[Fic] Kokoro no bodyguard - Chapter 17
Title: Kokoro no Bodyguard
Author: theblackheat
Pairing(s): Akanishi/Kamenashi
Rating: later NC-17
Genre: Historical, Fantasy, Romantic, Drama, AU
Beta by: witchann2 helping me out <3
K-chan big thanks for giving me this beautiful idea that can't let me sleep :P XD
Disclaimer: I don't own the guys only the plot.
Summary: “Kamenashi Kazuya, You will abandon everything from now on, your ancestors, your possession, your rights and your life to serve your new daimyou(1) Akanishi Jin, from Akanishi clan until your last heartbeat?” Kame raised his gaze up from the floor in all submission to the tall and majestic young man in front of him in the deep purple sokutai(2) made of the finest silk. His dark long hair was held up and hid under a black kanmuri(3) like the aristocrats wear it and making his cheekbones more visible. It caused the young man hold his breath for a short time when those deep brown eyes fall on him and pinned him to the ground. The samurai gulped hardly and breathed out the words before he bent down and kissed his lord’s sword.
“On my oath”
Warning: Despit this is a historical fanfic, most of the names/places are only figment of my imagination! Character's death! (but I don't tell whose ;P)
Author Note: (1) lord (2) is complex attire only worn by courtiers, aristocrats and the emperor at the court in Japan. Part of a sokutai are the shaku, a flat ritual baton or sceptre (3) and a hat called kanmuri
Prologue // Chapter 1 // Chapter 2 // Chapter 3 // Chapter 4 // Chapter 5 // Chapter 6 // Chapter 7 // Chapter 8 // Chapter 9 // Chapter 10 // Chapter 11 // Chapter 12 // Chapter 13 // Chapter 14 // Chapter 15 // Chapter 16
I wish my readers a very Merry Christmas! Here you have the new chapter to read :3
Update
- Chapter 17 -
Kamenashi hurried to the headquarters, where his father was already waiting for him, after he finished talking to Omora-san. The main leader was probably just accidentally there and used the time to have a polite conversation with Kazuya’s father. The young samurai knew very well that the two of them had known each other for a long time, so there was nothing bad about having a nice chat without him. He knew it wouldn’t be such a situation when they would talk about the young guard behind his back, better to say they wouldn’t talk about him, would they? But after Kazuya gave a look at the two older men, who just seemed anxious and exchanged a few worried glances, the young man knew he was wrong and there was something serious.
“Oh, there is the young Kamenashi, so I will leave you alone then,” the old man said and closed the door behind him.
“My father, I haven’t seen you for a while. Is there something that happened?” the young guard bowed and couldn’t wait longer to put his question up to the man. He behaved as calm as usually, but the heavy feeling inside him didn’t let him to act as one. His eyes stared at the man in front of him reflecting his worry that tortured him in the very moment.
“Sit down, my son.”
The young guard did so, but he got more and more anxious as he waited for the answer. No news starts with ‘sit down…’, if it is not a bad news, Kazuya was sure about it. Even if he didn’t get news often, he had a firm conviction that they don’t start like this usually. The only thing he could do was praying that it was not the worst news he has to face at least. Anything would be good… Even if he has to leave Himeji for God knows why, but really anything, anything else than…
“I have some news about your mother, Kazuya.”
Anything than that. Hearing the words, the guard’s heartbeat left out a beat before it started to speed up spreading the adrenaline inside his body.
“Your mother had an accident. She is alive, but… but she lost her sight. I’m so sorry, my son.”
Kamenashi-san talked slowly and his voice wavered from the emotions. He felt miserable and hated that he had to tell to Kazuya, but he had no other choice. He waited for a few seconds letting the information sink into the young man’s mind. The gold-brown eyes grew wider and the soft skin became pale in the next moment. Did he really hear it right? Were they talking about his mother, who gave him birth and treasured him as a gift from the Gods?
“I’m so sorry to tell you this, my son, but I need you now. I got the information from a friend there who got to know about the accident. I went to Takamatsu, but your mother didn’t want to come with me. I’m ready to give her a place to live and any support she needs, but she refused. What can I do now? I hoped maybe you… you can talk to her.”
“W-where is she now?” Kazuya breathed it on a low voice.
“She is still at Takamatsu. Someone might help there, but I don’t know. She didn’t want to leave the city. I don’t know how to help her if she stays there,” the concern look in the deep brown eyes showed how worried he was and desperate in the same time. They were not a real family like connected through blood, but they were very close to one. Kamenashi-san always cared about his mother and kept his word. He was a man with a good heart and had two women to take care after, while the Gods didn’t gave him the chance to hold his own heir in his hands.
“I’ll go!” the young Kamenashi rose to his feet and stumbled to the door with the shocked face.
“Kazuya, wait! I have to talk to the daimyou. But I’m sure he will let you… I mean for some time… How much is needed. I did talk to Omora-san and we agreed… Do you listen to me? Kazuya!”
