[Fic] Kokoro no bodyguard - Chapter 16
Title: Kokoro no Bodyguard
Author: theblackheat
Pairing(s): Akanishi/Kamenashi
Rating: later NC-17
Genre: Historical, Fantasy, Romantic, Drama, AU
Beta by: witchann2 helping me out <3
K-chan big thanks for giving me this beautiful idea that can't let me sleep :P XD
Disclaimer: I don't own the guys only the plot.
Summary: “Kamenashi Kazuya, You will abandon everything from now on, your ancestors, your possession, your rights and your life to serve your new daimyou(1) Akanishi Jin, from Akanishi clan until your last heartbeat?” Kame raised his gaze up from the floor in all submission to the tall and majestic young man in front of him in the deep purple sokutai(2) made of the finest silk. His dark long hair was held up and hid under a black kanmuri(3) like the aristocrats wear it and making his cheekbones more visible. It caused the young man hold his breath for a short time when those deep brown eyes fall on him and pinned him to the ground. The samurai gulped hardly and breathed out the words before he bent down and kissed his lord’s sword.
“On my oath”
Warning: Despit this is a historical fanfic, most of the names/places are only figment of my imagination! Character's death! (but I don't tell whose ;P)
Author Note: (1) lord (2) is complex attire only worn by courtiers, aristocrats and the emperor at the court in Japan. Part of a sokutai are the shaku, a flat ritual baton or sceptre (3) and a hat called kanmuri
Prologue // Chapter 1 // Chapter 2 // Chapter 3 // Chapter 4 // Chapter 5 // Chapter 6 // Chapter 7 // Chapter 8 // Chapter 9 // Chapter 10 // Chapter 11 // Chapter 12 // Chapter 13 // Chapter 14 // Chapter 15
The week started just good and I have the next chapter for ya too :D go!go!go! read! :D/
Update
- Chapter 16 -
The first glimmer of dawn turned the landscape slowly into light waking up the habitants. The birds by the bank of the river were singing their morning songs together with the frogs just like old friends, without thinking on that they are rather old neighbors on the food chain, than that. The leaves were welcoming the sunbeams too, not afraid of the fact that they will be dried out slowly by them, until their color will change, they will lose all of their wetness inside and will be ready to fall down joining to the forest floor in reunion.
Everything was calm and full of life, except one. Kamenashi woke up slowly from his slumber, blinking with a tired face at the happenings. He had a short night and his mood was still as grumpy as he had ridden there to his secret place on the back of Ryuukage last night. He was too vexed to stay in the castle and without thinking about it further he straddled his horse and dashed out of the stone walls of Himeji. The wild riding in the heavy night air helped his nerves to cool down a little, while he cried his heart out. He couldn’t remember at all, when was the last time he cried. It was ages ago… Probably, it was when he saw his mother the last time, when he was a small child.
Well, he had cried once or twice since that. For example, after he entered the place where he got the training and learnt a lot to become a skilled samurai, because it was incredibly hard and he was a nine years old boy alone and he became a target of older and stronger boys from the beginning. He was alone that time and scared as hell. It was understandable that he shed a few tears, after he was beaten up or harassed. But he promised to his mother, he wouldn´t do it anymore. Even after what had happened to him he wanted to keep his promise and brushed away the annoying tears stubbornly.
So he has never sobbed after being torn from his beloved mother. Not that heart wrenching and painfully. But this time he found a good reason to give in those tears and let them fall all along the way and for some more, until he felt too tired to cry anymore and fell asleep on the outside corridor of the old temple.
The heir was pushy with his guard since the beginning and let the young man suffer from the effects until Kazuya drifted to the edge of his own emotions and realized he had feelings towards his lord. It was a huge splash of water and the situation that the samurai didn’t know how to handle. Even the fact was too scary for him, but it was proved. He couldn’t deny it especially after last night. The shock was still huge, and Kazuya didn’t know how he should face the son of the daimyou at all.
Not like it was not allowed to fall in love with him, but Akanishi was the heir first of all and Kamenashi was his guard. They were both men… and… unlike Kazuya, Jin didn’t seem to be interested in men. Or was he wrong? This whole wakashudou thing was only acting, nothing more. All those gestures Akanishi made towards him were faked or out of worry, they had nothing to do with those kinds of feelings he was facing now. Probably, his heart was hunting a mirage, but it was too late. Kazuya has tasted the bitter tears already which burned deep marks into his weak heart.
