding her a glass of wine and offering her his easy smile.
“Thanks,” she took a sip of the wine and let out a deep breath, “Have you seen Renée over the last couple of days?”
Karl’s smile faded and he shook his head, “Sorry love I haven’t seen her since the day of your date,” he saw a flicker of surprise cross Erica’s eyes and smiled, “She came in her before you arrived, all jittery and nervous about the plans she had made for the date, she kept telling me all about how excited she was, and how she couldn’t wait to get to know everything about you.”
Erica scowled down at her drink, muttering, “Shit,” under her breath as she reached up to tuck a loose curl behind her ear.
“I guess from that look that the date didn’t go well?” Karl gently asked as Erica finally met his eyes again. She shook her head and frowned sadly, “Want to tell me what happened?”
Erica thought about it for a second before realising that Karl had made it pretty clear on her first night in his bar that he would be a shoulder to cry on and an ear to listen, and right now she needed a little of both, “I fucked up,” she pinched the bridge of her nose and willed the tears that were building up in her eyes to disappear, “Renée made the day perfect, she took me to her favourite spot in town, we had a laugh, everything was going great until...”
“Until what love? I can’t help you unless you give me a few details.”
“Until she started asking about my last relationship,” Erica hurriedly wiped at a tear that managed to escape her eye and smiled at Karl when he offered her a napkin, “I got really defensive and I was so rude to her. I was just angry about it...”
Karl nodded, “Angry that Renée asked about it?”
Erica shook her head, “No, I was angry that I have this messy past to talk about in the first place, I’m angry that I put myself out there and got hurt. So when Renée pushed me for answers, I knew she wanted me to risk my trust again and I took my anger out on her for being let down before.”
“Have you tried explaining it to her?”
Erica dabbed at her eyes with the napkin, “No. I was a complete bitch and stormed off. I think I even told her that I didn’t want her in my life at all. She’s tried calling me over the last couple of days but I’ve ignored her, and then this morning when I went to leave my apartment there was this envelope, and this note from Renée and it just made me realise that she was right, I was holding back from her,” Karl offered her a small smile and covered her hand with his large one reassuringly, “I spent all day looking for her because I wanted to say sorry and explain my stupid freak-out but I can’t find her anywhere,” she lifted her eyes to Karl’s kind ones, “Please tell me you know where I should try looking for her?”
Karl glanced over her shoulder briefly and then back to her eyes, beaming a smile at her, “I’d try looking behind you first, sometimes it’s the obvious places that work out.”
Erica raised an eyebrow in question and Karl nodded his head behind her towards the bar entrance. She turned her head over her shoulder and felt her eyes widen at the sight of the woman she’d spent the day looking for.
Renée caught Erica’s eye and sheepishly moved towards her, “Hey...”
Erica smiled and fought against the lump in her throat, “Hey,” she gestured to the stool next to her, “I got your note and the photos.”
Renée slipped onto the stool next to her and nodded shyly, “Oh... that’s good...” she looked at Erica uncertainly, “Right?”
Erica nodded, “Yes, it’s a really good thing,” she saw Renée’s hand resting on the bar and dared to cover it with her own, “Look Renée, I owe you a massive apology. I’m really sorry about the other day, I overreacted big time; I shouldn’t have said what I did-”
“No, you had every right to yell at me,” Renée cut in, her eyes full of apology as she held Erica’s gaze and reached up with her other hand to cover the one Erica had resting on her own, “I should never have kept pushing you, I’m sorry.”
They both smiled a little and Erica felt some of the tension lift from between them, “Thank you for the photographs, they were really beautiful, and so was the note that you wrote,” she smiled shyly, “They meant a lot to me.”
Renée smiled, “I think you’re beautiful.”
Erica let an amused expression dance across her lips, “You can’t keep saying that.”
“Why not, it’s true,” Renée’s normal cheeky grin returned to her lips at once, “Does this mean I’m forgiven blondie?”
Erica rolled her eyes, “Only if you quit calling me that.”
Renée shook her head and smirked, “Not a chance,” she stood from the bar and leant her mouth next to the blonde’s ear, “Besides, you love it when I call you it.”
Erica sucked in a deep breath and shivered at the feeling of Renée’s breath against her skin. She heard Renée chuckle and turned to face her, “You’re so annoying.”
“You can’t keep saying that.”
Erica raised an eyebrow and rolled her eyes, as a playful smile fell onto her lips, “Why not, it’s true.”
Renée laughed, “Very funny blondie,” she grabbed the blonde’s hand and led her over to the dart board; her eyes instantly locking onto blue, “I tell you what, why don’t we make a deal?”
“What kind of deal?”
Renée plucked the darts out of the board and held them out to Erica, moving them back towards her chest and out of the blonde’s grasp when she reached for them, much like she had done on the night they first met, “If I can get all three of these darts in the bulls eyes then you have to go out with me again.”
Erica took another step towards the brunette and covered her hands around Renée’s, “What makes you think I wouldn’t anyway?”
Renée smirked, “I don’t know, maybe your little outburst on out last attempt.”
Erica smiled back in response, “I want us to do the whole dating thing-”
“Finally you admit it,” Renée grinned victoriously.
Erica ignored her comment and pursed her lips together briefly, “But... I need for us to go a little slower, okay?”
Renée’s smile quickly turned serious , “I’m not going anywhere; we can go at any pace you want okay? No more inappropriate questions. Maybe you could just... tell me about Callie when you’re ready?”
“That sounds perfect too me,” she lifted her hands to cup Renée’s face and drew her lips down to her own; brushing a gentle kiss across her soft lips, before tracing her tongue across their outline and sliding her tongue into Renée’s welcoming mouth.
Erica pulled back with a playful nip at Renée’s plump bottom lip, chuckling when the brunette’s wobbled into her. She braced her hands against Renée’s hips and smiled teasingly when her beautiful grey eyes finally fluttered back open; her expression a little dazed, her mouth opening and closing a couple of times like she was looking and failing to find words to respond with.
Erica quirked a brow and smirked, “Kissing is universal you know. I have done it many times before, so don’t look so surprised that I know what I’m doing.”
Renée’s shock wore off at the blonde’s words and she smiled back, “I’m not surprised, just impressed,” she slid her hands up Erica’s arms and let her arms hang loosely around the blonde’s neck, “I think you owe me more kisses, don’t you blondie?”
Erica chuckled and pressed her lips back to Renée’s, revelling in how good it felt to have the brunette wrapped in her arms as their tongues danced gracefully together.
Sometimes starting over from scratch can be really hard, but sometimes, when you have all of the tools, and somebody to help you, rebuilding your life can be a little easier than you ever thought it would be.