The young guard didn’t wait and rushed out of the room as if someone had chased him and he ran for his life. His steps got longer and sped up until he was actually running not caring about the headquarters anymore, not even the guards, who were standing outside the building talking. He just dashed by, making them flee apart like a bunch of black crows croaking in surprise.
It didn’t matter for Kazuya. He couldn’t care anymore. His mother had an accident and lost the light of her eyes. She won’t see her son again and Kazuya can’t fulfill his promise to make her proud, to be the strong and clever and handsome man she wanted her son to be. He lost it. He lost the chance to show his mother. He lost the chance to fulfill it. The young man did everything to make his mother proud of him, and believed in a happy meeting. In his dreams he always saw the beautiful woman, who was strong and loved her son more than everything else in that word, smiling and with open arms, just like she always waited the little Kazuya to run back, to take her son into a tight embrace. The one, that a mother gives to her child, and can wash any troubling thoughts away. The one, that can give peace and love.
It won’t happen again, no matter how strong Kazuya is going to be or clever. He won’t have the chance to show his mother what he became along the years. If the woman would have been there in the near, he would have run to her right away, but that would have turned out not the way he dreamed about. He would have run with tears in his eyes sobbing and breaking down into the mother-arms like a five years old child after he has fallen and hurt himself.
No! He can’t afford it, although he was crying already. His mother needs a strong support and someone who she can rely on. The son she was dreaming about wouldn’t cry on her shoulder like a weakling. He was stronger than that, Kazuya thought. Just… He has to get this feeling out of his system. He has to seed the tears which were burning his eyes and ease his sore heart. He has to cry one more time. Just for a little longer…
The young guard didn’t notice that Takeda was following him after he broke out of the building and dashed through the yard. The taller man felt that something was not alright with the visit of Kamenashi-san. It was too sudden and unexpected. He stayed in the near until Kazuya was inside the headquarters and waited for the moment when his friend appeared again. Although only for a moment, but he saw the expression on the young samurai’s face and the tears, which shined in the afternoon sunshine. The black haired man told Kamenashi-san he would go to talk to Kazuya and ran after the freaked out man.
***
Jin sat there inside the pagoda after his guard left him. Takeda’s timing was the worst this time, but it made him cool down a bit at least. He promised he won’t push Kazuya again and he did. Not just emotionally, but literally too. He pushed the young man to the floor and jumped on him. He didn’t know what had happened to him and why he lost his temper that much. He was always a short-tempered man, but until now something like that has never happened to him. Somehow, he lost all his control and smashed even the table to the other side of the pagoda. That was sick, he had to admit.
The heir’s back leant against the wooden column and he sighed frustrated. Everything went fine first, didn’t it? He became obsessed with this stupid feeling that took over the leadership in his mind and body. He chased the young samurai kind of possessed. And now? After he got the answer he was still shocked. Putting together the pieces he got a clearer view, but that didn’t bring the blessed satisfaction he has waited. When he didn’t know what Kamenashi’s secret was, why the guard behaved so strange, it made him to be addicted to find it out. But after he got it, it was more… It was an explanation for everything that caused a huge line of questions in his head, though it was…
Kamenashi was interested in men which was apparently true, only the son of the daimyou was that blind not to notice it earlier. It was just one thing, but the guard has fallen in love with a man which was kind of… weird. Not like it was impossible, but Jin was not in love for a long time, if he has been ever in his life. He had a few crushes when he was younger, but thinking back it was kind of young blunder. Anyway if his thoughts went back to the moment when Kazuya told him that he was in love with someone, Jin’s heart felt a dull pain. A choking sensation inside his chest that was a sign that he couldn’t accept it, he was just… he couldn’t digest that it was true.
They were still playing that wakashuu thing. Kamenashi was his guard and a pretty close one, a personal guard so to say. When did that happen? Why? He didn’t understand why his samurai avoided him because of this. Or was the problem the wakashuu role? He couldn’t see through the lines, it was better to ask the other as soon as possible.
Herewith he rose to his feet and left the pagoda. He went on the way where Kamenashi disappeared with the other guard. He was sure, if he asks someone who saw them, he will get information about their whereabouts easily. It passed some time, maybe an hour since Kazuya left, so there was a chance that they already finished their conversation.
Jin was right and found Kamenashi-san at the first division, where the man’s son left him. The older man greeted him politely and invited the heir further in for a little talk. It seemed that Kamenashi-san already expected Jin to show up or he had the plan to find the heir in the other case.
“What can I do for you, Kamenashi-san?” Akanishi pointed the question to the man in front of him who seemed quite stressed.
“I have a huge request for you, young lord.”
“You are old friends with my father, though we hardly know each other. As the first son of the daimyou I can tell you I will give a hand to you, just name it.”
“It’s about Kazuya… “ the older man started with a sigh. “Your father, the daimyou was who always helped me, even to get my son the best training and after that Kazuya joined the army of your father. I know he had the vow of obedience when he did so. I know how this is working as a retired general, but now I really need your grace and your patience to let him go.”