The best he could think of, about how to handle it, was keeping more distance and hiding his feelings from the heir. The isolation from his surroundings was always a good way he could use. Would it work between such circumstances, too? He didn’t know, but he was too afraid to deal with it in another way. Kazuya was not the type who turned for help to friends… Or anyone else. Whom should he turn to at all? The only one who did know was his horse, Ryuu no Kage. But as always he could rely on his thoroughbred’s loyalty. No one will get to know about it and maybe he can survive his mistake from yesterday with a stupid joke and laughter by the son of the daimyou.
So far he has lived with some stupid marks about him being a whore of his superiors or the contrary, being a cold virgin playing his own game. There were always rumors about him which he couldn’t handle and didn’t care about. It made him to build a strong and huge wall around him which no one could step over or climb, except Takeda. The guard was the only one who mattered somehow for Kazuya. Who was kind of friend, if the description of a friend was what the older man represented.
Anyway, the time came to go back between the walls of Himeji and face whatever it waits him there with a poker-face. The professionalism was one of Kazuya’s strongest points. He can do it. He will do it, just like he could always face his enemies on the battlefield with cold-bloodedness and determined. Patting the cheeks of Ryuukage he took a deep breath and straddled the animal. Samurais were the strongest people after all. Strongest not only physically, but also in soul and nothing could beat them or disturb the balance of their composures.
***
Just as for Kamenashi, the night for the son of the daimyou was the same short and terrible spent with worry, agony and also with some anger. As much as it made Jin worry how his guard disappeared into the night as angrier he got waiting the hours to pass. In the end he was too tired to be angry at all and as many times he thought it over and over as much he had to admit that he and his precious idea caused the whole thing. He had no idea that it would turn out like this. If someone had told him he would laughed at the man and introduce his fist to the person’s face, who dared talking about one of his best man like that. Kazuya wasn’t a retreating being, wasn’t he?
Jin patted the surface of his table with his fingers impatiently. He had hardly any sleep and after tossing and turning around on his futon for God knows how long, he thought it would be better to get up and find something that could distract him at least for a short time. That’s how he ended up in his study room and was doing the correspondence checking the letters and making notes what he should reply to them. But on the other side his thoughts flew back again and again to his guard and his worry grew with every second waiting for some news about the young man.
He ordered the servants to let Kazuya know that he was waiting for him in his study as soon as the guard got back. So he was sure that he can expect the samurai’s appearance anytime, which came quite soon, but not as fast as it felt for Jin behind his table. The familiar voice sounded behind the heir’s door and asked for entry in the most polite way, just as Kamenashi always talked to Akanishi.
“My deepest apology for disturbing you, my lord. Have you asked for me?”
“Yes, Kamenashi. Come in, please.”
Kazuya entered the room and closed the door behind him. He took a deep bow in front of the heir and took a seat after he was signed to do so. Akanishi’s anger flew away - if there was any left by morning - after facing the young man, who had also dark circles around his eyes, though the young guard didn’t dare to look into the son of the daimyou’s eyes directly. It made Jin to feel guilty.
“Let me know, what I can do for you, my lord.”
“Well, I wanted to talk about yesterday. I know that it ended quite… not as pleasant as I planned,” Jin watched the young samurai remaining in the same half-bowing position avoiding the meeting of their eyes, which caused a keen atmosphere and the heir started to drift between the lines of his own monologue. “I was too pushy and… I thought that you should just get over it and… not like… not like it happened, but I thought you will have fun… At least after you took the first step. It’s not that frightening as some people think. You shouldn’t be afraid. Running away was something what I expected from you the less. Don’t do it again!”
“I’m asking for your kind forgiveness, my lord. I did a big mistake leaving without a word. I do deserve your anger… “ Kazuya started on a calm voice that could send shiver along Jin’s spine. How could it be that his man was in a possession of such self-control even in front of him, but freaked out from a woman yesterday?
“Anyway, I’m not angry… already. I won’t bring it up again and won’t put such a pressure on you, if you promise me not to run away again.”
“I do swear, my lord.”
“And you promise me to tell about anything, that is a problem for you. If you do face something like that in the future, I mean.”
“I do!” not if the problem he got yesterday and faced the fact he had feelings for his own lord was kind of a problem he would bother to share with his victim, but as he promised himself earlier that won’t be a burden anymore. He can bury it as deep as he is able to and pretend there won’t be any problem. Keeping things under the surface was kind of his specialty after all. In any other case he won’t lie, but this. He is not going to make their life harder than it was.
“Just one more word, Kamenashi.”
“Yes, my lord.”
“I was wondering about what made you to flee away so quickly and couldn’t come up with a possible explanation at all. So I would like to ask you, if the geisha you were with made something to made you behaving like that?”
“N-no, my lord. She was kind and served me as you wished.”
“Hm, I see. Maybe, she was not your taste, I suppose.”