“W-what? Let him go?” the dark eyebrows run up in surprise and Jin couldn’t hide his emotions. The second slap on the face in a short while on that day. That was kind of joke, wasn’t it?
“I know it’s sudden and this is not the place where people enter and leave as they wish. There was an accident in our family and Kazuya’s mother…”
“She died? Is she alright? Oh my Buddha, help us!” the heir cut in.
“No, fortunately not, but she has serious injuries. I dare to ask you to let Kazuya visit his mother under these circumstances, young lord. Just for a while. As much as you can go without one of your guards,” Kamenashi leaned forward bowing till the floor. “I beg you.”
“No! I mean it’s not needed. I can let him go for a while of course,” he said, but inside his heart he was not that convinced about it. The family meant the most for Jin, that’s why he was more than touched hearing the bad news. If he were in the place of the young samurai he would dash away with his horse in the next minute. Probably Kazuya did the same, though he already knew his guard and that he wouldn’t do something like that, without his lord’s permission. “I hope your wife will be alright soon. I will pray to the gods.”
“Thank you, my lord,” actually, Kazuya’s mother wasn’t his wife, but that tiny detail had no weight in this situation. The daimyou knew it, the daimyou and a few people around him. That was more than enough. “I would take my son with right now, but I don’t know where he is. He took the news really… bad and ran away. I’m sure he needs some time, so… If you would tell him that he can leave I would be glad, young lord. I’ll stay in the town and will wait him at the rest-house near to the onsen.”
“Oh… sure, I will talk to him, don’t worry, Kamenashi-san.”
Jin bowed politely and left the man behind to look for his guard, who had more and more problems that weighted on him. That was going to be really messed up. Their little conversation has to be postponed on the top of that. Just great! Why couldn’t everything work simply, going smoothly? Because it contained the young Kamenashi and him? Probably they had some kind of curse… or not. Anyway, the first thing he had to do was finding Kazuya and talk to him. That running away gave the heir more worries than anything else, even more than the fact that his young samurai had a secret lover. Jin’s possessiveness was huge, but between these circumstances his protectiveness grew bigger, than that. He had to see that Kazuya was alright. He was alright, wasn’t he? At least he hoped his guard didn’t want to do some stupid thing.
***
Takeda urged his horse to run faster. He was backward to Kazuya, who didn’t even cared to straddle Ryuu no Kage, just jumped on his horse and dashed away riding it bare-back. Takeda never knew how to do it, so he needed time to make his horse ready and hurried after his friend. For his luck he knew which way the young guard left and which direction he should look for him. It took him a little while to find Kamenashi’s small form somewhere in the farness. Horse and his owner moved along the river with a high speed. Takeda dug his heels into the sides of his thoroughbred and rode after the young samurai.
When they came closer to the place where the bamboo forest was, the black haired man could work down some distance and as soon as he came closer he yelled after his friend. It didn’t stop Kazuya, but at least he slowed down somewhat. When Take approached his guard mate, he took a strong hold on the clothes of the other man to make him stop.
“Why did you run away? And why can’t you stop when I call your name like a hundred times? Huh?”
Both of them panted heavily, but even that didn’t block the taller man not to lecture Kamenashi like a little child. The young man on the back of Ryuukage leant a little forward and didn’t dare to look up. His short fingers were entangled into the long black locks of the horse as he tried to take a hold on his own breathing.
“Why don’t you talk to me, Kame?”
“L-let me… Take… please… let me… “ Kazuya’s voice was broken from the panting and fighting with the sobbing that was still torturing him mercilessly.
“No way! Listen to me, will you?” he pulled harder on the fabric and with that he dragged Kazuya off of the back of the black animal.
They stumbled further from the two horses while Takeda still kept a tight hold on the arm of the younger man, which he grabbed just after Kazuya sank into the ground with his feet. It seemed that the guard needed not only a little leading, but even some support. When they were finally face to face with each other the black haired man started again holding both arms of his friend in an iron grip.
“I know you have some problem for a while and now you got some bad news, too. Am I right?” for that Kazuya was only able to nod whimpering like a little child. “We have already agreed to share problem, like friends do. I won’t watch again you disappear and bury your problem deep inside like you did the last time. There is something wrong with you since… I don’t know, but quite a while. So talk to me.”
“I… I can’t Take. I just can’t.”
“Sure you can! Telling me you can’t talk is already talking. Go on!”
“You don’t understand,” Kazuya finally looked up with his teary eyes. There was pain and despair in those golden eyes. It made Take’s hair stand up on the back of his neck. He has never seen such emotions from his friend, hardly any emotions in the past. “You can’t help, Take. No one can. I did lose everything. My mother had an accident and she became blind. I wanted her to see me and be proud of me. She won’t… ever… see me. Even if she would, I’m not more than… a fake lover of the son of the daimyou. We know that it’s not true, that it’s fake, but… my heart… does not. I can’t help, but… I fell in love… I love the heir, Take… I love him.”
“Oh, holly shit!” it ran out of the taller man’s mouth, but in the next moment he pulled harder on the small arms and took Kazuya into a tight embrace. The younger man let him and even raised his arms to take a strong hold around Takeda’s neck. He needed it. He needed that kind of support so much in the moment, that he didn’t even realize how desperately he was hanging on the other guard seeking for help, warmth and safety. Those were all there waiting for him, the shoulder to cry on, the arms to protect and keep him standing on the ground, and the caressing hand that didn’t stop for a moment until the tears were falling.
***
The autumn wind whirled the colorful leaves, which were sprinkled at the two hugging forms in the sunset. At a further distance, the son of the daimyou sat on the back of his palomino horse, with a stiffened face and his grip tightened around the rein. It was… it was Takeda after all, wasn’t it? He should have known it. It was so… obvious, wasn’t it? That guard was always around Kazuya. He felt something was there. He was a total idiot, such a blind idiot. The choking feeling was back again and in the next moment it became so intense, that Jin had to press his palm against his chest. What the hell was happening to him? What was that feeling? Why did he have to have that pain thinking at Kazuya? It was… He couldn’t speak a word as his throat dried out suddenly, he was… he was not going to… It was too intense.
Akanishi bit back a curse and blinked away the tears, which watered his eyes making them shiny. He was not going to stand there like a fool dumbfounded. With a harsh pull he turned his horse back and rode back to the castle on a high speed. The palomino ran as fast as it was able to, though Jin didn’t stop to hit the animal’s side a few times, urging it to speed up more. The heir had mercy on it, only when they were inside the walls of Himeji. After they reached the stalls Jin got off of the back of the horse and hurried inside the building. Dashing by a few servants he managed to get into his study room where he shoved the sliding door with a huge bang.
He felt like being cheated, or played. Those two were probably together since he stepped on the ground from the dock of the ship, a few months ago. He trusted them, he trusted Kazuya… it was… it was not fair. They kissed and his guard didn’t push him away. Why? Why did he do that? It was like Kamenashi knew how to twist someone around his finger. Jin fell in the trap. He was twisted, and turned upside down already. Thinking back he even got turned on watching his guard. It was like a stupid spell that made him act as a dumbass and filled his thoughts with the young man. It was… it was just not fair.
The heir picked up a porcelain vase and smashed it against the wall in anger. No one was able to make him feel like Kazuya did. It was like hell, burning hell feeding from anger and… and some jealousy. Akanishi walked around his table like a wild animal groaning and cursing. He won’t let the love birds laugh at him, at his misery. He couldn’t face them right know, he couldn’t think on face them at all. Watching them stealing lovely glances? No way in hell. Someone has to leave. Kamenashi has to leave; he has some family issue anyway. Yes, that is!
An hour and a few bottle of sake later Jin nerves chilled down somehow and he was able to sit down behind his desk. He managed to finish preparing the things together before Kazuya appeared in his doorway with a pale face and talked on a weak voice avoiding the heir’s look, who didn’t waste time to look at his guard either.
“… so… I have to go… and take care of my moth… “
“You can leave, Kamenashi. Here is your pay and a letter that justify your free moving around. If you show that to the guards on the border, they will let you out of the prefecture without a problem,” the son of the daimyou informed the young man dryly.
“Oh… I… thank you, my lord. I didn’t dare to think about… asking you. I am… I wanted to tell you… that…” Kazuya started unsurely, but Jin cut in impatiently.
“It’s not needed so say anything. You’d better go. Your father is already waiting.”
“Just I’ll…”
“Go! I’m busy right now.”
‘I want to come back to you’ the guard wanted to say, but the tears gathered again in his eyes like the first row of an army waiting for the command while his throat became sore, with the choking feeling that attacked him. He was just thrown out, wasn’t he? The heir seemed pretty angry. He was disappointed too, wasn’t he? He made his lord disappointed. He failed again. The waves of the blank future dashed over his head and washed away all of his hopes. The beautiful man turned around slowly and walked away in silence. He lost… He lost everything within an afternoon. It was painful, but he already felt numb. Numb at the pain and numb at the tears. He didn’t feel anything at all.
The summer was over and his love has to die just as the leaves on the trees, feeling down and disappearing under the white snow-blanket that will cover them soon. He has to do it too, right? He has to bury them soon and think about the future. He has to be strong again take care of his mother who needed him right know. He got his new duty. With that he walked out of the castle and got on the back of Ryuu no Kage. It was better to go quickly and not to look back. He has to leave those feelings back, too. It was probably better like that, disappearing in the next moment, than staying and facing the disappointment in the eyes of the heir. It would be… It would be much worse.
The horse and its rider turned around and walked down on the way to the gates. Jin watched them from his window until the small form melted into the golden sunset behind the horizon. He watched into the direction even after he couldn’t see them at all. Saying good bye was hard, and he was not ready for that.