“T-that’s not. She was… alright.“
“Alright? She was pretty, tempting and devoted. As a man I can label her with such features, but not ALRIGHT.”
“… I-I’m sorry I didn’t intend to… She didn’t do anything wrong… I just… ” the surprised man looked up with a fear in his eyes finally. He made a mistake again with opening his mouth, didn’t he? How was it possible that he failed again and again whenever the heir was involved in it?
“Are you interested in women, Kamenashi?”
Akanishi watched his man in front of him. The young guard had a huge self-control usually, but Jin had the skill to turn everything upside down with one movement or a few words. As much as he was able to see he did stepped on the right spot again - was rather out of sense than accidentally - noticing the change in Kazuya’s eyes. He was able to see under the surface where a lot of emotions were piled up and the young man had a hard time to keep them covered. Maybe it was kind of special skill the heir owned and Kamenashi was helpless against such a weapon, which had sharper edge than his own katana.
While Kazuya rooted on the spot in shock and was searching for the right answer, Akanishi stayed calm and waited for it. About right things the young man had to remind himself, that he just promised something like not keeping secrets from the son of the daimyou, didn’t he? Not as if his little secret could reveal with that, but…
“I-I … I sincerely… “
“Be honest, Kamenashi. It’s nothing bad about it, or you won’t break any rules. Just be honest. Are you interested in any woman inside or outside the geisha house?”
“I… am… n-not. Forgive me, my lord,” that was barely audible as it came out of the mouth of the frightened man who bent forward again in deep apology and for hiding his flushed cheeks as well.
“Oh…” Jin made a surprised face for a fleeting second but it turned into a supporting smile in the end. “See? The sky is still above and didn’t fall at us. Do you feel better saying it out?”
Kazuya raised his eyes at the man slowly, who sat there in the glory of the morning sun with a kind expression on his face smiling at the young guard like nothing bad happened. It was just mesmerizing and the samurai couldn’t help but blush harder as the warmth feeling overflowed his heart. No, he felt no better, he felt worse. He felt as if he was sinking deeper into the mud of that new feeling that swallowed him as a hungry animal chewing on him, biting deep into his bones mercilessly.
“Yes!?”
“That sounded rather a no, but I won’t push you again,” Jin added with a small laughter. “If it is that hard for you to talk about it, I won’t urge you to do so.“
One side of the heir became relieved that at least Kamenashi was alright and won’t do anything stupid again. Yeah, the one part was happy, but a tiny little part of him was still worried about what had happened and how he lost control over his desire only watching his guard, who was given some special treatment. That thing has to be solved by him and the guard didn’t make anything to make Jin feel that way, except that he was incredibly hot and alluring in his pure oneself. So it was not his fault and the only one who has to sort it out was the heir himself. For that Jin needed more time just as Kazuya for his. It made Akanishi to understand a bit about his young samurai and that to hurry things does not bring the result, which can be pleasant for them.
***
Just as Akanishi promised, the topic about that night didn’t come up again between them, but something changed. Jin was the one who studied his guard secretly and Kamenashi was the one who had a hard time to adjust to the situation he got into. He still lived inside the castle and served the son of the daimyou as any other guard, but as time passed the young man became more and more closed. He spent his time inside the douyou or went out to ride with his horse and sometimes, he was even with Takeda. It seemed for Jin that the young samurai did everything to be outside the castle. Though when he needed him and asked for his company, Kazuya did his duty and appeared right in time. The heir couldn’t have a word against his behavior at all. But that was not what couldn’t make him pleased.
Jin sometimes felt like he was talking to a wall. When he tried to find a crack on it to reach under the surface he failed again and again. It hurt his pride and pissed him off whenever he was rejected by the young man as he started some kind of conversation. After a while he thought that it is some punishment he was given in exchange of the night he arranged for Kamenashi. He couldn’t think about anything else than the young man was still offended.
But Jin was a man who couldn’t hold his emotions back and showed them, even if those were burning rage, overwhelming happiness, or childish surprise. Those feelings could appear really suddenly and disappear just the same after they were let out like a steam. Contrary to that, the young guard was a closed box for Akanishi and the heir didn’t know where the key was to open it… or if there was any key at all.
The son of the daimyou tried hard to make his guard open up, but as he pushed the edge a little harder Kazuya backed off and fled out of his hands like a fist of sand. One time, when they were in the tea-garden and had their fake ritual as a wakashuu and his lord, Jin stepped over the edge impatiently. He couldn’t help but the silence of his samurai pissed him off that much, that he lost his temper totally.