Chapter 18 >>>
Author: theblackheat
Pairing(s): Akanishi/Kamenashi
Rating: later NC-17
Genre: Historical, Fantasy, Romantic, Drama, AU
Beta by: witchann2 helping me out <3
K-chan big thanks for giving me this beautiful idea that can't let me sleep :P XD
Disclaimer: I don't own the guys only the plot.
Summary: “Kamenashi Kazuya, You will abandon everything from now on, your ancestors, your possession, your rights and your life to serve your new daimyou(1) Akanishi Jin, from Akanishi clan until your last heartbeat?” Kame raised his gaze up from the floor in all submission to the tall and majestic young man in front of him in the deep purple sokutai(2) made of the finest silk. His dark long hair was held up and hid under a black kanmuri(3) like the aristocrats wear it and making his cheekbones more visible. It caused the young man hold his breath for a short time when those deep brown eyes fall on him and pinned him to the ground. The samurai gulped hardly and breathed out the words before he bent down and kissed his lord’s sword.
“On my oath”
Warning: Despit this is a historical fanfic, most of the names/places are only figment of my imagination! Character's death! (but I don't tell whose ;P)
Author Note: (1) lord (2) is complex attire only worn by courtiers, aristocrats and the emperor at the court in Japan. Part of a sokutai are the shaku, a flat ritual baton or sceptre (3) and a hat called kanmuri
Prologue // Chapter 1 // Chapter 2 // Chapter 3 // Chapter 4 // Chapter 5 // Chapter 6 // Chapter 7 // Chapter 8 // Chapter 9 // Chapter 10 // Chapter 11 // Chapter 12 // Chapter 13 // Chapter 14 // Chapter 15 // Chapter 16
I wish my readers a very Merry Christmas! Here you have the new chapter to read :3
Update
- Chapter 17 -
Kamenashi hurried to the headquarters, where his father was already waiting for him, after he finished talking to Omora-san. The main leader was probably just accidentally there and used the time to have a polite conversation with Kazuya’s father. The young samurai knew very well that the two of them had known each other for a long time, so there was nothing bad about having a nice chat without him. He knew it wouldn’t be such a situation when they would talk about the young guard behind his back, better to say they wouldn’t talk about him, would they? But after Kazuya gave a look at the two older men, who just seemed anxious and exchanged a few worried glances, the young man knew he was wrong and there was something serious.
“Oh, there is the young Kamenashi, so I will leave you alone then,” the old man said and closed the door behind him.
“My father, I haven’t seen you for a while. Is there something that happened?” the young guard bowed and couldn’t wait longer to put his question up to the man. He behaved as calm as usually, but the heavy feeling inside him didn’t let him to act as one. His eyes stared at the man in front of him reflecting his worry that tortured him in the very moment.
“Sit down, my son.”
The young guard did so, but he got more and more anxious as he waited for the answer. No news starts with ‘sit down…’, if it is not a bad news, Kazuya was sure about it. Even if he didn’t get news often, he had a firm conviction that they don’t start like this usually. The only thing he could do was praying that it was not the worst news he has to face at least. Anything would be good… Even if he has to leave Himeji for God knows why, but really anything, anything else than…
“I have some news about your mother, Kazuya.”
Anything than that. Hearing the words, the guard’s heartbeat left out a beat before it started to speed up spreading the adrenaline inside his body.
“Your mother had an accident. She is alive, but… but she lost her sight. I’m so sorry, my son.”
Kamenashi-san talked slowly and his voice wavered from the emotions. He felt miserable and hated that he had to tell to Kazuya, but he had no other choice. He waited for a few seconds letting the information sink into the young man’s mind. The gold-brown eyes grew wider and the soft skin became pale in the next moment. Did he really hear it right? Were they talking about his mother, who gave him birth and treasured him as a gift from the Gods?
“I’m so sorry to tell you this, my son, but I need you now. I got the information from a friend there who got to know about the accident. I went to Takamatsu, but your mother didn’t want to come with me. I’m ready to give her a place to live and any support she needs, but she refused. What can I do now? I hoped maybe you… you can talk to her.”
“W-where is she now?” Kazuya breathed it on a low voice.
“She is still at Takamatsu. Someone might help there, but I don’t know. She didn’t want to leave the city. I don’t know how to help her if she stays there,” the concern look in the deep brown eyes showed how worried he was and desperate in the same time. They were not a real family like connected through blood, but they were very close to one. Kamenashi-san always cared about his mother and kept his word. He was a man with a good heart and had two women to take care after, while the Gods didn’t gave him the chance to hold his own heir in his hands.
“I’ll go!” the young Kamenashi rose to his feet and stumbled to the door with the shocked face.
“Kazuya, wait! I have to talk to the daimyou. But I’m sure he will let you… I mean for some time… How much is needed. I did talk to Omora-san and we agreed… Do you listen to me? Kazuya!”
The young guard didn’t wait and rushed out of the room as if someone had chased him and he ran for his life. His steps got longer and sped up until he was actually running not caring about the headquarters anymore, not even the guards, who were standing outside the building talking. He just dashed by, making them flee apart like a bunch of black crows croaking in surprise.
It didn’t matter for Kazuya. He couldn’t care anymore. His mother had an accident and lost the light of her eyes. She won’t see her son again and Kazuya can’t fulfill his promise to make her proud, to be the strong and clever and handsome man she wanted her son to be. He lost it. He lost the chance to show his mother. He lost the chance to fulfill it. The young man did everything to make his mother proud of him, and believed in a happy meeting. In his dreams he always saw the beautiful woman, who was strong and loved her son more than everything else in that word, smiling and with open arms, just like she always waited the little Kazuya to run back, to take her son into a tight embrace. The one, that a mother gives to her child, and can wash any troubling thoughts away. The one, that can give peace and love.
It won’t happen again, no matter how strong Kazuya is going to be or clever. He won’t have the chance to show his mother what he became along the years. If the woman would have been there in the near, he would have run to her right away, but that would have turned out not the way he dreamed about. He would have run with tears in his eyes sobbing and breaking down into the mother-arms like a five years old child after he has fallen and hurt himself.
No! He can’t afford it, although he was crying already. His mother needs a strong support and someone who she can rely on. The son she was dreaming about wouldn’t cry on her shoulder like a weakling. He was stronger than that, Kazuya thought. Just… He has to get this feeling out of his system. He has to seed the tears which were burning his eyes and ease his sore heart. He has to cry one more time. Just for a little longer…
The young guard didn’t notice that Takeda was following him after he broke out of the building and dashed through the yard. The taller man felt that something was not alright with the visit of Kamenashi-san. It was too sudden and unexpected. He stayed in the near until Kazuya was inside the headquarters and waited for the moment when his friend appeared again. Although only for a moment, but he saw the expression on the young samurai’s face and the tears, which shined in the afternoon sunshine. The black haired man told Kamenashi-san he would go to talk to Kazuya and ran after the freaked out man.
***
Jin sat there inside the pagoda after his guard left him. Takeda’s timing was the worst this time, but it made him cool down a bit at least. He promised he won’t push Kazuya again and he did. Not just emotionally, but literally too. He pushed the young man to the floor and jumped on him. He didn’t know what had happened to him and why he lost his temper that much. He was always a short-tempered man, but until now something like that has never happened to him. Somehow, he lost all his control and smashed even the table to the other side of the pagoda. That was sick, he had to admit.
The heir’s back leant against the wooden column and he sighed frustrated. Everything went fine first, didn’t it? He became obsessed with this stupid feeling that took over the leadership in his mind and body. He chased the young samurai kind of possessed. And now? After he got the answer he was still shocked. Putting together the pieces he got a clearer view, but that didn’t bring the blessed satisfaction he has waited. When he didn’t know what Kamenashi’s secret was, why the guard behaved so strange, it made him to be addicted to find it out. But after he got it, it was more… It was an explanation for everything that caused a huge line of questions in his head, though it was…
Kamenashi was interested in men which was apparently true, only the son of the daimyou was that blind not to notice it earlier. It was just one thing, but the guard has fallen in love with a man which was kind of… weird. Not like it was impossible, but Jin was not in love for a long time, if he has been ever in his life. He had a few crushes when he was younger, but thinking back it was kind of young blunder. Anyway if his thoughts went back to the moment when Kazuya told him that he was in love with someone, Jin’s heart felt a dull pain. A choking sensation inside his chest that was a sign that he couldn’t accept it, he was just… he couldn’t digest that it was true.
They were still playing that wakashuu thing. Kamenashi was his guard and a pretty close one, a personal guard so to say. When did that happen? Why? He didn’t understand why his samurai avoided him because of this. Or was the problem the wakashuu role? He couldn’t see through the lines, it was better to ask the other as soon as possible.
Herewith he rose to his feet and left the pagoda. He went on the way where Kamenashi disappeared with the other guard. He was sure, if he asks someone who saw them, he will get information about their whereabouts easily. It passed some time, maybe an hour since Kazuya left, so there was a chance that they already finished their conversation.
Jin was right and found Kamenashi-san at the first division, where the man’s son left him. The older man greeted him politely and invited the heir further in for a little talk. It seemed that Kamenashi-san already expected Jin to show up or he had the plan to find the heir in the other case.
“What can I do for you, Kamenashi-san?” Akanishi pointed the question to the man in front of him who seemed quite stressed.
“I have a huge request for you, young lord.”
“You are old friends with my father, though we hardly know each other. As the first son of the daimyou I can tell you I will give a hand to you, just name it.”
“It’s about Kazuya… “ the older man started with a sigh. “Your father, the daimyou was who always helped me, even to get my son the best training and after that Kazuya joined the army of your father. I know he had the vow of obedience when he did so. I know how this is working as a retired general, but now I really need your grace and your patience to let him go.”