Kamenashi looked up surprised when he heard the loud clinging of the tea cup that met the table with force. He stared in front of him, where Akanishi slammed the porcelain and still took a tight hold around the cracked cup. After the first shock the guard’s eyes rose to the owner of the hand and saw the boiling anger in the dark orbs.
“Aren’t we agreed about talking? Especially sharing things that can cause problem? Do you call that TALKING, Kamenashi?”
“I do… we… I mean. My lord?” Kazuya’s eyes were ready to pop out of his head at the sudden outburst He didn’t know what he did to make the heir act like that. He thought he did everything to continue his task as before. Before he faced his own feelings and before the whole world turned upside down.
“I was patient, wasn’t I? The weeks passed by and I have done and said nothing. And you? You have been acting like… like a sulking mistress,” Jin voice was loud and warning and made the surprised man frightened.
“My lord, I don’t know what you… “ he started but Jin cut in.
“You don’t? You think I’m that stupid?”
“No, my lord! I don’t da… “ the young man leant backward when the heir lifted the small table with one hand and the wooden furniture flipped over on its two legs and smashed its content to the floor with a loud bang further from the two men. Kazuya had no time to watch the death-dance of the table longer, because the son of the daimyou moved forward and flipped him over and his back landed on the tatami.
“Don’t tell me ‘my lord’ again. Tell me what the hell you have!? Do you have some trouble with me?” Jin yelled while he kept the young man on the floor pushing Kamenashi’s shoulders harder with his hands. The golden-brown eyes were staring at him in fear, but the guard didn’t dare to resist against the treatment, only wriggled under the heir. Jin straddled the smaller form under him and forced the young man to look into his eyes waiting for some explanation… Or some emotions, or anything.
Kazuya blushed from the closeness, though he tried to stay calm. At least as much as in that situation it was possible. He was pinned to the floor by the son of the daimyou, who watched his face from so close. It was kind of embarrassing. Not the same as it was with the man who tried to rape him. This was totally different. He didn’t want to push Akanishi away, or run away… or kill him because he dared to touch him. Not at all. He found himself in a strange numbness that was the mixture of his embarrassment and the desire of getting closer to the other man. The new feeling made him speechless and as he was staring at the heir surprised he almost missed the question.
“Do you hate me, Kazuya?” this time Jin’s voice was lower, almost a deep groan, while his eyes didn’t dare to leave the young man’s face, searching for some squealing movement.
“No, my lord. I do not hate you.”
“Then why?”
Why? How could he say that out loud? Kamenashi still stared at the man whose face was showing a lot of emotions in the same time. Worry, curiosity, anger and… maybe some loneliness. It made the guard’s heart wrench in his chest and just as easily Jin was able to break through his walls and put a finger on the main things he had buried deep inside, he felt again if he was naked in front of the son of the daimyou and can’t hide those feelings from the searching eyes.
“I think… I’m… in love… “ he breathed out with burning cheeks and a crazy heartbeat.
“You… you have… you have someone… you love?” that came out more like a high yelp considering the fact how deep Akanishi’s voice was generally. But he couldn’t care less. He was focusing on the information that his guard has just given him and the weird pain in his chest that blocked his lunges and made him difficult to breathe. Did he hear it right? Did Kamenashi just tell him he has someone? “B-but you… you told me you are not interested in women, didn’t you?”
“Yes, I have and… yes, that’s true,” Kazuya admitted. If the earth will open under him he won’t tell more about it. That’s already more than he intended to say at all. Well, it was too much with his measure. He has just confessed to his heir in the middle of the tea-garden. As the realization hit him his golden eyes flashed and his muscles stiffened in shock. The first thought was to run away as fast as it was possible, like he did the night before. On that certain night.
“Ka-me!”
Both men jumped in surprise as the familiar voice reached them. Kazuya crawled further under the heir who sat up and turned to the direction of the yelling. Takeda was looking for him and both of them were curious why. Something must have happened, some serious thing the guard thought, while Jin was half pissed half stunned and had no clue why Takeda was searching for his guard so eagerly.
Kazuya jumped up and ran to the man with his crazy heartbeat. His guard mate came in the right moment and gave him the needed excuse to flee. He didn’t know how he would handle the situation after his confession at all. He did a huge mistake again. If the heir thought he thinks he is stupid, than Jin is wrong. The stupid was himself again, Kazuya thought.
“What is that urgent, Take? Why did you search for me?”
“Your father is here and wants to talk to you as soon as possible.”
His father? The redness disappeared from his cheeks as his blood left it leaving a pale skin behind. His father? His father didn´t have the habit to visit him at all. Even when he was in the school they hardly saw each other. Why did he come now? What had happened? With a heavy heart he looked into the deep brown eyes.