“W-what? Let him go?” the dark eyebrows run up in surprise and Jin couldn’t hide his emotions. The second slap on the face in a short while on that day. That was kind of joke, wasn’t it?
“I know it’s sudden and this is not the place where people enter and leave as they wish. There was an accident in our family and Kazuya’s mother…”
“She died? Is she alright? Oh my Buddha, help us!” the heir cut in.
“No, fortunately not, but she has serious injuries. I dare to ask you to let Kazuya visit his mother under these circumstances, young lord. Just for a while. As much as you can go without one of your guards,” Kamenashi leaned forward bowing till the floor. “I beg you.”
“No! I mean it’s not needed. I can let him go for a while of course,” he said, but inside his heart he was not that convinced about it. The family meant the most for Jin, that’s why he was more than touched hearing the bad news. If he were in the place of the young samurai he would dash away with his horse in the next minute. Probably Kazuya did the same, though he already knew his guard and that he wouldn’t do something like that, without his lord’s permission. “I hope your wife will be alright soon. I will pray to the gods.”
“Thank you, my lord,” actually, Kazuya’s mother wasn’t his wife, but that tiny detail had no weight in this situation. The daimyou knew it, the daimyou and a few people around him. That was more than enough. “I would take my son with right now, but I don’t know where he is. He took the news really… bad and ran away. I’m sure he needs some time, so… If you would tell him that he can leave I would be glad, young lord. I’ll stay in the town and will wait him at the rest-house near to the onsen.”
“Oh… sure, I will talk to him, don’t worry, Kamenashi-san.”
Jin bowed politely and left the man behind to look for his guard, who had more and more problems that weighted on him. That was going to be really messed up. Their little conversation has to be postponed on the top of that. Just great! Why couldn’t everything work simply, going smoothly? Because it contained the young Kamenashi and him? Probably they had some kind of curse… or not. Anyway, the first thing he had to do was finding Kazuya and talk to him. That running away gave the heir more worries than anything else, even more than the fact that his young samurai had a secret lover. Jin’s possessiveness was huge, but between these circumstances his protectiveness grew bigger, than that. He had to see that Kazuya was alright. He was alright, wasn’t he? At least he hoped his guard didn’t want to do some stupid thing.
***
Takeda urged his horse to run faster. He was backward to Kazuya, who didn’t even cared to straddle Ryuu no Kage, just jumped on his horse and dashed away riding it bare-back. Takeda never knew how to do it, so he needed time to make his horse ready and hurried after his friend. For his luck he knew which way the young guard left and which direction he should look for him. It took him a little while to find Kamenashi’s small form somewhere in the farness. Horse and his owner moved along the river with a high speed. Takeda dug his heels into the sides of his thoroughbred and rode after the young samurai.
When they came closer to the place where the bamboo forest was, the black haired man could work down some distance and as soon as he came closer he yelled after his friend. It didn’t stop Kazuya, but at least he slowed down somewhat. When Take approached his guard mate, he took a strong hold on the clothes of the other man to make him stop.
“Why did you run away? And why can’t you stop when I call your name like a hundred times? Huh?”
Both of them panted heavily, but even that didn’t block the taller man not to lecture Kamenashi like a little child. The young man on the back of Ryuukage leant a little forward and didn’t dare to look up. His short fingers were entangled into the long black locks of the horse as he tried to take a hold on his own breathing.
“Why don’t you talk to me, Kame?”
“L-let me… Take… please… let me… “ Kazuya’s voice was broken from the panting and fighting with the sobbing that was still torturing him mercilessly.
“No way! Listen to me, will you?” he pulled harder on the fabric and with that he dragged Kazuya off of the back of the black animal.
They stumbled further from the two horses while Takeda still kept a tight hold on the arm of the younger man, which he grabbed just after Kazuya sank into the ground with his feet. It seemed that the guard needed not only a little leading, but even some support. When they were finally face to face with each other the black haired man started again holding both arms of his friend in an iron grip.
“I know you have some problem for a while and now you got some bad news, too. Am I right?” for that Kazuya was only able to nod whimpering like a little child. “We have already agreed to share problem, like friends do. I won’t watch again you disappear and bury your problem deep inside like you did the last time. There is something wrong with you since… I don’t know, but quite a while. So talk to me.”
“I… I can’t Take. I just can’t.”
“Sure you can! Telling me you can’t talk is already talking. Go on!”
“You don’t understand,” Kazuya finally looked up with his teary eyes. There was pain and despair in those golden eyes. It made Take’s hair stand up on the back of his neck. He has never seen such emotions from his friend, hardly any emotions in the past. “You can’t help, Take. No one can. I did lose everything. My mother had an accident and she became blind. I wanted her to see me and be proud of me. She won’t… ever… see me. Even if she would, I’m not more than… a fake lover of the son of the daimyou. We know that it’s not true, that it’s fake, but… my heart… does not. I can’t help, but… I fell in love… I love the heir, Take… I love him.”
“Oh, holly shit!” it ran out of the taller man’s mouth, but in the next moment he pulled harder on the small arms and took Kazuya into a tight embrace. The younger man let him and even raised his arms to take a strong hold around Takeda’s neck. He needed it. He needed that kind of support so much in the moment, that he didn’t even realize how desperately he was hanging on the other guard seeking for help, warmth and safety. Those were all there waiting for him, the shoulder to cry on, the arms to protect and keep him standing on the ground, and the caressing hand that didn’t stop for a moment until the tears were falling.
***
The autumn wind whirled the colorful leaves, which were sprinkled at the two hugging forms in the sunset. At a further distance, the son of the daimyou sat on the back of his palomino horse, with a stiffened face and his grip tightened around the rein. It was… it was Takeda after all, wasn’t it? He should have known it. It was so… obvious, wasn’t it? That guard was always around Kazuya. He felt something was there. He was a total idiot, such a blind idiot. The choking feeling was back again and in the next moment it became so intense, that Jin had to press his palm against his chest. What the hell was happening to him? What was that feeling? Why did he have to have that pain thinking at Kazuya? It was… He couldn’t speak a word as his throat dried out suddenly, he was… he was not going to… It was too intense.
Akanishi bit back a curse and blinked away the tears, which watered his eyes making them shiny. He was not going to stand there like a fool dumbfounded. With a harsh pull he turned his horse back and rode back to the castle on a high speed. The palomino ran as fast as it was able to, though Jin didn’t stop to hit the animal’s side a few times, urging it to speed up more. The heir had mercy on it, only when they were inside the walls of Himeji. After they reached the stalls Jin got off of the back of the horse and hurried inside the building. Dashing by a few servants he managed to get into his study room where he shoved the sliding door with a huge bang.
He felt like being cheated, or played. Those two were probably together since he stepped on the ground from the dock of the ship, a few months ago. He trusted them, he trusted Kazuya… it was… it was not fair. They kissed and his guard didn’t push him away. Why? Why did he do that? It was like Kamenashi knew how to twist someone around his finger. Jin fell in the trap. He was twisted, and turned upside down already. Thinking back he even got turned on watching his guard. It was like a stupid spell that made him act as a dumbass and filled his thoughts with the young man. It was… it was just not fair.
The heir picked up a porcelain vase and smashed it against the wall in anger. No one was able to make him feel like Kazuya did. It was like hell, burning hell feeding from anger and… and some jealousy. Akanishi walked around his table like a wild animal groaning and cursing. He won’t let the love birds laugh at him, at his misery. He couldn’t face them right know, he couldn’t think on face them at all. Watching them stealing lovely glances? No way in hell. Someone has to leave. Kamenashi has to leave; he has some family issue anyway. Yes, that is!
An hour and a few bottle of sake later Jin nerves chilled down somehow and he was able to sit down behind his desk. He managed to finish preparing the things together before Kazuya appeared in his doorway with a pale face and talked on a weak voice avoiding the heir’s look, who didn’t waste time to look at his guard either.
“… so… I have to go… and take care of my moth… “
“You can leave, Kamenashi. Here is your pay and a letter that justify your free moving around. If you show that to the guards on the border, they will let you out of the prefecture without a problem,” the son of the daimyou informed the young man dryly.
“Oh… I… thank you, my lord. I didn’t dare to think about… asking you. I am… I wanted to tell you… that…” Kazuya started unsurely, but Jin cut in impatiently.
“It’s not needed so say anything. You’d better go. Your father is already waiting.”
“Just I’ll…”
“Go! I’m busy right now.”
‘I want to come back to you’ the guard wanted to say, but the tears gathered again in his eyes like the first row of an army waiting for the command while his throat became sore, with the choking feeling that attacked him. He was just thrown out, wasn’t he? The heir seemed pretty angry. He was disappointed too, wasn’t he? He made his lord disappointed. He failed again. The waves of the blank future dashed over his head and washed away all of his hopes. The beautiful man turned around slowly and walked away in silence. He lost… He lost everything within an afternoon. It was painful, but he already felt numb. Numb at the pain and numb at the tears. He didn’t feel anything at all.
The summer was over and his love has to die just as the leaves on the trees, feeling down and disappearing under the white snow-blanket that will cover them soon. He has to do it too, right? He has to bury them soon and think about the future. He has to be strong again take care of his mother who needed him right know. He got his new duty. With that he walked out of the castle and got on the back of Ryuu no Kage. It was better to go quickly and not to look back. He has to leave those feelings back, too. It was probably better like that, disappearing in the next moment, than staying and facing the disappointment in the eyes of the heir. It would be… It would be much worse.
The horse and its rider turned around and walked down on the way to the gates. Jin watched them from his window until the small form melted into the golden sunset behind the horizon. He watched into the direction even after he couldn’t see them at all. Saying good bye was hard, and he was not ready for that.
Chapter 18 >>>