“Where is he? Take me there, Takeda.”
Chapter 17 >>>
Author: theblackheat
Pairing(s): Akanishi/Kamenashi
Rating: later NC-17
Genre: Historical, Fantasy, Romantic, Drama, AU
Beta by: witchann2 helping me out <3
K-chan big thanks for giving me this beautiful idea that can't let me sleep :P XD
Disclaimer: I don't own the guys only the plot.
Summary: “Kamenashi Kazuya, You will abandon everything from now on, your ancestors, your possession, your rights and your life to serve your new daimyou(1) Akanishi Jin, from Akanishi clan until your last heartbeat?” Kame raised his gaze up from the floor in all submission to the tall and majestic young man in front of him in the deep purple sokutai(2) made of the finest silk. His dark long hair was held up and hid under a black kanmuri(3) like the aristocrats wear it and making his cheekbones more visible. It caused the young man hold his breath for a short time when those deep brown eyes fall on him and pinned him to the ground. The samurai gulped hardly and breathed out the words before he bent down and kissed his lord’s sword.
“On my oath”
Warning: Despit this is a historical fanfic, most of the names/places are only figment of my imagination! Character's death! (but I don't tell whose ;P)
Author Note: (1) lord (2) is complex attire only worn by courtiers, aristocrats and the emperor at the court in Japan. Part of a sokutai are the shaku, a flat ritual baton or sceptre (3) and a hat called kanmuri
Prologue // Chapter 1 // Chapter 2 // Chapter 3 // Chapter 4 // Chapter 5 // Chapter 6 // Chapter 7 // Chapter 8 // Chapter 9 // Chapter 10 // Chapter 11 // Chapter 12 // Chapter 13 // Chapter 14 // Chapter 15
The week started just good and I have the next chapter for ya too :D go!go!go! read! :D/
Update
- Chapter 16 -
The first glimmer of dawn turned the landscape slowly into light waking up the habitants. The birds by the bank of the river were singing their morning songs together with the frogs just like old friends, without thinking on that they are rather old neighbors on the food chain, than that. The leaves were welcoming the sunbeams too, not afraid of the fact that they will be dried out slowly by them, until their color will change, they will lose all of their wetness inside and will be ready to fall down joining to the forest floor in reunion.
Everything was calm and full of life, except one. Kamenashi woke up slowly from his slumber, blinking with a tired face at the happenings. He had a short night and his mood was still as grumpy as he had ridden there to his secret place on the back of Ryuukage last night. He was too vexed to stay in the castle and without thinking about it further he straddled his horse and dashed out of the stone walls of Himeji. The wild riding in the heavy night air helped his nerves to cool down a little, while he cried his heart out. He couldn’t remember at all, when was the last time he cried. It was ages ago… Probably, it was when he saw his mother the last time, when he was a small child.
Well, he had cried once or twice since that. For example, after he entered the place where he got the training and learnt a lot to become a skilled samurai, because it was incredibly hard and he was a nine years old boy alone and he became a target of older and stronger boys from the beginning. He was alone that time and scared as hell. It was understandable that he shed a few tears, after he was beaten up or harassed. But he promised to his mother, he wouldn´t do it anymore. Even after what had happened to him he wanted to keep his promise and brushed away the annoying tears stubbornly.
So he has never sobbed after being torn from his beloved mother. Not that heart wrenching and painfully. But this time he found a good reason to give in those tears and let them fall all along the way and for some more, until he felt too tired to cry anymore and fell asleep on the outside corridor of the old temple.
The heir was pushy with his guard since the beginning and let the young man suffer from the effects until Kazuya drifted to the edge of his own emotions and realized he had feelings towards his lord. It was a huge splash of water and the situation that the samurai didn’t know how to handle. Even the fact was too scary for him, but it was proved. He couldn’t deny it especially after last night. The shock was still huge, and Kazuya didn’t know how he should face the son of the daimyou at all.
Not like it was not allowed to fall in love with him, but Akanishi was the heir first of all and Kamenashi was his guard. They were both men… and… unlike Kazuya, Jin didn’t seem to be interested in men. Or was he wrong? This whole wakashudou thing was only acting, nothing more. All those gestures Akanishi made towards him were faked or out of worry, they had nothing to do with those kinds of feelings he was facing now. Probably, his heart was hunting a mirage, but it was too late. Kazuya has tasted the bitter tears already which burned deep marks into his weak heart.
The best he could think of, about how to handle it, was keeping more distance and hiding his feelings from the heir. The isolation from his surroundings was always a good way he could use. Would it work between such circumstances, too? He didn’t know, but he was too afraid to deal with it in another way. Kazuya was not the type who turned for help to friends… Or anyone else. Whom should he turn to at all? The only one who did know was his horse, Ryuu no Kage. But as always he could rely on his thoroughbred’s loyalty. No one will get to know about it and maybe he can survive his mistake from yesterday with a stupid joke and laughter by the son of the daimyou.
So far he has lived with some stupid marks about him being a whore of his superiors or the contrary, being a cold virgin playing his own game. There were always rumors about him which he couldn’t handle and didn’t care about. It made him to build a strong and huge wall around him which no one could step over or climb, except Takeda. The guard was the only one who mattered somehow for Kazuya. Who was kind of friend, if the description of a friend was what the older man represented.
Anyway, the time came to go back between the walls of Himeji and face whatever it waits him there with a poker-face. The professionalism was one of Kazuya’s strongest points. He can do it. He will do it, just like he could always face his enemies on the battlefield with cold-bloodedness and determined. Patting the cheeks of Ryuukage he took a deep breath and straddled the animal. Samurais were the strongest people after all. Strongest not only physically, but also in soul and nothing could beat them or disturb the balance of their composures.
***
Just as for Kamenashi, the night for the son of the daimyou was the same short and terrible spent with worry, agony and also with some anger. As much as it made Jin worry how his guard disappeared into the night as angrier he got waiting the hours to pass. In the end he was too tired to be angry at all and as many times he thought it over and over as much he had to admit that he and his precious idea caused the whole thing. He had no idea that it would turn out like this. If someone had told him he would laughed at the man and introduce his fist to the person’s face, who dared talking about one of his best man like that. Kazuya wasn’t a retreating being, wasn’t he?
Jin patted the surface of his table with his fingers impatiently. He had hardly any sleep and after tossing and turning around on his futon for God knows how long, he thought it would be better to get up and find something that could distract him at least for a short time. That’s how he ended up in his study room and was doing the correspondence checking the letters and making notes what he should reply to them. But on the other side his thoughts flew back again and again to his guard and his worry grew with every second waiting for some news about the young man.
He ordered the servants to let Kazuya know that he was waiting for him in his study as soon as the guard got back. So he was sure that he can expect the samurai’s appearance anytime, which came quite soon, but not as fast as it felt for Jin behind his table. The familiar voice sounded behind the heir’s door and asked for entry in the most polite way, just as Kamenashi always talked to Akanishi.
“My deepest apology for disturbing you, my lord. Have you asked for me?”
“Yes, Kamenashi. Come in, please.”
Kazuya entered the room and closed the door behind him. He took a deep bow in front of the heir and took a seat after he was signed to do so. Akanishi’s anger flew away - if there was any left by morning - after facing the young man, who had also dark circles around his eyes, though the young guard didn’t dare to look into the son of the daimyou’s eyes directly. It made Jin to feel guilty.
“Let me know, what I can do for you, my lord.”
“Well, I wanted to talk about yesterday. I know that it ended quite… not as pleasant as I planned,” Jin watched the young samurai remaining in the same half-bowing position avoiding the meeting of their eyes, which caused a keen atmosphere and the heir started to drift between the lines of his own monologue. “I was too pushy and… I thought that you should just get over it and… not like… not like it happened, but I thought you will have fun… At least after you took the first step. It’s not that frightening as some people think. You shouldn’t be afraid. Running away was something what I expected from you the less. Don’t do it again!”
“I’m asking for your kind forgiveness, my lord. I did a big mistake leaving without a word. I do deserve your anger… “ Kazuya started on a calm voice that could send shiver along Jin’s spine. How could it be that his man was in a possession of such self-control even in front of him, but freaked out from a woman yesterday?
“Anyway, I’m not angry… already. I won’t bring it up again and won’t put such a pressure on you, if you promise me not to run away again.”
“I do swear, my lord.”
“And you promise me to tell about anything, that is a problem for you. If you do face something like that in the future, I mean.”
“I do!” not if the problem he got yesterday and faced the fact he had feelings for his own lord was kind of a problem he would bother to share with his victim, but as he promised himself earlier that won’t be a burden anymore. He can bury it as deep as he is able to and pretend there won’t be any problem. Keeping things under the surface was kind of his specialty after all. In any other case he won’t lie, but this. He is not going to make their life harder than it was.
“Just one more word, Kamenashi.”
“Yes, my lord.”
“I was wondering about what made you to flee away so quickly and couldn’t come up with a possible explanation at all. So I would like to ask you, if the geisha you were with made something to made you behaving like that?”
“N-no, my lord. She was kind and served me as you wished.”
“Hm, I see. Maybe, she was not your taste, I suppose.”
“T-that’s not. She was… alright.“
“Alright? She was pretty, tempting and devoted. As a man I can label her with such features, but not ALRIGHT.”
“… I-I’m sorry I didn’t intend to… She didn’t do anything wrong… I just… ” the surprised man looked up with a fear in his eyes finally. He made a mistake again with opening his mouth, didn’t he? How was it possible that he failed again and again whenever the heir was involved in it?
“Are you interested in women, Kamenashi?”
Akanishi watched his man in front of him. The young guard had a huge self-control usually, but Jin had the skill to turn everything upside down with one movement or a few words. As much as he was able to see he did stepped on the right spot again - was rather out of sense than accidentally - noticing the change in Kazuya’s eyes. He was able to see under the surface where a lot of emotions were piled up and the young man had a hard time to keep them covered. Maybe it was kind of special skill the heir owned and Kamenashi was helpless against such a weapon, which had sharper edge than his own katana.
While Kazuya rooted on the spot in shock and was searching for the right answer, Akanishi stayed calm and waited for it. About right things the young man had to remind himself, that he just promised something like not keeping secrets from the son of the daimyou, didn’t he? Not as if his little secret could reveal with that, but…
“I-I … I sincerely… “
“Be honest, Kamenashi. It’s nothing bad about it, or you won’t break any rules. Just be honest. Are you interested in any woman inside or outside the geisha house?”
“I… am… n-not. Forgive me, my lord,” that was barely audible as it came out of the mouth of the frightened man who bent forward again in deep apology and for hiding his flushed cheeks as well.
“Oh…” Jin made a surprised face for a fleeting second but it turned into a supporting smile in the end. “See? The sky is still above and didn’t fall at us. Do you feel better saying it out?”
Kazuya raised his eyes at the man slowly, who sat there in the glory of the morning sun with a kind expression on his face smiling at the young guard like nothing bad happened. It was just mesmerizing and the samurai couldn’t help but blush harder as the warmth feeling overflowed his heart. No, he felt no better, he felt worse. He felt as if he was sinking deeper into the mud of that new feeling that swallowed him as a hungry animal chewing on him, biting deep into his bones mercilessly.
“Yes!?”
“That sounded rather a no, but I won’t push you again,” Jin added with a small laughter. “If it is that hard for you to talk about it, I won’t urge you to do so.“
One side of the heir became relieved that at least Kamenashi was alright and won’t do anything stupid again. Yeah, the one part was happy, but a tiny little part of him was still worried about what had happened and how he lost control over his desire only watching his guard, who was given some special treatment. That thing has to be solved by him and the guard didn’t make anything to make Jin feel that way, except that he was incredibly hot and alluring in his pure oneself. So it was not his fault and the only one who has to sort it out was the heir himself. For that Jin needed more time just as Kazuya for his. It made Akanishi to understand a bit about his young samurai and that to hurry things does not bring the result, which can be pleasant for them.
***
Just as Akanishi promised, the topic about that night didn’t come up again between them, but something changed. Jin was the one who studied his guard secretly and Kamenashi was the one who had a hard time to adjust to the situation he got into. He still lived inside the castle and served the son of the daimyou as any other guard, but as time passed the young man became more and more closed. He spent his time inside the douyou or went out to ride with his horse and sometimes, he was even with Takeda. It seemed for Jin that the young samurai did everything to be outside the castle. Though when he needed him and asked for his company, Kazuya did his duty and appeared right in time. The heir couldn’t have a word against his behavior at all. But that was not what couldn’t make him pleased.
Jin sometimes felt like he was talking to a wall. When he tried to find a crack on it to reach under the surface he failed again and again. It hurt his pride and pissed him off whenever he was rejected by the young man as he started some kind of conversation. After a while he thought that it is some punishment he was given in exchange of the night he arranged for Kamenashi. He couldn’t think about anything else than the young man was still offended.
But Jin was a man who couldn’t hold his emotions back and showed them, even if those were burning rage, overwhelming happiness, or childish surprise. Those feelings could appear really suddenly and disappear just the same after they were let out like a steam. Contrary to that, the young guard was a closed box for Akanishi and the heir didn’t know where the key was to open it… or if there was any key at all.
The son of the daimyou tried hard to make his guard open up, but as he pushed the edge a little harder Kazuya backed off and fled out of his hands like a fist of sand. One time, when they were in the tea-garden and had their fake ritual as a wakashuu and his lord, Jin stepped over the edge impatiently. He couldn’t help but the silence of his samurai pissed him off that much, that he lost his temper totally.
Kamenashi looked up surprised when he heard the loud clinging of the tea cup that met the table with force. He stared in front of him, where Akanishi slammed the porcelain and still took a tight hold around the cracked cup. After the first shock the guard’s eyes rose to the owner of the hand and saw the boiling anger in the dark orbs.
“Aren’t we agreed about talking? Especially sharing things that can cause problem? Do you call that TALKING, Kamenashi?”
“I do… we… I mean. My lord?” Kazuya’s eyes were ready to pop out of his head at the sudden outburst He didn’t know what he did to make the heir act like that. He thought he did everything to continue his task as before. Before he faced his own feelings and before the whole world turned upside down.
“I was patient, wasn’t I? The weeks passed by and I have done and said nothing. And you? You have been acting like… like a sulking mistress,” Jin voice was loud and warning and made the surprised man frightened.
“My lord, I don’t know what you… “ he started but Jin cut in.
“You don’t? You think I’m that stupid?”
“No, my lord! I don’t da… “ the young man leant backward when the heir lifted the small table with one hand and the wooden furniture flipped over on its two legs and smashed its content to the floor with a loud bang further from the two men. Kazuya had no time to watch the death-dance of the table longer, because the son of the daimyou moved forward and flipped him over and his back landed on the tatami.
“Don’t tell me ‘my lord’ again. Tell me what the hell you have!? Do you have some trouble with me?” Jin yelled while he kept the young man on the floor pushing Kamenashi’s shoulders harder with his hands. The golden-brown eyes were staring at him in fear, but the guard didn’t dare to resist against the treatment, only wriggled under the heir. Jin straddled the smaller form under him and forced the young man to look into his eyes waiting for some explanation… Or some emotions, or anything.
Kazuya blushed from the closeness, though he tried to stay calm. At least as much as in that situation it was possible. He was pinned to the floor by the son of the daimyou, who watched his face from so close. It was kind of embarrassing. Not the same as it was with the man who tried to rape him. This was totally different. He didn’t want to push Akanishi away, or run away… or kill him because he dared to touch him. Not at all. He found himself in a strange numbness that was the mixture of his embarrassment and the desire of getting closer to the other man. The new feeling made him speechless and as he was staring at the heir surprised he almost missed the question.
“Do you hate me, Kazuya?” this time Jin’s voice was lower, almost a deep groan, while his eyes didn’t dare to leave the young man’s face, searching for some squealing movement.
“No, my lord. I do not hate you.”
“Then why?”
Why? How could he say that out loud? Kamenashi still stared at the man whose face was showing a lot of emotions in the same time. Worry, curiosity, anger and… maybe some loneliness. It made the guard’s heart wrench in his chest and just as easily Jin was able to break through his walls and put a finger on the main things he had buried deep inside, he felt again if he was naked in front of the son of the daimyou and can’t hide those feelings from the searching eyes.
“I think… I’m… in love… “ he breathed out with burning cheeks and a crazy heartbeat.
“You… you have… you have someone… you love?” that came out more like a high yelp considering the fact how deep Akanishi’s voice was generally. But he couldn’t care less. He was focusing on the information that his guard has just given him and the weird pain in his chest that blocked his lunges and made him difficult to breathe. Did he hear it right? Did Kamenashi just tell him he has someone? “B-but you… you told me you are not interested in women, didn’t you?”
“Yes, I have and… yes, that’s true,” Kazuya admitted. If the earth will open under him he won’t tell more about it. That’s already more than he intended to say at all. Well, it was too much with his measure. He has just confessed to his heir in the middle of the tea-garden. As the realization hit him his golden eyes flashed and his muscles stiffened in shock. The first thought was to run away as fast as it was possible, like he did the night before. On that certain night.
“Ka-me!”
Both men jumped in surprise as the familiar voice reached them. Kazuya crawled further under the heir who sat up and turned to the direction of the yelling. Takeda was looking for him and both of them were curious why. Something must have happened, some serious thing the guard thought, while Jin was half pissed half stunned and had no clue why Takeda was searching for his guard so eagerly.
Kazuya jumped up and ran to the man with his crazy heartbeat. His guard mate came in the right moment and gave him the needed excuse to flee. He didn’t know how he would handle the situation after his confession at all. He did a huge mistake again. If the heir thought he thinks he is stupid, than Jin is wrong. The stupid was himself again, Kazuya thought.
“What is that urgent, Take? Why did you search for me?”
“Your father is here and wants to talk to you as soon as possible.”
His father? The redness disappeared from his cheeks as his blood left it leaving a pale skin behind. His father? His father didn´t have the habit to visit him at all. Even when he was in the school they hardly saw each other. Why did he come now? What had happened? With a heavy heart he looked into the deep brown eyes.
“Where is he? Take me there, Takeda.”
Chapter 17 >>>